Someone just crossed the line, and I'm not letting it go | Page 2 | ExpatWoman.com
 

Someone just crossed the line, and I'm not letting it go

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EW GURU
Latest post on 01 February 2016 - 16:04
OD it appears that you too have made the grave mistake of crossing this infamous line. Gorobattie this being a rant is going to invite a mixed bag of opinions and you'll just have to accept that someone is going to come along and disagree. Why are you are taking this personally? Your over reaction makes me wonder what exactly happened with that middle aged teacher.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 01 February 2016 - 14:27
There was no need for rudeness but I can totally understand someone telling someone they thought was a nanny to do her job properly. Everyone I know expects different standards from themselves as a parent and their maid or nanny. Who here can honestly say they have never thought it at the playground? Nanny/maid always on the phone or talking to their friends, ignoring the children they are being paid to take care of. I think differently of this than I do of a parent at the playground on their phone or talking to their friends. I escape to my phone if whenever I'm in a playground. However, if our maid ever took my children to the playground I'd expect her to stay off her phone as she would be working. I used to be a nanny and picked up the children in my care from school. Teachers and other parents treated me much differently than I get treated as a parent picking up my children. There was much more expectation that I would be on time and organised as it was my job to be.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 01 February 2016 - 13:53
:angry: To be honest I'm appalled by this! Suppose I am a maid or a nanny; does that give her the right to scold me? Another thing, was she that much blind to see how my children look exactly like me minus the skin colour? I'm fuming, can't and won't let it go, I had this bad treatment many times over the years and every time I correct the person and don't get an apology at all, I am really really ****** off! :angry: To me OP seems to be fuming about both being mistaken by a maid and the teacher feeling that it's ok to scold a maid which she wouldn't do to a parent. But the poor middle-aged teacher (a term just as judicial as the accusation itself) is getting the full load because apparently it has happened to OP before. Totally overreacting if you ask me. Just let it go. Life is too short to be bothered by these things. You seem to really have issue with me OD, that's fine with me, as it's your problem not mine. This poor teacher as you describe, was aware of my phone call to the school, stating that my car broke down and couldn't be fixed by myself and got AAA to tow it to the garage, and gave them expected time of my arrival with taxi, as I'm in the process of hiring a maid that I already issued her access card to the school, again the maid is at home in mirdif and the school in springs - long story you have nothing to do with- and then me showing up to school with sweaty attire and some dirt on my jeans, and my hands too. This poor teacher as your description thought it was ok to scold the help, as most of nannies, maids and drivers don't answer back, again there is plenty of families do let the help pick up the children, but not me; I wouldn't let my maid do the trip to pick up my children..... That poor teacher as you described "thought" she can scold a grown up person and get away with it, that poor teacher at start denied what she said, that poor teacher said sorry once she knew she was cought as my children witnessed her attitude toward me. As a classic victim blaming tactic you practic; to find a reason justify your personal attack, all I can say to you: you really need to practic yoga, so you can love yourself, really I don't write for you, and I hope this is my last post to you, and go ahead find another poster to pray on, in another thread I stated that I do not entertain any post or reply on my queries or rants, yet you keep getting yourself into it! I suggest you stay away from me, you already stated you don't like me, and that's ok with me, because that's your own problem not mine. Adios
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EW GURU
Latest post on 01 February 2016 - 13:08
I agree with the posters that being mistaken for being the maid was probably not as bad as the way the OP was spoken to when the teacher thought she was the maid. If I was lectured by a teacher at school "to do my job properly" for what sounds like a one off occurrence, which let's face it can happen to the best of us, knowing Dubai traffic. And the people that suggest that the OP lighten up or shrug it off....I wonder how they would have felt after a stressful day, or for some reason wouldn't ever really be in the same situation. I have been mistaken for being my childrens nanny when they were young and we were new in Dubai. I am European so found it quite funny, but don't think it's the same scenario the OP experienced.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 01 February 2016 - 12:34
