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Leaving Dubai for OH's job...

37

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 11:47

If your DH/OH was offered a job in another country... how would you feel? if it was a country that you had never thought about living in?... would you kick up a fuss or support him for the sake of his career?

I'm in this position now and i'm not sure how i feel about it... I'm happy to leave Dubai but i'm not happy about the country in which we would be living in...

Any advice would be great :-)

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37

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 16 January 2011 - 11:02

You say it's a pretty serious relationship and also that it's a pretty new relationship - so.......if it's serious I wonder why he's not popping that all important question????? I'm not sure I'd give everything up - I'd want a bit more committment from his side..... Me too! Oh no I might be opening a can of worms here!!! :\: it's a good question and one that i often think of myself. I guess this is more about my relationship than i realised. I guess i also want more of a commitment from him but then every time i think of it i think hey we've only been together 18 months... He has been married before and had a really rough time of it. Huge messy messy divorce, 2 kids involved etc. To be honest we don't really talk about getting married anymore, we did at the start and he would say he couldn't wait to be married to me etc etc... but all kind of marriage chat has stopped. I didn't want to put pressure on him so i just ignored it. I thought because he was going through a nasty divorce that getting married again was the last thing on his mind. But sometimes i think my niceness is taken for granted a bit. I know there are no guaratees in life with anything but it would be nice to know that we are on the same page and working towards the same thing... But bringing it up just makes me feel sick. I'm really not the sort of person to pressure somebody. It almost makes me cringe by bringing it up! silly i know. We've got a really nice relationship and trust and respect each other alot... well at least i do! i know he see's this as a long term relationship, he always says will you be mine forever etc etc so i know he's thinking along those lines... i just don't know if we would work out by being apart. But i suppose it's one way to find out just how strong we are?... :(

98

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 14 January 2011 - 06:45

Well..SunDevil put all the negatives there...:-)) so, yes most if it is, at least, partially true... however, I lived there for 3 years...and I LOVED IT !! it is a fantastic place with loads of differnt experiences to encounter. Culture, Arts, Music Scene, Ballets, History, great nightlife etc etc...yes, it is expensive...it was possible to live quite cheaply in Moscow about 10 years ago...and it still can be...but that means you would need to live very frugal and blend in with the average russian (think doctors, teachers etc who earn 300-400 usd a month with a beer price in the center of Moscow of 10 USD min....) anyway, the point is more about your relationship. As others have pointed out, make sure that you know what you are getting into. It appears that your flexibility and understanding is very much demanded....but there seems to be a lack of mutua respect......so clear that first and then take the plunge ! Yes, it is freaking cold...but Dubai is freaking hot....there is horrible traffice......dubai has its own share of maniacs on the street.....overall, it is a fantastic experience and you will not regret it !! Jumeirah Jane...have you ever been there ?? Not sure which security you are refering to :-) <em>edited by Lenochka on 14/01/2011</em>

774

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EW GURU

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 22:52

Both of my boys are adopted from Moscow, Russia and we have spent a lot of time in the country back in 2008 and as recently as this past summer into September. DH and I have traveled all around the world and like to think of ourselves as risk takers but there is no way we could live in Moscow. It's very, very expensive. A cup of coffee, muffin, orange juice and water would run us $50 USD. The cigarette smoke alone is enough to keep me out of there. The people are nice once you get to know them but as a rule, most people are not friendly when you are just walking around or going into shops. Living in the south here in the US everyone just says "hi" when you walk by or starts talking to you when you walk into the store but it's not that way in Russia, eyes are down and averted. Housing is very small as we stayed on the economy for our trips for the adoptions and typically in high rises. And the traffic is terrible, much worse than Dubai, don't even bother with a car, just use public transit. And despite what was said, it's really cold there!! But if you can see past all of that and have a definite time when you get to leave then maybe, maybe I would go. I think it's better without children so maybe get this part of your life out of the way and try to enjoy the move. Ethihad has an easy, cheap 5 hour flight from Abu Dhabi to Moscow, why not give it a try, especially right now when the weather is so cold? Try it at it's worst time of the year.

Jumeriah Jane36452

476

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 22:44

Love, love, love Moscow! The winters are gorgeous, it's not as cold as you think, and even then, don't think cold ... think fur hats!!! And lovely long coats, and warm winter scarves ... If you don't want to go, maybe he would take me???? Funny all i think is Mafia and ladies of the night!

Jumeriah Jane36452

476

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 22:43

He better be being paid a shed load for security, can;t think of a worse place to live, no siree.

