homework drama

Sue, you are completely correct. Homework is meant to be review of the objectives taught during the school day. The students should be able to do it on their own and, in fact, should be left to do it on their own. The punishment will come from the school in the form of reduced privileges or a lower grade. If a parent is prepared to risk those consequences, then I advise them to let go - completely. Help the child set up a 'homework spot' where there is space and quiet, pencils and paper (or any other materials needed to do homework). The parent and child can then decide upon a time daily to do the homework (45-60 minutes for a 12 year old is the recommended amount). Then the parent can remind the child to do the homework, but it is the child's responsibility to get the work done. The parent can be available to answer questions, but not hovering. Homework is the time for kids to practice what they have learned and if a child doesn't know how to do the homework, he can write at the top 'I don't know how to do this. Can you help me please?' The teacher will then know where that child's strengths and weaknesses are. If the teacher does not like this approach, ask his advice - or, if he is not cooperative, ask why he is sending home such ridiculous homework assignments and what does he do with the grade? Homework should not make the family uncomfortable or unhappy. Children and parents spend so much time apart during the week that the time at home should be spent doing family things - chores, games, visiting, conversation... not fighting about homework.

I'm remembering how I/we did homework, learnt study skills etc. in our generation. Is parenting really so different now? Apart from all the electronic gadgets providing distractions. Just asking... <em>edited by Sugarbeach on 18/04/2011</em>

Well said Miss Pickle! I have three grown up children who also thrived when challenged in the same way. It is enormous pressure to put on child of 12 to say if he doesn't work at school and get good grades it is the end of a career path, I found positive, encouragement worked best. To become a life long learner you have to foster a love of learning and let's not forget that not eveyone is destined for university. Withdrawing things just gives the message that your love is conditional based on their test results.

II never allowed TV's or electronics in bedrooms (still don't) and spent lots of time when they were young working with them (educational) in what they thought were fun ways (short and effective). They read every night from very young and are all now voracious readers. From secondary level we used Tony Buzan mind mapping skills every holiday period to reinforce what had been learnt at school during the term, this really helped at exam time. Homework always had to be done first and foremost. There were times i would make the children re do their homework if i was unhappy with the standard, they learnt very quickly to do it well the first time! I taught them how to study, how to research and how to minimise to facts rather than plagerise page upon page. edited by Miss Pickle on 18/04/2011 Could you please tell us a bit more about how you used the mind mapping to reinforce what had been studied in term time? Thanks I've always read to my children from when they were very small and I'm really disappointed that neither of them like reading now. I have to really push them to read . I sometimes think my reading to them made them lazy to read themselves! I love reading myself and can't understand how they see it as a chore.

Which type of school does the child go to ? Indian schools are very pushy and generate good students but all work and little play is not healthy. 7 year old on a special priject for 2 hours i can understand . Was it a project ? or is it the norm 2 hours a night ? anyone else think that kids just get too much homework full stop? a friend of mines 7 year old came home the other day with 2 hours of homework. my jaw literally dropped. she is only seven! but she says her 16 year old regularily gets 3 or 4 hours of homework a day. i seriously dont remember getting that much when i was a kid. even at A levels if i did 2 hours a day that was alot. it just seems crazy.

I have three children, two of which are now at University and one who is just completing A'levels so i think i can pass comment. All three children are different in their learning styles and whilst there were (and still are) times where they need a little reminder they are generally very self motivated and have a great attitude to their studies. I put this down to [b'>us[/b'> as parents and learning very quickly the mistakes you make with number one are not replicated on number two and three. That you never stop learning how to parent and be willing to change your style of parenting (using trial and error at times!). I never allowed TV's or electronics in bedrooms (still don't) and spent lots of time when they were young working with them (educational) in what they thought were fun ways (short and effective). They read every night from very young and are all now voracious readers. Spending time working with them and being fair about quality versus quantity, keeping calm and explaining rather than battling has now paid off. (if not aged me by 20 years!) From secondary level we used Tony Buzan mind mapping skills every holiday period to reinforce what had been learnt at school during the term, this really helped at exam time. Homework always had to be done first and foremost. There were times i would make the children re do their homework if i was unhappy with the standard, they learnt very quickly to do it well the first time! I taught them how to study, how to research and how to minimise to facts rather than plagerise page upon page. I learnt how to parent better and find solutions to the problems rather than exacerbate them. It's easy to cop out of parenting teens it's hard, but the rewards will show quickly when you show your commitment and do what you have to do as a parent. Teaching your own children is hard but with some thought and more of a partnership approach can and does work. The best piece of advice is do not just wait until your child has problems to start teaching at home, start learning skills and discipline when they are young. Never forgetting that praise will work far better than punishment and negativity. Good luck. <em>edited by Miss Pickle on 18/04/2011</em>

I'm with you KB100. We rewarded financially and it worked. Did it for end of year exams, not for every test and they viewed it as a goal to strive for. One is still at Uni and gets his "bonus" for exam results.

