Flirting techniques and being girly

Ladies, Here is a small update on the flirting advice. I've been myself around the guy that I like (saw him at a gathering on Wednesday) I tried to have more eye contact , smiled a bit more) also have felt comfortable taking the initiatives to plan things. I will be having lunch with him some time this week and will treat him for my new car.( The last time we had lunch, he took the bill) I guess this means that being myself and being honest about who I am is working:D:D That is super Kahtoon ...."taking the initiative to plan things" .... Just please make sure he also plans a few things and takes plenty of initiative too

Ladies, Here is a small update on the flirting advice. I've been myself around the guy that I like (saw him at a gathering on Wednesday) I tried to have more eye contact , smiled a bit more) also have felt comfortable taking the initiatives to plan things. I will be having lunch with him some time this week and will treat him for my new car.( The last time we had lunch, he took the bill) I guess this means that being myself and being honest about who I am is working:D:D just be flexible ;) and freindly with a touch of flirting ... you need a lesson how to make that good luck

I'm sick at the moment and didn't get much sleep so my eyes aren't focusing really well - I read this title quickly and thought it said "Firing techniques and being dirty" I was wondering what advice the poster would be given on how to combine firing someone while still remaining dirty... hmm... should sleep... "Firing techniques and being dirty" sandwiched between two posts labelled "Mr Clean Magic Markers" should do the trick! I actually hoot at some of the funny thread posts, and my heart stops at the capital letter posts which SHOUT about something not too big very often

hilsbils. You sound like you would make an amazing life coach/mentor type person! Aw thanks so much. I have been working and retraining towards this but quite hard starting out at this age with the work involved. But lots of (sometimes icky) life experience helps.

Khatoon, I never mastered the girly/flirty thing either. It kind of just passed me by. I'm also the strong independent and I laughed when a study came out suggesting women who have a child with autism have more testesterone than other women. There was also the other study that had us checking our ring fingers because is was said if it was longer or shorter than the one next to it, I cant remember which, that you're brain was more male than female. Add to that the amount of times I've been told in this part of the world that I'm like a man and I'm seriously inclined to believe that some of us are not wired to be flirty types of girls. I'm not sure Ive ever really felt feminine. I have felt really pretty on a day, and being a very long legged blonde I have had quite a few admiring glances in my day - but to feel feminine and flirty I cant say I have. I even feel daft trying to be flirty with my husband. I'm more of a grab him by the ankles and throw him on the floor type of woman :D I've just remembered that when I was on project manager on our last house the building contractor said I had a mans brain. I wasnt insulted. I dont really know what I'm saying here, I've breast fed 5 children and I was a stay at home earth mother type of mum - or so Im told. But that feminine/flirty type of person - no. There have been times though that I wanted to be that person. eta - And there are times now I would love to be a pole dancer! <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 29/06/2012</em>

hilsbils. You sound like you would make an amazing life coach/mentor type person!

I can't flirt at all. The trouble is, I think it means I end up with men who approach me rather than me doing any form of selection, because I don't risk anything and therefore don't really date much - so am a bit too grateful when someone actually does make the effort to chat me up! Would also LOVE to read the chapters - and as an editor and proof-reader, should be able to give some good feedback :-) [email protected] Wow thats great Suze. I was looking to find an editor so Ill mail you to find out more about how it works. Finding publishers is not easy, but Ill be doing POD and Kindle with Amazon publishing. Still trying to get my head around the logistics of publishing - its a lot more work than I had imagined. Book is aimed at the whole person and assessing all aspects of their life which may be interfering with finding a mate, and flirting and body language only one chapter each. The rest are at draft stage so I may send those too to offer some background, so chapters arent read out of context. Ill be in touch

Hi khatoon :) I'm willing to bet my bottom dirham that there is nothing wrong with the way you are! Everybody could use a little bit of self-reflection and introspect; this is how we evolve. But I have to say, our past shapes us. We shouldn't live in it, but if we run from it, we are doing ourselves a disservice. If men have to work harder for whatever reason to get close to you, then good. Could you imagine trying to be serious, but no one taking you seriously because you're the consummate flirt? I think that would be worse. Those that see something in you will work to get to know you, and will appreciate it, once they do. When my husband first approached me, I raised an eyebrow..like, "what do you want?" That's just my personality. And it worked beautifully, got my perfect match by being myself. :D ETA: love love MrsCanuck's post! <em>edited by Beebers on 29/06/2012</em>

