Hubby searching nude photos :( | ExpatWoman.com
 

Hubby searching nude photos :(

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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 16 August 2016 - 13:43

I hope this is the right place to share this! if not please let me know.
Im heartbroken an dI don't know how to react. recently ive realized he's been on instagram constantly especially at night. he doesn't post any but he goes through pictures... He's staying awake to do this all night and I feel like ***t.
we've been married for sometime with 2 kids and recently after giving birth to our second baby I felt that I need to get on my feet and do more for him, I don't know why the sense of urgency struck but things became better, then it went down again as we don't have time for ourselves alone.
Now this is what he is doing, girl, boobs, ladies etc.
Do I talk to him or just let it pass?
and when is the right time to talk to him?! and how do I start it? shall I be aggressive or show him how much Im hurt?

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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 20 August 2016 - 10:18
Men respond to the visual - that's why we spend ages fixing ourselves up (with or without clothes on)!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 20 August 2016 - 08:36
I agree to most of the pp. It is kind of "normal". In case your hubby is actually a nice guy just looking at some girls on Instagram, you should also consider the effect if you confront him and try to control him....
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EW GURU
Latest post on 20 August 2016 - 00:51
Must agree with Gorobattie..I don't think it is normal that all blokes like to look at naked women... Some might do but def not all men...
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EW GURU
Latest post on 18 August 2016 - 11:27
It IS normal for men look at such things, just as it is normal for women to as well, haha! It is normal to admire the body of the opposite ***. If we didn't, well, we'd be extinct wouldn't we? :D Men are wired differently to women, they tend to be more visual creatures whereas women are more emotionally wired. I have no idea if my husband looks at such stuff, I am sure when I am not around he does and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I wouldn't be happy if he started messaging other women though. Visually enjoying a good body is one thing, getting to know it is not. However if it upset me, I would just sit down and talk to him. Both parties have to be happy to build a happy marriage. What is right for one couple, in one culture, may not be acceptable in another. But in any marriage, whatever the problem, if one partner doesn't respect the other's feelings then there is a problem. Oh, and as a side note, at one time I used to work for a very large firm in Dubai and one of my jobs was to monitor internet usage and YES, a large amount of the men of all cultures and nationalities WERE looking at such pictures. Nice men, lovely, respectful and kind. And that was at WORK, so I can only imagine what goes on at home...!! Naive to think otherwise. ;) :lol::lol:
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 17 August 2016 - 20:59
Sorry Gorobattie, completely disagree! It's not 'gross, greasy men' practically every bloke I know does this, in a relationship or not and if they say they don't or aren't, then they're pretty much lying about it. It's hardwired into mens brains to look at this stuff. Google 'Why men look at porn' - very obvious and simple reasons as to why they do it and mostly pretty innocent ones at that. Does it mean they are doing anything about it? Not necessarily. That's actually MORE likely to happen if they're not allowed an outlet for their 'fantasies'. That statment of " every bloke I know does it" tells a lot about women who raise men that don't respect women. It doesn't mean that every bloke you know does it that it's a right thing... I know men from my circle of family and friends that don't do it, maybe in their teenage, but not adult men, and that deferentia men from horny teenagers!!!! That you know of. Do you keep tabs on what every single man in your family does, 100% of the time? Seriously?! Also it has NOTHING to do with respecting or disrespecting women or how someone was brought up either. You're very naive in that assumption, because it's not true at all. Shock, horror, many couples watch things together, do things together, just because some people do things differently to you, doesn't make it wrong. Each to their own. *goes back to looking at facebook profiles of big, muscular, bare-chested men*. (works BOTH ways). You claimed you have the knowledge of men you know do this act, so I guess you have taps on them, as your post stated clearly they do this and you are aware of it. ? Again, if watching porn and nudes is a spread out; it doesn't mean it's right, encouraging this industry help demeaning women and endorsing violence toward women, so there is no pride in stating men love porn, it's like a woman says she love to be insulted, objectified and become a se x object for someone else's amusement .... Again that says a lot about women who don't respect themselves enough and raise boys become men that love watching porn. I hope this cleared your idea about the whole horrific reality you are trying to justify
