Cyber bullying | ExpatWoman.com
 

Cyber bullying

407
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 09:52

Hi all. I just started my fb page yesterday for support & awareness of child abuse - UAE. DD who is 9 and believes her mother is a miracle worker, spoke to her classmate who is being bullied and had her write and then talk to me. Didn't expect to be working on Day 1.

Her classmate is on FB, as is my DD is, but it seems her parents have not kept it closely supervised, as I think is necessary for 9 year olds if at all they are allowed on FB. An older boy about 4-5 years senior has had her add him forcefully and keeps posting nasty messages/swear words etc. He's also asked the girl to share her and her friends pictures and possibly information.

He's threatened that if she deletes him, he will get her into big trouble and made some specific threats. This boy is in the same school as them I believe (to be confirmed).

The girl has little faith and is very scared of her parents. She's asked (begged) me not to discuss this with them. DD does tell me her friend's parents hit their DD so ....

I am working out how best it is to handle this situation and perhaps start with approaching the school.

Your thoughts please.

481
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 11:48
And as a side note, I think schools should be proactive in this whole harassment/bullying realm and offer some seminars for parents about the new-age. Some parents have no idea how to protect their children on the internet and others don't realize how dangerous social networking sites can be. Really, 9 years old is way to young to be on FB. But if parents are willing to allow their children to be on it, then at least protect their privacy with all the filters you can place on it.
1257
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 11:45
Y'know, as a kicking-off point, why not get the girl to DELETE/BLOCK the boy in question? That way, there is no way he can see her on her page, her friends' pages or indeed, any other page.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 11:15
I just hope to god that both sets of parents take heed of this and there are no repercussions for the little girl. She has been through enough. Also bear in mind that she has approached you and your webiste in confidence. Good luck SD
407
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 11:11
I suggest you approach Cyber-Forensic Evidences @ Dubai Police OR TRA has even set up a proactive Computer Emergency Response Team (aeCERT) http://www.aecert.ae/index-en.php Thank you. Will pass this on to the parents and teacher/school.
407
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 11:07
Summerdream, you have to becareful that your own life experience does not cloud your judgement on how you act. There is a right way to proceed with such information, school and see how they handle it. Should it not be dealt with you then take it to another level. You have no idea of the family politics of the situations of either child and with all the good will in the world could be endangering your own family and that the lives of the children involved. Of course JJ, I have covered that I will be talking to the girl's parents, this evening. I only mentioned my life experiences, because there were some ladies suggesting to keep out of it.
1100
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 11:07
Summerdream, you have to becareful that your own life experience does not cloud your judgement on how you act. There is a right way to proceed with such information, school and see how they handle it. Should it not be dealt with you then take it to another level. You have no idea of the family politics of the situations of either child and with all the good will in the world could be endangering your own family and that the lives of the children involved. Good point, the other child could very well be an abused child himself and by taking the wrong action you could be harming him... I know what he's doing is wrong, but sometimes bullies act out because they are being abused...
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 11:04
I suggest you approach Cyber-Forensic Evidences @ Dubai Police OR TRA has even set up a proactive Computer Emergency Response Team (aeCERT) http://www.aecert.ae/index-en.php
2322
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 11:01
Dunno if this will help summer dream, but i was thinking that it may pay for you to come up with a standard form of how different things should be handled. So in this case of cyber bullying: step one reassure child. step 2: take evidence of bullying if poss. Step 3: inform school with evidence, and then their system should kick into place. Obviously your procedure list may well be more detailed etc etc. but I do feel, especially with minors, there needs to be a rigourous standard of procedure in place to protect all parties. Thanks Aroha. It is what I have been working on for sometime and is part of my website, which I have not got around to launching yet. I was mainly working on abuse and issues with adults. Didn't touch child bullying yet. It is the right approach, thanks ah good then, figured this was a new scenario for you....so hopefully all this gives you the tools you need to put a procedure in place that is legal and safe. well done.
476
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 11:00
Summerdream, you have to becareful that your own life experience does not cloud your judgement on how you act. There is a right way to proceed with such information, school and see how they handle it. Should it not be dealt with you then take it to another level. You have no idea of the family politics of the situations of either child and with all the good will in the world could be endangering your own family and that the lives of the children involved.
481
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 11:00
but how is expelling the child from school going to stop him abusing the girl on FB? It's part of a process. The child can't be expelled w/out the parents being brought into it, right? So now all parents are aware of what's happening. Once they have this issue on record w/ the school, if the bullying continues (and at this point, I'm sure the girl's parents will probably nix the FB account anyways), then they can take it a step further to the police. In all cases of harassment and abuse, it's best to document clearly what is happening so that you have the strongest case possible to bring against the perpetrator. That's the best way to get results - it's how you help the police make sure they can do their job too. Obv. not always a happy ending, but in general it is the best thing to do.
