Feeling increasingly down

Sorry you're feeling down - tough if you're fasting and quite thoughtless of your husband to go to Iftars on his own.. At 3 i think they're old enough to amuse themselves and each other long enough for you to get a time out...like QF said - try and get them out to the park or for a walk..a change of scene works wonders for all of you !! Easy to say, but a lot of it is just attitude - you feel down because you're bored or overwhelmed, the kids pick up on that and play up which drags you down further and you get in a viscious circle...Try something different - however minor, just to break the cycle.....and when they do eventually start school you'll be rattling around your empty house missing them like crazy and not knowing what on earth to do with yourself !!!(that bit doesn't last long though lol). Chin up :)

let me phrase it this way, 24 hours divided by 2 adults is 12 hours of your children care for each one of you ;) . if he has a job well that's good but from 7 a.m till 7 p.m. your work is done, he is on his own (not because he has to, but because you KNOW that he wants to share in the process of raising them!!) if you will wake up at night you should have your time during the day. hehe - I was thinking about this just now... and how things would change if we treated our SAHM role as a 9h-17h job... apart from the fact it isn't a 9h-17h job. It's be quite fun to calculate how much time you/ we spend in our job and so next time DH flops on the sofa after a hard day's work, you can say something like "gosh, yeah, next time you work a 13 hour shift at the office, give me a shout" or "glad you feel you can knock off early, I've still got 5 hours to go"... RE the working wage of a full time SAHM - there was an article in Australia a few years ago that estimated SAHM's should earn about $250k a year if you add up full time child minding, counsellor, cleaner, chef, personal assistant etc etc... <em>edited by Water baby on 16/08/2011</em>

let me phrase it this way, 24 hours divided by 2 adults is 12 hours of your children care for each one of you ;) . if he has a job well that's good but from 7 a.m till 7 p.m. your work is done, he is on his own (not because he has to, but because you KNOW that he wants to share in the process of raising them!!) if you will wake up at night you should have your time during the day. hehe - I was thinking about this just now... and how things would change if we treated our SAHM role as a 9h-17h job... apart from the fact it isn't a 9h-17h job. It's be quite fun to calculate how much time you/ we spend in our job and so next time DH flops on the sofa after a hard day's work, you can say something like "gosh, yeah, next time you work a 13 hour shift at the office, give me a shout" or "glad you feel you can knock off early, I've still got 5 hours to go"... Seriously though, it's not really comparable, but your DH needs to realise that home stuff should be shared. He should be playing just as active a role in bringing up his kids (and that includes the not-so fun stuff) as you do... after all, he played an equal role in creating them!

*HUGS* I understand what you are going through, And I have only one thing to point to "the ladies did a good job in everything else ;)" I think that when you prioritize the important things in your life, you forget to mention YOU. your family, m sorry if this sounded rude, but they are spoiled. you care a lot and do everything for everyone, in other terms you are a super mom and they like it. Since you are here now, in this situation, i think that you should decide who should do what. and you shouldn't be doing everything, they are human too and they have your abilities, so!! and your girls almost 3 years!!! which means with minimum attention they can take care of their needs and entertainment. They are 2 which is even better, but you should be strict, and if you had to leave them playing alone while you do nothing "don't feel guilt" they are kids and they enjoy their time regardless of who is there, they are just used to you being around all the time. Your DH is another spoiled person, **** you are too good. let me phrase it this way, 24 hours divided by 2 adults is 12 hours of your children care for each one of you ;) . if he has a job well that's good but from 7 a.m till 7 p.m. your work is done, he is on his own (not because he has to, but because you KNOW that he wants to share in the process of raising them!!) if you will wake up at night you should have your time during the day. What I am trying to say is that I know exactly how you feel, and I know that if you kept on doing this, this way you will always be trapped. just mention yourself next time you wake up and say: somewhere between laundry and dishes I'll lay back to read a book maybe or just waste my time doing nothing

Also the food they eat absolutely affects their mood. Milk is high in lactose- although it doesnt taste sweet per se- drinking milk all day does not give them the protien and healthy fats they require to regulate their moods and learn effectively. I have always noticed that eating a balanced, less sweet based diets results in less whiny moody kids with my 2. It might be time to cut quite a bit of the milk, let them whine for a day or 2 and they will eat real food. Hunger always wins... <em>edited by designbabe on 16/08/2011</em>

Whilst I see your situation the reality is you need to change the situation and your parenting. Start by buying some books or downloading and watching some super nanny tv shows. You have to change your daily routine and sort out your children's behaviours which are all learnt behaviours. If you can't cope with fasting at this time then don't do it now wait until the children are at school. Stop the milk nonsense, your children want milk because they are hungry and not eating enough, set up proper meal times with star charts and get them eating. Set a daily routine with play, free time, structure. Take them out for a walk and make it a learning experience.

