Advice on raising children NOT to be expat brats...chores, pocket money etc

I just read this post and for most comments i agree. However, i would really like someone to tell me WHO is buying their 12yr old children blackberry's??!!! I have a step-son who was the only one in his year without a blackberry AND i-phone (i saw this with my own eyes so knew he wasn't lying). I mean, what does a 12yr old want with a BB?? There is SO much pressure on parents and kids in Dubai to have all the latest gadgets and gismo's. Are the parents just taking the easy route and giving in to the childrens pressure? It's my biggest frustration. I'd also be interested to know if anyone with a 12/13yr old child checks their facebook page? My 7th grader has a blackberry - but she bought it for herself. I too was shocked that all of her classmates had blackberries. We had bought her a perfectly useful mobile to have. She decided she wanted the blackberry so she had to raise all the money herself (and her younger sister inherited her original phone). She did extra chores and saved and saved to get it, I didn't contribute a penny - she also pays for the recharges. They all communicate on BBM. We still seriously restrict it's use though - she only gets it in the morning when her bed is made and all clothes are picked up and put in the basket...if she doesn't have this done she doesn't bring a phone to school (every friend has a phone she can contact me on if there is an emergency...and believe me, she only had to go without it once to learn I meant it)...then she hands it back in when she comes in the door and does not get it back until all homework is completed. Facebook is another thing I monitor very closely. I have told her many times that my responsibility to keep her safe trumps her right to privacy at this age...she accepts this and knows I may read anything at anytime. In fact, when she's been too disrespectful or isn't holding up her responsibilities, I often go and change her password so she loses access, until she's back in line. I tell her facebook is a privilege, not a right. Some times she thinks I am too strict about these things, and I'm sure she's been known to say a nasty thing or two about me to her friends...However, I also tell her that I'm ok with her not liking me in the short term, to know that I am giving her the best shot at a good life in the long term. I assure her that while she may not appreciate it now, there will come a time ( hopefully when she does get that teenage daughter JUST like her, haha) that she calls me and apologizes and says Thank You (like i have to my mother many times). I'm not doing everything right....my kids can still be spoiled, self involved and inconsiderate....but I will continue to do all I can to keep them on the right track. I am always told they are welcome anytime at their friend's house - they always use their manners, are very polite and thoughtful....so I guess they mostly save their horrible behaviour for me!

I just read this post and for most comments i agree. However, i would really like someone to tell me WHO is buying their 12yr old children blackberry's??!!! I have a step-son who was the only one in his year without a blackberry AND i-phone (i saw this with my own eyes so knew he wasn't lying). I mean, what does a 12yr old want with a BB?? There is SO much pressure on parents and kids in Dubai to have all the latest gadgets and gismo's. Are the parents just taking the easy route and giving in to the childrens pressure? It's my biggest frustration. I'd also be interested to know if anyone with a 12/13yr old child checks their facebook page?

I found this list of chores on a fairly useful website - www.planningwithkids.com 2 – 4 year olds: Aim is not for perfection, but to begin learning to do things for themselves and to contribute to the running of the family home. Will need assistance. ⇒ Take breakfast dishes away from table. ⇒ Make bed and tidy room. ⇒ Wipe and sweep up own messes through out the day. ⇒ Packing away of toys and general tidy. ⇒ Take condiments to table for evening meal. ⇒ Take own plate away from the dinner table. ⇒ Placing dirty clothes in the laundry basket. ⇒ Return towel to bathroom. 4 – 6 year olds The aim is to have the kids knowing their routine of jobs to help out and carry them out without the need for reminding. Some assistance may still be required. ⇒ Return cereal boxes to cupboard after breakfast. ⇒ Pack kinder or school bag. ⇒ Unpack kinder or school bag and hand over any notices. ⇒ Setting place mats for dinner. ⇒ As required can help match up socks when laundry is being folded. ⇒ Assist in the garden with sweeping and raking. 6 – 8 year olds The aim is to have children now completing these tasks independently. ⇒ Place milk and juice back in the fridge when breakfast has been completed. ⇒ Empty rubbish bin. ⇒ Set cutlery for dinner. ⇒ Put own laundered clothes away. ⇒ On weekends help make morning and afternoon tea. ⇒ Cook treats like scones and muffins. ⇒ Help sort laundry into colour groupings. 8 – 10 year olds Children are now taking on tasks that require greater time allocation and complete a full household task as opposed to part. ⇒ Stack dishwasher ⇒ Empty compost bin and clean container. ⇒ Make drinks for dinner time. ⇒ Vacuum own bedroom ⇒ Cook a family meal as required. ⇒ Assist with folding clean laundry. ⇒ Help with weeding in the garden. 10 – 12 year olds Aim to have a variety of indoor and outdoor jobs for children this age. ⇒ Unstack dishwasher. ⇒ Vacuum whole house as required. ⇒ Regularly cook a family meal. ⇒ Mow lawn. ⇒ Hang out washing. ⇒ Put away the groceries Hope this helps

