Am I un-reasonable? | ExpatWoman.com
 

Am I un-reasonable?

542
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EW GURU
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 14:54

My dh and I had a huge blow out this morning about his family calling at ridiculous hours of the night. Last night was the absolute final straw for me when his family called us at 3am. They live in Jordan and so it was 1am there so it's not like they got confused about the time difference.

I say the only reason someone should call at those ridiculous hours is if someone is dying or has died. Other than that, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for someone to call past 9pm.

THis isn't the first time they have called late. They usually stop calling around 11/12. Which has also set me off on many occassions.

But last nights call was it. They kept reapeatidly calling until someone answered. So it wasn't once or twice. It was more like 8 times in a row until they woke the entire house.

And the reason for the excessive calling was.................................They wanted to know how they could upgrade their internet band width.

My husband doesnt' share my same views about late night calls.

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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 21:36
My dh's family used to do this but thankfully my dh hates being woken up at night so he would just answer the phone, say a few words in a sleepy voice and then hang up on them! They soon got the message. It's hard for you if your dh sees nothing wrong with what they are doing as they will only stop when he tells them to.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 21:25
If my in-laws called us at 3am for any reason other than to let us know of a dire emergency, I would block all calls from their number. That's ridiculous behaviour! Agree! My heart would hit my stomach if the phone rang at that time! Poor you.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 21:02
Totally out of line! And if my DH though that was reasonable behavior then I would be having some serious discussions with him.
Anonymous (not verified)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 20:57
if this happened in my house I would change the number and not give them the new one
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 20:53
can I just keep complaining about my Mil on this thread? My MIL pretends to live without heating just so her relatives will purposely call my husband and ask him to pay more attention to his aging mother. She's only *JUST* turned 50.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 19:21
If my in-laws called us at 3am for any reason other than to let us know of a dire emergency, I would block all calls from their number. That's ridiculous behaviour! Now [i'>there's[/i'> an idea. Block their number. Job done. :)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 19:12
OH not unreasonable at all, and definitely put at a stop to it as soon as you can! My mother made the mistake of letting it slide, so now (after over 35 years of marriage) she still gets the pleasure of phone calls at 4, 5, and 6am regardless of whether it was an emergency or not. The early morning phone calls used to strike fear in my heart growing up because it was always when we would receive bad news from os.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 18:28
If my in-laws called us at 3am for any reason other than to let us know of a dire emergency, I would block all calls from their number. That's ridiculous behaviour!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 18:25
Are you sending your DH this link? My ex inlaws did similair things and good reasons I had to make them EX. Ex inlaws gave us zero time on our own once we got married and 15 days later when we decided to take a one night stay in Fujairah, SIL called in tears saying he must come back, as they needed his help with finding their uncle a job (the uncle had lost his job a few months and they were all working on trying to find him a job for months). She cried saying things like here we are trying to help our uncle and there you are busy romancing your wife! She even issued an ultimatum that he return immediately. Later she called to say she missed him (the bi*ch was then about 33 years old and married). Ex-BH (loved the ****** Husband short form I read here yesterday) didn't go back (perhaps one of the only times he defied them!) but also defended her calls and refused to put the phone on silent even though they then kept calling for similair nonsensical reasons. If its any assuarance to you, its taken time but I have seen Karma catch up on all of them. my mil called us once after our honeymoon and cried and cried until we realized she just wanted my DH to leave our newly wedded bed to go replace one light bulb. Thankfully, we both decided to go together to see what the problem was. Ever since then, we don't ever take them seriously when they say it's an emergency.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 17:57
DH's family do it too...anytime they feel like it. They live around the corner and see him every day....but they still call. Fortunately DH listens to me and we unplug the phone at night and mobiles go on silent. We have one spare mobile which only my family have the number of and one of his trusted brothers, for emergencies. The issue is not with the family, it is with your DH. You need to TELL him. SO easy really....
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 17:45
Hmm, pondering this one still more. Would be tempted to scrawl the mobile and home phone numbers down on the back of the gents toilet door in Rattlesnakes or similar, with a "For a good time, call me now. Im just waiting to hear your se*y voice"... :D Love it! Am gonna talk OH into doing that with ex SIL's number! ;)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 17:43
Hmm, pondering this one still more. Would be tempted to scrawl the mobile and home phone numbers down on the back of the gents toilet door in Rattlesnakes or similar, with a "For a good time, call me now. Im just waiting to hear your se*y voice"... this is great suggestion wikkid it really is wikked
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 17:37
Hmm, pondering this one still more. Would be tempted to scrawl the mobile and home phone numbers down on the back of the gents toilet door in Rattlesnakes or similar, with a "For a good time, call me now. Im just waiting to hear your se*y voice"... now that is the best answer lol....wake him up every 5 minutes all night long lol.....but..someone had better go back in a few days to clean it off or the phone will never stop lol
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 17:11
Husbad used to work with clients in many different time zones and would frequently be awakened at 3 am by Americans who would ask if they were disturbing him at all. The worst part was, he would keep the phone in bed with us, on ring, not even vibrate, (would have been more fun ;) ) when he was waiting for important calls and would tell them it was no problem, they could ring any time they liked. He would promptly go back to sleep, whereas I, on the other hand, suffer from insomnia..
298
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 17:00
Hmm, pondering this one still more. Would be tempted to scrawl the mobile and home phone numbers down on the back of the gents toilet door in Rattlesnakes or similar, with a "For a good time, call me now. Im just waiting to hear your se*y voice"...
