Is this the norm? | ExpatWoman.com
 

Is this the norm?

214
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 08 February 2011 - 19:37

Hi Ladies, need some advice as we have to make a deccision this week, we have had our maid a few weeks all was well at first apart from her not really bonding with the kids but that aside she is a hard worker, anyway did the weekly shop and we were both putting things away when a bottle of shampoo and toothpaste dissapeared off the side I asked her if she had seen them and she said no, so to cut a long story short a week later she admitted to taking them so my question is should I be worried its not about the shampoo ect its the fact that I asked her a few times if she had seen them anyway does anybody know is this just what they do?
We are new to this so dont really know what to expect and the strange thing is I always ask her if there is anything she needs. She is always asking me for a certain brand of soap and I give it to her but I know she doesnt use this soap do they sell them only thing I can think of.
TIA

214
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 07:54
Thank you everyone so much for all the help it has made me realise that I must go with my gut and she is going, I talked to my DH who like I said doesnt think its a massive problem and everyone deserves a second chance however every time I look at her I remember how she lied and I cant live like this. If I am not happy to leave her alone with the children even when they asleep what is the point, also we have o go back to our home country in a few weeks and leave her alone for a week and I was even worried about doing that. I hope farasha you have managed to find an honest person after that experience how awfull! I am sure there are many lovely helpers out there its just finding them. <em>edited by thompson1 on 10/02/2011</em>
249
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 09 February 2011 - 22:53
i have to agree that once the trust is broken, its very very hard to rebuild and your original post makes me think that deep down you're not comfortable with her. Listen to your gut - i didn't with my last maid and it ended up with her having a screaming tantrum at my 2 year old DD, then me, then my MIL, then my mother and now i am a tiffany bracelet and my diamond and ruby wedding earrings lighter :'( That is awful Thanks for sharing. Some women on here could do with hearing this. Good luck with your next one
77
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 09 February 2011 - 22:51
Oh cr@p Farasha, that's awful! :( Tell me about it! Not had the guts to tell my MIL yet... if you've ever been to a local wedding and seen the jewelry the bride wears it'll give you an idea how amazing these earrings were. God only knows how she got them. My own stupid fault
92
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 09 February 2011 - 21:42
Sometimes the only thing that stops us from making such drastic choices such as sacking her, is the fact that we bloomin paid an arm and leg for them in sponsorship, doctor and deposit fees. Also the inconvenience of having to train and get to know another stranger all over again. That is why I can sort of understand some trying to ignore it. If you decide to overlook the situation, you need to sit down with her and lay down YOUR RULES!! This will be her last chance, and that next time even it is just a dirham she took, you will call the police...Put some extra rules in place now as she has lost your trust alittle, like searching her room on a weekly basis (which you would normally not do if you trust her), maybe even deduct her salary for her behaviour for this month (hit THEM where it hurts). Just suggestions, on the otherhand also reward her if she is bonafida, does a good job and loyal. Not too much as you will be causing others a high benchmark that soon becomes the expected of homehelp. It can be a very difficult one as you are dealing with relationships in your home environment...not something you can close the door to come 6pm. Also we are all human and allowed to make one mistake. No one is perfect! Tough one..:\: dipika, I always suggest that if a person has to think about the finances of sending a maid home then they shouldn't have had one in the first place. I know its harsh buts its a reality. Why put up with an disturbing influence in your house and your life because you cant afford to repatriate the person, then replace her? As for living in a house with a locked door - no way. If you have to resort to that a repatriation is long overdue. No trust equals no job. edited by DesertRose1958 on 09/02/2011 True I hear you, but that doesnt mean we should expect to loose on all counts. Yes those that are fortunate to be able to afford all costs are entitled to employ live in help, but just because there is a risk of it going wrong, then it shouldnt be the reason not to employ anyone attall. I am sure that those that have these issues, still have a bit of faith in mankind, and in the end hope to find that one person that can help them and stay around longer with trust gradually building both ways. I suppose it is about luck also. I know that the reason of locking my bedroom door is that there is no need to go into it when it has been cleaned, it gives ME peace of mind and to be honest, i don't think i trust any home help after the stories I hear, but then again still need help with the housework, so as a compromise, this is the best solution for me. Trust takes time to build, but if we all thought no trust equals no job then there would be alot of unemployed people out there, who genuinely need one and want to be trusted. You cannot expect any person to just say '' Yes I trust that person wholeheartedly'' from the moment the new staff walk through the door can you?
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 09 February 2011 - 21:13
Oh cr@p Farasha, that's awful! :(
77
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 09 February 2011 - 19:54
i have to agree that once the trust is broken, its very very hard to rebuild and your original post makes me think that deep down you're not comfortable with her. Listen to your gut - i didn't with my last maid and it ended up with her having a screaming tantrum at my 2 year old DD, then me, then my MIL, then my mother and now i am a tiffany bracelet and my diamond and ruby wedding earrings lighter :'(
