Has anybody sent their children back home to boarding school?

Hi again Sanddy Dogg, I've been thinking about your original request which in part was for tips. So mine are: Make sure your DD has constant access to you and your DH eg through a phone which supports photos, whatsapp etc. One of my worst memories is desperately needing my mum and dad to talk to but not being able to get hold of them there and then. It was heartbreaking for me as a child but was a long time ago and in these technical times that need never happen. Send photos by phone all the time of what you are all up to, including the daily routine stuff. She will know you are thinking of her all the time no matter what you're up to. Don't stop if she doesn't return the favour! Send letters and little token pressies as often as you can. Getting a letter/postcard handed to you at breakfast / lunch is lovely. I kept all my parents' letters and have them even now, as well as daft little things like magnets that they sent. Moonpig will also be good for sending fun cards, but not all the time as it's nice to see your mum or dad's handwriting. Do whatever you can think of to keep her and her little brother close. It may be hard for her some days knowing that he is at home still with you so be aware of that if it's the case, and as he's so young they may need help staying close over the next few years. Zealously protect holiday times and bring her here or go there for ALL the holidays, even if she starts to want to spend them with friends etc as she gets older. That is your family time and should always happen. Genuinely commit to yourselves and to her that she can always come home if she wants to, if it doesn't work out for her. That's all, and I'm aware it may be advice that is biased towards my experience but I hope it helps. H x PS just want to add (because of a couple of other comments) that I had wonderful, loving and ridiculously affectionate parents! They thought they were doing the right thing for me because of the countries we were living in at the time, and my education has served me well, but I just don't think it was right for our family - we missed out on too much. <em>edited by Hendy on 02/12/2013</em>

All children are different. My youngest we expected to finish school here but life changing events brought about change and she started boarding in September 2013 at 16.5.years old. Thankfully she is very happy and it is giving her a very different experience in a smaller school in a different country and can come back and see friends, hopefully some will be around over Christmas. to anyone who is contemplating- Do not listen to those who may have a comment you rather would not like to hear and if it does not work out be prepared to change direction. More often than not ,It is not necessary in this day to need to send a child boarding at 9 years old but years ago it may have been the case. Age is a factor , if it is a boarding school with many boarders or just a few and the number of times they can get home within a year. If you child is happy and getting a good education here they may as well stay with family here at home as long as they can and when ready they can spread their wings they will be it 13/14 15/16 or older. Boarding schools are very different as is life from 20 years ago . Computers , phones make contact so much easier.

I think there has to be a certain amount of emotional distance in a family for them to countenance sending kids away to boarding school, certainly if they're pre-teen. The BBC recently showed a documentary catching up with pupils from the exclusive Radley public school 30 years after they were originally filmed for a fly-on-the-wall documentary. All of them had gone on to have very different lives, but the one thing they all had in common was that they admitted that their parents had "never really been big on hugs and kisses". It was quite sad really. <em>edited by Madge_Gustard on 02/12/2013</em>

Do you think age at which you go is a big factor? I often hear more negative feedback from people who went at 9,10, 11 than at age 15, 16- I would be curious to hear what people think- we are wrestling with the idea for one teen who cannot get the sport opportunities here that they could back home.

Hi, This isn't to offend or upset anyone, but my experience of boarding school and what it meant to me and my family means that I won't be sending my own child there. I started boarding at 11 and went to a couple of really amazing schools that had so much to offer. My parents did everything they could to settle me in well and wrote almost daily. We also had local family and friends support. I always told my mum and dad even as an adult that it was a great experience, but it is only now many many years later that I am starting to really understand the negative impact it did have on me/us. As a family we missed out so much - holidays were wonderful, but for me nothing could replace the value of day to day life with my family. It also meant I missed out on a lot with my sibling which has impacted our relationship as adults. This is very much me and my experience, and I have no doubt many other people have a different one. But for me if I could turn back time I wish it had been different and that I had grown up at home, with my parents and sibling. Best, H x Hendy I totally agree with you. My parents sent me to a rather prominent girls boarding school in UK for 9 years duly for the fact that they wished the high life and it effected me greatly. However, as a mother who would never place my children in a boarding school, please go with your instincts - it is great for some (DH was at a London boarding school for 9 years) for me, it was not but utterly your choice. Good luck to you and your child xx <em>edited by Eleanorah on 02/12/2013</em>

