Is there any way that you personally would leave your kids? | Page 2 | ExpatWoman.com
 

Is there any way that you personally would leave your kids?

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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:55
My MiL is one of those women who make me feel ashamed of the whining and carrying on that our generation of women seem to have perfected. 5 kids, an absent husband (skeddalded following his dream after he's lost the family farm and any money with it) and the sacrifices she made are amazing. She is utterly crippled with arthritis from working in a laundry for 20 years to raise her kids, and even then in poverty. She is pure old school, and how she did I don't know. Because she did and there was no "hand out" society or media telling her to put herself first, wear this, wear that, do this do that. That is how it was and it needs to return, we are producing (in the UK) generations of takers who want more and more rather than being grounded.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:52
the only circumstance where a mother should abandon her child (or a father for that matter) would be where they are mentally incapable of supporting them or are a potential source of harm to the children (eg, they are abusive, insane etc). there, that's off my chest... this article really riled me.. hmmm, me too. did you read the link in the article to the other one?
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:51
My MiL is one of those women who make me feel ashamed of the whining and carrying on that our generation of women seem to have perfected. 5 kids, an absent husband (skeddalded following his dream after he's lost the family farm and any money with it) and the sacrifices she made are amazing. She is utterly crippled with arthritis from working in a laundry for 20 years to raise her kids, and even then in poverty. She is pure old school, and how she did I don't know.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:47
the only circumstance where a mother should abandon her child (or a father for that matter) would be where they are mentally incapable of supporting them or are a potential source of harm to the children (eg, they are abusive, insane etc). there, that's off my chest... this article really riled me..
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:45
Really? Hmm they don't make em like they used to then, blame all this modern namby pamby media nonsense. Cracking what exatly is that, really? Let's see. My sister, who always was a supermom and did everything herself, up and left her DH for another man last xmas. She and her Dh ended up sharing the kids 50/50, but every time her week came up, she got sick, hurt herself or otherwise couldn't look after her kids. One friend had a nervous breakdown. One ended up addicted to painkillers. My friend's mother killed herself after working and looking after the two young kids to put her DH through medical school. Really, I could go on, but it's quite sad. And for every case you can cite there will be 1000 where everyone has survived to tell the tale without such drama. This super mum stuff is complete and utter modern nonsense that modern media has pushed parents & society to. Psychoanalysis of everything done from bringing up kids to how your marriage is, working/staying at home, money...bla bla. Everyone blames something rather than taking responsibility for their own life and actions. <em>edited by Sticky Wicket on 14/03/2011</em>
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:40
my fav quote from her article "sacrifice sucks"... ha! she should just get it printed on her shirt and p1ss off.. selfish cow. Yes it's very "ME" orinentated.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:40
Really? Hmm they don't make em like they used to then, blame all this modern namby pamby media nonsense. Cracking what exatly is that, really? Let's see. My sister, who always was a supermom and did everything herself, up and left her DH for another man last xmas. She and her Dh ended up sharing the kids 50/50, but every time her week came up, she got sick, hurt herself or otherwise couldn't look after her kids. One friend had a nervous breakdown. One ended up addicted to painkillers. My friend's mother killed herself after working and looking after the two young kids to put her DH through medical school. Really, I could go on, but it's quite sad. And in one case, the details I won't go into, it would have been far better for the mother to leave than to stay and do what she did. <em>edited by guinness on 14/03/2011</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:39
my fav quote from her article "sacrifice sucks"... ha! she should just get it printed on her shirt and p1ss off.. selfish cow.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:38
How about the other side of the coin, parents who divorce and mothers who are pretty much unfit and who insist on full custody just to spite the fathers - is that worse than leaving your children? for mother there are no circumstances she can leave her child, even if she is in poverty. Money cannot replace love and care, Izzy. But AriVW, ther ARE circumstances where a woman would/could or should leave her child. Why neccessarily is a mothers love more or better than a fathers? Statements like yours are part of a mind set that has molded our society to the way family structures are made and what is veiwed as acceptable. When you make a sweeping statement like that you negate all the mothers who have posted here, all the mothers who for whatever reason have left their kids. Now...you can say that about MY mother, and I would agree. But as someone said, we cannot judge anothers choices in life and there will be parts of all stories that we wont know or wont understand. Agree not all mothers are cut out to be a parent, giving birth does not just give you that right without question.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:36
