Should men ALWAYS pick up the bill? | Page 2 | ExpatWoman.com
 

Should men ALWAYS pick up the bill?

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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 10:45
My DH and I also joke around about "its on me this time honey" We both work We both bring in the same amount of money We share a joint account Our money is our money... it really just depends on who actually has cash on them at the time :) Doesn't that only work if you have the same attitude towards money? I'm a saver and DH is a big spender so if we only had a joint account we would have a very powerful car and no savings!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 10:43
Yeh i mean if we are out and he has no change then of course I pay!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 10:35
My DH and I also joke around about "its on me this time honey" We both work We both bring in the same amount of money We share a joint account Our money is our money... it really just depends on who actually has cash on them at the time :)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 10:27
yes :) he is actually still a student aswell :) awww! hehehe
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 10:26
You see, that just makes him even better! At 24 and believing he has to look after you...........priceless. My DD is 23 and her BF 24 and I had a feeling you may be the same age.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 10:24
Does that explain anything? hehe
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 09:57
Thanks sweety I think so too :) i am 22 and he is 24
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 09:44
Just out of curiosity, abbyboot, how old are you and BF? He sounds like a keeper to me. Lucky you!!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 09:25
hehe get ready for a lot of meows :p
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 09:25
When dating, I think its only fair to go 50-50. If he insists on paying it all, then great, but at least always offer your share or to pay the bill every other date. I'm sure any man would appreciate the offer. I must say that what has boggled my mind the most while reading this thread were those who are married and are talking about paying the bill... I guess I just never thought married people have "his" and her" money. Although my sister and her hubby do, and they actually owe each other money!! Like if she pays something and he doesn't have his share, he'll owe her half! lol We have a family and we have money for the family, that's it that's all. So whether my husband grabs the bill first, its gonna come out the same account either way! lol So he finds me hilarious when I grab the bill, smile and say "It's on me, babe!" ;) edited by Wendopia on 11/01/2011 <em>edited by Wendopia on 11/01/2011</em>
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 09:13
and I won't say what I think of those who don't.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 09:11
As do i :)
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 09:06
I think men should always insist on paying.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 08:58
YES - he is a gentleman, he opens doors for me, pulls my chair, makes sure i sit first and so on and yeh I do accept it! I love him and hope to spend the rest of my life with him and these qualities I find very significant!
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 20:59
Abbyfoot - Just spoke to my DH re this thread he's away in Saudi at the moment and he says he always paid when he was dating as he is quite traditional, I asked him was he offended when I offered to pay when we were dating and he said yes, which I did back then several times. I met my husband at work and I earned more than him back then, I knew his salary but he did not know mine, on several occasions knowing this I offered to pay and he always declined, but would buy him little gifts and cook nice dinners for the two of us. Do not feel bad some men are traditionalists and he told me this tonight, his father always paid for his mother when dating and so has he. And he is a yorkshireman born and bred. We have been married 20 years this year. Enjoy your time together and indulge in getting him little gifts like you have said. edited by bunny on 10/01/2011 Crikey, I didn't realize there was such a huge difference between Southerners and Yorkshiremen.. I always went halves with the man who has been my husbad for nearly 20 years, there really wasn't much discussion about it, we were both earning well and both bought each other extra presents as we felt like it and I cooked for him when he came to stay with me in London.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 20:49
I think many of us have grown up in different countries and households which is where the clash in opinions come in. Didn't you say further back it's just the way it is the world over? :\: ETA: 'You women' probably isn't the way to go :D. <em>edited by DubaiCat on 10/01/2011</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 20:39
Abbyfoot - Just spoke to my DH re this thread he's away in Saudi at the moment and he says he always paid when he was dating as he is quite traditional, I asked him was he offended when I offered to pay when we were dating and he said yes, which I did back then several times. I met my husband at work and I earned more than him back then, I knew his salary but he did not know mine, on several occasions knowing this I offered to pay and he always declined, but would buy him little gifts and cook nice dinners for the two of us. Do not feel bad some men are traditionalists and he told me this tonight, his father always paid for his mother when dating and so has he. And he is a yorkshireman born and bred. We have been married 20 years this year. Enjoy your time together and indulge in getting him little gifts like you have said. <em>edited by bunny on 10/01/2011</em>
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 20:21
And it's not bad mannered honey! It's just about custom - it's well known that the man pays - it's a world wide norm almost! Checking my calendar again.....................nope still 2011. Are you sure you aren't looking at it up-side-down??? LOL
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 19:56
good replies mshari, but next time please put in the whole quote so it does not look different than what was written :) <em>edited by SueB on 10/01/2011</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 19:55
This is an interesting thread - I have really never thought about it actually. When DH and I were first together, he always paid for meals out, though I offered every time. I have organised and paid for a couple of special dinners, but really neither of us has ever really thought very hard about who pays. We both work, and we both spend money on things for ourselves and each other. It really comes down to who has cash when we go out lol, as neither of us has any credit cards :) AbbyBoot, I agree that it would be a nice gesture to foot the bill sometime. Fair enough if you've offered and he turned it down, he may have just been brought up to believe that men should treat their girlfriends when they go out (which I assume is not every night anyway). I have to go and collect my pizza now, paid for by DH :D Don't worry, I'll get tomorrow's!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 19:48
