What age would you consider too old to have a baby? | ExpatWoman.com
 

What age would you consider too old to have a baby?

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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 17:22

Just can't help feeling really broody, 46yrs old this year and know that time is running out. I have a son who will be 8yrs in July and 2 adult daughters in the uk, am i just going through a phase or having a mid-life crisis?
What age did you older mums have your youngest? also i'd be really interested to know what age you think is just too old. Someone please tell me i'm not alone in feeling like this.

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EW GURU
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 22:32
Ahhhh ..... 3 more posts came in whilst I was sending my last ...... Dubai 71 .......... again lets stay in touch ..... lots planned for the big 40th ... can you send me your email via ? Would love to stay in touch ...... let me know when you send so I can take down my addy x Bedski for me now as much as I'd love to stay up chatting, but a 6am alarm & a 90 min drive to work prevents :-( Back here as of 7pm tomorrow :-) xxxx Loopy Loti- you have mail! So do you Ms 71 ........ x <em>edited by Loopy Lotti on 06/02/2011</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 22:30
My mom had me when she was 29 (I am no. 5) and she had 2 more after that. She was and is a great mom. We have a good relationship, love her to bits but she is not my best friend who I confide to. I guess it's the traditional relationship. I hope my DD and I will share the same kind of relationship that my sister shares with her children. I don't think it really matter how old you are when you have your child as long as you are healthy to carry the baby and have the energy to care for him/her . Personally, I think it's better to have a child when you are READY and with the right man who would stick around for you and your child.
449
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 22:29
I must say that what i disliked most about being an older mum, when my son was born my oldest daughter was 14yrs old and when ever we went out as a family it was surprising just how many ppl thought i was the grandmother and her the mum, she use to get really embarrassed by it and stopped wanting to push his buggy. Thanks for all the replies, ive enjoyed reading the different reactions, good luck to the ladies yet to become mummies and hope everything works out ok for you all. xx Oh, that just reminded me, my lovely cousin/godson was born when I was 13. My aunt (younger sister of my aforementioned mother with whom I have a carp relationship) was in her forties when he was born and he was definitely an accident, she didn't want children (he looked after her most of his life, from when he was 7 and his father died at 60-something), so when I went on walks with them, pushing the pram, my aunt would happily accept compliments on her daughter and her grandson. You can imagine how that made a pubescent 13 year old girl feel! :)
449
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 22:28
Any thoughts from ladies who are the children of older parents? My mum was 47 when she had me and the age divide always seemed huge and especially when I was a teen. At 13 mum was turning 60 and was unable, through no fault of her own, to identify with me or my friends. She had little time for fun and while she was in good health she was at retirement/slow down age. I feel that my daughter and I really bonded when she was 11-13 and this held us in good stead when the turbulent teens came (she is turning 18 this year). She knows she can talk to me and while I don't always understand everything we can talk and I listen. I can remember what it was like at her age and needing my mum and her just not being equipped to be there in the way I wanted or needed. Mum and I never became as close as what I would have liked because she was more like a Nan but without the perks of sweets and treats. I am grateful that I was lucky enough to have older sisters and have always turned to them when I really needed a mum. Mum was 67 when I had my son and while that seems like a good age by the time he was 7 she was 74 and was past having the ability to communicate or even be interested in him or his little sister. I know many older parents and grandparents who are loving, caring and have been able to get past the issues Mum and I experienced but it is not a path I would go down myself. I think that is a matter of personality too - my grandmother was 40 when she had my mum; she must have been around 80 when my youngest cousin was born but was still very involved with her (ex infants teacher); my MIL is in her mid 80s and my kids 3 and 4, and she's a very adoring grandmother. I always thought I would have my children younger than I did - life doesn't always go according to plan :) Kimball, one of my best friends had 17 years between her children, her older daughter has been absolutely fabulous with little sister and has been able to laugh off the teenage mum assumptions - maybe if you had waited 3 years she'd have been ok! Yeah maybe i should have waited a few more years but at 38 i even thought that was too old. My daughters are now 21 & 22 and i was joking with them the other night about wanting another baby and was really scared when they both said they did also, so we should all three have one, luckily they were joking, i don't know how i'd cope not being there for them, something i've never really thought about.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 22:23
I must say that what i disliked most about being an older mum, when my son was born my oldest daughter was 14yrs old and when ever we went out as a family it was surprising just how many ppl thought i was the grandmother and her the mum, she use to get really embarrassed by it and stopped wanting to push his buggy. Thanks for all the replies, ive enjoyed reading the different reactions, good luck to the ladies yet to become mummies and hope everything works out ok for you all. xx Oh, that just reminded me, my lovely cousin/godson was born when I was 13. My aunt (younger sister of my aforementioned mother with whom I have a carp relationship) was in her forties when he was born and he was definitely an accident, she didn't want children (he looked after her most of his life, from when he was 7 and his father died at 60-something), so when I went on walks with them, pushing the pram, my aunt would happily accept compliments on her daughter and her grandson. You can imagine how that made a pubescent 13 year old girl feel!