As an individual and a mother how can you say never say never when speaking about yourself? How can you even consider it may be a future option? Because circumstances can change, both gradually over time and very quickly, in a instance. No one knows what the future holds or how you would deal with certain situations when faced with it. It's all very well to have "well if this happened I would blah blah blah" in theory, who knows how you would react when faced with the real situation. NOPE SORRY disagree again. I would never leave my children nor would their father.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:35
How about the other side of the coin, parents who divorce and mothers who are pretty much unfit and who insist on full custody just to spite the fathers - is that worse than leaving your children? for mother there are no circumstances she can leave her child, even if she is in poverty. Money cannot replace love and care, Izzy. But AriVW, ther ARE circumstances where a woman would/could or should leave her child. Why neccessarily is a mothers love more or better than a fathers? Statements like yours are part of a mind set that has molded our society to the way family structures are made and what is veiwed as acceptable. When you make a sweeping statement like that you negate all the mothers who have posted here, all the mothers who for whatever reason have left their kids. Now...you can say that about MY mother, and I would agree. But as someone said, we cannot judge anothers choices in life and there will be parts of all stories that we wont know or wont understand.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:35
I agree with never say never until you know the exact individual circumstances. The most interesting part of this debate is what I highlighted above, why is it perceived to be "acceptable" if a man to lives separately from his children, but for a woman, never? When my first DS was young, I had a job with the UN that required me to be in Baghdad for a few weeks at a time. My DH also travelled and we coordinated our schedules to make sure at least one of us was always home. But eventually my boss came to me and told me I should quit because moms need to be home with their sons. No matter that my bosses boss was a man, with young kids, who was also in Baghdad!!!
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:35
This is precisely why I hire as much help as I feel I need. Because I think women who try to do it all by themselves usually end up cracking and doing something drastic. Pretty sweeping, thousands of women have raised large families without help and have not walked because they cracked! This is a modern society thing and having help is an indivdual choice based on your own individual needs as to what works for you. True, SW. I'll change it to: Everyone I know who has tried to do it themselves has ended up cracking. That might say more about my family and friends than anything else! Really? Hmm they don't make em like they used to then, blame all this modern namby pamby media nonsense. Cracking what exatly is that, really?
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:33
How about the other side of the coin, parents who divorce and mothers who are pretty much unfit and who insist on full custody just to spite the fathers - is that worse than leaving your children? for mother there are no circumstances she can leave her child, even if she is in poverty. Money cannot replace love and care, Izzy. Umm - wasn't talking about money or poverty. So you are saying that all women are better at bringing up children than men? Sorry but that is nonsense. Some women are unfit to be mothers, do not deserve the children they have and only want custody of their children in order to secure payments from the fathers and / or to spite their exes..... sorry but just cos you pushed doesn't mean you are a mother.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:33
As an individual and a mother how can you say never say never when speaking about yourself? How can you even consider it may be a future option? Because circumstances can change, both gradually over time and very quickly, in a instance. No one knows what the future holds or how you would deal with certain situations when faced with it. It's all very well to have "well if this happened I would blah blah blah" in theory, who knows how you would react when faced with the real situation.
1238
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:32
This is precisely why I hire as much help as I feel I need. Because I think women who try to do it all by themselves usually end up cracking and doing something drastic. Pretty sweeping, thousands of women have raised large families without help and have not walked because they cracked! This is a modern society thing and having help is an indivdual choice based on your own individual needs as to what works for you. True, SW. I'll change it to: Everyone I know who has tried to do it themselves has ended up cracking. That might say more about my family and friends than anything else!
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:30
My DD natural father walked away and never looked back ( glad he did) not sure If I could live life not knowing where my kids were, seeing them grown up, missing out on their lives. Not having any memories!!!!! such a sad thought for me.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:29
How about the other side of the coin, parents who divorce and mothers who are pretty much unfit and who insist on full custody just to spite the fathers - is that worse than leaving your children? for mother there are no circumstances she can leave her child, even if she is in poverty. Money cannot replace love and care, Izzy.
1511
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:29
As an individual and a mother how can you say never say never when speaking about yourself? How can you even consider it may be a future option?
