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Children and Fasting

674

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 01:01

For those who are requiring their children to fast for Ramadan, I am curious what are the arrangements typically? My child hasn't reached puberty but this year she has been required to fast until afternoon, and now her father is requesting she extend it. I cannot say anything against it but I'm trying to help her as she is sobbing and very upset about it. I tried to apply logic and I calculated the fasting hours are about 16, so is it fair that if she stops eating at 8 p.m. Then how long of the next day would she need to fast? Really until the next day Iftar seems way too long. I did read it was supposed to be from sunrise until sunset but are exceptions made for children regarding the timing?
How are children usually treated in this respect, are parents usually supportive or very strict? I'm sorry if this is an ignorant question but I really don't know and I'm trying to help her but in a way that's not offensive to her father. I've tried to help her with other things in the month like reading some peaceful things, introducing topics about less fortunate people, not overspending, giving cash in the tins, donating things etc but I am the only one doing this, her father has only talked to her in a very forceful way about the fasting aspect.

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228

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 12 July 2015 - 10:13

The main issue is that your husband is requiring rituals but has not instilled believe in, love for and knowledge about Allah in a kind and gentle manner. You can reward kids with stickers and stars but they need to be taught the reason why and for who we do acts of worship like fasting. A huge foundation is missing in your family mainly because the one who is responsible for it has not practiced himself for a long time from what I gather from your previous posts and threads. So now he is trying to make up for it but by just harshly implementing rituals he is not going to instill Islam in his daughter's heart. Yes she should be able to fast at least half a day at her age, but then she really needs to wake up and have her suhoor. Even an adult that missed suhoor with struggle fasting that day plus it is a Sunnah (our prophet pubh did it) so it's important that she eats. Even school going children from a young age are prepared for when they are required to fast, slowly building it up. But in this case your daughter has not had the chance and in stead of being encouraging, her dad is watching her like a hawk which really doesn't help. You need to remind him again and again and again untill he gets it that he needs to be GENTLE when dealing with matters of religion. I would also suggest that once school is back on that you consider taking your daughter to Islamic classes for girls. Since you said your husband hasn't got a clue as to how to teach his child Islam properly, there are some amazing teachers out there who can and it will be a good opportunity for her to meet other girls. Try Al Huda Sisters, they are amazing, or JILC. Both in Jumeirah area. [b'>"The main issue is that your husband is requiring rituals but has not instilled believe in, love for and knowledge about Allah in a kind and gentle manner. You can reward kids with stickers and stars but they need to be taught the reason why and for who we do acts of worship like fasting. A huge foundation is missing in your family mainly because the one who is responsible for it has not practiced himself for a long time from what I gather from your previous posts and threads[/b'>" Yes, absolutely, I do agree with the above. As well as getting rewarded, the children need to understand why they are doing what they are doing and foster a love for their religion. Cherpie,I wish you the best. i didn't realise you weren't practicing either so your daughter doesn't have a Muslim role model in either of you. That does make things more difficult however please don't ever give up hope. In my opinion, its better for kids to be raised in two separate homes rather than one broken home - I speak from experience. I know you feel your options are limited. Don't waste your time being ashamed - your kids wont thank you for it and we all have issues of varying degrees in our lives Please connect with someone who can help TODAY.

553

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 11 July 2015 - 21:03

Cherpie -There is a group on Facebook called Leaves Dubai...you do NOT need to join the group but you will see meetings advertised. You can also directly message Ann Jackson who runs the group who will be able to advise and support you.