I agree with HAK about not getting sippy-cups, and I seem to remember my dorter drinking from those fun character-driven reinforced plastic glasses made by Disney when she was your twins' age. I hope you feel better soon, maybe going to Australia will shake things up a bit for you and get you going again? Good luck with the driving test, it's a nightmare not being able to drive, particularly when you have children :)

Thanks HAK, will try to get some sippy cups soon! To be completely honest, don't go for sippy cups (especially the non-spill ones) because it'll be too similar to bottles. Go for a normal, open cup/mug/plastic glass. Big it up as a Big Girl thing and that they will be drinking just like Mummy does... I'm sure they'll be fine!

...now that's a clever lady! BRAVO

and yes I agree with Hello Again Kitty - DITCH the bottles pronto - start tonight! Hopefully by the time you get to australia they will be bale to sleep thru without the milk and you will be able to enjoy your holiday a lot more! hugs!

Oh but the poor dear wants to have a nap in the afternoon after work as he's so tired after a late night!! (insert cynical face here). thanks HAK, more good advice. About the bottles, do I try ditching them now? should I throw them out and abolish them altogether? I'm sure it's a re-visit to baby-dom for them, it's comforting for them, but like you say, enough is enough. Should I implement this now or leave it till we arrive in Australia? Dont know!! Thanks for the ideas, i really must get some play dough. What's groovy moves? All good ideas, I'm feeling so down I'm finding it hard to interact with them at the moment, I'm leaving them with the tv alot :( awww! I have a great way of dealing with DH when I've had a shocker of a day and he wants to lie down for a nap - I send the kids in to play in his bedroom. It's great. Ok, sometimes I whisper for them to bounce on the bed too. I'd do the bottle thing today to be honest. Pop to the shops and get the girls to choose some pretty plastic mugs/ cups/ glasses and you never know, they might even be more than happy to comply. I think they may well be re-visiting babydom because they are bored, and you're bored too, so it's a bit of a cycle - I know when I'm bored of the sight of my kids, I ignore them, so they play up to get my attention and it just goes downhill from there. Groovy Moves is from a UK kiddies programme called Show Me Show Me and is basically musical statues - play music and everyone dances, stop the music and everyone stops and holds their pose. First one to move and it's over! OH and don't worry about using the telly. Some people can play with kids for hours and hours, but I can't. I really do get bored of it, so instead will set up activities, leave them to it and alternate with a bit of telly when they're done. There can be a lot of guilt involved, but try not to let it get to you. Make the telly work for you - having it on in the background isn't any good for the kids because whatever's on just washes over them, so they stop focussing on it. Sooo, if there's nothing on, or they're not watching it, turn it off! Make sure everything that's shown is age-appropriate - you can't really expect them to be rivetted to adult day-time TV and a lot of the music videos just... hmmm... too much bumpin' and grinding and too many gangstas! <em>edited by Hello.Again.Kitty on 16/08/2011</em>

Exile, have you thought of getting a driving license? I really think you do need one in Dubai especially when you have kids..it would give you more flexibility and you would be able to attend coffee mornings, play date drop-offs and all this can possible help you get some much-needed adult time! Its great that the girls are starting school in October that will definitely be a huge help as you will have your mornings to yourself and i suppose DH will be doing the school run since you don't drive or will they be taking the bus? Whatever the case, you will get a few precious hours to relax at home and do the house work at your own pace. I am sure you will also find that the twins will be knackered when they come back from school so hopefully earlier bed times and solid sleep! When my DS was three I had to wean him off the milk because like yours he was waking up all night saying he was 'thirsty' and wanted milk. I started by stopping the milk altogether and just giving him small sips of water and asking him to go right back to bed..and BELIEVE IT OR NOT, after a few times of doing this he stopped waking up altogether! Honestly it was much easier than I thought I just had to find the strength to stay NO the first time...which for me was very hard because I kept on thinking ' how can he sleep if he's thirsty'...but he wasn't really..the lil monster!