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 August 2016 - 20:46
Sorry Gorobattie, completely disagree! It's not 'gross, greasy men' practically every bloke I know does this, in a relationship or not and if they say they don't or aren't, then they're pretty much lying about it. It's hardwired into mens brains to look at this stuff. Google 'Why men look at porn' - very obvious and simple reasons as to why they do it and mostly pretty innocent ones at that. Does it mean they are doing anything about it? Not necessarily. That's actually MORE likely to happen if they're not allowed an outlet for their 'fantasies'. That statment of " every bloke I know does it" tells a lot about women who raise men that don't respect women. It doesn't mean that every bloke you know does it that it's a right thing... I know men from my circle of family and friends that don't do it, maybe in their teenage, but not adult men, and that deferentia men from horny teenagers!!!! That you know of. Do you keep tabs on what every single man in your family does, 100% of the time? Seriously?! Also it has NOTHING to do with respecting or disrespecting women or how someone was brought up either. You're very naive in that assumption, because it's not true at all. Shock, horror, many couples watch things together, do things together, just because some people do things differently to you, doesn't make it wrong. Each to their own. *goes back to looking at facebook profiles of big, muscular, bare-chested men*. (works BOTH ways).
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 17 August 2016 - 20:37
Sorry Gorobattie, completely disagree! It's not 'gross, greasy men' practically every bloke I know does this, in a relationship or not and if they say they don't or aren't, then they're pretty much lying about it. It's hardwired into mens brains to look at this stuff. Google 'Why men look at porn' - very obvious and simple reasons as to why they do it and mostly pretty innocent ones at that. Does it mean they are doing anything about it? Not necessarily. That's actually MORE likely to happen if they're not allowed an outlet for their 'fantasies'. That statment of " every bloke I know does it" tells a lot about women who raise men that don't respect women. It doesn't mean that every bloke you know does it that it's a right thing... I know men from my circle of family and friends that don't do it, maybe in their teenage, but not adult men, and that deferentiate men from horny teenagers!!!!
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 August 2016 - 20:25
Sorry Gorobattie, completely disagree! It's not 'gross, greasy men' practically every bloke I know does this, in a relationship or not and if they say they don't or aren't, then they're pretty much lying about it. It's hardwired into mens brains to look at this stuff. Google 'Why men look at porn' - very obvious and simple reasons as to why they do it and mostly pretty innocent ones at that. Does it mean they are doing anything about it? Not necessarily. That's actually MORE likely to happen if they're not allowed an outlet for their 'fantasies'.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 17 August 2016 - 19:36
I don't get the posters who normalise the act of " men looking at nudes or porn as normal men do" mentra! No, it's not normal for men to be looking up such stuff, greedy grose men do this, not normal men, specially if they are in a relationship ( girlfriend or fiancé or a wife) and still looking at these stuff means these men are sick and need to seek help. Now Instagram is about following these girls or women who post such photos, as Instagram do ban nudity or porn, that mean the husband in question IS in contact with these girls or women who share these nudes, as the pages are private, and only shared to "known" contacts, and can send private messages too. With the new feature Instagram have; to share a video with specified contacts and not others, these videos will be there for 24 hrs or less- as per the sender determine - so yes, that's an alarming sign and OP can't ignore it. HTH
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 17 August 2016 - 16:54
Just thought I'd mention here though it does not seem to apply to you - in UK there are a number of phone- in soft porn TV "channels" which can be seen very easily by anyone on Free View and SKY etc - which can hardly be avoided if flicking through. Without paying for any phone call "service" the screen shows virtually naked, very sexy, young and beautiful women doing all sorts of gyrations! Some of them are quite extraordinary in their movements - makes me think "how do you do THAT!? An education to me! I read recently in more than one paper that some men are in fact not able to be "turned on" by "ordinary" women because they watch too much porn and are conditioned by it!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 16 August 2016 - 18:43
