First time getting a live in maid - please help!

Too right housework is hard work DR. A couple of months ago our maid was off for 6 weeks - I lost the last two kgs of baby weight within the first three weeks! That is great news that you have started your own business, how exciting! Keep us posted how it is going. Apologies to the OP for digressing :)

Because if the maid has a day off, you don't have it! Moreover my friends sometimes lend me their maids but of course I pay good extra for it and provide a taxi to come and go back. Are you talking about a maid or a vacuum cleaner? You've never had a live in maid yet you seem to have very set ideas of how you should treat one. Which by the way, is coming across as terribly. I pity whomever you hire, it seems that you are planning on having her look after the huge garden you will have because you are too tight to also pay for a gardener. She will be responsible for cleaning your home, cooking your husband breakfast at 5.30am, welcoming your children off their school buses because you don't want to be stuck at home waiting for them. She'll be evening babysitting and it doesn't sound like she is going to be getting a day off. Heaven forbid you won't have *it* for a day. Yet you consider all of this 'a small effortless job'???? Why don't you trying doing it all for a few weeks and see how small and effortless it really is? The amount of women who have never been a housewife in the conventional sense and would live in complete and utter lazy a r s e d squalor rather than clean up behind them never ceases to amaze me. There is a rule of thumb that for me is everything - dont ask someone to do a housework related job you haven't done yourself. I would hate to have to clean a car, (but my daughters will) , so its something I would never ask a maid to do. As for cleaning toilets - Ive recently started my own business and there's 4 bathrooms/changing rooms each to be cleaned a few times a day. I can't afford a cleaner right now so I do it myself and its no hardship because I take great pride in a clean bathroom. I enjoy doing it but will admit its raised eyebrows in certain quarters. I couldn't care less. Anyone who thinks housework is a doodle has never done it properly and if they think its an easy job that takes hardly anytime in a day they are more than likely living in a tip. Granted it may look nice on the surface but I doubt very much it would stand up to much scrutiny. I keep domestic staff for years and consider myself a firm but fair employer but there's absolutely no point in passing on advice to some who ask for the simple reason you can't educate mince!

Hi, I'll be brief. From my ups-and-downs experience with hiring housemaids in Dubai I concluded, that the best option is to hire someone who is first time to Dubai (on visit/tourist visa). Means, she is young, never had experience as a housemaid abroad, doesn't have her ''good friends'' who are always there to point ''how hard she works and how low she is paid''. There are basic benefits for her and expectations from her- I'm sure, you already have an idea. The great thing of hiring a new comer- she is fresh minded, no fouling around and she is there to learn from you how to manage your household (and not to teach you how her previous employer was managing the household). Just do your homework by going through posted adds in Park'n'Shop, Choithram and post yours on a wall too. P.S. Do not rely on recommendation letters; people have different standards.

Because if the maid has a day off, you don't have it! Moreover my friends sometimes lend me their maids but of course I pay good extra for it and provide a taxi to come and go back. Are you talking about a maid or a vacuum cleaner? You've never had a live in maid yet you seem to have very set ideas of how you should treat one. Which by the way, is coming across as terribly. I pity whomever you hire, it seems that you are planning on having her look after the huge garden you will have because you are too tight to also pay for a gardener. She will be responsible for cleaning your home, cooking your husband breakfast at 5.30am, welcoming your children off their school buses because you don't want to be stuck at home waiting for them. She'll be evening babysitting and it doesn't sound like she is going to be getting a day off. Heaven forbid you won't have *it* for a day. Yet you consider all of this 'a small effortless job'???? Why don't you trying doing it all for a few weeks and see how small and effortless it really is?