425

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 11 July 2015 - 18:35

Do you have any control over your daughter's future, as your husband seems to control both you and the children at the moment? You mentioned before that he organised their passports to his country of origin. Do you think he might get them into an arranged marriage? I can't imagine how it would be like to raise my children, in to a religion I don't practice, surly your daughter's will feel it's not genuine and they will feel that you are doing it by force and they will not have a positive reaction of religion at home. I am sorry for asking so many questions, but I am genuinely concerned about anyone living under your circumstances. And I just don't know what solutions you have. Would getting a job get some independency? I know that you have mentioned that you are staying married because of the children. Once they move away, will you be able to support yourself? Please join a support group or something, there will be women out there that has been going through similar experiences. And I understand that running to relatives when times are tough, isn't always an option. I'm really sorry, I wish I could give a more cohesive response but their vacation is looming over me like a dark cloud at the moment. I was supposed to take them for a fun vacation too but unsurprisingly, that was nothing more than a ruse. Yes I did/do have fears about him arranging a marriage but I don't know what I could do to prevent that. I'd have to make a hasty decision to flee with her and leave my other two behind? I don't think that would be an option. I really don't know. But as far as the situation right now, yes she knows it is forced and I do not think there is any requirement of me encouraging her to practice a religion that I dont, the only requirement is that I don't introduce her to anything else. I can't get a job here, it's just not something I can do, really, even without the paperwork requirements it is very competitive or low paying here anyway but I'm sure later on and on my own, once this painful weight is lifted I might be able to contribute positively in that way. As far as joining a group, this is a very shameful, degrading, repulsive situation that I got myself into and I think I'd rather stay anonymous. I know my response might raise more questions than it has answered, but that's all I can do at the moment. Cherpie, you need to stop feeling ashamed as that is not going to help you to find a solution and there is "always" a solution. Do you have any friends? do you do anything for yourself? sometimes, you just need to make it all about you to feel good from within. Personally, I would recommend a Psychologist to speak with, just speaking to another human being (not children or family) face to face and not online is a blessing in disguise and can be the first start of regaining your self esteem. Psychologist are legally bound by confidentiality and please do not take it the wrong way, abused victims can gain a lot from the mental health professionals out there. If you don't want to do it for you, then do it for your kids. With regards to your kids and religion, you are not required to teach them a religion you do not follow nor know anything about. If one parent wants their kids to follow their faith, they should be more involved and not expect the environment to work it's magic, so, just go about with what you do. Sending you a virtual hug :)

674

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 11 July 2015 - 15:00

Do you have any control over your daughter's future, as your husband seems to control both you and the children at the moment? You mentioned before that he organised their passports to his country of origin. Do you think he might get them into an arranged marriage? I can't imagine how it would be like to raise my children, in to a religion I don't practice, surly your daughter's will feel it's not genuine and they will feel that you are doing it by force and they will not have a positive reaction of religion at home. I am sorry for asking so many questions, but I am genuinely concerned about anyone living under your circumstances. And I just don't know what solutions you have. Would getting a job get some independency? I know that you have mentioned that you are staying married because of the children. Once they move away, will you be able to support yourself? Please join a support group or something, there will be women out there that has been going through similar experiences. And I understand that running to relatives when times are tough, isn't always an option. I'm really sorry, I wish I could give a more cohesive response but their vacation is looming over me like a dark cloud at the moment. I was supposed to take them for a fun vacation too but unsurprisingly, that was nothing more than a ruse. Yes I did/do have fears about him arranging a marriage but I don't know what I could do to prevent that. I'd have to make a hasty decision to flee with her and leave my other two behind? I don't think that would be an option. I really don't know. But as far as the situation right now, yes she knows it is forced and I do not think there is any requirement of me encouraging her to practice a religion that I dont, the only requirement is that I don't introduce her to anything else. I can't get a job here, it's just not something I can do, really, even without the paperwork requirements it is very competitive or low paying here anyway but I'm sure later on and on my own, once this painful weight is lifted I might be able to contribute positively in that way. As far as joining a group, this is a very shameful, degrading, repulsive situation that I got myself into and I think I'd rather stay anonymous. I know my response might raise more questions than it has answered, but that's all I can do at the moment.

72

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 11 July 2015 - 02:57

DS is 11 years old and he started fasting full fast at age 9. earlier to that he used to fast half day and then fast one day and skip the other. all of his Muslim friends fast for full day. he stays awake till 3 have suhoor and then off to fajer prayer by 4:10am and then off to bed don't force her , and take her gradually, we still reward DS for fasting full day , reading quran , praying on time etc .. Hi blueunicorn I've been wondering what children do when Ramadan falls during term time? During the holidays it's feasible for them to stay up all night then sleep during the day but even with the reduced Ramadan school hours that wouldn't be possible during term time. How will you structure your sons day/night when he needs to be at school? I hope you don't mind me asking, I'm just curious as I've just been thinking about it with Ramadan coming in to term time now :) was thinking about it few days ago , DS is lucky that for the past 3 years it was summer vacation during Ramadan. Next year i think he will have his exams by the time of ramdan. DH said previously when ramdan came during school days they had very short days and started late. I remember when i used to live back in saudi before moving in the states we had the last 10 days of ramdan off and used to start school at 10 am .. well that was ages ago :lol:

Anonymous (not verified)