Sadly too many people rely on their maids to do everything for them. So many have forgotton how to clean their own house and do their own chores, therefore their children never learn responsibility. Too many times the argument on here has been I have a maid to do these things so I can spend more time with my family, blah blah blah. People seem to forget to teach their children the value of things. And lose themselves along the way. I find it amusing most of the time when I hear of people returning to their home countries that they are whining about losing their maids and having to do all of the work themselves..It is ok to rely on maids, as long as the children understand how to do these chores. DS has been learning to cook this year, even though I doubt he will ever have to cook in his life as his father has not had to either, he needs to know what it entails. He follows a recipe, buys the items, we cook it together and then he cleans up. That is fine too. But so many of my oldests friends who had been here for years couldn't even be bothered to get their own water from the kitchen. They always said "I have a maid, so why should I?" Or when the toilet paper ran out in the bathroom they would bellow loudly to their maids about not paying attention to the rolls running out. When my oldest told her friends here she was getting a job in the US for something to do after school, the kids laughed and told her glad our parents pay for everything and wouldn't allow us to work ..

Sadly too many people rely on their maids to do everything for them. So many have forgotton how to clean their own house and do their own chores, therefore their children never learn responsibility. Too many times the argument on here has been I have a maid to do these things so I can spend more time with my family, blah blah blah. People seem to forget to teach their children the value of things. And lose themselves along the way. I find it amusing most of the time when I hear of people returning to their home countries that they are whining about losing their maids and having to do all of the work themselves..It is ok to rely on maids, as long as the children understand how to do these chores. DS has been learning to cook this year, even though I doubt he will ever have to cook in his life as his father has not had to either, he needs to know what it entails. He follows a recipe, buys the items, we cook it together and then he cleans up.

I don't understand why this discussion is going on. Surely you do it your way in your home. Some give pocket money without chores, some give for chores.....some don't give at all (me).... each to their own. How can you decide what will produce a brat? Possibly the parents behaviour. The only thing that I notice, amongst almost all of my childrens friends is their serious lack of manners. No pleases, thank yous etc...makes me furious. I used to think my mother-in-law and all our Greek friends were incredibly rude, until I realized that the "please" and "thank you" words are not part of the Greek vocabulary in the same way as in the English one. Aviation joke: A stewardess on a private air-craft was being given a particularly hard time by one of her passengers. "Get me a glass of water" he ordered. She brought it to him and he grabbed it from her. "What's the magic word?" she asked. "Abracadabra", was the charmer's reply.

Sadly too many people rely on their maids to do everything for them. So many have forgotton how to clean their own house and do their own chores, therefore their children never learn responsibility. Too many times the argument on here has been I have a maid to do these things so I can spend more time with my family, blah blah blah. People seem to forget to teach their children the value of things. And lose themselves along the way. I find it amusing most of the time when I hear of people returning to their home countries that they are whining about losing their maids and having to do all of the work themselves..

I don't understand why this discussion is going on. Surely you do it your way in your home. Some give pocket money without chores, some give for chores.....some don't give at all (me).... each to their own. How can you decide what will produce a brat? Possibly the parents behaviour. The only thing that I notice, amongst almost all of my childrens friends is their serious lack of manners. No pleases, thank yous etc...makes me furious.