I think you must be careful, dear ppg13, about polarising your idea of the housemaid and rest; the problem lies in the fact that when the maid has her rest she is on the whole in her room, alone; so I doubt many maids return to the kitchen/main house feeling energized, enthusiastic and happy after even hours and hours of rest. Neither should you expect "positive energy" as not even the best maids feel positive about cleaning toilets and bathrooms. I think it better may be to hope the maid returns after rest of course rested, but that she returns "normal", ready to get back to work in a normal, okay content-as-anyone-can-be who has to clean toilets way. Conversely, if she is neither energised, enthusiastic nor happy, I don't think that necessarily means she is overworked or tired. Let's face it, it's not a very uplifting or edifying job, so the best we can hope for in all fairness is that she is fine living and working with us and is relatively happy with the way things are. What's wrong with cleaning toilets for a living? It's not just maids who clean toilets, it is a job that millions of people do the world over. One of my school friends mother's was a hospital cleaner, she must have seen some pretty grim sights at work but she was just a normal happy mum. Another school friend's mother was our cleaner, I remember her as always bubbly and smiling, certainly not 'content-as-anyone-can-be who has to clean toilets'. ETA: ummmuhammad123 I should mention that I do like a lot of what you have posted, I just don't agree that cleaning toilets is such a terrible thing :) <em>edited by Daza on 30/05/2014</em>

Uniform is optional, whatever you find right for house work My 1st maid was ok, she was a grump but she did a great job, never complained or had unreasonable requirements but her dad "died" after 8 months of service & we sent her home for 2 weeks on our own expense, then she had a "scholarship" few months before the end of her 2nd year & according to her she might lose it if she doesn't travel immediately. It seems that almost all philipina maids have a dying mum or dad & many of them get a free scholarship during their service! 2nd maid was horrible, her sister used to work in Lebanon, she called me & asked me why our maid is not allowed friends at home! She complained about us when I refused to give her 2 days break saying that we don't feed her & she works for too long, turned out that the agency taught her to say so as hey had another employer ready for her. When I looked into her things before sending her back to the agency I found appalling babydolls & lingerie in her bag, why does a house maid need those? She also used to stop by shops to ask about salaries Our last maid was ok when it comes to house work but she was a grump, she used to complain about anything & everything, each & everytime she used to go out she used to come up with stories. In sept this year I asked her if she wanted to renew after coming back from vacation in April, she said yes, she got 2 raises in less than 2 yrs. I booked for 2 ways ticket for her when she went, she sent me a SMS saying that she "missed" her plane, I was going through a miscarriage & wasn't in a mood to handle her lies, so I told her clearly to fix her own mess & to pay for a new ticket if it's needed. Since that day she stopped answering our calls, I bet she met someone on the airplanes who told her that she can get so & so if she finds another employer, but I don't think she knows about bans. She was a drama queen, 2 weeks after we hired her she asked me to take her back to the agency when I asked her nicely to clean her room, as I already returned a maid before her I told her clearly that if she didn't want to work for us she can go back home as I knew we miss lose the agency fee anyway. I have her 2 days to decide & she decided to stay. In December last year she came up with a story she told us that she has an aunt who works her but she never told us about that aunt, that aunt got beaten & thrown in the desert with no water or food by her local employer after 5 yrs of service & now she is scared to continue working in the country as we might treat her in the same way! I never heard about her aunt although she was with us for 1.5 yrs at that time. Most maids from the Philippines have loads of expectations, they have their own "rules". & as they know how expensive it is to process their visa, they expect their employer to work by their rules. This is my experience, I vowed never to hire from this nationality anymore. Our current maid started in March, I was planning to have 2 maids, but she didn't complain when I told her that our old maid is not coming back or asked if we are hiring another maid. She is slow, I mean really slow for a house maid, but it doesn't bother me <em>edited by wickedangel_78 on 30/05/2014</em>

