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Maids and boyfriends

41

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 20 June 2015 - 11:01

We are looking to employ a filipino maid in September. She use to work in Dubai for 1yr and was sent back home recently, so we know her very well. My kids love her, she knows my likes and dislikes so we don't mind spending the money to bring her back.

She is married and had a child back home but her relationship with her husband is not so good. While she was working her she got close to a pakistani man and has formed a relationship. I personally think its a dead end relationship because the guy has a very strict pakistani upbringing (promised to a girl back home, parents want him there now to get married). I cnt see this relationship being anything but a bit of fun.

What i am worried about is how this might affect her work, while she was here previously she was always on her phone during work hours chit chatting away, i wouldn't mind her doing this if all the work was done, but never while i leave her in the care of my children.

I'm also worried about if she gets herself pregnant, or if she thinks she can bring this man over when we are not around....i have told her already that if she does get pregnant theres nothing we can do to help you, just as a warning that its not an option.

I don't trust the instinct in men either as she fought for the man she is currently married too, she hasn't spoken to her parents for years because they never accepted him and despite going through all that shes now chit chatting away to this new guy rather than fighting for her husband.

How do you address these issues, am i being harsh expecting her not to have a relationship? Apparently its the filipino culture, so do i have to bite my tounge and let it be?

Any advuce would be appreciated

Thanks

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1010

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 28 June 2015 - 14:20

She's already blatantly lying to you! Why would you even consider going down this road? Do as Daza suggests or just hire by the hour from an agency for the hours you need!

4062

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 28 June 2015 - 11:45

Don't rush in to it because you feel like you have no other option. In your situation I would hire a full time maid through an agency on a month by month basis while I took the time to find someone who I was totally happy to sponsor.

41

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 28 June 2015 - 11:41

The plot thickens! OP did you speak to her former employer to get a reference? No we haven't. The reason why she wanted to resign was because her employer treated all the girls very badly, promosed a salary of 1590aed was only paid 700aed a month and would get further reductions if the girls asked any questions they didn't like. Her contract allowed her to look for a new job, she did everything legally but he hated that dhe found a way out and wanted to make it difficult for her to come back here and wanted us to pay the money to bring her back. We have recently confronted her about the boyfriend issue, we have told her that we know she is in a relationship and she knows it is illegal to do what she is doing. We also told her that if we bring her back we will be spending loads of money to do that so we need the respect from her when she comes back. My husband made it very clear that is we find out that she has done anything unacceptable he will not hesitate to send her back home. She went on saying that the relationship is not very serious and we are her priority. Only to then see fb messages of her pakistani boyfriend saying that one day they will live together. We are flying back home in a few weeks and we need someone as soon as we get back, its impossible to find someone new as i know it takes a long time. My husband thinks we should bring her over so i get the help or i will have to cope alone until we find someone suitable when we return, which can take a long time.

1010

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 27 June 2015 - 07:21

The plot thickens! OP did you speak to her former employer to get a reference?

816

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 26 June 2015 - 17:10

Sakes this sounds just like our last maid! Exact description of the background except we treated her very well! If this is her she went back because she was pregnant from her pakastani boyfriend and she was trying to return.

1170

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 25 June 2015 - 21:27

If you are working, and constantly on the phone with your husband or boyfriend, would your boss be happy about it? If the answer is no, then why should you accept this from your employee? A good rule of thumb; you don't bring personal problems or situations to your workplace, and if it was me, I don't care if the maid knows my likes and dislikes, she is irresponsible person to give her a job that needs her to focus - any job to be honest - and this shows you how immature this maid you want to offer her a job just to bring her own problems and dumb it on you! You hire a maid to make your life easy, so you don't have to think about cleaning and laundry, but if cleaning your house and doing the laundry comes with this, then agency maids will do well with you. My advice: let this maid go, let her grow up then she can think for herself what she should do, run after a man or run after her job

1010

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 23 June 2015 - 20:17

OP, don't do it!! Oh dear. Is anyone else thinking [i'>mango-slicer[/i'> here?

