Parents staying - is it just mine or do other's find their M&D's as annoying! | ExpatWoman.com
 

Parents staying - is it just mine or do other's find their M&D's as annoying!

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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 17:20

Will start off by saying that I do love my M&D, and it's lovely to have them to stay. BUT they are SO irritating!

They're in their early 70's, healthy, happy to use the metro etc on their own so fortunately I don't have to chauffeur them around every day.

We're on day 3 of a 2 week visit - their third since we've been here - and I could in all honesty shoot them at times - they bicker constantly in a 'nice' way, with one-up-manship going on the whole time - neither can be wrong, but none of it's ever nasty, just very irritating. It's impossible to switch off, and Mum 'mothers' and nags my Dad constantly, but again in a nice way. Having to be social at breakfast time, chit chat over inane stuff like 'oooo that bus has a star on the side and the companies called Star Busses, isn't that funny dear', is doing my head in already. And they will never make their minds up when you offer them/suggest something.

I know this possibly sounds horrid and mean, and I feel incredibly guilty for feeling this way about them, as apart from a few issues with my dad, they are basically harmless, but I was just wondering if anyone else finds themselves in a similar position when their 'olds' come and visit or is it just mine - and heaven forbid, will I therefore be like this too when I'm their age!! If the answer is yes, shoot me now for my DDs' sakes.
<em>edited by october on 13/02/2011</em>