For dining out - we give her a choice to either have food with us or take money & go to the food court, all our maids preferred the food court. Or I take the maid to food court with my kid, order food for both of them, once they are done, I take then to the play area, then we dine in peace, but my kid is picky with food & he is not keen on eating in restaurants, so for us it so easier to buy them food from the food court. When we order takeouts we order for her even if she had her food, she can eat it later or next day, I don't feel comfy to order food for us without ordering for her. I pay for clothes uniform & clothes for going out, she goes out with us & I like her to be presentable, I buy from H&M or splash sometimes from max for our maid. She also takes from my clothes I don't need, I'm a bit slimmer than her but they still fit, they are expensive nice clothes, I don't force them on her, I ask her if she wants them, if not I put them in charity box I think the contract is the one you sign with Philippines government not the one in immigration, so it might be different for other nationalities. Our current maid is from the Nipal, not sure about her contract as we didn't process her visa yet. All my previous maids were from the Philippines (never again looool) edited by wickedangel_78 on 30/05/2014 <em>edited by wickedangel_78 on 30/05/2014</em>

I feel sorry for maids when I see the attitude and outlook some employers have. She is a worker, and does work for money, just like anyone else, she is not less than any other employee just because of her job description. I agree that Western expats pamper (for want of a better word) their maids more than other nationalities, the only downside is when they get taken advantage of, however its better to 'err' by being too nice rather than being too mean.

I'm not here to wind anyone up, but will just simply express my opinion based on my own experience and I am very sorry if this offends anyone. Again- this is simply my personal experience and observation: I resisted a hiring a live in maid for 3 yrs until I had my second born, with a husband who travelled extensively and no family of my own here, I couldn't manage 2 very young ones all alone as much as I tried. Being a western expat, I had a very open attitude towards my maid. 'Treat her well- and she will do the same to you' is the attitude I had. She was paid double what the standard norm was, never babysat, never cooked, only cleaned (mainly), had extra allowances for monthly mani's pedi's (yes I know what you all are thinking), free and open access to my fridge as well as extra for anything else she would have liked, and as well clothing allowance and she was treated like my friend. When going out- she sat with us, ordered whatever she liked and I would even buy clothes for her if she liked something at H&M or Forever21. She slept out on her day off and if her work was done early she was free to leave and have the afternoon and evening to herself. Well didn't that backfire! I would go into detail but don't believe I can on the forum. Everyone told me I was being far too nice and generous and this would get me into trouble. Of course, being western and coming from a semi socialist country- I thought nonsense, maids are human just like me, they can absolutely enjoy the little perks that I personally enjoy and its barbaric to think otherwise. Well, the wise women who warned me were right, and it absolutely backfired. My maid was Philipina and got herself into a lot of trouble that could have potentially gotten us as her sponsors into trouble. Thank God it didn't. I then went on a 3 month quest to hire a replacement. I felt like I was the one being interviewed. Although I am a born and bred canadian, my husband is of Pakistani heritage and one look at our skin colour, every maid I interviewed went running for the hills. The responses I got was -"No Ma'am Western or European only", one maid asked me for a 6000 aed salary with 2 days off a week, sleep out and extra for babysitting because thats what her ex-western employer was paying her. I said to her, for that much I'll gladly be a maid! Then I had maids, who said no cooking and no babysitting... In a moment of frustration one of the maids who wanted "european only", I asked her bluntly, what do you have against 'ethnic' employers? she replied very honestly " westerners only eat salads, they don't clean everyday, they allow boyfriend, less work and more day off and higher salary". I said to her, I guarantee you would have been treated better in my home than any western employer and with that, the interview was over. By chance I discovered my current maid. She is sweet and an older philipina. She is trustworthy and my children adore her. My children's attitude towards her is what made me hire her. I am still kind to her, and without being rude I am a lot firmer. I don't want to punish my current maid for my old maids actions, but I have learned my lesson about being firm and direct. I pay a good, but normal salary. She is well treated- has access to all the food she likes in the fridge but if she would like something that we don't have, she is well paid enough to purchase it on her own. NO nights out, a full day off. When we hired her we set out very strict rules and expectations from her, but have not strictly enforced it so she doesn't expect anything. For example, when we hired her, we told her, she would babysit 2 twice a week in the evening and would cook regularly. She has been with us for 4 months and she has only babysat twice and has never cooked. Babysitting is not extra, but the times that she has babysat, I have slipped her some extra cash or an al shaya gift card for example, as a thank you- and it was a welcome surprise to her. I have yet to take my maid out with me , but if I do, she would sit with us and eat as we are and I would insist. I don't believe in not feeding your maid at a restaurant if she's with you. If didn't want to order, I would ask her to take home something she'd like. On her birthday I gave her a spa day, whereas with my old maid, it was expected every month to have her hair cut-colored, nails done ect... I believe that there is no need to be needlessly 'mean' to maids. The key is to set out your expectation firmly from the start, but to also be kind and understanding towards them. They are taking care of your home, and are away from their families. But at the end of the day it is a service you are paying for. I feel some well meaning expats, tend to go a little overboard and this can be dangerous for not only the maid but also the sponsor- this is a lesson I learned with maid 1. Do your due diligence.

