Why can't breastfeeding be easy?

Hugs to you Meals. I think you utterly, totally, completely ROCK. And to the women who are thinking of giving up at a few weeks, all I can say is that I was there just 3 months ago! I came crying to my EW girls for all the help every day. Bought nipple shields, pumps, fenugreek tablets and every other thing they make that is supposed to make it easy. Of course my delightful in-laws were there for the first 2 months telling me how I was starving my child by keeping her on my boobs that were just not capable of churning out "good milk" that would fill up DD's tummy. So yeah, that was wonderful. But now, we are down to just one top feed at night from 5-6, so trust me, it does get better. I can finally go out with just a nursing cover in the diaper bag and no formula bottles. Just keep feeding till you have the energy and top up with formula when you just cannot do it anymore. And then relax and just enjoy for baby for those moments. Believe me, it's hard enough for them to get used to the outside world from the warmth of your womb, so you getting stressed will really not help them. One thing that I think helped me most apart from the relentless feeding was to make my peace with formula and relieving the stress. It isn't bad for your baby, it's just not [i'>better[/i'> than breast milk. And very often, people around us make us forget that. I really felt better when I saw Paula Miller and she told me based on DD's weight gain at 7 weeks, that she was probably taking in 700-800 mls by then and my top ups amounted to 300. So the rest of her nutrition was from my breast milk. I was instantly relieved, the stress went off and in the next two weeks, we were down to just one top-up. In a few weeks, baby will become more efficient with emptying your breast and therefore get more milk, and then you will make more milk too. Relaxing will also help your body make more milk. Now, I love the time DD is latched on, simply because I know it's not going to last forever. I know its easier said than done, but just enjoy this time. They grow up way too soon, and you'll never get these precious weeks back. Whoever wins the battle between the breast and bottle, make sure these moments don't lose out.

Both my two were on my tummy and/or breastfeeding within seconds of being born (well, for DD, they took her off while I caught my breath, but for DS, I virtually caught him and whisked him up for a cuddle straight away). Can't remember how long each one was on for, because it was just so relaxed - they fed, we cuddled, they got passed around a bit, I cuddled them some more... DS poo'd on my chest, so that was the cue to wrap him up! lol Neither of them had any issues feeding (quite the opposite!), but I think DS's latch wasn't quite as good as DD's. They never got any formula top up and I was so rubbish at expressing that I never really even questioned the content of my milk or how much they were getting - despite my very knowledgeable retired SCBU-nurse MiL knowing exactly how many ml they should be getting! We analyse far too much sometimes.

I had skin to skin for an hour after delivery and DD latched on straight away which was great! I am a strong believer in 'the golden hour' right after birth so even if you cannot do it for some reason, DH can do the skin to skin for as long as possible.

I had a c-section and had him skin-to-skin from 5 minutes after he was out, throughout the rest of the surgery in recovery, back to my room and to be honest he stayed on my chest day and night for the next 48 hours leaving only for nappy changes and for mummy to shower (and which point he went to daddy's chest). My Dr thought it was lovely and kept bringing the junior Dr's in to see the woman who wouldn't put her baby down ;). He had a very strong suck and was keen to feed from day one, but did still have a painful latch and I can't say for certain whether breastfeeding would have been different without it, I think it is even more important when a baby is sleepy or reluctant to feed. Either way it was so lovely having him there and he is still such a snuggly wee boy. After having him inside me for 9 months even the basinet next to the bed felt too far away, I could never have slept with him in the nursery. He was born last August and to be honest in his first 2 weeks of life he only wore clothes 3 times, once for his hearing test, once for discharge and once for his 1 week check-up, otherwise it was nappy and swaddle or nappy and mum.

