Concerns with nanny

Borrowing regularly is common in domestic working people. It is for us to keep the limit and payback schedule. You can not know the truth. Sometimes its the maid and sometimes its the family back home who is crossing their limits. It can only be done on gut feeling and knowing the person. I face the same many times, I lend and put a pay back covers it before next request is considered. The most satisfying thing for me is that she loves my son. I can see it in her eyes and actions. So I am ok with crossing line sometimes as I know my priorities. Holidays become a big pain for us too. Good luck.

The 2nd month her aunt who was taking care of her son was murdered when she went to the money transfer to collect the money that my ex-maid had sent. My ex maid needed the money for her funeral. . Did you ever find out if all of these stories were true? :confused:

So pleased you've got it sorted derien, it must be a weight off your mind. You've been more than fair, good for you. Good luck finding someone new!

Hi Daza, Thanks for your reply. DH and I have decided to send her home as soon as she is fit to fly. We are hoping she will get the all clear today so that she can leave on Saturday. It turns out that she is quite ill after all and she hasn't worked in over a week. Like you, we were fearful that this might turn into a nightmare situation where we have someone on sick leave endlessly. It has already had a huge impact on the family and I am currently working a part time arrangement to cope. We cancelled her visa this morning and we have agreed a settlement. I think it is a fair one. 3500 AED plus I have completely wiped the 2500 AED loan that she took out with us. It is sad to see her go but she will be better off with her family in the Philippines. I cant take care of her here as a fill time working Mum. Yes she has behaved childishly in the past and money has always been a thing with her [b'>but I would prefer to remember how good she was to the kids all these years[/b'>. Arghh....Now I need to find a new maid! I Sorry Darien, its good to return bad with good as you have done, God will reward you with a good maid/nanny. Am happy you remember the positive side of your going maid

Hi Daza, Thanks for your reply. DH and I have decided to send her home as soon as she is fit to fly. We are hoping she will get the all clear today so that she can leave on Saturday. It turns out that she is quite ill after all and she hasn't worked in over a week. Like you, we were fearful that this might turn into a nightmare situation where we have someone on sick leave endlessly. It has already had a huge impact on the family and I am currently working a part time arrangement to cope. We cancelled her visa this morning and we have agreed a settlement. I think it is a fair one. 3500 AED plus I have completely wiped the 2500 AED loan that she took out with us. It is sad to see her go but she will be better off with her family in the Philippines. I cant take care of her here as a fill time working Mum. Yes she has behaved childishly in the past and money has always been a thing with her but I would prefer to remember how good she was to the kids all these years. Arghh....Now I need to find a new maid! I

Hi derien Sorry to hear it's gone from bad to worse :( The simple fact is you have hired someone to do a job for you and if she is unable to do that job you really don't have any option but to either send her home or allow her to find another job (in which case you would need to be honest with any future employers so she is very unlikely to find one...). Our maid of five years had some serious health issues which resulted in her having 11 weeks off work sick in a year and us spending tens of thousands of dirhams in medical bills. We eventually had to send her home, very reluctantly (and with a large severance pay) because we needed someone who could work and she couldn't. She was a faultless employee in the time she was with us and I hated sending her off for something that wasn't her fault but it's what I had to do. However, in your case with how your maid has been behaving I would have absolutely no qualms in terminating her employment immediately. She has shown you no loyalty or consideration so why on earth should you show her any? She's not working at the moment so you are getting no return from the money you have spent on her visa anyway, may as well write it off completely and find someone new.

So my Nanny came back Saturday afternoon and basically slept the whole afternoon. This morning, she called me at 11am to say that she wasn't feeling well and that she needed to monitor her blood pressure so she is off to the hospital with her friend again. She said she may or may not be back tonight depending on whether she needs to go to the hospital or not. So..... what do I do? [b'>She owes us 2500 AED and I will lose 7 months of the visa if I send her back now.[/b'> She is not doing anything at the house at the moment. She can't work. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Only alternative looks like you lose even more money paying her salary and not getting anything done.. I would let her go.. The key is to start looking for someone better now. If you find someone, off the old one goes. If not, you're stuck until you do.

So my Nanny came back Saturday afternoon and basically slept the whole afternoon. This morning, she called me at 11am to say that she wasn't feeling well and that she needed to monitor her blood pressure so she is off to the hospital with her friend again. She said she may or may not be back tonight depending on whether she needs to go to the hospital or not. So..... what do I do? She owes us 2500 AED and I will lose 7 months of the visa if I send her back now. She is not doing anything at the house at the moment. She can't work. What would you do if you were in my shoes? ummmm......sorry but sounds like she is really taking advantage of you and I question if she is in fact actually ill. Sore neck, on going blood pressure problems..... is she actually going to the hospital??? Are you are paying for this and, if so, have you seen the hospital receipts??? If she is genuinely ill and a live-in maid she shouldn't be staying over with her 'friend', you are her employer so you need to keep an eye on her and her health issues. She sounds a nightmare - she is meant to be there to make your life easier not worse. I would forget the loan she owes you, cancel her visa and send her straight home.