Agree with UM - our maid gets 2 hours break at around 3 pm, she goes to her room for shower & nap. But she gets 30 mins in the morning for breakfast, another 30 mins for lunch at 2 , & another break for dinner in the evening. I don't expect her to just sit in her room & do nothing, if she has nothing to do, she sits in my kids playroom watching tv or using my kids iPad. In our house we don't believe in fix working hours, some days she doesn't work more than 4 hrs a day, other days she needs over 10 hrs to finish. Weekends there is no house works, she doesn't go out on her own yet as she's new & she still doesn't know anyone, she will get a day off without sleeping out (our house rule) when she asks for it. I am at home most all day, I know the amount of work she does during the day, what I can finish in 15 mins she needs an hr to finish it. I hired a part time maid when our maid went to Kish for visa change, the girl cleaned all our 4 bedrooms huge apt in 5 hrs, our maid needs a whole week to finish all that work. The girl is not efficient , I am paying loads for hiring her, I am responsible of loading the dishwasher, arranging closets & wardrobes, loading the washing machine & dryer as she is not capable yet of doing all this in addition to cleaning the house, she is lazy by nature, the house will be in a mess if I give her 8 hrs to work. If I'm lenient with her from the start it will become a habit. I don't want to change her, she is very sweet & nice with a big smile on her face all day, unlike our previous "efficient" maid who was a grump & always complaining. She gets 9 hrs of sleep sometimes 10.

Ummmuhammad123, Thank you for your post, it is really informative and useful. Wickedangel_78, thanks as well! It is good to know that the law sates 8 hours of REST per day, not 8 hours of WORK :) it looks much nearer to the reality. Also it was good to know that not everybody pay extra hours to their maids for the bbsitting that is just ridiculous in my point of view. Chickadee2, you say that you recently lived in Qatar, paid 2000 to your maid and she never worked more than 7 hours per day. Well... I can tell you that you was one of those dream employers that the cunning Philipinos are hunting among the western expats. Your maid was really lucky, she was certainly treated like a local hero among the other Filipinos of the area :) The salary range here is from 800 to 1500 and the maids work as many hours as the employers ask them. Dear all :) I see that some of them look to be a bit shocked by my vision of maid service. But you can't but agree that the westerns often don't know what to do exactly with their maids. They are overexcited by the idea to have cheap help at home, something that they wold never effort to have at home in Europe, but at the same time their ethical background perplexes the way they deal with their maids. We are a French family and we have never had maids. Qatar was our 2d expatriation (the 1st was Scotland and I can tell you that I had very very cheap Polish help their but not live in :)) We discovered "maids" in Qatar and decided not to have it at home as my husband's company paid us 18 hours of house cleaning per week and a gardener. We didn't really need a live in maid. The only problem was an evening bbsitting and the cat sitting every time we left for vocations. But I malade to borrow my friends' and neighbours' maids for it. Now we are moving to Dubai. The company will not pay for the housecleaning there. Moreover I will have a huge garden at our villa, so I will have to maintain it. The gardener will be not paid by the company as well. My kids are 4 and 9, they will go to different schools and will finish at different time. I don't want to be stuck at home waiting for the school busses all the afternoon. As well I really want to go out in the evening and take a profit of all that Dubai is offering. Moreover, according to the UAE law the pet animals can travel as cargo only, so I will be not able to take our cat with me every time we go for vocations to Europe. So, I need a constant cat sitter. All this brought me to the idea of hiring a live in maid. That's why I am looking for the information :)