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EW GURU
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 22:22
Possibly. I am conscious of what I believe to be the shortcomings in my relationship with Mum and have put in effort to ensure it is different for my son and daughter. My children and I have built strong, respectful and loving bonds that extend well beyond what Mum and I had so I guess you could say despite everything she made me a better parent. It sounds to me like you have totally embraced what you learnt having been a child of 'older' parents and made good with your own. Learnt by the experience and have put it to good use with creating a solid, honest and open forum for your family. NICE one, and may it continue for many years!!! :-) That is exactly what I strive for in the future, despite my age!! x
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 22:20
Ahhhh ..... 3 more posts came in whilst I was sending my last ...... Dubai 71 .......... again lets stay in touch ..... lots planned for the big 40th ... can you send me your email via loopy_loti at hotmail dot co uk? Would love to stay in touch ...... let me know when you send so I can take down my addy x Bedski for me now as much as I'd love to stay up chatting, but a 6am alarm & a 90 min drive to work prevents :-( Back here as of 7pm tomorrow :-) xxxx Loopy Loti- you have mail!
504
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EW GURU
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 22:19
Any thoughts from ladies who are the children of older parents? My mum was 47 when she had me and the age divide always seemed huge and especially when I was a teen. At 13 mum was turning 60 and was unable, through no fault of her own, to identify with me or my friends. She had little time for fun and while she was in good health she was at retirement/slow down age. I feel that my daughter and I really bonded when she was 11-13 and this held us in good stead when the turbulent teens came (she is turning 18 this year). She knows she can talk to me and while I don't always understand everything we can talk and I listen. I can remember what it was like at her age and needing my mum and her just not being equipped to be there in the way I wanted or needed. Mum and I never became as close as what I would have liked because she was more like a Nan but without the perks of sweets and treats. I am grateful that I was lucky enough to have older sisters and have always turned to them when I really needed a mum. Mum was 67 when I had my son and while that seems like a good age by the time he was 7 she was 74 and was past having the ability to communicate or even be interested in him or his little sister. I know many older parents and grandparents who are loving, caring and have been able to get past the issues Mum and I experienced but it is not a path I would go down myself. I think that is a matter of personality too - my grandmother was 40 when she had my mum; she must have been around 80 when my youngest cousin was born but was still very involved with her (ex infants teacher); my MIL is in her mid 80s and my kids 3 and 4, and she's a very adoring grandmother. I always thought I would have my children younger than I did - life doesn't always go according to plan :) Kimball, one of my best friends had 17 years between her children, her older daughter has been absolutely fabulous with little sister and has been able to laugh off the teenage mum assumptions - maybe if you had waited 3 years she'd have been ok!
610
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EW GURU
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 22:15
Ahhhh ..... 3 more posts came in whilst I was sending my last ...... Dubai 71 .......... again lets stay in touch ..... lots planned for the big 40th ... can you send me your email via? Would love to stay in touch ...... let me know when you send so I can take down my addy x Bedski for me now as much as I'd love to stay up chatting, but a 6am alarm & a 90 min drive to work prevents :-( Back here as of 7pm tomorrow :-) xxxx <em>edited by Loopy Lotti on 06/02/2011</em>
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 22:13
[b'>CT [/b'>- Do you feel you have overly compensated for the years you missed out with your Mum with yours? Possibly. I am conscious of what I believe to be the shortcomings in my relationship with Mum and have put in effort to ensure it is different for my son and daughter. My children and I have built strong, respectful and loving bonds that extend well beyond what Mum and I had so I guess you could say despite everything she made me a better parent.