@suzy & @wickedangel_78 That is ABSOLUTELY the point! Had the teacher recognized OP as the parent would she have said what she said in the way she said it: "Do your JOB properly." Really? I've had kids in schools in 3 very different countries, never has a teacher spoken to me in that way. Many of you are missing the point. The offense is not taken at being called a maid. It's that the teacher thinks she can speak to another adult in that way because she thinks it's ok to speak to a maid like that. The point is that it's not OK! Maids deserve respect as parents do. [i'>The offense is not taken at being called a maid. It's that the teacher thinks she can speak to another adult in that way because she thinks it's ok to speak to a maid like that. The point is that it's not OK! Maids deserve respect as parents do.[/i'> This is what I was trying to get to. It's not ok to speak to anyone like this. and white privilege is something a lot of us take very much for granted.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 01 February 2016 - 12:25
@Ginnee - You are completely on point. I don't know if either livelytrish or redrectangle are white or not, but what you said about the experiences of minorities being different...that is exactly right. In the US there has been a lot of talk about white privilege, and this is a classic example. White people (for better or for worse) experience these types of situations in a different way than minorities do. Generally speaking, but most of the time true.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 01 February 2016 - 12:16
@suzy & @wickedangel_78 That is ABSOLUTELY the point! Had the teacher recognized OP as the parent would she have said what she said in the way she said it: "Do your JOB properly." Really? I've had kids in schools in 3 very different countries, never has a teacher spoken to me in that way. Many of you are missing the point. The offense is not taken at being called a maid. It's that the teacher thinks she can speak to another adult in that way because she thinks it's ok to speak to a maid like that. The point is that it's not OK! Maids deserve respect as parents do.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 01 February 2016 - 11:36
Well done for complaining. It's sad when people speak in a different manner when they think they are talking to "the help". I agree with you Slivstet. But also wonder why the OP mentioned that the teacher is middle aged?! Is that also assessing someone based on appearance? :P Oh well I find generation of my age and younger is more diverse and don't mention these statements. However older generations tend to classify humans and pass judgments on everybody, like older generation from my own family who think women who persue their own career while having children are not good example of mothers ? Which started so many debates from my side that not everybody have the luxury of staying at home and not to be affected by loss of income, or the women just like men that need fulfilment in the career field - that was another big debate ? - and judgments been passed by older generations is just sickening! Third culture family: you know exactly my point and you described it much better than me, thank you ? And perhaps your generation have lost the ability to shrug thinsg off with a laugh. It's a knack, I advise you to learn it, saves a lot of heartache. Oh well LT Maybe next time you've been called something you aren't- out of putting you down- you too can laugh it off too. Follow your own advice ? Oh for goodness sake Gorobattie, what are you so cross about?? Would it be so awful to be mistaken for a maid?? Get a grip girl. I used to have a large hotel in another life, the number of times I was mistaken for the cleaner or the gardener are incalculable, it used to make me giggle. You need to lose the chip. Livelytrish, you are not me and I'm not you, have a look at your own hand and you'll find you have 5 fingers that aren't the same length or even are the same. Not becouse you are ok with something other would be ok with it, have a look at queen Elizabeth; she is a woman still so much different, she have the same blood or biologically like us, yet she is so different. You owned a hotel before good for you, I never owned a hotel like you, I just own my own life. Have a grib on life you too, not everything is the same for everyone else. Have a good evening, Gorobattie checks out! [i'>I was once mistaken for a shop assistant in a store. i made a mental note then to leave my comfy if slightly worse for wear flats/trainers on shopping trips. Apparently you must dress to look like you can own the store where you plan to shop. Sorry for the digression - Gorobattie it's happened to many of us sometimes....