Kiwi - Awesome Rant. You rock and make me feel better. I am only 16 weeks preggers and I'm looking to you guys for all this lovely advice early on. Thanks so much ladies for preparing me for some more trials and tribulations that await me upon delivery of this bundle!! ;) Hey question: how many of you had skin to skin right after birth? for longer than 5 mintues? Do you think it helped or not with the BFing? Thanks all and good luck with everything. I wouldn't blame you for anything. You already made a miracle happen ;)

The fat content of your milk changes throughout the day, so you'd have to pump all your feeds for 24 hours if you wanted to let it sit and have the fat content separate out, and then what would you compare it to?. I remember your original post Meals, where you mentioned your baby was healthy and happy, if it wasn't for the chart would you be worried at all? Bl00dy charts, on the flipside, we just measured DS and his height is above the top centile, so now DH is convinced he has some sort of abnormal excessive growth disorder. ;) <em>edited by kiwispiers on 20/06/2011</em>

Hi Meals don't worry about bubs being skinny, my first son was really stocky and had all the perfect rolls every where he was a fab eater/drinker was happy to have what ever was given to him. My DD on the other hand was half the size of any of my friends babies she was a tiny mini skinny thing, she wouldn't take a bottle and I would sit all day BF her on the couch and she wasn't getting fatter! Fast foward to now when she's 2.5 and is perfect :) she's filled out in all the right places and is just gorgeous! Have to add that she refused to eat food until she was 1.5 years old! Now have baby no 3 coming in a week wonder what feeding joys he's going to be born with? <em>edited by starsouthern on 20/06/2011</em>

My dh had been giving our ds the last evening feed with a bottle, so far we have had no issues with him going back to bf but I am finding it takes quite a while to get him to latch on. the lactation consultant at city hospital helped me a lot before i left the hospital. There are times when he is quite unsettled after a bottle and will only settle after I feed him, which is obviously more for comfort. I just find I am feeding very often but we had a much better night last night where he fed 3 hourly. RT I hope things get much better for you, thinking of you.

Meals, I'm so sorry to hear that things are such a struggle :( It must be a relief to see him taking more from the bottle but what a hassle for you! I wouldn't decide on changing things just yet though. Wait until his next weigh in, and see if he's just replacing breastfeeds for bottle feeds. If that's the case, then you can simplify your life again and just go with one. and to add to KW excellent post: There was also the village night nurse. Not all mothers have excellent supply, and many relied on night nurses to nourish their babies if they couldn't breastfeed. <em>edited by lemondrops on 20/06/2011</em>

Great post Kiwi - everything you've said is so true!!! There is just too much pressure on mums and too much of a focus on schedules, charts etc for babies!! And as you rightly mentioned - too many judgments being passed!!

brilliant kiwi! That is awesome. I had loads of trouble with b'feeding and got myself into a right pickle at some points ... I felt so guilty that a) my milk was watery and no fatty goodness for DS so he was always hungry and crying (didn't know this was the problem until 12 weeks) b) all my friends were b'feeding successfully and I seemed to be the only one at the time with problems c) i had thrush for almost 14 weeks - hurt more than labour! The big one though was the guilt and you know what, now I wouldn't bat an eye-lid at feeling guilty. As long as that baby is healthy and thriving then no matter what you need to do to get him/her there is what you do... I ate loads and loads of peanuts which was the only thing that increased the fatty goodness in the milk and then when I got so sick of even thinking of eating another peanut I didn't have much other option than to top-up with formula. Then wah-la, a full baby, a baby putting on weight (whom btw was very skinny at our 2-4 week check ups at the Dr who said he likes his babies slender, his weight was fine... he had gone from 50th percentile on charts to 5% - how could that be fine I thought!?) and then finally the nail on the head was I finally had a baby who was sleeping and was now happy because of sleep and fully tummy. Continued to b'feed until 5 months with top ups of formula before going across to full time formula as supply did run low. Next time I will certainly give b'feeding a chance but if in anyway things mirror what I went through with DS, honestly, I'd prefer happy baby and happy mummy so there is no way I'll be feeling guilty about giving the wee one a bottle! Big hugs to you meals - I hope things do get better for you and your LO, which ever way feeding goes. Just as long as you and the LO are happy. xox

oh yeah I did mean to add that, the men came up with growth charts too. ;)