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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 15 February 2011 - 11:23
October, I know exactly what you mean. I also love my M&D to bits but as I spent two months with them last summer, I went absolutely nuts. Their bickering was constant, for really silly things. My mum leaves cupboards door open. that's her thing. It winds up my dad. I don't understand why, after 40 years marriage, a) she doesn't make an effort or b) he continues to nag her about it every day ... I have 100 examples like this... But more than anything, I was shocked to realise that my 'hero' of a dad, the man I admired so much and never questionned for the first 30 years of my life is not perfect, not always nice, and is actually a real pain in the bum.... I think as we grow older and realise that we we are as adult as they are, we start reversing roles and we start seeing their flaws...it is really painful in the beginning but I have hope that I will learn to accept these flaws and enjoy their company as long as they are around.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 14 February 2011 - 17:20
Ol!!!oh I can sympathise !! I am at the begining of a month long parent visit. Meal times go like this Me .. 'What would you like to eat for dinner', P...'anything at all, sure I'm easy!', "will I do a leg of lamb? 'ah no, I don't really like lamb, it's too greasy for me', "would you like a nice piece of fish ? ah well, I'm a bit fussy about fish, it has to be really fresh, I really only like fish from a fishmonger and not from a supermarket" "ok then, I'll do a steak" "can you get good steak here? I mean, where do they get it from, can't be that fresh they must have to fly it in from somewhere, might be a bit dodgy" 'Ok, how about sausages, mash and brocolli" 'That's perfect, exactly what I wanted"! I will never survive one whole month of this, lol ! edited by mum2girls on 13/02/2011 Lol! Sounds like most of our visitors! If only they would just say what they wanted!!o
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 14 February 2011 - 15:44
My inlaws every so kindly booked a 16 day trip here for my BIL's wedding. they are stay NEXT DOOR to us. They arrive 2 days before the wedding and thought they would stay the extra 13 days to be here for DH birthday. Just what he and I have always wanted :( I might just accidentally forget they did that and book and nice trip away for DH and I for his birthday. New York is pretty far away, that should do the trick
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 14 February 2011 - 15:35
Much as I love my mum to bits, I suspect it's an age and generation thing, especially if - like my mum - she hasn't travelled much or lived abroad during her life, and new things come a bit harder to her as a result. She's visiting next week (booked her flights without checking dates, and was then sad to hear my son would be at school, as half term for him is this week!) and I am ITCHING to see her, and have planned lots of nice thing to do, but she's set in her ways and will want to do her own thing. Trouble with this is that she won't know how to go about it, and will get frustrated that the things I do with my borderline autistic four-year old are not what she'd like to do. She'd like to do fabulous cultural things (heritage village, souks, trekking in mountains etc) when I am mostly embroiled in the school run, shopping, going to the park, playing at home and making meals etc. The most annoying thing is when I am really stretched, running around like a mad person, getting meals done and tidying and organising her activities, she sits on the sofa and does Sudoku puzzles. She goes to bed late and wakes up late, half the day is gone and then she wants to be up and out of the house with 5 minutes notice. Four year olds still require a few minutes to gather a bag of essentials and explain where we are going! Having not seen her only grandson for ages, I suggest she reads him a bed time story but she says this is too much for her, and is not up to it :-( I could go on, but I won't - it'll sound too awful! How to keep calm and manage everything with your own routine, while keeping a free spirit visiting mother happy????! My DH loves her to bits as well, she is a sweetie and lots of fun, but she can be scatty and frequently gets lost, which irritates him!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 21:53
Mine was the same when she came to visit - if I needed to go to the loo when out with her she would ALWAYS say "Still haveing trouble with your waterworks then?" I have NEVER had trouble with my waterworks, EVER so gritted teeth and smiled beatifically while momentarily contemplating matricide, bless her!
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 20:58
oh I can sympathise !! I am at the begining of a month long parent visit. Meal times go like this Me .. 'What would you like to eat for dinner', P...'anything at all, sure I'm easy!', "will I do a leg of lamb? 'ah no, I don't really like lamb, it's too greasy for me', "would you like a nice piece of fish ? ah well, I'm a bit fussy about fish, it has to be really fresh, I really only like fish from a fishmonger and not from a supermarket" "ok then, I'll do a steak" "can you get good steak here? I mean, where do they get it from, can't be that fresh they must have to fly it in from somewhere, might be a bit dodgy" 'Ok, how about sausages, mash and brocolli" 'That's perfect, exactly what I wanted"! I will never survive one whole month of this, lol ! <em>edited by mum2girls on 13/02/2011</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 20:46
You are not alone. Even if it's not my parents, my aunt does something like dance to the music of the fountains, talk swiss to the taxi driver, makes fun of abayas, just embarrassing.. But I always put a smile on my face and count the days...:-) Hopefully my dad thinks it's enough if I visit him in the summer...
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 20:38
I think everyone's family gets on their nerves sometimes October. You just have toroll with the punches.xx Hooters I lost my gorgeous father ten years ago and I feel your pain.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 20:17
My parents flatly refuse to fly... :(
2171
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 20:12
as ever there are two sides to every coin. OK, I have now had a glass or 3 inbetweens my OP and now, and have again had terrible troubles getting online thanks to good old Etisalat - however Dad didn't have a problem checking his emails - how strange is that - payback maybe??!! Hooters and anyone else in similar circumstances - my sympathies, how sad to have lost your dad as such a young adult. I truly do appreciate the fact that I still have both my parents, as does DH (another story - inlaws.....). However that was not my intent. My intention was not to imply that I do not appreciate my parents, however all families are different, and seriously my Dad, although he comes across as an affable guy - and a couple of EW friends will confirm that, having met him briefly, is not what he seems and there is a lot more to him than meets the eye - OCD, kleptomaniac tendencies (mum has actually told me to destroy stuff completely (even empty cereal packets) or he'll be taking it home - honest no joke. However, meeting someone briefly and growing up with them is not the same thing, this would take a long time to go into. Had I had the type of Dad that Hooters describes, maybe I would not have come on here 'whinging'. However my intention, obviously looking back badly phrased, was more to wonder whether it is just my parents who behave in this way, or is it more of an age thing generally. Maxindubai, yes that is exactly what I'm getting at, the 'wow a taxi with a red/yellow/skybluepink roof' sort of thing!! Yes I do value them and love them, despite history with my dad, but equally sometimes they do my head in. I wasn't, as I've discussed this with my mum recently a difficult teenager. I had/still have a very complex (non)relationship with my dad due to a variety of reasons, however despite this I do love him and my mum. Am repeating myself now aren't I!! @ dounedog and susieH - thank you lol - that's precisely what I'm getting at. And the inlaws - that's a whole other story. Off to open another bottle of anaesthetic - will have to take them for a trip to Baracudas!!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 19:45