1759
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 09 February 2011 - 18:01
I have lived and worked with various maids in 3 countries in the GCC in 10+ years. I must be amazingly lucky. The worst I've encountered was one broke a garlic press and tried to "hide" it by placing it back in the drawer as if it wasn't. (Oh, and she also fried my electical panel - but that's another story). When I discovered the former, I told her - I can replace something that gets broken, what pi$$es me off is if I discover it when I want to use it. For the latter, I had never told her NOT to use the hose to clean off the balcony - and, IMHO, if she came from a living situation where electricity is not the norm, how can I expect she would know what the consequences of hosing it down would be? That said, in 10 years - the electrical panel, the odd glass (and garlic press) have been my worst casualties - but I have also been very clear on what I expect, follow up on issues promptly, and been "adequate" in rewarding good or excellent performance. I have received more than I expected - and I suspect so have they. For me, children have not been an issue, however, I do have cats and dogs - and I expect them to be treated well when I am not present. I have never had a complaint in that regard. I do know that I am lucky in a lot of this. I also give and expect to receive respect - and part of this for me is clear communication. The ladies and gentleman I have employed have been from Nepal, Ethiopia and the Philippines. I have lived and employed people in 2 emirates and 2 other GCC countries. As I say, I've been lucky, but I've also been direct and upfront or followed up immediately on what I want or expect. And yes, I have terminated one person - who was totally incompetent with idiotic demands. That person lasted 3 weeks.
249
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 09 February 2011 - 13:18
thompson1, sorry to sound harsh, but there is no other way to say this. You do not trust her (you cannot, obviously) and yet you say you will leave her with the kids when they are asleep. You need a serious think. Where did you get the maid? Let this be a firm lesson to all, hire from an agency. Granted you do not get to meet them first, but even those you can interview can be heartless ******* at times.
214
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 09 February 2011 - 11:00
Thanks for all of your advice ladies, its not to do with money more to do with well would they all try this anyway? my husband has sat her down and told her if this happens again she will be fired, I have said okay to this but she wont be left with the children only when they are asleep, so she is just a housekeeper, I am just left feeling dissapointed really as she is not the person we thought she was so we know this now, we have also said we will keep back some of her wages each month untill the trust is restored (if ever) will let you know.
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 09 February 2011 - 10:42
Sometimes the only thing that stops us from making such drastic choices such as sacking her, is the fact that we bloomin paid an arm and leg for them in sponsorship, doctor and deposit fees. Also the inconvenience of having to train and get to know another stranger all over again. That is why I can sort of understand some trying to ignore it. If you decide to overlook the situation, you need to sit down with her and lay down YOUR RULES!! This will be her last chance, and that next time even it is just a dirham she took, you will call the police...Put some extra rules in place now as she has lost your trust alittle, like searching her room on a weekly basis (which you would normally not do if you trust her), maybe even deduct her salary for her behaviour for this month (hit THEM where it hurts). Just suggestions, on the otherhand also reward her if she is bonafida, does a good job and loyal. Not too much as you will be causing others a high benchmark that soon becomes the expected of homehelp. It can be a very difficult one as you are dealing with relationships in your home environment...not something you can close the door to come 6pm. Also we are all human and allowed to make one mistake. No one is perfect! Tough one..:\: dipika, I always suggest that if a person has to think about the finances of sending a maid home then they shouldn't have had one in the first place. I know its harsh buts its a reality. Why put up with an disturbing influence in your house and your life because you cant afford to repatriate the person, then replace her? As for living in a house with a locked door - no way. If you have to resort to that a repatriation is long overdue. No trust equals no job. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 09/02/2011</em>
310
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 09 February 2011 - 08:53
I would get rid of her asap. She has already lied and broken the trust between the two of you. I went through something similar and could never trust her after that. Needless to say, 3 months later (and thousands of dirhams!!!) I am the one that has suffered the most. She just went back home to her little life in a farm. If she was so quick to lie to you on such a simple matter, then imagine what she would do to cover up when she steals anything of value? Once long fingers, always long fingers so go with your instinct and stop feeling sorry for her. We all feel sorry for them and end up the losers in the end.
1238
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 09 February 2011 - 08:48
Whatever you do, if you have toddlers or young children, DO NOT leave her alone with them!
521
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EW GURU
Latest post on 09 February 2011 - 07:52
