Loss of a baby :( | ExpatWoman.com
 

Loss of a baby :(

13
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 March 2011 - 21:50

I have a friend that I would really like to help but not too sure where to start. She recently lost her baby half way through her pregnancy and has had to go through the trauma of giving birth and the funeral. As you can imagine she is very down to the point of being withdrawn.

I’m really worried about her as I feel she needs some outside help. She still seeing her gynecologist but think she may need to see a councilor or someone who specializes in this area.

Can anyone recommend where to go or who to speak to?

TIA

304
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 31 March 2011 - 17:33
My Mum was a midwife and unfortunately saw a lot of sadness over her 30+ year career, along with the joy of new life. When one of my closest friends lost one of her unborn twins at 25 weeks, I asked Mum for advice on how to "be" around her, given I was also pregnant. She said that the worst thing for parents was when people ignored the loss, mostly out of awkwardness, or tried to focus too much on moving on. She said that it was important to acknowledge the baby, talk about the funeral and whatever memorial is planned. Mum is not a grief counsellor, but this was what she observed to be of the most comfort to bereaved parents (don't forget the Dad too). I think, CC, the fact that you are concerned enough to ask the question shows you are a thoughtful friend.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 31 March 2011 - 13:56
Thank you all very much for your messages. Your support, suggestions and stories are very much appreciated. We’re all entitled to our opinion but I’m afraid I’m not about to enter into to a debate about rights and wrongs here. Many thanks again x
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 31 March 2011 - 12:35
My best friend (living in the UK) found out she was pregnant with twins in June after having been told she would never have kids. In October she was giving birth to the girls (at 5 months). 3 days later mia died. 5 days after that, Erin died. We (her hubby and I) forced her to come over here in February to get away from it all because she could not even leave the house and would not see her friends. She is only now seeing someone to get professional help so please be a little patient with your friend if she is not ready to do anything about her grief just yet. Just be there for her. Oh, your poor friend. I lost Gabriella at 22 weeks, having also been told I couldn't have children. Some people advocate getting pregnant again as soon as possible afterwards. Personally, that was the worst possible advice as it was as if it negated the very existence of my lovely daughter. I took my own good time grieving, and though I did get professional help eventually, I was being treated because I was still grieving after six months, rather than because I had suffered a bereavement. I believe the Swiss medical profession has changed its attitude in recent years, but 18 years ago, that's how it was. No funeral, no planting a tree in her name, no bereavement counselling immediately after the birth, or at all. Ooops, tearing up again. Got to go.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 31 March 2011 - 10:05
My best friend (living in the UK) found out she was pregnant with twins in June after having been told she would never have kids. In October she was giving birth to the girls (at 5 months). 3 days later mia died. 5 days after that, Erin died. We (her hubby and I) forced her to come over here in February to get away from it all because she could not even leave the house and would not see her friends. She is only now seeing someone to get professional help so please be a little patient with your friend if she is not ready to do anything about her grief just yet. Just be there for her.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 31 March 2011 - 09:43
CC, I wish I'd had as caring a friend as you around when it happened to me - I was obliged to go into labour but wasn't allowed a funeral or offered any kind of grief counselling and we were given the results of the hospital's "inquest" on her 6 months after I'd given birth to her. There was nothing similar to SANDS in Geneva at the time and I was left to get on with it and was told by my then gynaecologist that I was clearly mentally ill because I was still grieving 6 months later. Sorry, this shouldn't be about me. I just wanted to say that if you could get her to go to SANDS, it might help her, maybe not immediately, but a bit later. And to say thank you on behalf of other mothers who've been through something similar and needed friends like you.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 31 March 2011 - 09:32
Choc Chick - I really would recommend SANDS Dubai. I know them all as I also lost a baby at 9mths in the UK and when we moved here 6mths later I still needed (and still do 3yrs later) their support. Unless you have gone through this horrible tragedy yourself, no one really knows how you feel, but they do. She may not be ready to contact them now, but give her the information for when she is ready. Please also make sure her husband knows that he can contact SANDS himself as it hits the husbands just as hard. You are doing a great job being there to help her.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 31 March 2011 - 09:28
I'm sorry to say this but I'm glad you're not my friend - my personal tragedy would be my own and I certainly wouldn't want it to be broadcast over a forum by a third party. I'm very sorry for your friend's loss but I really don't think this will help her in any way, certainly not if she reads this forum. The world would be a far better place if people cared more for others. The poster appears genuine in wanting to help someone and discreet enough not to give any information away to the general public. Privacy is crucial and that has remained in the posting. I would be grateful to have a friend like her .
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 31 March 2011 - 08:58
This is such a difficult situation. I lost a baby two years ago and I have just come out of what I feel was a very very low and sad time. I am an experienced therapist who has all the tools of the world to deal with grief, have done all I could, and looking back realised giving myself time to grieve has played an important part in my healing process. Even putting a brave face and "moving on", "letting go" etc ... has been so difficult at times. Explaining to people who congratulate you for the birth of your child that you came home childless is heartbreaking. I could have never anticipated how painful this sad experience is and how the pain carries itself through time, then eventually goes away. Self-esteem can be really low and a lot of negative thoughts may can hit your mind at once (guilt, sadness, pain etc ...) and I was lucky enough to have a strong friends network to remind me what a fab person I am, which helped me tremendously. What I feared the most was seeing the pity, sadness or embarrassment in people's face, as it kept reminding me of my loss so I spent as much time as possible with friends who took my mind away from things and focused me on the many beautiful aspects of my life. Focusing on the simple things, one at a time, the joy around me, how blessed I am in my life and volunteering/raising money for less fortunate people has helped me put things in balance. I recently picked up arts and realised should have done it much earlier as this has proven such an amazing way to find myself again. It would be great if your friend could find an activity that takes her mind away or focuses her attention in a different place. Your friend is blessed to have you in her life. Listen to her when she's sad or wants to talk, make her laugh, make sure she looks after herself and constantly remind her how beautiful she is. xxx