I can't flirt at all. The trouble is, I think it means I end up with men who approach me rather than me doing any form of selection, because I don't risk anything and therefore don't really date much - so am a bit too grateful when someone actually does make the effort to chat me up! Would also LOVE to read the chapters - and as an editor and proof-reader, should be able to give some good feedback :-) <em>edited by exphat on 29/06/2012</em>

http://penelopesoasis.com/2011/how-to-flirt.html :D

Flicker eye lashes very fast and at the same time tilt you head slightly to one side, lol edited by salsB on 28/06/2012 If a woman did that to me i would ask if she had something in her eye lol

Great posts here from ladies in a similair situation khatoon! The thing that I was often told when I was single was "Just be yourself!" (and this was usually from well meaning married friends) and I kept asking myself ... well what does that actually mean? Really, [i'>really [/i'>mean? Is the person who I have become the real "me" and is that the person I reveal when I am on dates? I know what they were trying to say ... and it was meant with kindness of course, but I also believe that we can lose track of essential parts of ourselves as we age and grow. A few years after a divorce, for example, a once optimistic and friendly woman may not even realise that the resentments she had from the divorce have not abated and instead intensified so much that she exudes resentment. Is she being 'herself' in that instance? I think we are so adaptable and chanegeable and often a pursuit of love sends us on a personal journey to reclaiming parts of ourselves we may have lost and buried, and maybe shaking off those parts of us which we no longer need and are doing us no good. Im rambling on here, sorry, but the question of 'who the h3ll am I really??' came up as a big topic when I was single and helped me a lot on a personal journey and meeting my Dh. Ill be in touch ! I agree... every past relationship you have had shapes who you are as a person and not always in a positive way so it's important to be aware of that. As for flirting, I think super girly flirting is a bit naff. A smile and positive body language goes a long way!

Flicker eye lashes very fast and at the same time tilt you head slightly to onside, lol Ah pretty, very pretty Salsb..... is this your modus operandi??

Flicker eye lashes very fast and at the same time tilt you head slightly to one side, lol <em>edited by salsB on 28/06/2012</em>

Great posts here from ladies in a similair situation khatoon! The thing that I was often told when I was single was "Just be yourself!" (and this was usually from well meaning married friends) and I kept asking myself ... well what does that actually mean? Really, [i'>really [/i'>mean? Is the person who I have become the real "me" and is that the person I reveal when I am on dates? I know what they were trying to say ... and it was meant with kindness of course, but I also believe that we can lose track of essential parts of ourselves as we age and grow. A few years after a divorce, for example, a once optimistic and friendly woman may not even realise that the resentments she had from the divorce have not abated and instead intensified so much that she exudes resentment. Is she being 'herself' in that instance? I think we are so adaptable and chanegeable and often a pursuit of love sends us on a personal journey to reclaiming parts of ourselves we may have lost and buried, and maybe shaking off those parts of us which we no longer need and are doing us no good. Im rambling on here, sorry, but the question of 'who the h3ll am I really??' came up as a big topic when I was single and helped me a lot on a personal journey and meeting my Dh. Ill be in touch !

I'm just like magik: total tomboy, always played with action figures, play contact sports, drink beer, etc. I struggled with dating for ages, and a friend suggested I needed to find a rugby player. He insisted that rugby guys love tomboys, and I'd have no trouble finding Mr Right if I looked for a rugby player. I rolled my eyes, told him he was an idiot, and figured I'd be alone forever. Now, years later, I'm happily married to a rugby player.