[/i'> __________________________________________________________________________________________ I'm guessing LT and Redrec Tangle are white women (as am I). And I've been on Expatwoman for a long time and have never butted heads with these lovely ladies and have no intention to, so please don't take this the wrong way, but it is important to consider that we cannot and will not ever know what it is like to walk in the shoes of a person of colour. For a white person to be mistaken for a maid/cleaner in a hotel or a shop assistant in a store is a completely different experience than for a person of colour. There are generations of hurt behind the reaction. It cannot simply be shrugged off. There is a whole background story that comes into play for people that we have no comprehension of. Of course people must try to not let these small minded racists ruin their day, but people such as teachers should not behave this way and get away with it either. They are teaching our children. I think Gorobattie had every reason to be angry. I hope LT and Redrec Tangle take this in the spirit it is given.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 01 February 2016 - 09:52
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 01 February 2016 - 09:26
:angry: To be honest I'm appalled by this! Suppose I am a maid or a nanny; does that give her the right to scold me? Another thing, was she that much blind to see how my children look exactly like me minus the skin colour? I'm fuming, can't and won't let it go, I had this bad treatment many times over the years and every time I correct the person and don't get an apology at all, I am really really ****** off! :angry: To me OP seems to be fuming about both being mistaken by a maid and the teacher feeling that it's ok to scold a maid which she wouldn't do to a parent. But the poor middle-aged teacher (a term just as judicial as the accusation itself) is getting the full load because apparently it has happened to OP before. Totally overreacting if you ask me. Just let it go. Life is too short to be bothered by these things.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 01 February 2016 - 09:24
Are we missing the point here? The teacher was rude to her as she thought she was the maid, she is NOT annoyed for being mistaken for a maid, she was annoyed of the teacher's attitude towards nannies/ maids, it is discrimination & racism. That is the point of the whole thread !!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 01 February 2016 - 09:13
From reading Gorobattie's and TCF's posts, it looks like Gorobattie did not take umbrage to being mistaken for a maid, rather it was because the teacher felt that since Gorobattie was a maid, she could scold her and talk down to her. The thing is, had the teacher realized Gorobattie was a parent rather than the nanny, would she have said the same thing and in the same tone? Why did the teacher deny her words when asked by the assistant principal, and only admit them when confronted by Gorobattie, who indicated her children were witnesses? Being mistaken for the maid/driver/gardener is different to being spoken to in a belittling way because someone feels you are below them.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 01 February 2016 - 07:11
Why do you care that someone thinks you are a maid? Does it really matter what other people think of you?
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 01 February 2016 - 00:09
If I had a dime for every time people mistook me for a maid, I'd be a millionaire by now :lol:
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 31 January 2016 - 23:31
My then new neighbour came to our villa asking for the madam. I kept on saying "yes, please". It took us three Q&A repetition before she finally got it or had to forcefully swallow the fact of us living in an exactly identical villa side by side. I thought I saw a register of disgust in her face. Oh well, my husband and I had a good laugh.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 31 January 2016 - 21:11
When I first moved here I had been to a well known sports bar in Satwa. I left early and flagged a taxi, just as we were pulling out of the hotel we were flagged down by 2 young guys who turned out to be CID they asked me for ID and once I gave it to them I was on my way. I asked the taxi driver why I was stopped and he said madam they probably think you were a lady of the night. I was horrified as I was alone and wearing jeans and a long loose top. Going to see the gynae for a check up and being lectured on not being married or having children at my age ( I was 34) and I lose count at the amount of people who have questioned as to why I don't have children never mind ladies in the clothes shops telling me that won't fit as you're too fat. Some people are just and when confronted either change their story or just look at you as if to say I haven't been rude. I just laugh it off or I would be in a bad mood every day ?