My kids are now in their late teens. They were given pocket money and saved up for large items they wanted, sometimes we would put in fifty per cent of the cost depending on what they were saving for. They were brought up to appreciate the cost of things and always did chores to help around the house. Now they are grown up they still do the chores but make their own money and pay for everything themselves even though my son is only part time at the moment. We never had a maid as my personal belief is that maids make kids lazy. They have always seen me and my husband work for what we want and that in itself has taught them to become good adults themselves and not to expect to be given something for nothing. If you introduce a lot of activities to them at a young age they will choose the ones they prefer to do and not become addicted to TV or computers. We sometimes said 'no' when they asked for new clothes, toys, or expensive school trips so that they learnt to appreciate what they did get and that they couldn't have everything they wanted all the time. That in itself is a good lesson for any child.

Man when I was 10 we were vacuuming the house, cleaning the bathrooms, dusting, doing the dishes and clearing the table. I really would love to know why people no longer feel their children should do household chores. Exactly, I thought the whole point of having children was to avoid doing chores yourself! ;) Me too.. My parents sure thought so. And we weren't given an allowance for doing normal chores. i know, me too! i don't understand why parents these days feel they have to go so easy on their kids, it should just be a part of daily routine!

Man when I was 10 we were vacuuming the house, cleaning the bathrooms, dusting, doing the dishes and clearing the table. I really would love to know why people no longer feel their children should do household chores. Exactly, I thought the whole point of having children was to avoid doing chores yourself! ;) Me too.. My parents sure thought so. And we weren't given an allowance for doing normal chores.

Man when I was 10 we were vacuuming the house, cleaning the bathrooms, dusting, doing the dishes and clearing the table. I really would love to know why people no longer feel their children should do household chores. Exactly, I thought the whole point of having children was to avoid doing chores yourself! ;)

Man when I was 10 we were vacuuming the house, cleaning the bathrooms, dusting, doing the dishes and clearing the table. I really would love to know why people no longer feel their children should do household chores.

Children "copy" their parents behaviour....enough said Exactly. Don't act like a brat yourself, and then blame your children's behavior on being an expat.

The obsession and overuse of facebook and computer games in the modern world drives me nuts!!!!!!!!!!!! The number of times i hear parents complain about their kids always on the darn things and how frustrated they are by it. Why do parents fear the *off* button so much? Parents think it makes for an easy life, ha, just wait until their kids flunk at school and they have to sit and battle to get their kids to study, then they will look back and realise allowing such bad habits to develop was the worst thing they ever did!

Tips; Privilages are earnt. Chores are daily and that's life. Money does not grow on trees, if you allow your child to believe it does then you will have problems. Lead by example. Limit TV, computer games, etc. Encourage sport, music and play. Limit gifts to B'days & Christmas/Eid. You are the parent not the friend, parenting comes with battles, make sure you win them from young. Learn the ability to say NO and enforce it. Pocket money and bank accounts, nope not until far later in years. I totally agree with everything you have stated. Especially limiting TV and computer games :) I think they can be posinous if not closely monitored

Tips; Privilages are earnt. Chores are daily and that's life. Money does not grow on trees, if you allow your child to believe it does then you will have problems. Lead by example. Limit TV, computer games, etc. Encourage sport, music and play. Limit gifts to B'days & Christmas/Eid. You are the parent not the friend, parenting comes with battles, make sure you win them from young. Learn the ability to say NO and enforce it. Pocket money and bank accounts, nope not until far later in years.

yup, home help or not, I think they should always be active in tidying up after themselves, be included in all the day-to-day activities (like helping you cook) and always, always be polite, good-mannered and punctual (punctuality is my Bugbear Of The Day today!). The result will invariably be young people who respect those around them (and themselves), recognise what work is and how much needs to go in to their daily lives and be grateful for what they have. I also don't like thinking of these things as chores that will get rewarded for being done. They are necessarily daily tasks that have to be done in order for us to live the lives we want and that in itself is recompense enough. ... but if anyone would like to give me something (nice) every time I pick up a toy or go grocery shopping and don't misbehave, then, feel free! ;)

personally, i wouldn't pay for daily chores. i'd want my daughter to think of it as a daily routine (plus the first steps in tidiness, responsibility etc) rather than something so extraordinary she should get a reward for it. also, i wouldn't want her growing up to think she'll get some return out of every little thing she does, because life doesn't work that way. better to start early than have her learn later on i think.