1511
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:27
This is precisely why I hire as much help as I feel I need. Because I think women who try to do it all by themselves usually end up cracking and doing something drastic. Pretty sweeping, thousands of women have raised large families without help and have not walked because they cracked! This is a modern society thing and having help is an indivdual choice based on your own individual needs as to what works for you.
1238
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:23
This is precisely why I hire as much help as I feel I need. Because I think women who try to do it all by themselves usually end up cracking and doing something drastic.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:19
My gut reaction and also a long held beleif system is I never would, and it's actually something I feel very strongly about for a variety of reasons...but what if I was bad for my kid? In whatever way...could I actually do it? I like to think that if I was destroying my daughters life and the best thing for her was a life without me, then I could man up and walk away, though even thinking about it as a theory makes me feel ill. [b'>And then theres the other side of the arguement...a man can live seperately from his kids and thats perfectly acceptable in society, but a woman can't[/b'>? Does there have to be extenuating circumstances for that to be acceptable? is that why the women in these articles are trying so hard to make it sound like they just didnt up and leave because it all got a bit much. One article I was reading the woman just basically (after doing the whole organic super mum thing for however long) that actually she just wasnt cut out to be a mum. They all go to great pains to underline just how fabulous they were as mothers, and they still leave and they still insist it's great for their kids. I agree with never say never until you know the exact individual circumstances. The most interesting part of this debate is what I highlighted above, why is it perceived to be "acceptable" if a man to lives separately from his children, but for a woman, never?
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:18
How sad for all the ladies that have posted, cyber hugs to all of you. Me Im not sure I would of left my kids!!!!!!! fortunately had no reason too, life can be a Ba***** and I can understand why some woman do leave, I wouldnt want to pass judgment, every story is different.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:15
How about the other side of the coin, parents who divorce and mothers who are pretty much unfit and who insist on full custody just to spite the fathers - is that worse than leaving your children?
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:14
I just want to say circumstances sometimes give mums no options I believe I never would but you can never say never I was just abt to say that, never say never. I don't think I ever will, but..... I have seen personally, in my surburbs. they were all fine and dandy with 4 gorgeous kids! and then within 2 days after I heard she has ran off to her homecountry. Sent her husband a email saying she's leaving him and kids. No reason. From what I heard, she's doing well and healthy and way better off when she was with her husband. But only GOD knows, deep inside her, she is missing and surely killing herself silently leaving her children. We then help the husband with food and kids arrangement. He was so devastated beyond words. We can only watch him and help. No words could ease his pain. I don't know how dad and kids are doing now. Just hope they are doing better. Precislely my point
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:13
I just want to say circumstances sometimes give mums no options I believe I never would but you can never say never I was just abt to say that, never say never. I don't think I ever will, but..... I have seen personally, in my surburbs. they were all fine and dandy with 4 gorgeous kids! and then within 2 days after I heard she has ran off to her homecountry. Sent her husband a email saying she's leaving him and kids. No reason. From what I heard, she's doing well and healthy and way better off when she was with her husband. But only GOD knows, deep inside her, she is missing and surely killing herself silently leaving her children. We then help the husband with food and kids arrangement. He was so devastated beyond words. We can only watch him and help. No words could ease his pain. I don't know how dad and kids are doing now. Just hope they are doing better.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:12
I just want to say circumstances sometimes give mums no options I believe I never would but you can never say never I disagree as an individual you can say never would i allow this to happen. Not all mums are cut out to be mums or very good at it and when they walk there is little loss, but mothers who walk for their own reasons without kids in the western world are selfish. In the ME it's different, they often have no choice, but in the west there is always a way. Open forum SW this is my view thank you for your input
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:10
I just want to say circumstances sometimes give mums no options I believe I never would but you can never say never I disagree as an individual you can say never would i allow this to happen. Not all mums are cut out to be mums or very good at it and when they walk there is little loss, but mothers who walk for their own reasons without kids in the western world are selfish. In the ME it's different, they often have no choice, but in the west there is always a way.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:07
I just want to say circumstances sometimes give mums no options I believe I never would but you can never say never
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 14 March 2011 - 09:03
The woman in the article comes accross as very selfish.
 
 

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