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 31 January 2016 - 20:34
All the years I lived in the ME I washed my own car and did my own gardening ( gardener only ever did mowing and heavy lifting as he had no idea what was a weed or a plant !) spoiled myself once a month and got cleaners in to give the house the once over. One day I was giving my car a good clean behind the ears inside and out, sweating like a racehorse hair drenched under a tatty hat. Police patrol drives past slams on brakes and asks for my papers. I was so out of it I looked at him and said excuse me and walked over to his car. He literally turned grey, slunk down in his seat and recovered sufficiently to stammer out an apology. I burst out laughing told him not to worry and that some of us madams do know how to do a days work........ Gorobattie yes she may have been out of line but there are ways to reach a resolution. If you take these things so personally it will eventually take over your life while living in the ME. There is so much more to life.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 31 January 2016 - 19:40
Personally I find lateness extremely rude (except of course in an emergency). And why would it be offensive to be mistaken for a nanny - that implies that you think it is beneath you. My DH often gets mistaken for being a driver and we laugh it off.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 31 January 2016 - 19:14
where were your children when you picked them up? did you ring the school to say you be late, just asking :)
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 January 2016 - 19:10
Well actually some would also disagree with that. (Reptilian blood line). I digress.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 January 2016 - 18:58
Well done for complaining. It's sad when people speak in a different manner when they think they are talking to "the help". I agree with you Slivstet. But also wonder why the OP mentioned that the teacher is middle aged?! Is that also assessing someone based on appearance? :P Oh well I find generation of my age and younger is more diverse and don't mention these statements. However older generations tend to classify humans and pass judgments on everybody, like older generation from my own family who think women who persue their own career while having children are not good example of mothers ? Which started so many debates from my side that not everybody have the luxury of staying at home and not to be affected by loss of income, or the women just like men that need fulfilment in the career field - that was another big debate ? - and judgments been passed by older generations is just sickening! Third culture family: you know exactly my point and you described it much better than me, thank you ? And perhaps your generation have lost the ability to shrug thinsg off with a laugh. It's a knack, I advise you to learn it, saves a lot of heartache. Oh well LT Maybe next time you've been called something you aren't- out of putting you down- you too can laugh it off too. Follow your own advice ? Oh for goodness sake Gorobattie, what are you so cross about?? Would it be so awful to be mistaken for a maid?? Get a grip girl. I used to have a large hotel in another life, the number of times I was mistaken for the cleaner or the gardener are incalculable, it used to make me giggle. You need to lose the chip. Livelytrish, you are not me and I'm not you, have a look at your own hand and you'll find you have 5 fingers that aren't the same length or even are the same. Not becouse you are ok with something other would be ok with it, have a look at queen Elizabeth; she is a woman still so much different, she have the same blood or biologically like us, yet she is so different. You owned a hotel before good for you, I never owned a hotel like you, I just own my own life. Have a grib on life you too, not everything is the same for everyone else. Have a good evening, Gorobattie checks out!
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EW GURU
Latest post on 31 January 2016 - 18:54
I was once mistaken for a shop assistant in a store. i made a mental note then to leave my comfy if slightly worse for wear flats/trainers on shopping trips. Apparently you must dress to look like you can own the store where you plan to shop. Sorry for the digression - Gorobattie it's happened to many of us sometimes....
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 January 2016 - 18:49
Well done for complaining. It's sad when people speak in a different manner when they think they are talking to "the help". I agree with you Slivstet. But also wonder why the OP mentioned that the teacher is middle aged?! Is that also assessing someone based on appearance? :P Oh well I find generation of my age and younger is more diverse and don't mention these statements. However older generations tend to classify humans and pass judgments on everybody, like older generation from my own family who think women who persue their own career while having children are not good example of mothers ? Which started so many debates from my side that not everybody have the luxury of staying at home and not to be affected by loss of income, or the women just like men that need fulfilment in the career field - that was another big debate ? - and judgments been passed by older generations is just sickening! Third culture family: you know exactly my point and you described it much better than me, thank you ? And perhaps your generation have lost the ability to shrug thinsg off with a laugh. It's a knack, I advise you to learn it, saves a lot of heartache. Oh well LT Maybe next time you've been called something you aren't- out of putting you down- you too can laugh it off too. Follow your own advice ? Oh for goodness sake Gorobattie, what are you so cross about?? Would it be so awful to be mistaken for a maid?? Get a grip girl. I used to have a large hotel in another life, the number of times I was mistaken for the cleaner or the gardener are incalculable, it used to make me giggle. You need to lose the chip.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 January 2016 - 18:41
Well done for complaining. It's sad when people speak in a different manner when they think they are talking to "the help". I agree with you Slivstet. But also wonder why the OP mentioned that the teacher is middle aged?! Is that also assessing someone based on appearance? :P Oh well I find generation of my age and younger is more diverse and don't mention these statements. However older generations tend to classify humans and pass judgments on everybody, like older generation from my own family who think women who persue their own career while having children are not good example of mothers ? Which started so many debates from my side that not everybody have the luxury of staying at home and not to be affected by loss of income, or the women just like men that need fulfilment in the career field - that was another big debate ? - and judgments been passed by older generations is just sickening! Third culture family: you know exactly my point and you described it much better than me, thank you ? And perhaps your generation have lost the ability to shrug thinsg off with a laugh. It's a knack, I advise you to learn it, saves a lot of heartache. Oh well LT Maybe next time you've been called something you aren't- out of putting you down- you too can laugh it off too. Follow your own advice ?