The way you raise your children should be no different here than anywhere else in the world. Mine are responsible for there own belongings. If they don't empty there own PE bag into the laundry basket It won't get washed. They have to put away there own laundry, Make there own beds, Put there dishes into dishwasher, Put away toys when done, Empty lunch boxes, The list goes on. Also an awareness of the world and how lucky they are. They ask for donations to UNICEF as birthday party gifts instead of presents. They love to go online and choose how the donations get spent. They get 25 dhs a week pocket money and have to save if they want something big. Don't believe in paying for chores. Basically if you can take them out in public without cringing You've done a good job!

we've never paid for normal help at home, our teen gets his pocket money weekly and can earn extra for non-regular chores like car washing etc.... for everything else we all muck in..

Just a query... for children under 10 is paying an allowance a standard norm? I dont' pay any allowance for getting chores done as it's an understanding that as a family its DD's( 8 yrs of age) home n hearth as much as it's ours! So helping to set the table for dinner; clearing the table with us; washing her own dish after dinner; tidying up after play time; making her bed; setting her bag for school ; making sure dog water bowls are always full etc is part of her responsibilities. Should she have allowances already?? for brushing the dogs once in a while? isn't she part of the family too? don't really know.... it wasn't part of our upbringing... pocket money was more to do as part of buying things whilst in school (higher grades) that too was controlled....??!!!!! <em>edited by bubble_trubble on 03/04/2011</em>

Children "copy" their parents behaviour....enough said

We dont pay money for chores in this house. Laying/cleaning the table etc is good manners, likewise if I ask for help to hang the laundry, bring it in etc then I expect to be assisted. Everyone works so the chores belong to no one/ everyone. However regarding allowance, we pay a monthly amount to cover non school clothes, phone, going out, presents etc. Providing school work is upto spec, chores done, no answering back etc then allowance paid, just like salary. It works for us as DS most emphatically is not an expat brat.

Get them out of Dubai - pronto! Just kidding. I agree, manners are important and teaching them cultural awareness both in the home and when out in public. Children witness and can copy the behaviour of others so if they see their friends treating maids and others with a certain attitude they may grow to believe this is right. By encouraging please and thank you and always treating others how you wish to be treated no matter what country they are from. This is important.

agree with the little things, but also ensure they remember their manners to others. Regardless of nationality or culture manners cost nothing but talk volumes about your child and you as a parent... The amount of times I see kids being given things or getting help and not a word passes their lips to say a simple thanks. I couldn't believe my eyes a few weeks ago when I watched a boy getting out of a taxi dropping him at school, he walked off and I could hear the taxi driver calling him, the boy turned around looked at him and walked off. I turned to see, the boy had got out the back of the taxi, and left the door wide open. So I tapped him on the shoulder and told him not to be so rude and go and close it.

get them to donate their some of their stuff every once in a while too, so they learn about how blessed they are to have so much and appreciate it. Great idea! I plan to do this when my DD is older and understands. ;)

get them to donate their some of their stuff every once in a while too, so they learn about how blessed they are to have so much and appreciate it. even better if you take them to al noor or other places. my parents used to take me as a child, i've never forgotten the experience.

I agree with shyzie, make them do simple things, especially around meal time. We give DS a allowance each week but deduct an amount for when he is naughty or misses doing the job.

I don't have home help anymore but even when I did my children were always responsible for cleaning up their own toys when they had finished playing with them and also putting their dirty clothes in the laundry, dirty plates and cups in the sink. Also, like another poster mentioned, I get them to help me wash the car, they love it, they get to play with the water while helping me, benefits everyone. Mine are only 4 so their limited to what they can do but there are always little things around the house that they can help with.