199

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 23 June 2015 - 20:14

Thank you all for your replys and advice. A part of me too feels that we should let it go as we can do without the stress but at the same time we bith agreed that we will bring her back and she will come back. Everything about her is perfect except this boyfriend issue. I have to admit im a sucker for a sob story too, I can't help but feel bad for anyone that is going through something awful. Just yesterday my daughter came back with no shoes from nursery so i complained that it was now the 2nd pair of shoes ruined/lost in one month and they can expect the amount being deducted from their nursery fees. (Felt like i had to put my foot down as it was happening too often). They then called me back that afternoon informing me that the staff that was responsible for my daughter will have it deducted from her salary. When i went to collect my daughter i knew there was noway i would deduct it from her salary and when i told the staff member that its fine but just please be careful in the future she broke down in tears, grateful that i let it go. Am i just a push over? Really questioning myself now...i find it so hard to turn a blind eye even if i know im never going to see that person again. How can a nursery school lose childrens shoes???

41

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 23 June 2015 - 12:27

Thank you all for your replys and advice. A part of me too feels that we should let it go as we can do without the stress but at the same time we bith agreed that we will bring her back and she will come back. Everything about her is perfect except this boyfriend issue. I have to admit im a sucker for a sob story too, I can't help but feel bad for anyone that is going through something awful. Just yesterday my daughter came back with no shoes from nursery so i complained that it was now the 2nd pair of shoes ruined/lost in one month and they can expect the amount being deducted from their nursery fees. (Felt like i had to put my foot down as it was happening too often). They then called me back that afternoon informing me that the staff that was responsible for my daughter will have it deducted from her salary. When i went to collect my daughter i knew there was noway i would deduct it from her salary and when i told the staff member that its fine but just please be careful in the future she broke down in tears, grateful that i let it go. Am i just a push over? Really questioning myself now...i find it so hard to turn a blind eye even if i know im never going to see that person again.

72

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 22 June 2015 - 16:07

if her visa is not canceled by her previous sponsor how will she work for you ? sorry i might have missed something , but am sure you cant even be her sponsor unless her old sponsor transfers her

Anonymous (not verified)

0

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 22 June 2015 - 14:13

Just don't go there! It will wind up a headache and drama for you and your family while she is going through her drama. I don't believe that promiscuity is acceptable in any culture. She is married with children and has chosen the life of an expat maid - boyfriends should not enter the scenario at all. She also knows the consequences of her choices. I would steer clear of this one - there will only be trouble for all down the road.

330

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 22 June 2015 - 08:12

We are looking to employ a filipino maid in September. She use to work in Dubai for 1yr and was sent back home recently, so we know her very well. My kids love her, she knows my likes and dislikes so we don't mind spending the money to bring her back. She is married and had a child back home but her relationship with her husband is not so good. While she was working her she got close to a pakistani man and has formed a relationship. I personally think its a dead end relationship because the guy has a very strict pakistani upbringing (promised to a girl back home, parents want him there now to get married). I cnt see this relationship being anything but a bit of fun. What i am worried about is how this might affect her work, while she was here previously she was always on her phone during work hours chit chatting away, i wouldn't mind her doing this if all the work was done, but never while i leave her in the care of my children. I'm also worried about if she gets herself pregnant, or if she thinks she can bring this man over when we are not around....i have told her already that if she does get pregnant theres nothing we can do to help you, just as a warning that its not an option. I don't trust the instinct in men either as she fought for the man she is currently married too, she hasn't spoken to her parents for years because they never accepted him and despite going through all that shes now chit chatting away to this new guy rather than fighting for her husband. How do you address these issues, am i being harsh expecting her not to have a relationship? Apparently its the filipino culture, so do i have to bite my tounge and let it be? Any advuce would be appreciated Thanks Dont even go there, if she doesnt get involved with this guy, it will be another, she is probably just that sort.Find someone else. The fact you worrying about it already and she is not even with you is a big sign to say no.