1097

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 22:34

We had lots of friends there who were not married, just living together, so you don't have to be married to get a Russian visa to accompany your boyfriend. Your boyfriends company would normally arrange all the paperwork and visas for the employee and their partner (married or not), so it should not be anything you would need to deal with. It is a short enough flight between Moscow and Dubai, so you could commute for a couple of months if you choose to do that.

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Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 22:14

I agree with the others who suggest that you stay put here for a while. It's difficult because you don't want to rush into marriage or appear to force him to propose. At the same time, he's expecting a lot from you and you could give up your life here and then find sadly that things don't work out between you in Moscow and then you'd be left with nothing. I'm pretty sure there's another poster on here called "Moscow" who did actually live there for a while so she could probably tell you more about it.

656

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 21:55

The same thing crossed my mind as Clairehdp has already mentioned. If he is serious about you why is he not popping the question? How long will he be posted there for? Bearing in mind you guys are serious about each other how about he moves first and you may be six months later? A colleague of mine was apart from his gf for a year until they got married and she moved over to Dubai to be with him. They used to fly backwards and forwards every few weeks. Like you guys both had good jobs. He said that she didn't want to leave everything behind in the UK until she knew he was 100% going to stay in Dubai. Absence makes the heart grow fonder they say.

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 21:49

I think living in Moscow would be a million times more interesting than living in Dubai, but that's not really the point, it seems to me. I'm more worried by you saying that it's a 'serious' but also a 'new' relationship, and that your SO is taking it for granted you'll move halfway across the world for the sake of his job! Everything you are saying is about him and his career and his needs - not you and what you want and need. Even in answer to the question about whether you would consider a long-distance relationship while you sort things out, you say that it wouldn't work because HE'S 'super-sensitive' and would think you were rejecting him! A super-sensitive man wouldn't take for granted that you would be happy to make a huge sacrifice for the sake of a new relationship - this man doesn't sound sensitive at all! With respect to the other people who commented, I definitely don't think it's the moment to think about marriage if you weren't anyway, but people are right to point out that you can't just up and move to Russia without a prearranged job or as an accompanying spouse to someone with a job! I think you should think very carefully about why you're so anxious to please someone who seems to take your 'easygoingness' or your love for granted. I moved to Dubai for my partner's job, but only temporarily - I hated the place, couldn't find a job, so we left again after giving it a fair try - but those kinds of moves which are only for one person's benefit undeniably put a strain on relationships. Do think before you act, and don't be rail-roaded inot this move.

68

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 20:43

In most countries you can't just move with BF if you are not married. You can visit as a tourist but even for that you will need a visa. Don't know your nationality but most countries (to my knowledge) need visa to Russia even for tourism. I've been in this situation with DH before and I could't always follow him because I didn't have a job. I also made it clear to him when he wanted to move to a certain country we would have to be married. Eventually we did get married :-)

76

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 20:41

You say it's a pretty serious relationship and also that it's a pretty new relationship - so.......if it's serious I wonder why he's not popping that all important question????? I'm not sure I'd give everything up - I'd want a bit more committment from his side..... Me too!

2958

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 20:34

You say it's a pretty serious relationship and also that it's a pretty new relationship - so.......if it's serious I wonder why he's not popping that all important question????? I'm not sure I'd give everything up - I'd want a bit more committment from his side.....

37

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 14:35

Jane, is he assuming you'll go with him? Is he asking you to go with him? Is he assuming you'll stay behind? Would a "commuting" relationship be at all feasible until you decided what you wanted to do? I think you need a serious talk with him first, by the sounds of it! He does say how do you feel about moving to here or there and usually i say yeah cool i'll move anywhere.. and i usually would so he's probably taking it fro granted a bit that im pretty easily pleased and he doesnt have to worry about me saying no. He is 100% assuming that i will go with him... i asked him the opther day when he would have to move over and he was like what do you mean me? you mean us! i dont think we would handle the whole being apart thing very well. He is super sensitive and would take that as me not wanting to be with him probably!!! ;-)

37

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 14:26

Love, love, love Moscow! The winters are gorgeous, it's not as cold as you think, and even then, don't think cold ... think fur hats!!! And lovely long coats, and warm winter scarves ... If you don't want to go, maybe he would take me???? Oh wow really?! im so impressed! i'm starting to like it more by the minute! love your enthusiasm! ;-D

5400

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 14:21

Jane, is he assuming you'll go with him? Is he asking you to go with him? Is he assuming you'll stay behind? Would a "commuting" relationship be at all feasible until you decided what you wanted to do? I think you need a serious talk with him first, by the sounds of it!

1238

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 14:16

Love, love, love Moscow! The winters are gorgeous, it's not as cold as you think, and even then, don't think cold ... think fur hats!!! And lovely long coats, and warm winter scarves ... If you don't want to go, maybe he would take me????