Hi, This isn't to offend or upset anyone, but my experience of boarding school and what it meant to me and my family means that I won't be sending my own child there. I started boarding at 11 and went to a couple of really amazing schools that had so much to offer. My parents did everything they could to settle me in well and wrote almost daily. We also had local family and friends support. I always told my mum and dad even as an adult that it was a great experience, but it is only now many many years later that I am starting to really understand the negative impact it did have on me/us. As a family we missed out so much - holidays were wonderful, but for me nothing could replace the value of day to day life with my family. It also meant I missed out on a lot with my sibling which has impacted our relationship as adults. This is very much me and my experience, and I have no doubt many other people have a different one. But for me if I could turn back time I wish it had been different and that I had grown up at home, with my parents and sibling. Best, H x

Ditto to all the responses...as Kaydee says, don't listen to advice from anyone else, go with your gut feelings, you know your child best. What's good for one child may not suit other kids in the family. Our two went to school in UAE until age 13, then on to boarding school in our home country and absolutely thrived, it was probably one of the best things we could have done for them. Now both in wonderful careers in Dubai. They both talk often about boarding life and have very fond memories of those years, not to mention the lifelong friends made.

I went to boarding school and intend on sending our kids to boarding school from either age 11 or 13 depending on what age the school I choose starts from and how the kids are by that age. The boarders from my school seem to have turned out on the whole a lot better grounded and more sensible than many of the day pupils. It may be because many of them were from armed forces families and they were not as spoilt, I don't know. Most of the boarders went to good universities regardless of the distance whilst the day pupils found it harder to leave their parents and went to London universities (mostly not highly rated ones). The day pupils seemed less prepared to move away from home. Many of the day pupils I still know are just approaching their mid thirties, work in average white collar jobs, still go clubbing at the same places they went to as teenagers, still live within 15 minutes of their parents and are screaming Twilight fans. On the other hand the boarders are scattered all over the globe, mostly married with families, doing a variety of things from midwifery to sheep farming and seem generally to be much more worldly sound and knowledgeable people. I found the children who boarded had a better relationship with their parents as they spent their time in school working but when they went home to see their parents it was more like a holiday. No time with parents nagging them to do their homework etc. as it was all already done. I might also add I was bullied at school for years until I switched from day to boarding which just changed things overnight almost. Many people have criticised me for my hope of being able to send my children to boarding school but I just don't think they actually understand what it is all about. They see TV shows and movies and stories of neglected children dumped in boarding schools. But to me it is about giving children a chance to start to gain their independence in a structured environment. If you have the finances to send them to an elite school they will have many activities on site like horse riding, shooting, climbing, rowing etc. which they may not have a chance to otherwise do. The school part of boarding school is just like a school. But the boarding part is more like one long summer camp. Just ensure you are very fussy about the school you choose and take the time to visit and see the schools. Many schools will also offer a child a few days test to see if they like it. As someone else has said you will need either family or a paid guardian there to deal with exeat weekends and half term breaks if you are not going to travel back or fly them back here.

Two of mine are married and absolutely loved boarding school ,they have said it gave them independence and gave them a good grounding teaching them good values . DH is ex forces and they boarded in Germany staying and doing many weekend activities. Our other daughter has for the last four years lived in halls at college for two years and decided to stay in the UK studying at the Uni there , she left us at sixteen and has too grown into a wonderful ,grounded ,level headed young woman .I feel if you reassure the children you are always there for them ,whenever,however over whatever they will be confident and the possibilities and activities available for them are endless plus are there grandparents ... Ours loved telling everyone what they had done and what was on the agenda plus homework was always done LOL I am very proud of the adults ours have become .love listening to our daughter she has so much to say and with modern communication such as Skype, viber,what's apps we constantly chat Go with your heart ,good luck on whatever you decide :)

I currently have kids in a UK boarding school, they all love it there.

Mine went to boarding school and we all believe it was a very good decision. They are now happy, successful, well adjusted adults with whom I have a fantastic relationship. My best piece of advise is to not listen to other people, who often have very strong opinions about this issue, but to make a decision based upon what your family thinks is right. Make sure you have a very good support network back home, as exeats are usually every three weeks and can be quite trying, especially in the first term when friendships are still being formed. Best of luck