0

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 23:31

For those who are requiring their children to fast for Ramadan, I am curious what are the arrangements typically? My child hasn't reached puberty but this year she has been required to fast until afternoon, and now her father is requesting she extend it. I cannot say anything against it but I'm trying to help her as she is sobbing and very upset about it. I tried to apply logic and I calculated the fasting hours are about 16, so is it fair that if she stops eating at 8 p.m. Then how long of the next day would she need to fast? Really until the next day Iftar seems way too long. I did read it was supposed to be from sunrise until sunset but are exceptions made for children regarding the timing? How are children usually treated in this respect, are parents usually supportive or very strict? I'm sorry if this is an ignorant question but I really don't know and I'm trying to help her but in a way that's not offensive to her father. I've tried to help her with other things in the month like reading some peaceful things, introducing topics about less fortunate people, not overspending, giving cash in the tins, donating things etc but I am the only one doing this, her father has only talked to her in a very forceful way about the fasting aspect. Cherpie I think you misunderstand something. Fasting is from sunrise (fajr) to sunset (magreb). Which is now 15 hours. We don't fast in the evening, from your post it seems you think she might have to do so. If she has now fasted from sunrise to afternoon (I assume 12PM?) then she can extend to maybe 2PM? It is better for her to get used to some fasting now because when she reaches puberty it will be obligatory for her. Yes I do know it's from sunrise to sunset but I was asking if there were exceptions for children. She goes to bed around 10-11 and neither I nor she can stay up all night, it's impossible. Yes she has been doing until 12:30, I'm suggesting now she goes until 3. I'm not waking her up in light of the situation that occurred between her and her father, and I don't know what else to do. But she doesn't have to stay awake all night. If she sleeps at 11 max she can wake up at 4 for a small meal and go back to bed. At least get her to eat some eggs or cereal and let her drink water. I wonder though why she is being made to fast and has not been introduced to prayer. It does look like another way of her dad bullying you and her and it's not going to help her in her faith at all. If you decided to stay in this marriage please make sure your children get a proper Islamic education. There are so many places they can attend programs for children where they will be taught the proper way. Also during Ramadan a lot of book shops and supermarkets like Geant and Carrefour sell children's Islamic books in a language that's easy for them to understand. Maybe worth a try.

101

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 23:10

I'm a 34 yr old American who was born Muslim (alhamdulillah) and like the other users have stated you cannot force a child to do anything without them hating it or rebelling later on. The Prophet's (SAW) example was one of gentleness, especially with children.When I was growing up I remember trying to fast the whole day to impress my parents, I can't imagine them trying to force it upon us! My daughter will be 8 next month and as I don't want to push her too much she wakes up, eats breakfast, and fasts from there forward. Many of the days she's ready to break her fast by 5pm and I try to encourage her as much as possible without her getting upset and allow her to break her fast usually by 6pm or 6:30pm, as this is practice. Its not mandatory to fast until you reach puberty. If they aren't being pushed then its something that, with practice they will want to get better and better at and naturally they will ease into fasting the entire day. As girls are reaching puberty earlier and earlier these days I would suggest you try to encourage her to make her five daily prayers on time. If she's already waking up for fajr it won't be too difficult to get up 30 minutes prior to fajr to eat. But if she isn't, honestly I wouldn't focus on the fasting, but on the prayer. Whereabout in Dubai are you? I would also suggest trying to find some Muslim female friends the same age and perhaps she will begin to want to fast with their support? Then her religion (or choice of religion rather) one day will be less dependent upon the way her father treats her :-/

674

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 21:48

Cherpie, I don't come onto this forum very often, but out of curiosity and sentiment I do dip in from time to time. I clicked on your thread and was so disturbed to read what i had thought would be a relatively straightforward query about children fasting, but then read once again about your husband's abusive behaviour. You have been posting on EW for quite some time, outlining the very difficult situation in which you find yourself and it is obvious that you have yet to find a workable way out. However, no matter how unhappy you are in this marriage, you have children, and now it would appear that your husband is causing great pain to your daughter. This s not about religion, it is about bullying and abuse of power and only you can stop this, It may be your choice to stay and endure, but you really do need to think about your children. My recollection is that you have family abroad, no matter what has gone before, they will help you if you ask. I am sure your mother would want to know what is happening, and will reach out to help. Please just try to make contact with her. Sending you a big cyber hug Trishx Thank you. Unfortunately both of my parents and sets of grandparents are deceased, and I do feel he uses that against me all the time. I do have siblings, aunts uncles cousins etc but doesn't seem to matter. Now the next issue coming forward is he is taking two of the three children (and he wants all three) to visit his family at Eid for an undetermined amount of weeks, which has been the norm for the past three years. Meanwhile I've been asking to visit my family for many years every time refusing. Hindsight is invaluable at this point but if I knew what the arrangements were to be when I first got involved with that man, i would have fled and not blinked an eye. Even with my oldest. But now it's too late. I keep my distance but he is not even a tolerable person to me anymore. I didn't know it would come down to this but I can only try to minimize her interactions with him at this point, as there aren't ever any positive ones anyways.