37

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 14:13

Thanks so much for all your replies. Funny i never imagined i'd find anyone else who had lived there! It just doesnt seem like an attractive place to live. All i think of when i think of Moscow is -50 temperatures! I'm sure they have nice summers too... So yes it's Moscow. I too was completely horrified when my BF told me last week on the phone. I thought i was going to be sick! i couldn't even talk to him! Perhaps we need to have a chat and see how long it would be for etc...

1097

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 13:39

If it is Moscow or St. Petes and for a defined period you could really enjoy it. Loads of culture, great restaurants and nightlife, REALLLY expensive though. It would be very difficult to find work there as an expat. If you are a teacher, you would probably find a job in an International school quite easily. We were there with kids, so it is easier to meet other people in the same situation. Being a single expat trailing 'partner' might be a bit tough in Moscow, but if you OH works for a big International company, they are usually pretty good at building an expat network. I was absolutely horrified when my DH was offered a position there, but we went for it as it was a defined period of 3 years, and I ended up really enjoying our time there, in fact, I was hoping we could have stayed there longer. The winter is long and cold, this past summer was a disaster with the heatwave and the smog. To fill your time you could try doing something you never would have the time for anywhere else, such as painting classes, learn Russian, there is a huge expat community in Moscow and there is always some class or course or other going on. Also discovering the city is really interesting, Moscow and St. Petes are fascinating cities. But it is a hardship posting for a reason. If it is anywhere else other than Moscow or St. Petersburg, I would not even consider going there. Good luck and if you have any questions please go ahead and ask me.

60

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 13:34

I have lived in Moscow and really loved it - I even enjoyed the ridiculous winters because they were just so different! However I was a student and was with a group of my friends so had a very different experience to what a 'proper' expat would have. Although we socialised in student circles I was aware that there was quite a big expat community though. For me it was insanely cheap to be there due to where I was eating/drinking and staying but I think it is a very expensive city for expats. Have a look on the internet and see whether there is a Moscow expat forum like this one maybe? If so then maybe people on there could give you some pros and cons.

298

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 13:10

Im always up for a new challenge... Just jacked in a really really well paying job to follow DH to Muscat. Not sure what I'll do when I get there, but thats what I said when I jacked in a really really well paying job to follow DH to Dubai :D Having said that, we were married before I did any following, so at worst case scenario if it all goes horribly wrong I know I'll get a house, the dog and the cat :D :D :D (that was a joke by the way!). Is there any way he can move to Russia and you can stay here for a bit and see how he enjoys it etc before you decide to move there? For different reasons, we too are doing a cross-border relationship for the mo and the next few months - take a studio/1BR furnished accom somewhere and test the waters first? See if you are ok with spending a week/couple of weeks in the cold there before you make a huge life-changing decision. Have you got leave due to you at work? Can you take a sabbatical? Good luck and I hope that whichever you choose is the right decision for you! .x.

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EW GURU

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 12:57

Go for it!! So long as I'm with my DH I'll go anywhere.... We left Dubai for his job. Hadn't even visited the place as it was so tiny and remote and too expensive to get there for the company to pay for us to do a fact finding trip. We rocked up literally off the boat with a 10 WEEK old baby, a rented flat for 2 weeks with no idea if we would actually find somewhere to live after that (no company base established there so they couldn't help...). Also within a month our cat and 2 dogs were following us so we needed [i'>somewhere[/i'> to live! Best adventure ever! Sadly the job was cancelled and we were shipped back to the UK where we are now, awaiting something else coming up and I will follow him wherever he goes! :)

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 12:47

Jane30 - I agree with the ladies who've suggested going to have a look. We moved from West London to Dubai (originally I am from a very small seaside town in Wales), originally we thought we'd be based in AD but it turned out to be Dubai. I thought I could live in AD so Dubai I think is easier. It really depends on your situation ... personally my priority would be my DS who is in year 8, I would need to know that his educational needs would be met, apart from that I think I would be relatively happy to live in most places in the world. We are a family and we want to be together. I visited the Falklands a few years ago when DH was working there, it is the most remote place I have ever been to, having said that I did say that if we were offered to go an live there for a short while (3 years or so) I would be happy to go, never look back I say. My only personal criteria ever when I have lived overseas is that I have enough money in my account to fly home to visit my parents at a moments notice. Good luck with your decision, and perhaps see if there is a forum like EW in that country - I am sure you would not be the only one who has had to make this decision :-) - I am not sure if you want to share the destination with us here, but you could be surprised if you do share, that someone might have a lot of advice they could share. ETA oopsie was crafting my msg when you said about Russia ... I have read of certain ladies living there ... I am sure they can offer advice. <em>edited by cymraes on 13/01/2011</em>