marykar.....having recently come from Qatar, I can honestly say that amongst my friends you would have been seen as a right ogre treating your maid that way. Not one of us paid less than 1200 a month, we paid our maid 2000 for her basic salary, always with a day off each week. When we were all out at work/school, she had around 4 hours to herself in the day to do her own thing. She never worked more than 7 hours a day. My kids are slightly older so can get their own breakfast, however I employed a maid to help out in the house, not a nanny for my children which I believe should come at a higher price. There is also a minimum wage in Qatar and I think it was far more than 800. I think the job you are describing isn't maid but something beginning with 's'....

I get the feeling that this is a wind-up. She is trying to get us all into a debate about how certain people treat their maids. If it is not a wind-up, Marykar, then I want to say to you that you have come to the wrong place for maid advice. You will get so many differing opinions on this board.... Why don't you just follow what the contract says?

Girls, let me tell you that I am shocked! You have live in maids, you pay for the sponsorship, their medical insurance, tickets back home and vocations, salary plus supplementary hours (!!!), phone calls, internet, food allowance, clothes allowance, what else did I forget? ...Don't you think that you are too nice and pay too much for the small effortless job of 8 hours per day??? SERIOUSLY???? Where to start? Every employer by law pays for sponsorship, medical insurance, tickets home, vacations. And many pay overtime. Does that entitle them to exploit their employees? No. Not legally and not ethically. If it's such a small, effortless job than we would not all be hiring maids now would we? marykar you came to this thread asking suggestions about exactly these issues: working hours, days off and food allowance. And then you seem shocked that some people have set working hours for their maids and agree to pay extra for extra hours. You say you've never had live-in help before. From your attitude I would say that's a lucky thing (for the maid)!!!

Marykar- it's not the same for everyone, our maid doesn't have working hours, as I mentioned earlier she is lazy, what our previous maid used to finish in 5 hrs, our current maid needs 10 hours to finish! She has tasks, but she doesn't always go by schedule, I live in a 4 bedroom apt & I'm picky when it comes to cleaning the house, we have 15 doors at home! She needs 2 days to clean them! I do help with house work but I'm a SAHM & I expect house work to be done to a certain standard. I don't feel comfy with a maid preparing my breakfast or my husband's breakfast, we prepare our own breakfast. As for baby sitting it's a trust issue, there are many horrible stories about maids & kids, my friend's maid ran away leaving a baby & 2 twin toddlers unsupervised when she was at work. But most of my friends use their maids for babysitting & they don't pay extra. As for the law, I think the contract says 8 hours of rest or something similar, 1 day off & 1 months paid leave with ticket per year. I think it also says a private room for the maid.

I heard that many western expats are the dream employers for maids as they are not familiar to the idea of the help at home and feel guilt inside of them. I have a couple of friends who pay 3 times more monthly than certain locals to their maids ( ex in Qatar an average salary for a Philipina is 1200 and my friends pay 2500, although my Qatari friend pays 800 only). Let's turn in differently. What is the law for the maids and where can I find an original text of this law to know exactly what I can or can't or should do with the maid?

Girls, let me tell you that I am shocked! You have live in maids, you pay for the sponsorship, their medical insurance, tickets back home and vocations, salary plus supplementary hours (!!!), phone calls, internet, food allowance, clothes allowance, what else did I forget? In their turn your maids work for 8 hours by day and have 1 dAy off weekly????? Explain me, please, what is the point to have a maid????? I live in Qatar actually but going to move to Dubai. Here maids work 12 hours by day , not always have days off! Because if the maid has a day off, you don't have it! Moreover my friends sometimes lend me their maids but of course I pay good extra for it and provide a taxi to come and go back. What is the point to have a maid at home if she doesn't make hour DH's breakfast at 5:30 am and doesn't bbsit with your kids when you are out in the evening????? Do you believe that locals are satisfied by 8 hours per day work of their maids? Don't you think that you are too nice and pay too much for the small effortless job of 8 hours per day???