407
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:59
Dunno if this will help summer dream, but i was thinking that it may pay for you to come up with a standard form of how different things should be handled. So in this case of cyber bullying: step one reassure child. step 2: take evidence of bullying if poss. Step 3: inform school with evidence, and then their system should kick into place. Obviously your procedure list may well be more detailed etc etc. but I do feel, especially with minors, there needs to be a rigourous standard of procedure in place to protect all parties. Thanks Aroha. It is what I have been working on for sometime and is part of my website, which I have not got around to launching yet. I was mainly working on abuse and issues with adults. Didn't touch child bullying yet. It is the right approach, thanks
1100
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:58
Thanks Ladies for your help. Have got a few opinions on this. PS - As for being afraid of a police case thrown on me instead, I have never bothered and so far not been disappointed, I know you hear horror stories, but I was born here and a lot of the rubbish such as not assisting a person who is ill/in an accident, lest one get's a case thrown on is just that rubbish. I got trained for Emergency rescue and have never had any issues. A neighbour escaped an attempted gang rape near our home and the police were wonderful and managed to catch all eight men by the second day. None of us were jailed for being witnesses and the police had a firm word with the only man who was around but chose to watch rather than help. They also had a word with another neighbour (local) who kept asking us to not bother with a case as she was safe! Note the eight were all locals and they still got jail terms and severe warnings. Ive been here a long time too, and I understand you're not worried about the police, and the rape case is different to dealing with a minor without parents permission. As a parent, I would be most upset if a strange adult started "helping" my child without me even knowing about the situation or that she needed help... As I said I will be talking to the parents. However, I have reported to Al Ameen in the past of a little girl that I had too many inclinations was being abused at home. I don't know what became of that, as I was on holiday and when back the family had moved out. Where required I will go beyond the parents back and complain to Al Ameen. I was physically abused as a child and how everyday I looked at strangers hoping one of them would have the courage to do something for me. Was sexually abused by a family friend and how I wish one of my friend's mother's would listen to me, as my own wouldn't. Thats good to go to Al Ameen, I was actually referring to this particular case though that the best thing to do is to talk to the parents first even if the little girl is afraid of them, as they'll most likely want to deal with it and be on the daughters side ... but yes, if kids are being abused at home completely agree with going and reporting it... And since you've said you'll go to the parents first there's no complication there... If the parents become abusive to the girl then going behind their back is fine
2322
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:54
Dunno if this will help summer dream, but i was thinking that it may pay for you to come up with a standard form of how different things should be handled. So in this case of cyber bullying: step one reassure child. step 2: take evidence of bullying if poss. Step 3: inform school with evidence, and then their system should kick into place. Obviously your procedure list may well be more detailed etc etc. but I do feel, especially with minors, there needs to be a rigourous standard of procedure in place to protect all parties.
407
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:53
Thanks Ladies for your help. Have got a few opinions on this. PS - As for being afraid of a police case thrown on me instead, I have never bothered and so far not been disappointed, I know you hear horror stories, but I was born here and a lot of the rubbish such as not assisting a person who is ill/in an accident, lest one get's a case thrown on is just that rubbish. I got trained for Emergency rescue and have never had any issues. A neighbour escaped an attempted gang rape near our home and the police were wonderful and managed to catch all eight men by the second day. None of us were jailed for being witnesses and the police had a firm word with the only man who was around but chose to watch rather than help. They also had a word with another neighbour (local) who kept asking us to not bother with a case as she was safe! Note the eight were all locals and they still got jail terms and severe warnings. Ive been here a long time too, and I understand you're not worried about the police, and the rape case is different to dealing with a minor without parents permission. As a parent, I would be most upset if a strange adult started "helping" my child without me even knowing about the situation or that she needed help... As I said I will be talking to the parents. However, I have reported to Al Ameen in the past of a little girl that I had too many inclinations was being abused at home. I don't know what became of that, as I was on holiday and when back the family had moved out. Where required I will go beyond the parents back and complain to Al Ameen. I was physically abused as a child and how everyday I looked at strangers hoping one of them would have the courage to do something for me. Was sexually abused by a family friend and how I wish one of my friend's mother's would listen to me, as my own wouldn't.
76
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:51
Have to say I think Freckles has a point, Now I totally agree that the school/parents should be brought in to handle this from an adult point of view but meanwhile can you not get someone slightly older than the boy to have a word? May sound like an immature response but you have to remember you are dealing with an immature teenage bully so he isn’t going to understand any adult reasonable methods. Just to say that when I was 16 in school there was this awful girl who was also 14 going around bullying all the younger kids. I never bothered until my 11 year old sister came home one day minus her purse, jewellery, covered in coke and with half her hair pulled out. Now I’m not normally a confrontational person but I was so enraged the next day at school I confronted this girl and her friends with a few of my friends – with us all being 2 years older and the first time she had met resistance she broke down crying (perfect example of bully’s being cowards), returned my sisters belongings and never bullied anyone again since….