My kids finished A levels last year, finally. Believe me the hours and hours of home study they had to do was unbelievable including weekends and supposed school holidays. Every tutor thought their subject was the most important as it reflected on them if the kids didn't get the grades but the kids paid the price. Happy to say they did pass with flying colours and I can feel for every parent with teenagers, unfortunately it doesn't get any easier, its simple, if they don't put in the hours of study, they don't get the grades. I used to nag and felt sometimes I put on too much pressure and backed off. I just kept reminding them that if they didn't work hard they wouldn't get well paid jobs which seemed to help. We also, in the end decided to reward them financially when they got the results. I know some say that this is bribery but it does actually work very well. They didn't see it as bribery they saw it as a reward for working extra hard.

anyone else think that kids just get too much homework full stop? a friend of mines 7 year old came home the other day with 2 hours of homework. my jaw literally dropped. she is only seven! but she says her 16 year old regularily gets 3 or 4 hours of homework a day. i seriously dont remember getting that much when i was a kid. even at A levels if i did 2 hours a day that was alot. it just seems crazy.

It amazes me why so many people end up paying high amounts of money for tutors for children at very young ages. Why are children not helping other children ? without payment if they are good at something they could help a friend or class mate if there is difficulty, this concept has been around for a long time. I feel for the o p, and as many have said most children do not want their own parent showing them. If someone is good at a subject will not always means one is a good teacher so here is a suggestion / s , Why don't you see if there is another parents you could ask to help your child and offer to babysit or cook or do school run, child care. Why don't you get a friend over and get them to do homework together and maybe the friend can help the child. Everything is about money and not everyone can always afford a tutor as maybe they are at their limit already financially.

It seems most children don't like their mums helping them with homework and like to show that they know it already or for some other reason. I buy study guides in Magrudys which are helpful and there are also some great websites available which explain things in great detail and offer prompts and practices. Maybe try these. I find rewards or bribes work well too.

I think homework is an issue with most teenagers (and I've got 2 at the moment :\: and it is so hard to see if they genuinely do not understand or comprehend the work, or they just don't want to do their homework. What really helped for me and my 2 teenage DSs was a reward in the long run. They really, really wanted a particular phone (as everyone in school has one, mum! ;-)). Before, when I asked about homework, they always either had none, had it done in school, wasn't important or they didn't understand what to do, how to do it or the teacher didn't explain well *sigh* The condition we set was all homework done on time, and they had to get their target grades school had set. They had to meet our conditions for at least 3 months....then they would get their reward. But they have to keep up their homework otherwise they will have to give back their phones... I've had someone say that it was bribery, but the children didn't think of it that way at all....they got something they really wanted and felt really proud when they handed in their homework on time and received a good grade. I tried before by taking away computer, Ipod or set another 'punishment' when they didn't do their homework....but it didn't really make them do homework. It only caused friction and resentment. I hope school can give you some ideas as how to solve the issue of homework, and if your DS really doesn't understand the task given, or just doesn't want to do it..

Helping with homework is tough regardless of the age of the child. Whether it's them being defiant, not caring or just plain not understanding the concepts. I go through it (my lack of patience mostly) and he's only 9. Before you get a tutor I think it would be good to talk to the school first. If soo many kids in his class are having trouble with the same teacher, same concepts then maybe they would put together an after school study group so the kids can lean on each other for support and get help from a qualified teacher. Then maybe you all can split the cost too?

short of strangling my son with maths, we had screaming matches and tears (me screaming, son crying-he's 8- BUT SERIOUSLY! It gets frustrating!)- then I found mathwhizz! Lifesaver for both of us :) have a look if you aren't subscribed yet: www.mathwhizz.com