I'm a bit perplexed by the words of kiwispiers: " Also agree in advance what you will pay her for any after hours/baby sitting work. (i.e an hourly rate or time off during the week in lieu)." I was thinking that live in maid will be on my service any time when I need her, except her day off. What is the reason to have a live in maid if I have to arrange for the late babysitting with her????? Also 50 hours of work per week doesnt seem a lot for me for a maid! Assuming she has 1 day off a week, a 50 hour week means 8+ hours/day. That's a full time job, and the salary you pay her should cover a full time job. If you are going to ask her to work overtime you should be prepared to pay her additional -- unless you agree up front to a salary that is high enough to include babysitting a few nights a week. The idea that because she's a maid she should be expected to work extra long hours is, in my opinion, very unfair. In my own job I often work 12+ hour days -- but I am a senior person who is paid to get the job done and not watch the clock. The more junior staff come in at 9 and leave at 5 and are not expected to work extra hours just because I might have more work that needs doing. If I do ask them to work extra they are not paid extra, so I generally give them time off in lieu. Fair's fair.

I'm kind of strict, but in a reasonable way, if things are not done on time & she panics I tell her it's fine & she can finish it in the evening or next day but I clearly tell her that next time she should plan her time in a better way. I have a new maid, she's the laziest maid I've ever had looool. But she is nice & sweet compared to the other maids I had. I don't give food allowance, our kitchen is full of everything, I also buy her noodles & frozen food which we don't eat. When we go for grocery shopping I ask her if she needs anything extra from what we buy. I cook for everyone, but she's free to cook if she doesn't like what we're having I pay for toiletries (she has access to our stock) & phone calls. We don't use a maid as a babysitter, I never left a maid alone with my kid at home. Other than an hour or 2 in a play area, I'm always around. If we have to leave him at night, I have family members who are ready to stay with him at home. She doesn't have much responsibility when it comes to my boy, he is my responsibility as in giving him a bath, preparing his food, putting him in bed, etc. she helps sometimes when I'm occupied in something like cooking or getting dressed I don't like small talks or gossips, our previous maid was obsessed with other maids & madams. I clearly told the new girl that I don't like yo head about others personal lives & I don't like it when our maid speaks about us to anyone.

I'm a bit perplexed by the words of kiwispiers: " Also agree in advance what you will pay her for any after hours/baby sitting work. (i.e an hourly rate or time off during the week in lieu)." I was thinking that live in maid will be on my service any time when I need her, except her day off. What is the reason to have a live in maid if I have to arrange for the late babysitting with her????? Also 50 hours of work per week doesnt seem a lot for me for a maid! Can I ask my maid to water the garden and do basic gardening (I will explain her what is needed) because I think it is stupid to have a gardener if I already have a maid? How many days off is she supposed to have? edited by marykar on 29/05/2014 <em>edited by marykar on 29/05/2014</em>

This is very interesting to read, as husband is very keen to get a maid in the near future as I have just accepted a new job with more hours and a longer commute and I slack with the house work as it is (I love cooking but dispise any kind of cleaning) I am very apprehensive about it for several reasons, 1) you hear so many stories about prolems people have with maids, weather they leave, steal, whatever. 2)though we have a 4 bed villa with gardens and we have family visiting often we don't have any children (except our 2 dogs) so i am concerned that she may not have enough to do and get bored. 3) we both work full time, if she sneaks off to work part time for someone else we can get in alot of trouble for that. I seems like a massive risk, it would be great to hear any possitive stories you guys have. I did speak to DH about geting a part time agency maid but he is keen have a live in maid so that there is someone there with the dogs if we have a weekend away as they are getting on a bit a hate the kennels, so everytime we go away we have to try a find a friend to look after them. He also reasons that with me doing a longer commute if i want a meal cooked for the evening she could do that and prepare lunch in the morning to help save me time. i get where he is coming from, but it still makes me very neavous.