674

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 21:41

For those who are requiring their children to fast for Ramadan, I am curious what are the arrangements typically? My child hasn't reached puberty but this year she has been required to fast until afternoon, and now her father is requesting she extend it. I cannot say anything against it but I'm trying to help her as she is sobbing and very upset about it. I tried to apply logic and I calculated the fasting hours are about 16, so is it fair that if she stops eating at 8 p.m. Then how long of the next day would she need to fast? Really until the next day Iftar seems way too long. I did read it was supposed to be from sunrise until sunset but are exceptions made for children regarding the timing? How are children usually treated in this respect, are parents usually supportive or very strict? I'm sorry if this is an ignorant question but I really don't know and I'm trying to help her but in a way that's not offensive to her father. I've tried to help her with other things in the month like reading some peaceful things, introducing topics about less fortunate people, not overspending, giving cash in the tins, donating things etc but I am the only one doing this, her father has only talked to her in a very forceful way about the fasting aspect. Cherpie I think you misunderstand something. Fasting is from sunrise (fajr) to sunset (magreb). Which is now 15 hours. We don't fast in the evening, from your post it seems you think she might have to do so. If she has now fasted from sunrise to afternoon (I assume 12PM?) then she can extend to maybe 2PM? It is better for her to get used to some fasting now because when she reaches puberty it will be obligatory for her. Yes I do know it's from sunrise to sunset but I was asking if there were exceptions for children. She goes to bed around 10-11 and neither I nor she can stay up all night, it's impossible. Yes she has been doing until 12:30, I'm suggesting now she goes until 3. I'm not waking her up in light of the situation that occurred between her and her father, and I don't know what else to do.

GirlAnachronism35688

1039

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 21:39

This doesn't really sound like an issue with fasting so much as it sounds like your daughter is really scared of her father? I have also seen your previous threads and really think you should consider whether this situation is good for anyone involved. On the matter of fasting, my Muslim husband says similar to other posters which is that he was slowly introduced to fasting and received lots of praise and positive encouragement, as well as talks about the reasons behind fasting and charity etc. He had older siblings so found it easier to slip into it whereas I imagine for an oldest child it may be a bit harder.

1340

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 20:36

Cherpie, I don't come onto this forum very often, but out of curiosity and sentiment I do dip in from time to time. I clicked on your thread and was so disturbed to read what i had thought would be a relatively straightforward query about children fasting, but then read once again about your husband's abusive behaviour. You have been posting on EW for quite some time, outlining the very difficult situation in which you find yourself and it is obvious that you have yet to find a workable way out. However, no matter how unhappy you are in this marriage, you have children, and now it would appear that your husband is causing great pain to your daughter. This s not about religion, it is about bullying and abuse of power and only you can stop this, It may be your choice to stay and endure, but you really do need to think about your children. My recollection is that you have family abroad, no matter what has gone before, they will help you if you ask. I am sure your mother would want to know what is happening, and will reach out to help. Please just try to make contact with her. Sending you a big cyber hug Trishx

Anonymous (not verified)

0

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 19:50

For those who are requiring their children to fast for Ramadan, I am curious what are the arrangements typically? My child hasn't reached puberty but this year she has been required to fast until afternoon, and now her father is requesting she extend it. I cannot say anything against it but I'm trying to help her as she is sobbing and very upset about it. I tried to apply logic and I calculated the fasting hours are about 16, so is it fair that if she stops eating at 8 p.m. Then how long of the next day would she need to fast? Really until the next day Iftar seems way too long. I did read it was supposed to be from sunrise until sunset but are exceptions made for children regarding the timing? How are children usually treated in this respect, are parents usually supportive or very strict? I'm sorry if this is an ignorant question but I really don't know and I'm trying to help her but in a way that's not offensive to her father. I've tried to help her with other things in the month like reading some peaceful things, introducing topics about less fortunate people, not overspending, giving cash in the tins, donating things etc but I am the only one doing this, her father has only talked to her in a very forceful way about the fasting aspect. Cherpie I think you misunderstand something. Fasting is from sunrise (fajr) to sunset (magreb). Which is now 15 hours. We don't fast in the evening, from your post it seems you think she might have to do so. If she has now fasted from sunrise to afternoon (I assume 12PM?) then she can extend to maybe 2PM? It is better for her to get used to some fasting now because when she reaches puberty it will be obligatory for her.