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EW GURU
Latest post on 31 March 2011 - 06:53
After I lost my baby I was in a restaurant having a quiet lunctime drink with work colleagues and the owner of the restaurant (who we all knew) came up to me and took my glass of wine out of my hand and said you shouldn't be drinking, you're pregnant! I to take her to one side and explain I had lost the baby and everyone at the table (including my boss at the time) were very uncomfortable. Its a difficult time to go through and I admire you for helping your friend xx
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EW GURU
Latest post on 31 March 2011 - 06:46
I hope you are posting for the lady I know who has just gone through this because I am not close enough to suggest this sort of thing to her. I hope it helps her in some small way.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 31 March 2011 - 03:19
I'm sorry to say this but I'm glad you're not my friend - my personal tragedy would be my own and I certainly wouldn't want it to be broadcast over a forum by a third party. I'm very sorry for your friend's loss but I really don't think this will help her in any way, certainly not if she reads this forum. Luckily for you, it's not your personal tragedy, and hopefully never will be. It happened to me. In a different country, without so much as a friend to help. I had to juggle 'acquaintances' for childcare for my 2 year old daughter, and neither of them offered to take her overnight, whilst I was in hospital being induced. Whilst I had 'concerned; relatives and friends back home, no-one cared enough to make the 45 minute flight (we were only in the Channel Islands ) My daughter would've been in the room when I gave birth (out of necessity) had she not fallen asleep at the bottom of the bed and the nurses putting her to sleep in the childrens ward until her Dad took her home. Would I have LOVED a friend to care enough on my behalf ? **** yeah. You can't keep these things a secret/from people, the likelihood is everyone will have known she was pregnant, It's not something you want to broadcast, but at least the people whoi knew you were expecting, need to know that you are, well, not anymore.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 31 March 2011 - 01:05
I'm sorry to say this but I'm glad you're not my friend - my personal tragedy would be my own and I certainly wouldn't want it to be broadcast over a forum by a third party. I'm very sorry for your friend's loss but I really don't think this will help her in any way, certainly not if she reads this forum. I sort of understand what you are getting at - but I think you're being quite harsh - she is so concerned about her friend, doesn't know what to do and is seeking help for her. She hasn't said her friends name so it is still confidential who it is. Perhaps the OP knows 100% that her friend doesn't read this forum. Or perhaps she knows she does, and if the friend does read this, then she may realize (a) that she needs help and (b) her friend cares enough about her to do what she can. Let's not be too judgmental here.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 31 March 2011 - 00:32
I'm sorry to say this but I'm glad you're not my friend - my personal tragedy would be my own and I certainly wouldn't want it to be broadcast over a forum by a third party. I'm very sorry for your friend's loss but I really don't think this will help her in any way, certainly not if she reads this forum.
63
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 March 2011 - 23:05
I have a friend that I would really like to help but not too sure where to start. She recently lost her baby half way through her pregnancy and has had to go through the trauma of giving birth and the funeral. As you can imagine she is very down to the point of being withdrawn. I’m really worried about her as I feel she needs some outside help. She still seeing her gynecologist but think she may need to see a councilor or someone who specializes in this area. Can anyone recommend where to go or who to speak to? TIA This may help too: http://www.dubai-sands.org Quote from the main page: "Welcome to Dubai SANDS. If you are visiting us as a bereaved parent, we are so very sorry for your loss. If you are a health care professional involved in caring for bereaved parents and would like advice and support in doing so, please do contact us. Dubai SANDS offers support to those who have lost a baby whether through stillbirth, neonatal loss or termination for medical reasons. Our group is run by bereaved parents, for bereaved parents. It is a branch of the UK-based Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society. In the UK, 17 babies die every day, and whilst comparable figures are not available for the UAE, we aim to support families here in Dubai who are experiencing the heartbreak of the death of a much-loved baby. For help further or information, please contact us."
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 30 March 2011 - 22:58
I have a friend that I would really like to help but not too sure where to start. She recently lost her baby half way through her pregnancy and has had to go through the trauma of giving birth and the funeral. As you can imagine she is very down to the point of being withdrawn. I’m really worried about her as I feel she needs some outside help. She still seeing her gynecologist but think she may need to see a councilor or someone who specializes in this area. Can anyone recommend where to go or who to speak to? TIA Also leave a msg for burnsie000, I think she can be of help.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 30 March 2011 - 22:02
www.counsellingdubai.com/about-me.html Can't recommend Helen highly enough - she is very experienced in dealing with loss. Big hugs to your friend.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 March 2011 - 21:57
Just did search Helen williams counselling Dubai x hope she helps your friend x
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 March 2011 - 21:55
I have seen another thread very similar to yours, very very sad what your friend has gone through, there is a councillor here called Helen who deals with this terrible loss x
 
 

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