449
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 22:11
I must say that what i disliked most about being an older mum, when my son was born my oldest daughter was 14yrs old and when ever we went out as a family it was surprising just how many ppl thought i was the grandmother and her the mum, she use to get really embarrassed by it and stopped wanting to push his buggy. Thanks for all the replies, ive enjoyed reading the different reactions, good luck to the ladies yet to become mummies and hope everything works out ok for you all. xx
610
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EW GURU
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 22:10
Simpleas - more interesting stuff!! I also had a rubbish relationship with my mum until I was about 13 ..... mum was young, stressed & suffered with a history of clinical depression. Dad worked nights (newspaper print industry) so she was alone with me all day every day & her maternal instincts were far from intact!!! It wasnt easy for me nor her!! It wasnt until I started to become an adult (13 ish!!) that she suddenly realised I was her ally (her relationship with Dad wasnt that great) and when I began to see her point of view, her hardships (she had an upbringing that resembles something from a victorian horror story!!) .............and now, well, she's still a little hard work but I appreciate her more than ever (now we live 6,000 miles apart!!!). I had (have) no siblings to ease the pressure ........ but hey........ i reckon I turned out ok-ish........... I find this topic so interesting .... sorry to keep throwing my oar in!! x
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 22:03
I've got, and always have had, a rubbish relationship with my mother (she doesn't see it that way herself). She was 32 when she had me. I hope my daughter has, and will continue to have, a better relationship with me than I did with my mother and I was 7 years older than my ma was when she had me, when I had my daughter. I don't think it has anything to do with age, but with attitude. (Don't mean to be rude, Cyclone T.) edited by simpleasabc on 06/02/2011 That makes TOTAL sense to me :)
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EW GURU
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 22:02
You are not being rude. I agree that parents can be good or crappy at any age. My mum was not a bad person she was just not an active participant in my life.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 22:02
[b'>Dubai 71[/b'> - from one '71 babe to another, I think we should stay in touch!!!! What's all this re IVF? Once we're spliced if I don't fall within a few months I'll be looking into that route!! [b'>CT[/b'> - very wise words and very interesting. Look forward to hearing the responses. Just out of interest, how old were you when you delivered yours? (sorry if I missed something, got the age gap between you and your mum & wondering what the difference is between you and yours?). [b'> Laughin[/b'> - nice comment :-) I like :-) [b'>Simpleas[/b'> - hugs xxxx Loopy Lotti- DEFINITELY up for us '71 girls staying together and keeping in touch ;0) Really hope it all works for you naturally. IVF is a very tough road though, of course, if it works it will be worth every bit of it and more..... Think wise to crack on after say 6 months if no joy naturally (at our age and all that) but who knows your little eggs and the OHs little swimmers may just be dying to get together- fingers crossed!!! Please also keep everything crossed for me for tomorrow. x PS What are you doing for your birthday next week? Hope you have something lovely planned. (Edited for typo that was annoying me!) <em>edited by dubai71 on 06/02/2011</em>
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 21:59
I've got, and always have had, a rubbish relationship with my mother (she doesn't see it that way herself). She was 32 when she had me. I hope my daughter has, and will continue to have, a better relationship with me than I did with my mother and I was 7 years older than my ma was when she had me, when I had my daughter. I don't think it has anything to do with age, but with attitude. (Don't mean to be rude, Cyclone T.) <em>edited by simpleasabc on 06/02/2011</em>
449
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 21:59
Oh i'd be honoured, and my birthday is May so you could have a baby Taurean. Really?? When in may is your birthday??? 4th May, what date is baby due, do you know what *** it is? I never asked with any of mine but i know most ladies do nowadays.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 21:54
[b'>Sue62[/b'> - this is exactly the treatment I dread should I be lucky enough to fall within the next 2 years! Goodness me I had shed load of it when just 37 and in early pregnacy, & I was unlucky enough to have experienced the worst :-( !! I figure I just have to be as nice to my body as possible, take what the docs say with a thick skin, and see what the fate fairy deals me! But Sue, 42 for your first again gives me so much hope!! Thank you :-) [b'>CT [/b'>- thanks for your reply. So you had yours MUCH earlier than your Mum!!! Still interested to hear any responses to your question! Do you feel you have overly compensated for the years you missed out with your Mum with yours? (sorry dont mean to pry! Your question has just piqued my interest re the parent / child age gap). My Mum was 23 when she had me & we finally became 'friends' when I turned around 13 ............. she's 64 now going on 36 (bless her! I am v lucky on that front!!). x
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 21:53
Two months off 21 for our son (he was a Bali belly baby*) and almost 23 for our daughter (had one planned on two and decided to get it over and done with). * Bali belly baby = Holiday diarrhea and vomiting and the pill left my system.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 21:39
OP, I do think 46 is too old - give yourself some ME time now! PS * whispering * there is loads to do out there ( no offence Fairygodmothers etc)
610
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EW GURU
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 21:23
[b'>Dubai 71[/b'> - from one '71 babe to another, I think we should stay in touch!!!! What's all this re IVF? Once we're spliced if I don't fall within a few months I'll be looking into that route!! [b'>CT[/b'> - very wise words and very interesting. Look forward to hearing the responses. Just out of interest, how old were you when you delivered yours? (sorry if I missed something, got the age gap between you and your mum & wondering what the difference is between you and yours?). [b'> Laughin[/b'> - nice comment :-) I like :-) [b'>Simpleas[/b'> - hugs xxxx
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 21:17
Oh i'd be honoured, and my birthday is May so you could have a baby Taurean. Really?? When in may is your birthday???