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 12:47

Emma H That's great. You sound more positive already! Once your baby arrives you will have your hands full and the time will pass much quicker. Visitors arriving to see the LO, so company for you too. Also, because Dubai is a stopover on many routes, you will suddenly become very popular with people you havent seen in absolute ages! Keep smiling.;)

297

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 12:42

The country we would be moving to is probably the coldest country on earth! Russia!!!!! :-O Moscow? If so, there is a large expat population there. Lots of foreign companies as well. not sure what you do for a living, but you might be able to find work there too :) This might help www.moveoneinc.com/city-guide/moscow.php

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Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 12:38

yes sorry, I seem to have taken over the thread... sorry. Wendopia, we have just signed for a house in Arabian Ranches. I really did like the area, more "me". And ive met a few people a group of scottish lassies and a bumps and babies group through this forum. I realise i might be sounding a bit doom and gloom and thanks for the sympathetic ears but i'm ok. Only a few more weeks in this location then we get our AR house, a few weeks more then the baby will be here so therefore the visitors will start appearing. Then it'll be time to go home for the hottest part of summer. I'll be fine when ive had a bit more time to settle i think. Sorry again for taking over the thread

37

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 12:36

I knew i could count on the EW ladies! Thanks, some really useful comments here... Ok... he works for a large organisation and he is very high up in the company. He would be moving internally but it would be a huge promotion for him which i know he has been aching for. I work and i love my job. It's well paid, people are nice etc. I don't think it's the sort of job i can do unless i speak the local language of wherever we're going however... and i only speak English :-( I'm totally open minded when it comes to moving... i think the thing that is bugging me the most is figuring out what i'd do? I also feel a bit... maybe... miffed that i'll have to leave my job etc and go somewhere and kind of start again doing something less paid. We're not married no children but it's a pretty serious relationship. I guess the other part of me is wondering if i'm giving up everything i have for a relationship which is still fairly new... i'm not too sure what i want. I think he's very serious about me and us but i can't help wondering if it all goes wonky i've pretty much left what i have here The country we would be moving to is probably the coldest country on earth! Russia!!!!! :-O

104

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 12:28

Emma H You are homesick apart from anything else! I am from a small Scottish town originally...............many years ago. I am probably old enough to be your Granny but if you would like a sympathetic ear, a good listener and a bit of banter we could meet up. I only use taxis if I absolutely have to........so the metro is MY transport! HTH PS Didn't mean to hijack this thread

297

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 12:16

Perhaps its because i know i've got to live here as opposed to just visiting. Perhaps its home sickness. Perhaps its because im an emotional pregnant wreck..... I feel for you. Its a bit of all of the above! Once you settle in to your new villa or flat, and make some friends you will find it much easier. To be honest, you would most likely have felt the same no matter where you would have landed. The first 3 months of a relocation are the toughest in my opinion (this is my second relo). Keep your head up! Maybe you could join a mum-to-be work out class or meeting to meet some other soon to be mums? We live in the Ranches and it is nice a quiet, you should maybe go have a look :) Has a small town feel to it, we've met lots of nice neighbors are kids are always at the park with loads of friends.

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 12:12

abbyboot, I come from a small town in Scotland. I have had no previous interest in Dubai before the job offer. I came here not knowing what to expect. The temporary place we are staying I cant even see the sky for buildings, its loud, busy and the polar opposite of where i come from. I've been left to my own devices since DH started his job and cant find anything to do... Its not a place you can walk around, we are too far from a metro station, there doesnt seem to be any busses so I have to taxi everywhere... im contemplating driving but... the crazy drivers and crazy roads... Perhaps its because i know i've got to live here as opposed to just visiting. Perhaps its home sickness. Perhaps its because im an emotional pregnant wreck..... awwww babe! :( It takes some time getting used to it, I wouldn't drive if I were you roads r insane! You seem like a village girl and this is a city which is why you are having a hard time adjusting - Abu Dhabi would be better for you it's less Dubai-ish

394

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 12:10

abbyboot, I come from a small town in Scotland. I have had no previous interest in Dubai before the job offer. I came here not knowing what to expect. The temporary place we are staying I cant even see the sky for buildings, its loud, busy and the polar opposite of where i come from. I've been left to my own devices since DH started his job and cant find anything to do... Its not a place you can walk around, we are too far from a metro station, there doesnt seem to be any busses so I have to taxi everywhere... im contemplating driving but... the crazy drivers and crazy roads... Perhaps its because i know i've got to live here as opposed to just visiting. Perhaps its home sickness. Perhaps its because im an emotional pregnant wreck.....

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