Anonymous (not verified)

0

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 19:47

The main issue is that your husband is requiring rituals but has not instilled believe in, love for and knowledge about Allah in a kind and gentle manner. You can reward kids with stickers and stars but they need to be taught the reason why and for who we do acts of worship like fasting. A huge foundation is missing in your family mainly because the one who is responsible for it has not practiced himself for a long time from what I gather from your previous posts and threads. So now he is trying to make up for it but by just harshly implementing rituals he is not going to instill Islam in his daughter's heart. Yes she should be able to fast at least half a day at her age, but then she really needs to wake up and have her suhoor. Even an adult that missed suhoor with struggle fasting that day plus it is a Sunnah (our prophet pubh did it) so it's important that she eats. Even school going children from a young age are prepared for when they are required to fast, slowly building it up. But in this case your daughter has not had the chance and in stead of being encouraging, her dad is watching her like a hawk which really doesn't help. You need to remind him again and again and again untill he gets it that he needs to be GENTLE when dealing with matters of religion. I would also suggest that once school is back on that you consider taking your daughter to Islamic classes for girls. Since you said your husband hasn't got a clue as to how to teach his child Islam properly, there are some amazing teachers out there who can and it will be a good opportunity for her to meet other girls. Try Al Huda Sisters, they are amazing, or JILC. Both in Jumeirah area.

4062

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 19:10

DS is 11 years old and he started fasting full fast at age 9. earlier to that he used to fast half day and then fast one day and skip the other. all of his Muslim friends fast for full day. he stays awake till 3 have suhoor and then off to fajer prayer by 4:10am and then off to bed don't force her , and take her gradually, we still reward DS for fasting full day , reading quran , praying on time etc .. Hi blueunicorn I've been wondering what children do when Ramadan falls during term time? During the holidays it's feasible for them to stay up all night then sleep during the day but even with the reduced Ramadan school hours that wouldn't be possible during term time. How will you structure your sons day/night when he needs to be at school? I hope you don't mind me asking, I'm just curious as I've just been thinking about it with Ramadan coming in to term time now :)

72

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 18:49

DS is 11 years old and he started fasting full fast at age 9. earlier to that he used to fast half day and then fast one day and skip the other. all of his Muslim friends fast for full day. he stays awake till 3 have suhoor and then off to fajer prayer by 4:10am and then off to bed don't force her , and take her gradually, we still reward DS for fasting full day , reading quran , praying on time etc ..

518

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 12:08

" I remember my dad used to encourage us by sticking up a Rewards Chart with separate columns for Fasting, Good Behaviour, Prayers and Quran and used gold star stickers for everything we were able to complete. There was also an AED 300 jumbo cash prize at Eid for whoever did the best and this created a lot of healthy competition among all 4 siblings. " That's a great idea. Would try that with my kids. Thanks.

4062

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 12:04

I got her up this morning, it's not that. She did not like her father lecturing her and staring at her, she couldn't even eat half of what I gave her. I wasn't expecting that so I'm not going to put her through it anymore. I'll offer to have her do it until 3 pm but thats about all I can do. That's awful. All you can really do is find little ways of helping your children cope and building up their confidence and resilience despite the best efforts of your husband to do the opposite.

674

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 12:01

I really appreciate the replies, I suspected most other families wouldn't do it this way. She wasn't fasting last year at all and didnt really know about it until then. I try to encourage her in everything she does and help her feel good about herself as an individual. Ayda247 your father sounds really great.

674

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 11:57

I got her up this morning, it's not that. She did not like her father lecturing her and staring at her, she couldn't even eat half of what I gave her. I wasn't expecting that so I'm not going to put her through it anymore. I'll offer to have her do it until 3 pm but thats about all I can do.

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 11:36

Waking her early isn't going to work at all, she's too frightened, so hopefully 5-6 waking hours will be enough. Hi Cherpie What do you mean by she's too frightened to be woken early? I'm not Muslim and know nothing about fasting but if sleeping during the day isn't an option due to how your household runs then maybe you need to start getting her used to the idea now of waking for Suhoor so when she is required to do full fasts she is better able to cope.