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EW GURU
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:49
but how is expelling the child from school going to stop him abusing the girl on FB?
1100
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:46
Thanks Ladies for your help. Have got a few opinions on this. PS - As for being afraid of a police case thrown on me instead, I have never bothered and so far not been disappointed, I know you hear horror stories, but I was born here and a lot of the rubbish such as not assisting a person who is ill/in an accident, lest one get's a case thrown on is just that rubbish. I got trained for Emergency rescue and have never had any issues. A neighbour escaped an attempted gang rape near our home and the police were wonderful and managed to catch all eight men by the second day. None of us were jailed for being witnesses and the police had a firm word with the only man who was around but chose to watch rather than help. They also had a word with another neighbour (local) who kept asking us to not bother with a case as she was safe! Note the eight were all locals and they still got jail terms and severe warnings. Ive been here a long time too, and I understand you're not worried about the police, and the rape case is different to dealing with a minor without parents permission. As a parent, I would be most upset if a strange adult started "helping" my child without me even knowing about the situation or that she needed help...
481
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:45
the fact is that the little girl has suffered this for months and has cried out to the FB website for bullying and NOT her parents. If the OP wants to get involved then this is what I would do. this is more than bullying..this is harassment...of a 9 year old girl and I think the boy should be made to understand that if he does not stop then there could be dire repercussions. That is a "threat" that can get a nice little trip to the police station. Let the school handle and deal with it first. yep, I'm sure a 14 year old boy who swears at and bullies a 9 year old girl is going to be terrified of the school. There is a right way and a wrong way to handle such accusations, and that is all it is presently. The school will have more power to deal with it without recourse than a parent. I agree with you JJ. The school can suspend or expel a child that is bullying or harassing another student (as it creates an unsafe environment in the school as well). Additionally, the school should stage an intervention between the two students' parents (not including OP). There is a proper way of handling things, and there is a rogue way. It might seem easier to do the latter, but part of solving these types of issues is by showing our own children the example of how mature adults handle things properly.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:43
OP keep us updated and I hope the little girl gets this sorted out for her and that the bully gets whats coming to him.
476
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:42
the fact is that the little girl has suffered this for months and has cried out to the FB website for bullying and NOT her parents. If the OP wants to get involved then this is what I would do. this is more than bullying..this is harassment...of a 9 year old girl and I think the boy should be made to understand that if he does not stop then there could be dire repercussions. That is a "threat" that can get a nice little trip to the police station. Let the school handle and deal with it first. yep, I'm sure a 14 year old boy who swears at and bullies a 9 year old girl is going to be terrified of the school. There is a right way and a wrong way to handle such accusations, and that is all it is presently. The school will have more power to deal with it without recourse than a parent.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:41
F B was created for over 18 year olds, is it wise to have 9 year olds using it.
407
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:39
Thanks Ladies for your help. Have got a few opinions on this. PS - As for being afraid of a police case thrown on me instead, I have never bothered and so far not been disappointed, I know you hear horror stories, but I was born here and a lot of the rubbish such as not assisting a person who is ill/in an accident, lest one get's a case thrown on is just that rubbish. I got trained for Emergency rescue and have never had any issues. A neighbour escaped an attempted gang rape near our home and the police were wonderful and managed to catch all eight men by the second day. None of us were jailed for being witnesses and the police had a firm word with the only man who was around but chose to watch rather than help. They also had a word with another neighbour (local) who kept asking us to not bother with a case as she was safe! Note the eight were all locals and they still got jail terms and severe warnings.
787
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EW GURU
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:38
the fact is that the little girl has suffered this for months and has cried out to the FB website for bullying and NOT her parents. If the OP wants to get involved then this is what I would do. this is more than bullying..this is harassment...of a 9 year old girl and I think the boy should be made to understand that if he does not stop then there could be dire repercussions. That is a "threat" that can get a nice little trip to the police station. Let the school handle and deal with it first. yep, I'm sure a 14 year old boy who swears at and bullies a 9 year old girl is going to be terrified of the school.
476
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:35
the fact is that the little girl has suffered this for months and has cried out to the FB website for bullying and NOT her parents. If the OP wants to get involved then this is what I would do. this is more than bullying..this is harassment...of a 9 year old girl and I think the boy should be made to understand that if he does not stop then there could be dire repercussions. That is a "threat" that can get a nice little trip to the police station. Let the school handle and deal with it first.