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 January 2016 - 18:37
Well done for complaining. It's sad when people speak in a different manner when they think they are talking to "the help". I agree with you Slivstet. But also wonder why the OP mentioned that the teacher is middle aged?! Is that also assessing someone based on appearance? :P Oh well I find generation of my age and younger is more diverse and don't mention these statements. However older generations tend to classify humans and pass judgments on everybody, like older generation from my own family who think women who persue their own career while having children are not good example of mothers ? Which started so many debates from my side that not everybody have the luxury of staying at home and not to be affected by loss of income, or the women just like men that need fulfilment in the career field - that was another big debate ? - and judgments been passed by older generations is just sickening! Third culture family: you know exactly my point and you described it much better than me, thank you ? And perhaps your generation have lost the ability to shrug thinsg off with a laugh. It's a knack, I advise you to learn it, saves a lot of heartache.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 January 2016 - 18:32
Well done for complaining. It's sad when people speak in a different manner when they think they are talking to "the help". I agree with you Slivstet. But also wonder why the OP mentioned that the teacher is middle aged?! Is that also assessing someone based on appearance? :P Oh well I find generation of my age and younger is more diverse and don't mention these statements. However older generations tend to classify humans and pass judgments on everybody, like older generation from my own family who think women who persue their own career while having children are not good example of mothers ? Which started so many debates from my side that not everybody have the luxury of staying at home and not to be affected by loss of income, or the women just like men that need fulfilment in the career field - that was another big debate ? - and judgments been passed by older generations is just sickening! Third culture family: you know exactly my point and you described it much better than me, thank you ?
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 January 2016 - 18:05
Well done for complaining. It's sad when people speak in a different manner when they think they are talking to "the help". I agree with you Slivstet. But also wonder why the OP mentioned that the teacher is middle aged?! Is that also assessing someone based on appearance? :P
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EW GURU
Latest post on 31 January 2016 - 17:59
Well done for complaining. It's sad when people speak in a different manner when they think they are talking to "the help".
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 January 2016 - 17:57
Gorobattie, I was once guilty of the same social faux pas as the teacher, I foolishly misread the signals and thought someone's DH was the houseboy. I was deeply deeply embarrassed but we all had a good laugh later at my stupidity. People make mistakes, it doesn't mean they are racist or deliberately demeaning to others.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 January 2016 - 17:31
If you are not a chronic late offender then the teacher was definitely wrong to chastise; but I will let it go if the teacher is usually a good/nice smiley one - maybe you just caught her on a particularly bad day. However, why do you think an apology is in order if you are thought of as a nanny - is it that bad of a thing to think of someone? Especially if - as you say - you are frequently mistaken for one - then surely this teacher was just making the same mistake so many others have done and can't be singled out for it. Is that really being defined by you as bad treatment? Me thinks this thread divulged not only teachers hidden double standards but yours too. Sorry, but not sorry! Being Cronin late offender qualify me to be subjected to such degrading comments.... No, I don't think both are the same! You can't have racism to be perfect punishment for being late!!! In another note: no, I wasn't late offender, it was once off... Again this doesn't mean it's alright to bash me becouse I was late, school were aware and AAA were aware of it.
 
 

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