At OP, your parents stay two weeks and it's hard, I do sympathise, but try this for size my mum comes once a year and stays TWO MONTHS every time!!!! (I'm an only child with her only grandsons). And there's no stopping her, sometimes I think she does it as payback for when I was a teenager and drove her nuts.:\:
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 19:35
Poor old october - getting a guilt trip when all you need is to be told you're not alone/bad/mean etc.! I totally sympathise and ditto Babyrat too!
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EW GURU
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 19:24
It's not as annoying as having your in laws stay with you!
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 18:58
I think you need to figure out a way to work this out. Sounds like they are not expecting you to show them a good time and can take care of their healthy and spritely selves. Think of it this way. They raised you. Loved you. Hauled you around to do the things you enjoyed. They waited nights up worrying about you. They listened to your incessent chatter all the time and most likely just nodded and smiled. so they chat between themselves, tune them out, they did it with you :)...you daughter can be joke with them about finding them possibly being in nursery at times....with a bit smile... both my parents are dead and alot of time I think how sad it is that we can now afford to have them here, show them around, pamper them, enjoy them and overlook the things we dont like. My mother would enjoy so much all the spas that she could never afford, restaurants...all of it. So, I know your parents get on your nerves and you are saying they are not arguing but chattering? well, step back and have another look at these people that love you to death, take a deep breath, put a smile on and tell them you love them but could they go out for the day on the Big Red Bus? :)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 18:29
October, I know what you mean, but Hooters nearly makes me cry, I would give everything to just have my dad here for one day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Try to enjoy a little, because when one of them (or both) ar gone you would wish you could have them. (Tango in the kitchen, I hate that with quests, but would love to have my father looking over my shoulder) x Good luck
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 18:20
I lived with my Mum for a while when my marriage broke down and I nearly went crazy. My OH's Mum came to visit us recently and by the end of the first afternoon of the two and a half week visit we both were exhausted. It was funny at times though, "Oh! that taxi has a red roof" *points at taxi and wonders why it does a u-turn and stops in front of us* Love her to bits though.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 17:55
We (or rather I as DH was working out of the country for most of it) had the in-laws to stay in Bahrain last October... it was a cross between herding cats and having a pair of terrible two's. First week I tried to take them places but usually they were never ready much before Noon so we'd have to wait until things opened again at 4 when they promptly complained about the heat. Eventually I learnt and for week two they were quite happy to sit by the pool reading followed by an evening meal at a local restuarant! Like the OP's parent they squabble all day over everything which used to drive me mad but over the years I'm so used to it it justs washes over me most of the time. My own aged P's who rarely disagree let alone squabble live extremely quiet lives centred round trips to the pub or shops and walking the dog. They have never travelled abroad and are now too old to even contemplate it which is a pity as they were excellent house guests when we lived in the UK. Now they are content just to hear about our expat life.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 17:51
Oh I love it when my parents come and visit me .. they do the usual pointing at things and shrieking, pointing at Abaya clad women in the malls saying how beautiful they are and also the men ! cant make their mind up at the beginning of the day and my mother takes over the running of my house including pointing out how disorganised i am :O but I love them to bits and miss them terribly when they are not here ( they can only afford once a year trips ) and yeh it gets slightly annoying at times.. but hey ... im sure I was equally as annoying during my teens and cant remember my mum ever saying that she was fed up or something like that.. they will go back soon and just enjoy your time with them !
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EW GURU
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 17:48
I don't think for a second that October is suggesting that she doesn't love and value her parents...She clearly does. But i must admit, although its lovely to see "The Olds", when you've lived with your own family for a number of years, done things your way etc, It can be quite mentally draining living under the same roof for 2 weeks or more.....
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EW GURU
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 17:45
Agree with Hooters.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 17:43
Hooters has a good point. My mother could not ever come visit me because she has no money and my father is somewhere I don't even know so be grateful that you have parents who can afford to visit and who have not abandoned you.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 17:38
My dad died nearly 8 years ago when I was nearly 22 from cancer I would have loved to have invited him out here with my mum to stay. Stay up late drinking wine, my dad playing his guitar (or attempting to!) my mum coming shopping with me to choose stuff for the house. Chilled out afternoons at the beach and nice meals out. That will never happen for me, my dad will never even see me get married. If your parents were to ever read what you wrote they would probably be very hurt. Enjoy the time you have left with them. When they die, you will look back and feel guilty about what you have just written
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 17:30
Since I went away to uni when I was 18, I have been unable to be on my own in the same room as my mother for longer than an hour without wanting to kill her/turning to drink/having a row with her. Not much help, am I?!
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 17:30
It's normal :) I don't mind my in-laws but they have DH climbing the walls within a couple of days, and I really don't understand why. My Dad really misses us. I'm an only child so his only offspring, and his only grandchildren are here. He gets upset when he leaves us or we leave him. I love him and my stepmum dearly but I get wound up by them, especially as they stand in my kitchen when I'm trying to work in there and have to do the tango to get out of their way. DH thinks they're great and laughs at me when he sees me seethe. It's awful because you know they're only there for such a short time and you'll miss them when they're gone.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 13 February 2011 - 17:28
Hahaha - mine were visiting in early December and haven't talked to them since then… It was not their first visit to Dubai but this time they were complaining / extremely negative about everything. And they are only 60 and 65 - especially my mother has aged a lot during past two years!!!
 
 

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