476
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:34
summerdream, not meaning to be rude but are you a trained social worker who works for an actual organization or are you doing this off your own back? Just thinking in terms of you, because you may get yourself in over your head plus get into trouble if you're getting involved with other people's children without actually informing the parents... I know you want to help, and I think its great that you want to but please be careful, I know you're thinking of the girl, but the fact of the matter is her parents are her guardians and by going behind their back you could end up upsetting people and getting yourself into trouble. I would keep yourself at arms length, encourage her to talk to her parents and her school councilor, and explain that if she's afraid of telling her parents of Facebook the best thing to do is to delete it... actually its best to delete Facebook in any situation as it is against the rules to have it for a reason... I am doing a degree in social work and am not working for any organisation. Am meeting one this week to tie up with them hopefully. Just hope you don't need a license or permission for this sort of thing, all sorts of rules here.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:34
the fact is that the little girl has suffered this for months and has cried out to the FB website for bullying and NOT her parents. If the OP wants to get involved then this is what I would do. this is more than bullying..this is harassment...of a 9 year old girl and I think the boy should be made to understand that if he does not stop then there could be dire repercussions.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:29
find out who the boy is through her fb page and write a message on his profile saying you will threaten to call the police if he does not leave the little girl alone. The fact that he is 4-5 years older and is posting on her page with rude words could be construed as s3xual harrassment and he should be told that this could land him in jail. That should stop the little sh*t. just to add...I would also consider involving his parents in this. Is that not cyber bullying??? Its not a very mature approach to the situation really! Telling a 14 year old boy who is harrassing a 9 year old girl that you will call the police is bullying?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Get a grip Threatening a 14 year old on facebook yes...does that not just make you as bad as him!!! no....if it were my daughter being harrassed by this ape I would do more than that Fact of this matter in particular is that its not the OP's child its someone elses and therefore shuld be handled by the childs parents.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:28
find out who the boy is through her fb page and write a message on his profile saying you will threaten to call the police if he does not leave the little girl alone. The fact that he is 4-5 years older and is posting on her page with rude words could be construed as s3xual harrassment and he should be told that this could land him in jail. That should stop the little sh*t. just to add...I would also consider involving his parents in this. Is that not cyber bullying??? Its not a very mature approach to the situation really! Telling a 14 year old boy who is harrassing a 9 year old girl that you will call the police is bullying?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Get a grip Threatening a 14 year old on facebook yes...does that not just make you as bad as him!!! no....if it were my daughter being harrassed by this ape I would do more than that
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:27
summerdream, not meaning to be rude but are you a trained social worker who works for an actual organization or are you doing this off your own back? Just thinking in terms of you, because you may get yourself in over your head plus get into trouble if you're getting involved with other people's children without actually informing the parents... I know you want to help, and I think its great that you want to but please be careful, I know you're thinking of the girl, but the fact of the matter is her parents are her guardians and by going behind their back you could end up upsetting people and getting yourself into trouble. I would keep yourself at arms length, encourage her to talk to her parents and her school councilor, and explain that if she's afraid of telling her parents of Facebook the best thing to do is to delete it... actually its best to delete Facebook in any situation as it is against the rules to have it for a reason... Definitely won't do this behind the parent's back, in this instance thought my own DD is involved as the girl has posted party pictures and the boy has got hold of this. So I will be telling the parents for one, that they should not allow pictures posting. I did want to make sure the school does something about this too. Well thats it i would not hang around and go and speak to the parents, if there are pictures of your 9 year old DD floating around cyber space for all to get hold of, thats not acceptable and i would speak tot he parents immediately.
407
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 10:27
summerdream, not meaning to be rude but are you a trained social worker who works for an actual organization or are you doing this off your own back? Just thinking in terms of you, because you may get yourself in over your head plus get into trouble if you're getting involved with other people's children without actually informing the parents... I know you want to help, and I think its great that you want to but please be careful, I know you're thinking of the girl, but the fact of the matter is her parents are her guardians and by going behind their back you could end up upsetting people and getting yourself into trouble. I would keep yourself at arms length, encourage her to talk to her parents and her school councilor, and explain that if she's afraid of telling her parents of Facebook the best thing to do is to delete it... actually its best to delete Facebook in any situation as it is against the rules to have it for a reason... I am doing a degree in social work and am not working for any organisation. Am meeting one this week to tie up with them hopefully.
 
 

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