Sometimes the only thing that stops us from making such drastic choices such as sacking her, is the fact that we bloomin paid an arm and leg for them in sponsorship, doctor and deposit fees. Also the inconvenience of having to train and get to know another stranger all over again. That is why I can sort of understand some trying to ignore it. If you decide to overlook the situation, you need to sit down with her and lay down YOUR RULES!! This will be her last chance, and that next time even it is just a dirham she took, you will call the police...Put some extra rules in place now as she has lost your trust alittle, like searching her room on a weekly basis (which you would normally not do if you trust her), maybe even deduct her salary for her behaviour for this month (hit THEM where it hurts). Just suggestions, on the otherhand also reward her if she is bonafida, does a good job and loyal. Not too much as you will be causing others a high benchmark that soon becomes the expected of homehelp. It can be a very difficult one as you are dealing with relationships in your home environment...not something you can close the door to come 6pm. Also we are all human and allowed to make one mistake. No one is perfect! Tough one..:\: But the agency replaces them at no cost within 3 months
92
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 09 February 2011 - 07:41
Sometimes the only thing that stops us from making such drastic choices such as sacking her, is the fact that we bloomin paid an arm and leg for them in sponsorship, doctor and deposit fees. Also the inconvenience of having to train and get to know another stranger all over again. That is why I can sort of understand some trying to ignore it. If you decide to overlook the situation, you need to sit down with her and lay down YOUR RULES!! This will be her last chance, and that next time even it is just a dirham she took, you will call the police...Put some extra rules in place now as she has lost your trust alittle, like searching her room on a weekly basis (which you would normally not do if you trust her), maybe even deduct her salary for her behaviour for this month (hit THEM where it hurts). Just suggestions, on the otherhand also reward her if she is bonafida, does a good job and loyal. Not too much as you will be causing others a high benchmark that soon becomes the expected of homehelp. It can be a very difficult one as you are dealing with relationships in your home environment...not something you can close the door to come 6pm. Also we are all human and allowed to make one mistake. No one is perfect! Tough one..:\:
310
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 08 February 2011 - 23:31
Off with her head! (i've always wanted to say that on a maid thread :))
214
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 08 February 2011 - 22:28
Thanks piggle, we will see what this week brings she knows she is on her last chance, I have eyes like a rat! EmmaB smilies option is right under the post box bottom left click on it :cool:
1996
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 08 February 2011 - 22:24
thanks. I would like to stick around for a while ;) Fair enough!
249
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 08 February 2011 - 22:20
thanks. I would like to stick around for a while ;)
1996
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 08 February 2011 - 22:16
wuffles pls delete that for me. thanks Done-but why?
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 08 February 2011 - 22:00
Ha de ha Emmab he is so well looked after I - not the maid - have just cooked him chicken kievs!! and I gave him two! what more could he ask for oh and a bit of mixed vege:) 2 Chicken Kievs! You put me and my stir fry to shame, I don't know what he's got to complain about...you sound like a domestic goddess, Nigella eat your heart out! (dur!!, want to insert a smily face but don't know how)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 08 February 2011 - 21:50
Ha de ha Emmab he is so well looked after I - not the maid - have just cooked him chicken kievs!! and I gave him two! what more could he ask for oh and a bit of mixed vege:)
249
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 08 February 2011 - 21:44
Nooooo, Emma is not SQ, but she may be a radio presenter.....
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 08 February 2011 - 21:38
Oh dear! I think you should sack her, if the trust is not there now I don't think ever will be. If you don't do it immediately you will definitely regret it later. As for your DH he obviously not very well looked after maybe she could give you some tips before you give her the heave ho! ; )
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 08 February 2011 - 21:09
Thanks dipika, I agree with everything you are saying, just got to convince my DH now as he thinks she is great "like having a proper housewife"
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 08 February 2011 - 20:56
Its not a question about what was taken, but the principle that you ASKED her if she seen them and she denied it? What if something serious was to happen...she would surely lie to cover herself then, and what if it is to do with your loved ones? Make no mistake..you will not loose much if you let her go now..better now than wait until she does take something of huge value. I had the same thing happen to me. I searched her room for the missing item when she was out, found it, confronted her, she denied it....BINGO! She was caught with her pants down. Bye Bye maid! (sound of a plane flying taking off). I know where everything is in the house and even gave her 3 chances to own up. Y'see also I keep my bedroom door locked at all times and my current maid has to ask permission to clean it. Once it is cleaned, it gets locked and I can leave the house knowing that all my expensive shoes, bags, jewellrey is safe from prying hands. Also means that the temptation is not there. All other rooms are kept open. A Clear Message is given there. Hands Off!!!!
214
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 08 February 2011 - 20:45
Ah thanks for the reply, if thats what they do we may as well keep her then?
249
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 08 February 2011 - 20:42
haha they sell stuff they send it home they will get what they can from you do they care? NO why? because they can and because you allow them fire her and send her back to the agency you hired her from and they will give you a replacement maid for free. No agency? lesson learned.
 
 

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