Need some advice about having babies... | ExpatWoman.com
 

Need some advice about having babies...

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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 12:15

Hi, I've been a member of this forum for a while now but I've never posted before, just been a bit of a lurker! So hello!

I would like to get some advise from people that have been in a similar situation... I have been living Dubai just over a year with my husband (We're both 28). We love it here even though we miss our friends and family like crazy but at the moment I can't find any other good reason for us to move back to England.

My problem is that we are starting to get a bit broody! My husband had always said that he is happy to have kids here but for me, I can't imagine having kids away from my family. I feel like I would be depriving my mum and dad from seeing their first grandchild.

When I weigh up the pros and cons of having kids in the UAE - the pros outweigh the cons but I just feel like it would be a selfish thing to do. My Mum and Dad don't have a lot of money so it's not like they would be able to come and see us very often and we can only go back to the UK once or twice a year. I know my mother-in-law would come out as much as she could because she comes over quite a lot already!

So has anyone else been in the same situation?

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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 21:03
yes I think a lot of us have been/are in your situation I know I thought long and hard about making the move here right when we were ready to start a family. I can remember when my husband first talked about applying for jobs overseas saying "there is no way I am having babies on the other side of the world from my family", here I am with a 2 year old and a 3 week old both born here! Its a valid concern, I do wish I had family here and ultimately we'll probably head home as we do feel sadd that our children are missing out on grandparent time, and it is hard on our parents. My MIL is frequently in tears as all her grandchildren are overseas (she's in NZ so its a long flight) At the end of the day though, you do what is best for your family, as in yourself, your husband and your children. We moved to the M.E so that we could afford for me to stay home, and we compensate for lack of family support by hiring help, so that I can give the best of myself to the kids. We budget for one trip home a year, and our parents visit once a year. You are so much closer to the UK, you can probably fly more often. Trust me, your parents are probably hanging out for you to have kids, even if you are far away they will be delighted if you start a family sooner rather than later.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 18:26
I`d say start planning on having kids now, we`r not getting any younger & every year chances of having kids easy & fast are going down. Who knows, may be your first one will come after 2 years of trying, all in Gods hands :) Believe me you`ll find later on many opportunities to see your family , bring them here, dont try to postpone this things because nothing is forever, not us, not our parents, not life in the UAE. If your & you husband are stable & can provide baby with all things he will need, both of you are ready to be parents, then dont wait, spend with your kids as many years of your life as possible!!! I wish you all the best, hope you`ll have many healthy happy kids running in your house one day :)
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 13:19
When you have children I think you realise pretty quickly that you have to raise them in the the way that is best for you and your husband, not your, or his, parents. It would be great if you could keep everyone happy about all of your choices but that is a very hard thing to do.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 13:06
Hi Dibdab - no I am talking about actually staying here and bringing up a family here rather than in the UK. Ok so I think it has definitely helped reading your opinions. I think deep down I know that the best thing for us to do is to start our family in Dubai because it is such a wonderful place to bring up children. I think I just worry so much about hurting my parent's feelings. They didn't really take it very well when we moved over here because I've always been so close to them and they have always stayed in the same place all their lives so I think it is scary enough for them having me living out here! I just don't know how they would be if I told them that I was going to start a family so far away from them...
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 12:55
Sorry, maybe my post was a bit misleading. I DO definitely want to have kids but I don't know whether I should have them here or go back to the UK to have them where I will have the support of my family. Does the support of your family and being with friends at home outweigh the benefits you are gaining by being here and what you could offer your child/ren if you were here as opposed to at home, in your and your husband's estimation?
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 12:52
Sorry, maybe my post was a bit misleading. I DO definitely want to have kids but I don't know whether I should have them here or go back to the UK to have them where I will have the support of my family. Are you talking about the actual giving birth rather than actually having and staying here with kids? If so - my friend has this dilemma and decided to stay here. Reasons were that she wouldn't have her own home in her home country so would have to stay with family and wouldn't feel completely comfortable. Also there would be the risk that her husband could have missed the birth as it is unpredictable when you will actually give birth. And if there are any complications (which there were as she ended up having an emergency caesarian) then she wouldn't have been able to fly back here with her husband so her new family would have been separated. However of course there are positives of going home because your family get to share that wonderful time with you. But then it would be difficult to get used to that family support and then have to leave it behind! Difficult decision.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 12:47
I hate that my children don't get to spend enough time with their cousins (on my side) and I hate that they miss out on 'family' time. When we're all together they all have such a wonderful time and it does make me sad that they can't do it all the time. On the other hand, I love that they're far enough away from the in-laws to not really know who they are and I'd like to keep it that way! I know it's mean but they're hideous. There are pros and cons and ups and downs but I guess what you have to ask yourself is what's your priority? Would you move home in order to start a family or would you postpone having a family until you're home? And one last thing, it's not selfish to start your family here if that's what suits you. It's your lives.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 12:44
Sorry, maybe my post was a bit misleading. I DO definitely want to have kids but I don't know whether I should have them here or go back to the UK to have them where I will have the support of my family.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 12:44
I know exactly how you feel because we are also starting to think about starting a family and I worry about the same thing. However I don't think my parents would find us selfish or anything like that, they have never made us feel bad about moving away - but I just worry about how close the relationship between our parents and our children will be. I was extremely close to one of my sets of grandparents as they lived very close to us and my grandad collected us from school every day, we had such a special relationship which I loved. However my other grandparents lived in another part of the country and our relationship with them has always been very different (at some times almost formal) as we only saw them a couple of times a year. It makes me sad to think that my children may not have the amazing close relationship that I had with my grandparents. However I do think it is what you make it - I skype with my parents every week and I am sure that when we do have kids we would all make an effort - I would want to just make sure that my parents were kept in the loop with every little detail of our children's lives and also would want to try to make sure our children knew our parents well and would still be able to be close. We are not intending to go back to the UK anytime soon and therefore it wouldn't be something we could put off - and I wouldn't really want to anyway, these things have a way of working out, I think everyone just has to work hard at it and with skype, picture messaging etc. it is so much easier than it used to be.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 12:32
My brother and his family moved just round the corner from my parents - my parents kinda wish they'd moved a bit further away!
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EW GURU
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 12:29
I think i'd feel the same - it's not just "down the street", it's over 3,000 miles away !! And yes, it's something you have to deal with when you move here...i feel very guilty about what the grandparents miss by us being so far away..However, i don't know that i would go so far as to not have children just because of this - i'm wondering if you are really as keen as you think you are or are maybe looking for an excuse ? Having children in a foreign country is a big step for some - for others maybe less so...Also, with the internet it's easier to share everything with your family, wherever they are...Difficult question and i honestly wouldn't know what to advise....good luck whichever way you go...
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 12:21
People don't have kids to please their parents, they do it because they love each other and want to extend the family. I have lived away from my Mum for 20 years but it didn't stop me from having children
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 12:18
So you're contemplating not having kids at all only because your mom doesn't live down the street? Doesn't sound very broody.
 
 

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