298
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 16:56
DH has a friend who thinks its funny to call at stupid o'clock when he has had too many down at the pub (in UK). Well, I got hold of the phone the last time he called, and strangely enough, he hasnt done it since...! It really is terrible when people phone you like that as you automatically expect the very worst, and hence wake up totally, heart pounding and very nervous to answer the phone (or is that just me?) as you really dont want to hear bad news. Then you spend the next 2 hours trying to get back to sleep, muttering "I must go back to sleep, I must go back to sleep, gotta get up in 3/2.5/2/1.5 hours to go to work..." before finally cursing and going the "what the &^%$, Ive now only got an hour until I have to be up anyway so I may as well just get up and watch TV". Then promptly fall asleep in front of the TV! I love the whistle concept, although I think I would actually call them on the landline at 3am, and blow the whistle anyway.... There again, Im just evil...
407
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 16:56
Are you sending your DH this link? My ex inlaws did similair things and good reasons I had to make them EX. Ex inlaws gave us zero time on our own once we got married and 15 days later when we decided to take a one night stay in Fujairah, SIL called in tears saying he must come back, as they needed his help with finding their uncle a job (the uncle had lost his job a few months and they were all working on trying to find him a job for months). She cried saying things like here we are trying to help our uncle and there you are busy romancing your wife! She even issued an ultimatum that he return immediately. Later she called to say she missed him (the bi*ch was then about 33 years old and married). Ex-BH (loved the ****** Husband short form I read here yesterday) didn't go back (perhaps one of the only times he defied them!) but also defended her calls and refused to put the phone on silent even though they then kept calling for similair nonsensical reasons. If its any assuarance to you, its taken time but I have seen Karma catch up on all of them.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 15:55
OMG! I can't believe someone would call you at that hour just to chat or ask such a menial question! That is so inconsiderate and rude! Heck, I don't call anyone after 8pm, 8.30pm if it's family. 3am is justwrong for so many reasons! I would tell them politely to b*gger off. And really, to be honest, if they did it again, I would keep a whistle by the phone and blow it as hard as could when having to pick up at that hour. No one should call at that time unless it is to advise of a serious accident or death.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 15:44
You are not un reasonnable. I will have a heart attack if the phone rings at 3am. Can you just talk to them and tell then nicely and politly that 3am is a bit late to call ? or do the same, call them at 4pm to talk about the weather. do it twice, they will get it
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 15:40
My Father in law tried this on us. (He too is Jordanian) although, I don't think his nationality/ethnicity have anything to do with the bad manners. His parents called us 17 times on our wedding night. (I thank God for this everyday!) Thats when my DH realized they were a bit off and he decided to set boundaries. The absolute jubilation I felt when I realized I was never going to be the wife who had to fight about the crazies that were my inlaws. My cousin in law however did have to fend off my fil. When we wouldn't answer his late night phone calls, FIL called her husband to complain/talk/even sing/recite poetry. So one day while she was putting her babes to bed, he called and woke up the whole household and she picked up one of the phones and went ballistic. I love hearing the story.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 15:40
Why don't you start calling them at 6am Dubai time? And persist... call and call until they answer the phone. And then say that the reason you called was to make sure that everyone is okay and you were missing them so much. That should put a stop to it (hopefully!). Oh do that and say "Oh, I just wanted to let you know that I'm awake now, so you can call me if you want to..."
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 15:36
Why don't you start calling them at 6am Dubai time? And persist... call and call until they answer the phone. And then say that the reason you called was to make sure that everyone is okay and you were missing them so much. That should put a stop to it (hopefully!).
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 15:30
find a way to send a fax call to their landline at 3am their time. Nah, that's too evil, but yes, it's completely out of order. I would unplug the phone.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 15:29
Oh. I see. Can you turn the home phone volume down of an evening and leave your mobiles on (but on vibrate setting). Then you can be alerted if an emergency however not kept up all night with loud ringing. Arrgh so rude, in laws like that would drive me up the wall! I think you need to have a word.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 15:20
If they were calling his cell phone, it wouldn't bother me as much since that is usually on vibrate. But they are calling our home phone. Which always makes me think there is an emergency in the US because my family knows my cell is off at night. And they know to call the home phone if it's an absolute emergency late at night.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 15:15
Completely out of line. Phone on silent when you go to bed as calls especially annoying when you have to get up for work in a matter of a few hours! Suggest DH puts his on vibrate under his pillow and he leaves bedroom to talk to parents if he cant cut the apron strings and tell them not to call after hours unless emergency. Grrrr
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 15:14
at least you should be happy that his family is not leaning close by.... =(
542
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EW GURU
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 15:13
He was lucky I didn't get the phone first.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 15:09
DH has got his priorities wrong. He should have remained single if this is acceptable to him. I can imagine this is just one issue and there's loads more where it comes to his boundaries with his family. I would have tried answer the call and repeatedly ask them if they were okay. If they said its just to say Hi, I would go further telling them we are family and will help if required and SURELY there is a reason to call at this hour and wake up the family! I won't say more, as you'll get loads of other responses. Please send him a link to this thread. <em>edited by summerdream on 10/02/2011</em>
542
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EW GURU
Latest post on 10 February 2011 - 15:03
I have tried turning the phone off at night and even un-plugging it. That turns into another fight. We have gone rounds about this issue. I always panic when it's a late night call because my oldest is in the US with my mom and I always instantly think something has happened. Then I find out it's his family just wanting to call and say hi.
 
 

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