I feel like trash :( | ExpatWoman.com
 

I feel like trash :(

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EW GURU
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 11:09

So my mom has this incessant need to know everything going on in my life and everytime she comes online she has like a 100 questions... starting from what did you eat to when is your doc's appointment..if I say today then ooohhh what time etc etc.... I know she doesnt mean anything... its just her nature and maybe the sort of stuff that some moms do.. but I keep snapping at her and end up feeling so bad :( I feel like such a bit of a ch but when she starts hurling questions sometimes i just CANNOT control my anger ... I love her, I really do... but I feel she gets so hypertensed about everything that I just need to her to calm down for her own good....not that it makes any difference though....

Please, please tell me someone else has been through something like this too :( I'm in tears at work n feel like such a horrid person.

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EW GURU
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 15:11
As a mother with a daughter far away I would tell you not to only communication once or twice a week to your mother, then perhaps she won't have the million questions. As long as I have a daily fix I'm ok! It could be a text message or a few lines on facebook, it doesn't really matter, as long as i know what she's doing and she's happy and ok. We skype only once or twice a week but always in the evening when she's not otherwise occupied at University. By the time we get around to skyping there is lots to talk about as we've been exchanging news for a few days so it's never just about mundane things like what are you eating for dinner. Drop a few lines by email or text everyday and get a reply, it really helps to keep your mother happy and let her know you're ok. We send each other funnies and links sometimes 3 or 4 times a day as we're both at computers, I don't know how I would cope with only speaking once a week, i'd probably be like your mum and have it all bottled up! :) Uh, sorry ..missed a small detail. Talk to my dad, and very often to mom too, every night. Even if its just for a minute,but EVERY single night :)
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 14:21
Why not get your mum a massage or pedicure as a treat to relax her and let her know you love her. I know how you feel, my mum has a heart of gold but can be hard work sometimes...then I feel bad if I have a go at her. She has had hypertension too, it's under control now thank the gods!
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 14:13
Stovetop, you're the worlds best daughter compared to me. I find Skyping whilst trying to keep my 3 small children interested so irritating that I've told my family that Skype is blocked in Dubai.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 13:49
my parents don't have a computer :D
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 13:34
As a mother with a daughter far away I would tell you not to only communication once or twice a week to your mother, then perhaps she won't have the million questions. As long as I have a daily fix I'm ok! It could be a text message or a few lines on facebook, it doesn't really matter, as long as i know what she's doing and she's happy and ok. We skype only once or twice a week but always in the evening when she's not otherwise occupied at University. By the time we get around to skyping there is lots to talk about as we've been exchanging news for a few days so it's never just about mundane things like what are you eating for dinner. Drop a few lines by email or text everyday and get a reply, it really helps to keep your mother happy and let her know you're ok. We send each other funnies and links sometimes 3 or 4 times a day as we're both at computers, I don't know how I would cope with only speaking once a week, i'd probably be like your mum and have it all bottled up! :)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 12:58
Hello. My DH's mother and father are like this all the time. We barely leave them and they call to ask us what we are doing. I dont think they realize that it suffocates or upsets us. DH finally had a gentle chat with his mum and it has stopped (although I am sure it is momentary), her repsonse was "I know, i am just getting old I guess"
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EW GURU
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 12:31
Ah that explains it all, your hormones, her hyper active maternal instincts, mamas love sweet baby girl enjoy it all (this may be u in a few years) don’t be so hard on yourself she knows you love her as it will show over the cumulative years, it’s not something that can appear or disappear with a blink.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 12:20
Thanks ladies. Yeah Frances, I am due next month...maybe that's why the extra hormones from me and the extra concern from my mom :) I just called her n spoke calmly, told her I had to rush out for a meeting earlier... and the mentioned again abt the doc's appointment and asked her if she wants me to ask anything specific.... i know she feels bad too when I'm so rotten... so feels good to have spoken to her and cleared the air :) I just hope she knows that under my irritation n all that, I still love her to bits :)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 12:07
O M G my kids will get this when they are older... seems I am right on track
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EW GURU
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 12:06
BTW Stovetop you are expecting right?
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EW GURU
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 12:02
If your mother has hypertension then worrying about you without contacting you is going to make it worse, it’s a need like oxygen, food and water most mothers can’t control their anxieties. Next time you go for a visit have a proper sit down and explain how you feel and worry about HER.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 11:54
I think it's all about boundaries... tough work. Perhaps you could read up on it or spk to a counsellor? Good luck - you are not being bad IMHO but being torn between what feels ok for you and want you mother wants/demands/needs of/from you. Good luck x
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EW GURU
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 11:38
@ Frances: I'm glad to hear a mum's side too. When we drive from here to visit them in Oman, she calls (or makes my dad call) atleast 6 times on the way. I just want her to understand that this hypertension is not good for her health. But she just doesn't get it.... doesn't even make an effort to understand or try n control it. It really scares me to see/hear her like that.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 11:34
@ Wuffles: I make sure that I talk to her online only like once or twice a week, when I don't have work. The other days I just tell her I'm busy and go offline because I don't want her to get into this habit of having to chat with me everyday. The reason I do this is because otherwise she used to ask me if I could come online at home during weekends... and I hate doing that. I realise she probably gets bored at home too. My Dad's at work all day and even though my mom teaches students at home, she has very few of them now. @ SW: Thankfully, I'm not all she has in life. She talks to my sister everyday too, though that's on the phone so its shorter as opposed to being online. I try n control myself most of the times, but its just these times when I just snap that make me feel so guilty.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 11:33
I can see my son posting this in the future, I am a hyper full of question mother just can’t help it, the poor kid gets on the school bus and I call him a minute later “don’t forget this” give that” “eat this” him “ok mama” “ok mama”....after reading this I think I will learn to control myself, to answer your question don’t feel like **** she means well as do you that’s love my dear, just find a way to tell her that you will be more than happy to answer all her question after work and that you love her.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 11:21
You say you are at work-can you at least nicely ask her not to contact you during working hours to give you some space?
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 07 February 2011 - 11:15
Maybe you are all she has in her life or she just cares so much about you? Find a way to control yourself and deal with it in a caring but firm way.
 
 

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