Beam me up :o(

Thanks for the link crazy days - thank goodness for the internet, I've found it invaluable during this whole time for info having been completely clueless basically about pregnancy and missed miscarriages. It finally happened yesterday and it was horrendous even though I knew it was coming - have been waiting long enough. Now I can start to get my act together again. I feel emotional and cheated still as this experience will cast its shadow on any future pregnancies for me as I will always be fearful that it will happen again. My plan of action until the bleeding stops completely has started today with a blitz of the house, lovely clean sheets and all the laundry done. Will have a yummy dinner with grape beverage (yahoo!) this evening with my gorgeous DH and light some candles. We had named our baby and as DH said last night - we can't use that name for any children we may have in the future as that was meant for our first baby. We are both hopeful yet apprehensive that we will go on to have a family one day - other than our fur babies anyway. Love & light to you all x

Hi all, Thanks for all the love & positive messages it really does help :o) We decided not to tell any of our family, as well meaning as they are on both sides we feel like it will be better to deal with it ourselves and remove any pressure on future pregnancies so it is lovely to have all of your support & of course good to talk about it. I got so upset the other day when I realised that I'm no longer in the November due date club which sounds completely ridiculous! It's surprising how you can be trundling along one minute then it hits you all of a sudden. Kjt I'm sorry to hear of your loss and it is wonderful that you went on to have your family. We are being positive that the same will happen for us too when the time is right. Thanks for your message. It is hard to think that it took us 6 months to conceive and then I should be 11 weeks today - so a total of 9 months give or take a few days and that has been taken away from us. Harder still that I am still not bleeding - how long is it supposed to take? I think I'll be able to move on completely once the physical side is over. I have my appointment with the doc a week tomorrow so perhaps something will happen before then. JJBaus & Sourskittleashnut - as you say perhaps our lazy boy or girl isn't supposed to appear until 2015! On a more positive note I have been enjoying cups of "full fat" builders tea which is so much more enjoyable than the de-caff stuff I bought in Spinneys. Thanks again ladies you are all a great help. x

Hi all, Just wanted to say thanks for your well wishes and support, those of you who replied were a great comfort and my DH was surprised when I read him your posts - restored his faith in humanity somewhat I think! I went to another ob/gyn for an appointment I'd made 3 weeks ago and I had a scan which confirmed that our little one stopped developing at 6 weeks 4 days. Still no bleeding and I still feel pregnant with positive pregnancy test, high temps, symptoms all still here etc. - so now we have to wait for the miscarriage to actually happen. I've to go back in 2 weeks so I hope that something will happen before then as it's already been around 2-4 weeks (depending on dates). We decided to go the natural route as I'm scared that having a D&C may cause damage. I feel good to know the outcome and no longer have a lingering hope at the back of my mind. It is so sad that our journey has ended like this but on a positive note the gyn I met today filled me with confidence. I feel positive about a future pregnancy being watched over by her. She was very straight talking and honest while being warm and supportive. My poor DH broke down once we left the docs and said that he feels so empty which breaks my heart. He is a very sensitive soul on the inside. I had already resigned myself to the fact that this is not our time so while I had the lump in my throat it wasn't such a massive shock to have it confirmed today but DH was still clinging on to the chance that there may have been a change since last week. Just wanted to say thanks to you all. Best wishes to all for healthy happy pregnancies now and in the future! EE x

Hi Estrella, Thank you so much for your message that must have been wonderful to see!! And lovely to have your lazy boy after :o) All of these stories make us feel that there may be hope for our little one. x

Thanks Anon (& Gilly for the hugs much needed) it's good advice will just have to wait and see. I haven't had any bleeding or pain and still have all my symptoms which is strange when you don't know what is happening in there! I read one thread where someone said they wished they had a little window so you can peek in - I'm sure everyone feels like that. In a moment of levity my DH said perhaps "he" is lazy like his dad (dh was born 2 weeks late as was languishing around in there!) The limbo is the worst would like to know either way so we can move on. Now that I've gotten over the initial shock I feel better about the whole situation but I feel for my poor DH who is absolutely gutted. He was so looking forward to having a baby together. As was I but I have done so much research over the last 6 months about conception and early pregnancy that I was cautiously happy about my BFP. Must keep busy!! All the best to you all x

Well I had my first scan yesterday morning and saw the sac and the fetal pole but there is no heartbeat. They did a urine test first which was a strong positive, then they did an external ultrasound but couldn't see much so she used a transvaginal. The fetus measured 5mm so initially she said she thought I wasn't as far along and said this is not a 9 week pregnancy. Then she removed the wand and said I could get dressed and when I emerged from the curtain she said there was no heartbeat. I should have been exactly 9 weeks yesterday according to my LMP (16th Feb). I got a positive OPK on 5th March (CD18) so I'm thinking that I should be around 6 weeks 4 days based on ov & conception. I have to go back in a week for a radiology scan. She said either it's too early and we will see something next week or I will miscarry. She seemed to lean more toward the latter. Worse that she delivered it in sympathetic lowered voice which started my tears and told me there is a baby for me out there somewhere. This is my first pregnancy so have no experience of any of this. I guess there is a chance I could not be as far along - my cycles are not regular. Yesterday DH was taking a stoic we will remain positive until we know otherwise approach but you know when you just have that feeling. Then this morning I re-read the notes I had and next to pregnant she's put 'no' and in the notes it says missed ab/ - does this mean missed miscarriage? Now my DH is upset as I explained to him that it's not going to happen this time and he has hung on to the doc saying to come back in another week for another scan as hopeful news. I have taken her words to mean that the baby has already died and as she explained, they need to have it confirmed by another scan before they can take any action for the next steps - either op or to pass naturally. I haven't had any bleeding since my last period and still have symptoms like sore boobs etc. except I no longer have any nausea. I have read many stories about returning and seeing a heartbeat and of course the other alternative. Have cried my eyes out already so have to just keep getting on with things. Such a disappointment when we were hoping to return home with a picture and good news. We wanted to tell our parents yesterday as an Easter surprise ;-( Have been listening to P!nk's song Beam me up which allowed me to be sad and also cheered me up a bit. Heart goes out to all the ladies who are going through this or have gone through this the waiting really sucks. x