674

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 21 June 2015 - 07:27

Way too much drama. I was too going to say, you know that it's illegal here and there can be dire consequences. I'm sure you wouldn't want to feel responsible for that too. I hope she is safe where she is but at this point I would leave it at that.

1010

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 21 June 2015 - 05:46

OP you sound lovely and it is great that you have done so much for her. But this all sounds like one huge headache you don't need. You already know that she is going to be doing something illegal and all the previous stuff sounds like a nightmare. I'd cut your losses and steer well clear of this.

904

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 20 June 2015 - 22:21

I know this is not related to your question, But how are you planning to fly her back? I assume her visa is cancelled? You can't just issue a visa & fly her back, issuing the visa here is straight forward but she can't use it there to leave. Before spending more money look into all this.

41

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 20 June 2015 - 22:08

If it was a new person that we didn't know i wouldn't consider it atall, but so much has happened regarding this already. Long story short she was being abused by her previous employer, we tried to help her out the legal way. But her old boss was so bitter that he kidnapped her, beat her and sent her back. We tried to help her until the last minute. The police wouldnt help us because the person being abused needed to call them, which was not an option for her as they took her phone. We were down stairs with the police and he told us, he can only go up stairs if labour and immigration were cancelled otherwise we would be fined 50k aed. We found out she was going to the airport and my husband went to help her again, knowing that the labour and immigration would be cancelled 100% we thought the police would help. But they did not. She ended up missing her flight. Her old boss didnt return any of her belongings and refused to pay for a flight back home so we helped her out and sent her home. We felt awful if we just left her there with no money, no clothes nothing. I wouldnt be able to sleep knowing we could have helped someon and did nothing. She said she wanted to come back because she needs the job we are offering so we booked a return flight (only a difference of 300aed) We have already spent 5k aed trying to save her from this and she has already agreed to pay us the money back when she starts working with us so that wasnt the issue. She was using my daughters phone for a while and her Facebook messenger was left on and we heard it bleebing and realised she didnt turn it off. Suddenly witnessing the two having a loving convo. I got rid of it but am now womdering if it will be a big issue when she returns. Feel like we've gone so far into it we can't back out now.

311

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 20 June 2015 - 17:25

I won't get into their lives. Rules set and Preferences declared clearly.

72

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 20 June 2015 - 15:34

i totally agree with the post above , why are you getting your self into all of this headache

206

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 20 June 2015 - 11:29

We are looking to employ a filipino maid in September. She use to work in Dubai for 1yr and was sent back home recently, so we know her very well. My kids love her, she knows my likes and dislikes so we don't mind spending the money to bring her back. She is married and had a child back home but her relationship with her husband is not so good. While she was working her she got close to a pakistani man and has formed a relationship. I personally think its a dead end relationship because the guy has a very strict pakistani upbringing (promised to a girl back home, parents want him there now to get married). I cnt see this relationship being anything but a bit of fun. What i am worried about is how this might affect her work, while she was here previously she was always on her phone during work hours chit chatting away, i wouldn't mind her doing this if all the work was done, but never while i leave her in the care of my children. I'm also worried about if she gets herself pregnant, or if she thinks she can bring this man over when we are not around....i have told her already that if she does get pregnant theres nothing we can do to help you, just as a warning that its not an option. I don't trust the instinct in men either as she fought for the man she is currently married too, she hasn't spoken to her parents for years because they never accepted him and despite going through all that shes now chit chatting away to this new guy rather than fighting for her husband. How do you address these issues, am i being harsh expecting her not to have a relationship? Apparently its the filipino culture, so do i have to bite my tounge and let it be? Any advuce would be appreciated Thanks Why would you get yourself into all this? Can't you just find someone else and just state your rules from the beginning?

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