As pp mentioned that I don't want to wait until he getsout of it or not. I don't know the pros or cons but it just started recently. he used to be on facebook by the end of the night but lately im pretending to sleep and I see that he sees... I know it might become addiction but I don't know how to start... I hate to think that he might start communicating... and our marriage is too good to break it or atleast I see it that way. Do l give it to him in the face? I saw you yesterday bla bla bla bla or do I just be nice and joke about it? Again how can I make sure that he doesn't do it in secret? There are accountability software that you can subscribe to but with his knowledge and his permission. When I confronted my husband, I did not joke about it. I told him I was hurt. He said that many guys do it. However, I did not accept that as something that is ok for my family. I must say it was an uphill climb to get back to restoration because I felt betrayed and my self-esteem plunged but the road to restoration, which included accountability, talks with friends and counselling were well worth it. Freedom from it and even addressing issues that led to his going to those sites really helped our marriage and our own selves. My husband is no longer going to those sites. And THAT should be the norm.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 16 August 2016 - 16:09
As pp mentioned that I don't want to wait until he getsout of it or not. I don't know the pros or cons but it just started recently. he used to be on facebook by the end of the night but lately im pretending to sleep and I see that he sees... I know it might become addiction but I don't know how to start... I hate to think that he might start communicating... and our marriage is too good to break it or atleast I see it that way. Do l give it to him in the face? I saw you yesterday bla bla bla bla or do I just be nice and joke about it? Again how can I make sure that he doesn't do it in secret?
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 16 August 2016 - 16:08
Pretty normal behaviour for most guys I'd say. So long as that's all it is and it's not going further and he's not talking to other women etc. Guys will be guys. As a happily married woman I'd say I agree - it's normal for men to look at nudie women. It's hardwired, nd not really anything to be worried about unless he acts on it by directly communicating with them.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 16 August 2016 - 15:44
Pretty normal behaviour for most guys I'd say. So long as that's all it is and it's not going further and he's not talking to other women etc. Guys will be guys.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 16 August 2016 - 15:43
I hope this is the right place to share this! if not please let me know. Im heartbroken an dI don't know how to react. recently ive realized he's been on instagram constantly especially at night. he doesn't post any but he goes through pictures... He's staying awake to do this all night and I feel like ***t. we've been married for sometime with 2 kids and recently after giving birth to our second baby I felt that I need to get on my feet and do more for him, I don't know why the sense of urgency struck but things became better, then it went down again as we don't have time for ourselves alone. Now this is what he is doing, girl, boobs, ladies etc. Do I talk to him or just let it pass? and when is the right time to talk to him?! and how do I start it? shall I be aggressive or show him how much Im hurt? It hurts. And if not stopped, will corrode a marriage. I know there are different opinions here but for me, I would bring it up. Porn is never welcome in a marriage, in a family. "Just looking" often leads to addiction. Some men get out of it fast but some don't. And you should not wait to see if he gets out of it fast. I would tell him but I would not be aggressive. Yes, you should tell him you hurt. If need be, counselling would be of great help. Maybe there is a root to this that needs to be addressed. Thinking and praying for you...
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 16 August 2016 - 15:27
I understand how you feel gutted. So would I. At the same time, apparently most men look at nude pics or even some porn. They don't mean any harm, it's like buying a new pair of shoes. Takes their mind of things etc., doesn't mean he doesn't love you or the children. As long as it's just looking, I wouldn't be too worried. If it develops into chatting or any other contact, I'd confront him.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 16 August 2016 - 14:58
I would think it's very different if he's just looking at strangers, or exchaning messages. Although it's not easy to graps i think MOST men look at that kind of thing from time to time... If he's in some form of communication with these ladies that's very different.
 
 

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