Oh gosh - I'm only dealing with my two 6 days a week and finding it tough and I'm not fasting either, so I really feel for you! Tough times call for tough action. Sit your hubby down and tell him like it is: it's not about him or his outings, it's about you and [i'>his [/i'>children. You have advised him that they need extra stimulation and that you need a break and so he, as the head of the family, need to stump up the cash. Alternatively, if he doesn't, then when he comes back from work, just go out in a tag-team styleee. If he wants a happy wife (= a happy family) then he's going to have to put some effort into it. It's in the small print! As for your girls, the night-time milk thing has basically got to stop. Give it to them in a cup (they're more than old enough for a cup) and if they're thirsty, they'll drink it, but if they're in it to re-live their baby stage, they'll pass on it. During the night, if they wake at unsocial-o'clock, just lead them back to bed, tell them it's night-time so they need to sleep and walk away. Again, they're old enough to understand... and to do as they're told (on a good day). My DD loves her milk too, but she never gets any at night. Tough love. As for during the day, free, imaginative play is the way forward (basically, you leaving them to it). I don't knwo what you've got at home, but PlayDoh managed to keep my 3 year old and her friend amused for a couple of hours on a regular basis. Jigsaws, junk modelling (with old cereal boxes, kitchen towel rolls, etc... play on what they like, so for example, get them to make a house for their dolls)... and alternate with telly. Yes, the One-Eyed Childminder rocks! If they're getting boisterous and want to let off steam, rather than climb on you, you could get them to jump on lilipads (cushions on the floor), work out and perform a show (singing, dancing, gymnastics!), play hide and seek, Groovy Moves (musical statues) or "Stop!..... Carry On!" where they run around like maniacs but have to stop and stand silently until you say "carry on" (which for comedy value can be after any amount of time - thanks Mark & Lard!) I hope this gives you some ideas. Really your husband is the key to all this. <em>edited by Hello.Again.Kitty on 16/08/2011</em>

Oh honey, I hear you. Though I don't have twins and I do drive. I'm feeling very similar right now. My saving grace is that DS starts school (FS1) in September and it'll give me time to breath - eventhough DS 2 will still be home ... 1 is so much easier. I take my hat off to you, you sound like you are doing a wondeful job. But you really could do with a "time out". You need to let your DH know how you are feeling. Has he ever taken care of the girls on his own for a few hours? Maybe let him and he might get an idea of what you go through everyday. He probably doesn't have a clue how snowed under you are feeling right now. Men are useless. Sometimes we have to draw pictures to get them to understand ;-) How about sending the girls just 2/3 mornings a week to nursery? Or getting an agency maid in to spend some time with them while you relaxed? Once they get to know her better and you feel comfortable, you could leave them for a few hours and pop out! So much easier getting a taxi when it's just you. As for the milk. My two are terrible eaters too. They love their milk. 3 year old still drinks out a bottle before bed. I used to beat myself up about it... But now I'm just like, you know what - it's not going to continue till he's 18 and it's not great for his teeth but it makes him happy and it's certainly not the end of the world so, ho-hum. And the eating... They won't let themselves starve. Offer a meal, leave it infront of them for 20 minutes or so, if they don't eat it, clear it away and don't give them snacks until the next meal time. Then do the same, if they don't eat, clear it away. Don't force them to eat and don't use bribery... Not because I've read it leads to a bad attitude towards food but because I've found that it really doesn't work. Hope I've said something that might help. Know that you are not alone, there are many mothers who feel the same as you do right now. Start taking baby steps to make things easier. Maybe make a list and start from there... The main thing on your list is chatting to you DH and getting him on board. Good luck.

You need to sit your DH down and have a heart-to-heart with him. Some men dont realise how draining it is to take care of children (PLUS housework) all day! And if you have no extended family in Dubai it is even more difficult/lonely. If he wants more attention or time with you, then he should do something to offload the burden so you can have some 'me' time which will help you have more energy for him once he comes home. Going off for iftars and leaving you with the kids is not fair on you and a bit selfish of him if I may say so! You're a human being too - give him a good talking to is what I say! No need to shout or get emotional - just be factual and very clear about exactly what support you need from him. If you dont do this, you stand the chance of 'burning out' very soon. Good luck, my dear! Sending you hugs. <em>edited by Ayda247 on 16/08/2011</em>