Forget breastfeeding, if men had to give birth the human race would have dies out long ago:) Seriously though, and get ready for a mega rant; I think BF has become hard because society has gotten in the way. Think about it, you are primitive woman, you grow up in a village where pretty much all the women are breastfeeding, all the the time. Your mum your 10 sisters ;), your friends all have babies on the boob. They don't hide under covers, in spare bedrooms, or toielts to feed their babies, they just do it whenever, wherever. You're not thinking of SIDs, your baby sleeps with you at night, all night and you don't count the number of feeds because you barely wake up for them anyway. You are certainly not getting up at 4am to fit in a trip to the gym to lose your baby weight. Fast-forward to nearly present day, men have decided to get involved, they quite like the look of their wives' boobs, don't want a baby ruining them (and say so out loud) then some clever fellow invents formula and declares that its much better for babies, so only a very selfish mother would breastfeed. Having taken half the babies off the boob, they have to figure out how often to feed the little critters, and more men with their mathematical formulas become involved. The four hourly routine is invented and any of those non-progressive women still breast-feeding are advised to follow it too, whats that, can't letdown enough per feeding,, thats what formula is for. Women give birth and their baby is no sooner extracted than taken to a nursery, given a pacifier when it cries for mum and offered a bottle. Women are discharged with already faltering supplies and full of self doubt but never fear, formula is readily available. Fast forward again to our generation, half our mothers didn't successfully breast-feed so they can't help, and those of us who were breast-fed now live miles away from any family who might remember how to help us anyway. When our baby cries we don't whip them to the boob, we look at the clock and give them the dummy. Everybody knows a good mother will manage to get her baby sleeping through the night from early on and please, whipping out a boob in public, how obnoxious can you get. Women struggle, but don't talk about it, if you loved your baby breastfeeding would come naturally right?. Meanwhile governments spend millions of dollars on complains that boil down to "breast is best" and all the while more and more women cry into their pillow each night. aargh! All we can do is be there for each other, learn from our (and others) mistakes and do the best we can. Talk about breastfeeding, breastfeed in public, reach out and help or be helped. And most importantly, lets not judge each other, your success as a mother is not dependent on your ability to breastfeed. edited by kiwispiers on 19/06/2011 edited by kiwispiers on 19/06/2011 I love your post too.

Forget breastfeeding, if men had to give birth the human race would have dies out long ago:) Seriously though, and get ready for a mega rant; I think BF has become hard because society has gotten in the way. Think about it, you are primitive woman, you grow up in a village where pretty much all the women are breastfeeding, all the the time. Your mum your 10 sisters ;), your friends all have babies on the boob. They don't hide under covers, in spare bedrooms, or toielts to feed their babies, they just do it whenever, wherever. You're not thinking of SIDs, your baby sleeps with you at night, all night and you don't count the number of feeds because you barely wake up for them anyway. You are certainly not getting up at 4am to fit in a trip to the gym to lose your baby weight. Fast-forward to nearly present day, men have decided to get involved, they quite like the look of their wives' boobs, don't want a baby ruining them (and say so out loud) then some clever fellow invents formula and declares that its much better for babies, so only a very selfish mother would breastfeed. Having taken half the babies off the boob, they have to figure out how often to feed the little critters, and more men with their mathematical formulas become involved. The four hourly routine is invented and any of those non-progressive women still breast-feeding are advised to follow it too, whats that, can't letdown enough per feeding,, thats what formula is for. Women give birth and their baby is no sooner extracted than taken to a nursery, given a pacifier when it cries for mum and offered a bottle. Women are discharged with already faltering supplies and full of self doubt but never fear, formula is readily available. Fast forward again to our generation, half our mothers didn't successfully breast-feed so they can't help, and those of us who were breast-fed now live miles away from any family who might remember how to help us anyway. When our baby cries we don't whip them to the boob, we look at the clock and give them the dummy. Everybody knows a good mother will manage to get her baby sleeping through the night from early on and please, whipping out a boob in public, how obnoxious can you get. Women struggle, but don't talk about it, if you loved your baby breastfeeding would come naturally right?. Meanwhile governments spend millions of dollars on complains that boil down to "breast is best" and all the while more and more women cry into their pillow each night. aargh! All we can do is be there for each other, learn from our (and others) mistakes and do the best we can. Talk about breastfeeding, breastfeed in public, reach out and help or be helped. And most importantly, lets not judge each other, your success as a mother is not dependent on your ability to breastfeed. I think I love you! Seriously though - you forgot one important element to the "before" - [b'>scales[/b'>. Your "before" scenario didn't involve precision weigh-ins, subsequent comparisons and bl00dy charts. Bubs is doing fine, looking well and lively = all is well. Full stop.