1579
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 21:05
Any thoughts from ladies who are the children of older parents? My mum was 47 when she had me and the age divide always seemed huge and especially when I was a teen. At 13 mum was turning 60 and was unable, through no fault of her own, to identify with me or my friends. She had little time for fun and while she was in good health she was at retirement/slow down age. I feel that my daughter and I really bonded when she was 11-13 and this held us in good stead when the turbulent teens came (she is turning 18 this year). She knows she can talk to me and while I don't always understand everything we can talk and I listen. I can remember what it was like at her age and needing my mum and her just not being equipped to be there in the way I wanted or needed. Mum and I never became as close as what I would have liked because she was more like a Nan but without the perks of sweets and treats. I am grateful that I was lucky enough to have older sisters and have always turned to them when I really needed a mum. Mum was 67 when I had my son and while that seems like a good age by the time he was 7 she was 74 and was past having the ability to communicate or even be interested in him or his little sister. I know many older parents and grandparents who are loving, caring and have been able to get past the issues Mum and I experienced but it is not a path I would go down myself.
436
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 20:07
My OB said to me that if you are old enough to get pregnant and can carry it, your not too old. She was encouraging me to have a 3rd at 40.... So there you go;) Her theory is your body knows best......
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 20:05
By this time next week I will have just turned 40 (SOB SOB!!!) and am childless (another huge sob). Reason? Partially due to being a career/party girl throughout my 20's and a career girl/failed marriage throughout my early 30’s. I have since been with my dear other half for 5 years and fell pregnant at the end of 2008 (age 37) ....we were still in the UK and overjoyed!! (for any that recognise me on here I normally post DH as I have been ULTRA cautious from day one of arriving here – if you get what I’m saying?). Sadly I miscarried at 14 weeks back in Feb 2009. Utterly devastated, but finally accepted it's VERY common, especially at my age. Then just 2 months later I was made redundant, then 2 months after that my other half was made redundant (!!) and as a result our wedding plans were shelved due to lack of funds! Within 3 months of both our redundancies we had found good jobs here (wasn’t our first choice but hey, the jobs & financials made sense!!). Now having been here for 18 months (we love it here despite the usual frustrations) we are finally planning our wedding (in between our busy work schedules) for May 2011, and will be at it like rabbits thereafter in the hope of producing a child  So sorry to hijack this thread but the ‘when is too old’ bit really tugged my heartstrings having not yet produced one & rapidly approaching my 40’s . I hope and pray that once we’re married I can fall with no complications and not go through the heartache of another miscarriage  To answer the original OP’s question? My opinion is if you have a brood, no matter what age then enjoy life without nappies, potty training etc etc. If you’re 46 now chances are you’ll be 47 if not 48 by the time you deliver, the child would still be begging you for cash to see him/her through university when you are just about to start enjoying your pension!! Just my thoughts. Sorry this was so long and apologies again for hijacking the thread ……. Just feeling a little bit hard done by on the baby front and hope it’s my turn soon ……….. x Edits due to - making spaces between the para's! edited by Loopy Lotti on 06/02/2011 edited by Loopy Lotti on 06/02/2011 edited by Loopy Lotti on 06/02/2011 Loopy Lotti- you took the words right out of my mouth!! I am 40 in a few months and am in the same boat as you. Wishing you loads of luck with your rabbit activities :) I get pregnancy blood test tomorrow (following the endurance test this is a cycle of IVF) but sadly am not hopeful. Here's hoping 2011 bring us both what we so desperately want- even at the grand old age of 40!! x
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 19:57
OMG That is a fantastic idea. I am a SAHM and would just gladly offer my services to any mum with a young baby, thanks for the info. You are more then welcome to be my babies fairy god mother! But I'm only due in May though! you can have as many cuddles as you like :) <em>edited by moonbean on 06/02/2011</em>
449
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 06 February 2011 - 19:56
Oh i'd be honoured, and my birthday is May so you could have a baby Taurean.
 
 

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