Treat her as an employee. That means speak to her respectfully and don't ask her to do things outside of her job description. It also means don't feel like she is your house guest and you need to run around after her making her cups of tea all day. (I say this because it took me ages to feel comfortable making myself a cup and not offering, even though she always said no!). The best pointers I could give is be extremely clear and pedantic right from the start. Do not assume anything. Show her exactly what you mean by "clean the kitchen" "load the dishwasher" "clean the toilet/bathroom". It is much harder to correct/change things after the first few weeks. If you buy lots of food that you don't want her eating, then a food allowance seems wise, it might be easiest if you just take her to the supermarket with you once a fortnight and get her to put whatever she wants into the trolley and then after a while you can figure out how much it all costs and switch to a monthly allowance if you'd prefer. The only problem with the allowance is she will most probably end up trying to save it all and living of rice and sardines which won't keep her healthy. Consider getting her a phone and monthly phone cards. You could give her some money for uniform/clothes. If you take her to cafe with you I would buy her food. If I took my mid to cafe I always bought her at least a coffee (she felt really uncomfortable eating the food) and had her sit with us at the table. But tbh it was awkward for all of us so mostly I just gave her some money and let her have an hour or so free time at the mall instead, and she'd go get McDonalds and look around the shops etc. You will end up leaving your baby with her, I guarantee it. So pick someone who you get a good vibe from /trust and who seems to have an understanding of children. Be very clear about things like discipline, food etc. (It was really hard for me to get the no junk food message across as some things like chocolate milk just didn't seem junk to her). Explain well in advance when her holidays need to be taken so she can plan accordingly. Also be very clear about days off and whether or not you agree to her doing any part time work on days off (which is illegal and could implicate you). Also agree in advance what you will pay her for any after hours/baby sitting work. (i.e an hourly rate or time off during the week in lieu). You don't need to be "strict" as much as very very clear and specific. Your expectations may be wildly different to hers and a lot of conflict comes from misunderstanding. My maid worked 50 hours per week, oh how I miss her! ;) <em>edited by kiwispiers on 29/05/2014</em>

Hi, I'm also going to get a live in maid for the first time. And also have questions... First of all, I wonder what is thebesr way to find her - by an agency or take one from smb leaving the country (where to find this type of adds???) Concerning the food allowance, I think it s a good way but what shoud be an amount? Please, girls, tell us HM you give for food monthly? What about the days off? Should it be once a week on Friday? Should it be fixed? How many hours by day should she work? Is there a fixed number and how to count it? This is for a start :)

Hi I don't have a maid, but I grew up here and my parents always did. They were all Filipina as my Mum is from the Philippines. I would just be firm but kind. This is what I would do and what my parents did (but doesn't necessarily mean right or wrong, everyone's different) Days off, I would expect her to sort of make her own way but if I was going in same direction I would drop off. Food - give her a food allowance and a mini fridge in her room to buy and cook as she wants when she wants but I would also let her know what she can help herself to in our fridge, or offer her some of our food if cooking a big family meal. If bringing her to mall or restaurant with us I would definitely get her a meal or snack like the rest of us.

Just be pleasant and fair. Unless you live somewhere with no buses or metros within walking distance leave her to make her own way on her days off. We live quite far from public transport so I give her an extra 20dhs for her taxi on her days off. I give food allowance on top of her salary, I couldn't be bothered worrying about whether or not she likes what we're having and I find it much easier to just leave her to sort out her own food, saying that I will occasionally buy her extras (Nescafé coffee, fish, etc) but I didn't do it from the start and she certainly doesn't expect it. If she comes out with us we always get her food, I could never sit and eat without getting her anything. Even if she tried to say no, I would insist and tell her she could take what she doesn't want home to have later. I would also say if she does anything you don't like/don't want her to do, tell her straight away, it's much more awkward to try and change things 6 months down the line.