massive tantrums and extreme naughtyness

I am not sure if this is relavent, but i hope t helps. I just had a baby 6 weeks back and already have a 22month old. We all sleep together, however, its been very tight in bed, so we moved him to a cot jammed next to the bed. Its been very tough. He cries a lot. He wasnt sleeping enough, which meant i wasnt sleeping enough, it was a mess. He was so tired, and cranky, and tantrummy, and basically not at al my lovely little child. So past 2 days, i let him sleep with me, and then move him to the cot once he is asleep. It worked for us. He is sleeping better, is less cranky and tired, and i am getting a bit more sleep too. Moral of the story, i feel kids go thru some form of insecurity or discomfort which is why they behave the way they do. Something must be bothering ur child and u need to figure out what. I feel sorry for my son that i upset him so much trying to move him to a cot when he obviously isnt ready.. (also, thanks to tahm for posting video which made me realise I wont be cuddling him for ever after :)) Anyways, I hope u can sort it out :) <em>edited by shaf on 28/03/2011</em>

I also find that eye contact is so important when dealing with violent behaviour (I also group tantrums into this, even if there's no physical violence to others). If you don't already do so, get down on their level to talk to them - never tower above. I often sit on the floor and get DD to stand so that we can talk face to face. If her gaze wanders away I bring it - and her - back to the discussion in hand. Also, observe the situation and reasons behind it. Sometimes there may be a pattern, sometimes not. In the case of physical violence, I always take DD a few paces away (to get her away from the situation), tell her that hitting is not acceptable under any circumstances and ask her why she was upset/ angry. I listen to whatever she has to say (generally " I didn't want him near me" or "I don't like him" or "I didn't want him to have my toy") and then tell her an appropriate way of dealing with that situation ("You don't hit, you need to say "Please go away"") and then we go back to the child and say "sorry for hitting/ pushing, screaming/ shouting...". She understands the mechanism now, so the naughty step isn't needed, unless she needs it to calm down.

Sometimes time out is not the answer. My LO 2.7 yrs had a lot more tantrums when we fought it out and threatened punishment and the naughty chair. I'm cut pasting this from a blog i follow but some of it may resonate with you... Violence is a symptom of an underlying emotion. The child can feel rejected, irritated, frustrated, bored, hungry, sleepy, even love. Violence can also be a scientific experiment: what happens if I do X? And if I do it again? That doesn't mean they are manipulating or testing you, they are just being children: learning from experience. Another source of violence can be a lack of physical or mental activity, or doing the wrong ones. How to deal with it Personally, I don't think aggression is such a bad thing. If it's there, it's better to let it out than to let it consume them and feed and grow. Suppressing aggression in childhood will only lead to aggression in their adult life. The importance is to find healthy ways of getting it out their system. As a parent, it is important to not see the behavior as negative, to not label your child because of it, and to deal with it in the same way as you would deal with any other strong emotion. Remember that the child that is violent needs as much love and comforting as the person or object that gets caught in the eye of the storm. The first step should be to diagnose the underlying emotion of the behavior, and to try and find other ways of dealing with that emotion. Only you can find the plan of action that works for your child, as all children respond differently in this situation. Here are some common tips that might work for you, but be creative and find something that works for all of you. •Punching Bunny: Give them a stuffed animal they can bite, kick, punch... •Screaming box: when your child is prone to yelling and name calling: give the a box where they can yell into, and where they can confide all the angry words to. Afterwards the box can be closed and when they're ready, they can empty it in the wind. •Soothing corner: With older kids, create a little space somewhere, where they can have soothing objects of their choice (a doll, a book, a blanket, a pillow...) and where they can turn to when they feel overwhelmed. Choose the objects together and decorate the corner with your child so they grasp the idea and feel like they really have their own space. This needn't be big, just the size of a large tile, so they can sit there or stand there is enough. •Remain calm: If the violence does happen, do not respond emotionally, because things may only escalate. Respond calmly and with love. If a second party is involved, show you care for both of their sorts. If there are two parents present, tend to a child each. •Take deep breaths together: Even if your child is too small to understand, the fact that you are breathing deeply will help you. When they get older, they'll start mimicking and benefit from the action. •Primal needs: hunger, thirst or lack of sleep will get the best of anyone, so make sure these are fullfilled at all time. •Talk: When the emotional roller coaster has come to an end, talk through the emotions. Ask your child how they feel, how their emotions made them feel. Tell them how it made you feel. •Redirect: When you see the aggression building in your child, try to turn their attention to something else. •Balance in activity: Make sure your child gets to do a variety of physical activities, some that are soothing and some that are high energy, so they can achieve a balance in emotional and physical energy. Find out which activities provide the right mind-body connection for your child. •Change the scenery: Going out, or just stepping into another room can relieve the tension. If possible, remove your child from the 'location of the crime'. Then return the place together, when the aggression has subsided.

I have a 12 year old son and he has had his moments/days/weeks/months when pushing boundaries at various times in his life, key is consistancy and never make idle threats. If you threaten to go home from a friends house after an incident, next offence, get in the car and go. He'll soon learn how serious you are, BELIEVE ME! Remember that pushing boundaries are extremely important as it shows a strength of character, it's moms character that gets tested here and can be so, so hard but please be reassured, the rewards of consistancy, accountability and follow through are enormous! Good luck, I know it's tough!

When I posted about difficult behaviour from my DS afew posters recommended '1,2,3 Magic' by Thomas Phelan and I must say I find it very useful. Good luck!

KKS is right reward the good, ignore the bad...EXCEPT in the case of extreme bad behaviour, like hitting, and then time out is the perfect response./ No debate, no asking for reasons, just "I saw you hit ....... thats time out" The important thing is consistency. If it happens on playdate in someone else house or at the park, I would say 1 timeout, but explain if it happens again that you will be going home. and if he does, you put him in the car and take him home...and he doesn't get any treats, TV etc when you get home...it is very boring!

It is a simplistic answer, but its impossible to know the depths of his problems on an internet forum, but I would suggest, spend some time on the floor playing with him, talking to him 100% undisturbed. Turn off your phone, turn off the tv. Reward the good behaviour ignore the bad.