I'm the most unflirty woman I know. Flirting irritates me, and don't impress me. I dislike how much of the business world relies on flirting to get things done, also I don't think I'm that feminine either and yet I managed to find a wonderful husband, we've been together 7 years. Just as I started typing I asked him: Do you think I'm feminine? He replied: "not particularly". That's him being polite :P Like you I have a strong personality, in addition I'm convinced my parents wanted to have a boy because they grew me up in a very masculine way and also I spent my early years with boys so I never played with Barbie or setting up tea parties, if Barbie was involved she was paired up with Action man and they were saving the world or we'd be in my friend's loft playing Star Trek and jumping in and out his mom's car windows like Duke's of Hazard (ahhh I miss the 80's!) Then as I reached my teens years my family started the "speak like a lady, sit like a lady, do like a lady" talk and I mean everyone, my mom my unties my grand mothers, which was irritating especially my mom because she never cared to teach me for the previous how many years, now she wanted me to be "lady like"? Please! I hate most female activities, I like mostly male things, like watching/talking about sports, reading comics, play video games, do stuff on the computer, my husband's friends think I'm the perfect wife because we get to share so many activities that we both enjoy. This is to illustrate my point which is...you DO you! Forget what your friends or family say, if you haven't found a guy yet, isn't because you can't flirt or aren't feminine, is simply because you just haven't met the right person and it truly is only down to that. I've had a few relationships (3 serious and some flings) before meeting my husband and it never worked because they simply were not the person for me. The same things I did or say that created issues with those people, when I met my husband he loved them and I remember being wow'd at the beginning and thinking "but...but...my other guys always hated this or that about me but he loves it" and that was the greatest feeling ever, that's when you know you found true love it's when you find someone who 100% accept you for you who are, not who you are trying to be or wish you were. So like I said do you. Of course you can still be non-flirty or non-feminine without coming across unfriendly. But that is a different thing :) Probably Hilsbills' book will give you some good tips on keeping a welcoming body language. Good luck :)

Very good advice hilsbils....I could do with you or your group that you were setting up! :-) Khatooon, I definitely mirror what has already been said. No one should ever, ever change who they are to attract or be with someone. If you do it to just meet someone you will end up doing it all the way through a relationship....and not being yourself does not end in a happy you......believe me!! There will be a guy out there that thinks you are just the perfect female exactly as you are. I have suffered from damaging comments from close family members over the years....water off a ducks back! I read a nice little saying this evening on facebook that made me smile, i hope it does you too. It read: "Right now, someone you haven't met is out there wondering what it would be like to meet someone like you" Be proud of who you are, hold your head up high and be yourself x

Ouch! honest feedback is good but at the same time it has to be done with some kindness and goodwill. Be careful not to let your self esteem dip here. Ive some relative chapters finished about being a strong intelligent woman, older single woman, flirting and body language. Over time Ill send you the rest as I finish them - like Your values, Patterns of behaviour etc which hopefully will all help.... also the law of attraction which has its flaws but does offer some invaluable food for thought in terms of what the messages we emit to the universe! Im moving house this weekend and things are a little crazy but I promise to email you early next week if thats ok? Good luck until then. In the meantime, there are some good books come out on the market lately - one of the most inspiring books Ive read recently is called "Perfect Love:Imperfect relationships" by John Welwood. Excellent book written by a spiritual psychotherapist <em>edited by hilsbils on 27/06/2012</em>

Hi Kahtoon.... welcome to my world! I spent a long time project managing my men and not allowing my natural femininity shine through. Being single was my speciality (although I am now married :-) So, because I feel that women need help, and I could never find any decent books or anyone to take my questions seriously, I have been writing a book and its nearly ready for publishing. Its a Handbook for Savvy Single Women and I have some chapters which address body language etc. I can email them across to you on condition that you give me honest feedback too as I haven't had a chance yet to check typos and editing. I can email the chapters across in Word format but please don't upload them onto any public website etc as I havent finished it and also own copyright. I really hope it helps! I feel so much for single women. If one has an addiction etc there is usually free support and counselling but anyone suffering from the problems associated with their love life is often ridiculed and forced to pay for expensive therapy. I was hoping to start a Supportive Circle for single women here in Dubai but never got around to it. If you type your email address here I will delete it soon after. <em>edited by hilsbils on 27/06/2012</em>

I'll say the obvious thing first - you shouldn't change your character to meet someone, you should be with someone who likes who you really are! As for flirting, it's just natural isn't it? Everyone is different. Don't force it though; like those men who use chat up lines, it's cringe worthy. Personally I always ran a mile from the type of men who like girly giggly barbie girl types...those men are unattractive to me, as are the women. Being strong and independent doesn't mean you're unfeminine, it just means you're not needy, which I think is great. When I feel like being 'girly' I guess I'll make sure my hair/make up looks good, nice clothes etc. but that's pretty much it.