Forget breastfeeding, if men had to give birth the human race would have dies out long ago:) Seriously though, and get ready for a mega rant; I think BF has become hard because society has gotten in the way. Think about it, you are primitive woman, you grow up in a village where pretty much all the women are breastfeeding, all the the time. Your mum your 10 sisters ;), your friends all have babies on the boob. They don't hide under covers, in spare bedrooms, or toielts to feed their babies, they just do it whenever, wherever. You're not thinking of SIDs, your baby sleeps with you at night, all night and you don't count the number of feeds because you barely wake up for them anyway. You are certainly not getting up at 4am to fit in a trip to the gym to lose your baby weight. Fast-forward to nearly present day, men have decided to get involved, they quite like the look of their wives' boobs, don't want a baby ruining them (and say so out loud) then some clever fellow invents formula and declares that its much better for babies, so only a very selfish mother would breastfeed. Having taken half the babies off the boob, they have to figure out how often to feed the little critters, and more men with their mathematical formulas become involved. The four hourly routine is invented and any of those non-progressive women still breast-feeding are advised to follow it too, whats that, can't letdown enough per feeding,, thats what formula is for. Women give birth and their baby is no sooner extracted than taken to a nursery, given a pacifier when it cries for mum and offered a bottle. Women are discharged with already faltering supplies and full of self doubt but never fear, formula is readily available. Fast forward again to our generation, half our mothers didn't successfully breast-feed so they can't help, and those of us who were breast-fed now live miles away from any family who might remember how to help us anyway. When our baby cries we don't whip them to the boob, we look at the clock and give them the dummy. Everybody knows a good mother will manage to get her baby sleeping through the night from early on and please, whipping out a boob in public, how obnoxious can you get. Women struggle, but don't talk about it, if you loved your baby breastfeeding would come naturally right?. Meanwhile governments spend millions of dollars on complains that boil down to "breast is best" and all the while more and more women cry into their pillow each night. aargh! All we can do is be there for each other, learn from our (and others) mistakes and do the best we can. Talk about breastfeeding, breastfeed in public, reach out and help or be helped. And most importantly, lets not judge each other, your success as a mother is not dependent on your ability to breastfeed. edited by kiwispiers on 19/06/2011 <em>edited by kiwispiers on 19/06/2011</em>

I'm so glad I'm not the only one finding it tough. I'm 3 weeks in and also feel like giving up, we are also topping up with formula as my baby is hungry all the time and I can't keep up. The ladies that are a few months down the line are keeping me motivated!

*Hugs* you're doing fabulously, meals. Sometimes it's harder for preemies and they (and their mums!) need some extra help. What does J's pediatrician say about his weight gain? Might a consult with an IBCLC be possible? They are very experienced and very understanding - you might find it helpful. xx

We have the expectation that BF will just come naturally for both bub and mum, but the reality is it is a learned skill for both. With both kids it took until at least the 6 week mark until it became easier/less painful. With my first it was cracked, bitten bits, non-stick bandages, mastitis and gastro, all in the first four weeks. I think BF is one of the hardest things I have had to learn and I think we should give ourselves time:). Second time around, it was still painful, but I learnt to watch for signs of mastitis, bites etc.

yeah my DH has said I more than one occasion he wishes he had boobs so he could feed the baby... I just laugh and say hmmmm she'd have been on a bottle from day 2!

I understand exactly where you are coming from! Two weeks on and I'm thinking of giving up completely - we are on a formula top-up still at the moment - and going fulltime formula. But I have to think of the benefits of bfing (to my baby and myself!) I'm determined that we will eventually get bf exclusively... thinking positive thoughts... positive thoughts!!

ach, I have the same issue with motherhood in general... but hey, can't put them back now.

because if it was men would be able to do it as well to give us a break. :):):) sorry you're having trouble. x