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EW GURU

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 11:07

I will not get into the parenting part of it but children should be practicing fasting from a young age so that when they reach puberty it's not a new thing for them which they have to do and for such long hours right away. My DS is 7 and he was quite keen on trying it out this year ..school also talked about it and his friends were doing it... So we let him try mini fasts ..from 8 to 12 or 8 to 2. Depending on how many ours he wanted to try it...so right now it's all practice( for which he get a lot of praise). Invite children to join for Iftar meal at the table so it becomes a ritual. Encourage mini fasts...slowly extend the hours. Talk about why we are fasting so they get the meaning and spirit of Ramadan. I also heard a very good discussion on dubai eye 103.8 "the word" at the start of Ramadan... It was all about parents and how they can encourage and introduce fasting to kids... You should listen to it to get tips for how to do it gently. It's all about educating them, encouraging them, showing them how to do it and then a lot of praise. The sooner you start the easier it would be when they reach puberty.

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 10:54

This is really [b'>bad[/b'> and exactly the opposite of what a good Muslim parent must do - really I am very upset! I remember my dad used to encourage us by sticking up a Rewards Chart with separate columns for Fasting, Good Behaviour, Prayers and Quran and used gold star stickers for everything we were able to complete. There was also an AED 300 jumbo cash prize at Eid for whoever did the best and this created a lot of healthy competition among all 4 siblings. Please try and speak to your husband and recommend a gentler route. I can guarantee that scaring her will simply push her away from her religion and make her rebel when she is older - you will then really have a mess on your hands! My 9 year old son fasts the whole day but he does have Suhoor every morning - usually something full of protein like two scrambled eggs on toasted brown bread and a great big glass of chocolate milk - to keep him going. I also make sure he has his favourite food at Iftar like freshly made pizza or grilled chicken - this encourages him also. At age 11, your daughter should be able to fast (although still not required to) but doesn't have the supportive environment - also being the eldest is difficult as none of the others are fasting so even more encouragement is required, not condemnation! Our prophet Muhammad (peach be upon him) was a very gentle and soft spoken man and this is the example that a good Muslim father should emulate. I pray that your husband realises this before its too late Inshalla. Be the good Muslim mum that you are and continue supporting and teaching your daughter. I will make a dua for you and best of luck for the rest of the month! ;)

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EW GURU

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 09:30

This is exactly what is happening already. I'm not going to have her shaking and sobbing. He doesn't encourage her interests or give her any compliments; he just criticizes everything she does from clothing to bathing. As far as the fasting, he has never even discussed any religious thing with her, just expects her to pick it up from school. Fine but thats not the way I would choose to parent, I say learning comes first from home. She's learning in this case, not to trust her father but to fear him. I fear too and I hope I can help her get through this. This year has been particularlly difficult.

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EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 07:20

Too bad your husband is not following Islam correctly. Your child is not obliged to fast according to Islam. The way he's forcing things on your daughter might push her away from Islam. Remember: when children become adults, they'll make their own decisions.

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EW GURU

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 04:58

Waking her early isn't going to work at all, she's too frightened, so hopefully 5-6 waking hours will be enough.

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EW GURU

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 03:14

So probably the best option is to wake her early? I'm thinking yes? And yes, he will be in the home next week so I'm sure he will be watching her like a hawk, and making her feel bad if she makes any small error. She's 11 but the oldest, so no big bro or sis really to look up to. Yes, I think this is what the people (adults and kids) in that side of her family do, sleep until 2pm but it's impossible here as I have small kids and I think 10 am is about the average, and that's going to bed at 10-11 pm.

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EW GURU

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 02:49

How old is she? When does she wake up? The weather is too hot & even if she's indoor all day I wouldn't expect a child to not eat for almost 24 hrs. If I ask a child to fast I'd make sure this child sleep late, eat sohour & keep him sleeping until noon or a bit later in summer. My cousin is 9, he sleeps so late at 3 am and he eats before he goes to bed, he wakes up at around 2-3 pm, so practically he is fasting for 5-6 hrs , he doesn't fast everyday, if he gets tired he eats (he has full freedom not to fast). He doesn't feel fasting is a burden and he likes to fast like his older sisters (14 & 16)

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 01:07

Can you not wake her early in the morning to have something to eat before sunrise? What does the father do? Does he monitor her everything?

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