Thanks all, glad to hear I am not alone!! calmed down now...went for a walk. Maybe he does resent it, I dont know. The thing is, he wont even let me explain the concepts to him, he just gives attitude - I guess if I was ANYONE else he would be fine. I do remember giving my mom serious attitude when she tried to teach me tennis, then I was sweet as pie to my tennis instructor.. Maths is the big issue, and apparently a lot of kids have tutors in this class so clearly this particular teacher isn't doing her job. I am willing to teach him as I am good with maths, but maybe some kids just hate their parents teaching them anything? Does anyone do homework with their 12 year old and all goes fine?- anyway, maybe I should do the tutor thing if most of you have had positive experiences. yeh sometimes my 12 year old needs alittle bit of help, even my 14 year old needs help sometimes to get his head around what is actually meant.

ok, along the lines of ready to ship the kids off to boarding school ( I hear ya!)....... everytime I sit down with my 12 year old to help with the homework he is struggling with, I get serious attitude, drama etc. I will look at a question and ask him how he could answer it and he will fold his arms and say I dont know. I was just trying to explain something else to him just now and he said"what are you on about?!" Well, just walked away before I smacked him. I have never smacked him, but I dont do disrespect well. Most of the rest of the time he is well behaved , but mind you i suppose the rest of the time he is doing what he likes. So I have decided he is spoiled and very disrespectful. I am taking away ALL of his favorite things (headphones, xbox etc) for the rest of the school year as I am really, really fed up. I have a half a mind to tell him - stuff you, fail in school as far as I am concerned, and let him bomb his math etc. Any suggestions? - and please dont say a tutor- too expensive. i think that applies to all12 year olds.... i have his twin obviously at home with me now. lol

Sue - Some kids just seem to click academically, and some don't and need assistance, monitoring, and guidance. I had issues with my daughter very similar to yours, from 12 years onward (now 16). I suggest you talk to the school counselor and request assistance - they may be able to give him a study hall or some such where he can work with someone on his assignments. Also speak with him directly (after you cool down), and let him know that he has a choice - either work with you or work with the school counselor. On the other side of this, I understand the cost of tutors is often prohibitive; for a couple years I tried doing it on my own, and my daughter (her education) paid the price. She now receives tutoring from a teacher at her school, who is phenomenal and well worth the cost. I've had to forgo a few things not as vital to afford it, and I wish we didn't have to go this route - but it is what it is. She is getting A's and B's and her confidence in her intelligence is growing...really a joy to witness! All the best to you and your son - and that he finds his way and you both survive the process! :) <em>edited by 49M&Ms on 17/04/2011</em>

If it were me, I would find other ways to motivate him and make him come to me for help. For example, rather than taking away stuff when he doesn't want your help, I would offer to do something cool with him when his homework is finished. As in, "when your homework is all done and done correctly, I'd be happy to take you swimming," ... or to Hagaan Daaz or whatever. And "when you get an A in math, I will take you surfing." Glad mine never wanted to surf:)- sorry couldn't resist!

Sue, I hear you so loud and clear, it is amplified and in stereo. DS is not quite the same age but close enough. I have screamed and yelled(I'm sure the whole of Dubai has heard me), told him he needs to work hard to suceed in life. In times of total frustration, through anger and tears I have also told him he will be a total failure if he does not buckle down. And unfortunately I still have no solution. I have removed his gadgets, grounded him and yet we still get this biligerent monster. I just do not understand how homework can turn a usually easy going kid into a Jekyll and Hyde type character. Just wanted to say you are definitely not alone.

If it were me, I would find other ways to motivate him and make him come to me for help. For example, rather than taking away stuff when he doesn't want your help, I would offer to do something cool with him when his homework is finished. As in, "when your homework is all done and done correctly, I'd be happy to take you swimming," ... or to Hagaan Daaz or whatever. And "when you get an A in math, I will take you surfing."

Maybe he genuinely doesn't understand and has been said, is resenting you trying to help him because he feels silly. If it's something like maths, then I can totally understand the frustration, I never got maths. I had to learn everything parrot fashion, I could tell you an answer to something, but couldn't tell you how I got to that answer.

If it was me I would pull all priviledges/benefits and go for military action......

If he is struggling he will resent your help as he will feel more of a failure-not your intention but it is probably how he feels. As a teacher we need to see the areas where students are struggling and well intentioned parents 'helping' with homework can sometimes mask the real issues. I am not saying all help is wrong but I suspect a talk with the teacher might be in order. if he is simply being lazy he will end up failing his tests which may be the wake up call he needs.

Wow you've done well to get to 12 years and no smack - perhaps it's time!.....