honestly, it sounds a bit like sour grapes. Why sour grapes? ...what a good portion of you are say is I can only speak for myself but... 1.if she lets him pay, she does ot have self respect I think it shows more self respect if you don't allow others to always pay for you 2. if she pays then she will not *owe* him anything (ie, s e x?) yup, pretty much 3. if he pays he will not respect her He may he may not - depends on the guy 4. M.aybe this man is just very old fashioned and even opens the car door for her, lets her go first, has her walk on the inside, pulls out her chair :). True, and those old fashioned types are more likely to tend to expect their wives to do all the house work - no thank you for me. But if someone is happy with that - then why not It certainly does not ruffle my feathers because he pays, Mine either, just giving my opinion in response to the question and I think the others are doing the same it does not, in my eyes make her any less than she is, you're right, she is what she is I am not sure why some are patting themselves on the back for paying their share I think it might be more about congratulating ourselves on being emancipated :) <em>edited by MsHari on 10/01/2011</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 19:44
I'm a little perplexed, Abbyboot, that you come on to ask a question and get a range of responses, the majority of which suggest you should pay for your boyfriend at least some of the time, but you don't seem to accept that point of view as valid...? You say you're entirely happy with the situation, but something clearly made you come on a forum and ask the question, which suggests you have some uneasiness about a relationship that's so economically one-sided. How can we know whether he'thinks you're cheap' for not paying without knowing either of you or the cultural expectations of wherever you both come from? Personally, I'm with those who are astonished someone is asking this question in 2011. Obviously, I can only speak as someone formed in my own culture, but I can't believe other women are so blind to the potential issues of power imbalances etc in a relationship where only one person is paying, and has been paying for an entire year? I don't get any sense of your boyfriend as a human being, Abbyboot - would you still be in the relationship if he stopped paying for everything? It's not clear from what you say whether he's more than a human ATM, or whether he's someone who matters enormously to you!
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 19:27
I'm curious to know what nationality, culture and upbringing Abby has had? If you are of Western/Anglo-Saxon origin and upbringing, I am absolutely shocked by your attitude; if you aren't, then clearly you come from a culture where you expect men to foot the bill, nothing shocking about it for you!
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 18:37
I am rereading all this and honestly, it sounds a bit like sour grapes. So, what a good portion of you are say is: 1. if she lets him pay, she does ot have self respect 2. if she pays then she will not *owe* him anything (ie, s e x?) 3. if he pays he will not respect her 4. M.aybe this man is just very old fashioned and even opens the car door for her, lets her go first, has her walk on the inside, pulls out her chair :). It certainly does not ruffle my feathers because he pays, it does not, in my eyes make her any less than she is, she would not get any less respect so I am not sure why some are patting themselves on the back for paying their share AND implying that she is less because she lets him pay for dinner?, when this man clearly wants to totally pamper her and she lets him :)_ btw, I dont this this gal is a young spring chicken in her first blush, just by her writing I think she knows the score lol <em>edited by SueB on 10/01/2011</em>
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 18:31
I don't think that men should not "always" pick up the bill in a relationship. Depending on what you can afford, invite him out and tell him it's your shout. Pack a picnic lunch and go for a drive. Get home delivery and pay. Make dinner for the two of you as often as he pays for the restaurant meals. What ever you can afford but it's not fair for him to pay every time and it goes into their memory banks for them to bring up when you are arguing about stuff in the future ;)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 18:24
In the past (I am married now) I ALWAYS made sure I paid, perhaps not as much, but regularly. You're right, it is awkward but it was important to me because I firmly believe in equality and also didn't want there to be any expectations that there would be *** in return for dinner (part of my culture!) Now his money is mine and visa versa so it doesn't matter - and I think we have a very balanced marriage (ie we share the cooking etc.) So in answer to your question. - no, but it depends on what your priorities are :)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 17:35
Summer Dream, it is evident you are not and others taking on board the word " Custom". Unfortunately living in Dubai people to not learn sufficient about other cultures to appreciate Culture and Custom is very important in many cultures in the world still in this day and age of 2011. Maybe some customs need up dating but many westerners could really learn from some countries customs. Just remember if you marry him , he is traditionalist and will not change but may adjust somewhat with your gentle influence but remember what he is now is what he will be in relation to the above. Try and be more understanding of where she is coming from rather than mocking her. I understand where this lady is coming from , Doesn't anyone ? Thank you! :)
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EW GURU
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 17:26
Summer Dream, it is evident you are not and others taking on board the word " Custom". Unfortunately living in Dubai people to not learn sufficient about other cultures to appreciate Culture and Custom is very important in many cultures in the world still in this day and age of 2011. Maybe some customs need up dating but many westerners could really learn from some countries customs. Just remember if you marry him , he is traditionalist and will not change but may adjust somewhat with your gentle influence but remember what he is now is what he will be in relation to the above. Try and be more understanding of where she is coming from rather than mocking her. I understand where this lady is coming from , Doesn't anyone ?
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 17:24
So do you think he thinks I am cheap for not paying?
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 17:20
I strongly doubt him dumping his ex had anything to do with him picking up the bill and more to do with you being a great person :) aah well :) :cool: Have you invited him on a date ever? Do so and clear its only if he allows you to pay the bill. Try that for starters. In this day and age I really really would.
 
 

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