So my Nanny came back Saturday afternoon and basically slept the whole afternoon. This morning, she called me at 11am to say that she wasn't feeling well and that she needed to monitor her blood pressure so she is off to the hospital with her friend again. She said she may or may not be back tonight depending on whether she needs to go to the hospital or not. So..... what do I do? [b'>She owes us 2500 AED and I will lose 7 months of the visa if I send her back now.[/b'> She is not doing anything at the house at the moment. She can't work. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Only alternative looks like you lose even more money paying her salary and not getting anything done.. I would let her go..

So my Nanny came back Saturday afternoon and basically slept the whole afternoon. This morning, she called me at 11am to say that she wasn't feeling well and that she needed to monitor her blood pressure so she is off to the hospital with her friend again. She said she may or may not be back tonight depending on whether she needs to go to the hospital or not. So..... what do I do? She owes us 2500 AED and I will lose 7 months of the visa if I send her back now. She is not doing anything at the house at the moment. She can't work. What would you do if you were in my shoes? I would let her go. We once renewed our Maid for her third year and a month after the renewal she started being really difficult and we had to let her go. My husband was really annoyed with the whole situation but I just couldnt have her in the house anymore. The trust and respect was gone. I feel particularly sad for you because she has been with you for too long.... but sometimes, the Maids get too comfortable and really take advantage. You should probably send her packing and cut your losses.

So my Nanny came back Saturday afternoon and basically slept the whole afternoon. This morning, she called me at 11am to say that she wasn't feeling well and that she needed to monitor her blood pressure so she is off to the hospital with her friend again. She said she may or may not be back tonight depending on whether she needs to go to the hospital or not. So..... what do I do? She owes us 2500 AED and I will lose 7 months of the visa if I send her back now. She is not doing anything at the house at the moment. She can't work. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

She is due to take vacation from 27th November for one month. I am not sure yet whether we shall cancel her visa and let her return home so that she can be with her family or whether she sees out her contract till June next year. If she is truly worried about her health, perhaps it's time they took care of her a bit.

Could you imagine the ramifications if we behaved this way towards our bosses? Bye Bye

Derien I hope your tough choice that you have to make is to let her go, otherwise I think you will be in for a lot of drama. If she stomped around in a bad tempered sulk for a few days over 200 dhs can you imagine what she will be like when she realises that her endless font of interest free loans has dried up?

Derien, it sounds like you've been thru a very hard time and as others have commented, your maid appears to have a total lack of empathy about your mother and seems to regard you as nothing other than a limitless supply of funds. Maid threads often cast the employer in an extremely dim light and my sympathies often lie with the maid, but in this case, her behaviour sounds pretty grim. My advice is not to renew her contract because if relations between you have deteriorated to the extent you describe, I don't think it's a good idea to have her living with you. She sounds like a nightmare to be honest, and it sounds like you've been under a tremendous amount of pressure. Good luck resolving things Derien.

Deiren your post made me feel sad. It seems very one-sided with your maid and I can't believe she made such a scene in front of your in-laws over 200 dhs!!!. My maid had high blood pressure and would also have 'days' off to go to the hospital (sometimes 3/4 times a month) then she developed ME, then arthritis - every month there was something new....... By the time she left us her 'illnesses' had escalated to such a degree that she had developed an allergy to cleaning products so she then found it difficult to clean.......I mean seriously????!!! It sounds awful but it was a huge relief when she left us. Strangely enough she called me last week to ask to come back as her new employers were working her too hard!!!! As the saying goes 'don't bite the hand that feeds you' :)

Great post Derien. Regardless of her being your employee, what sort of person continually accepts help from someone then can't even bring themselves to show that person compassion when they are going through a tough time? She has no decency whatsoever.

I would definitely advise against giving your maid any kind of financial assistance or loaning her money even if she can afford to pay you back in installments. We have had our maid for almost 5 years and we have been very good to her financially. When she started with us, she asked if we could lend her 5000 AED to help put her daughter through nursing school. We agreed to it and gave her 5000 AED and deducted about 400 AED from her salary each month. When it came time to renew her contact, we put her salary up and she asked if she could renew the loan. My husband was dead set against it but I have a big heart so I gave her another 5000 AED which she paid off over the next year. 2 years into her contract, she wanted to go home at Christmas to celebrate her birthday and her grandson's christening even though it really didn't suit us as we both work full time and were not planning on going away that year. At any rate, we let her go and gave her a nice handsome amount as a Xmas bonus + salary in advance to help her with the vacation expenses. She came back and life went on. We got the contract renewal time in June, we asked her if she should take holiday in August at the same time as us and she said that she didn't want to. So we gave her regular salary + leave salary + the equivalent of the airline ticket and again she asked for a loan. We loaned her a bit less this time and continued to deduct it from her salary. That year, our maid had blood pressure problems and we rushed her to the hospital for monitoring. The whole thing cost about 2000 AED plus we put her salary up mid way through the contract so that she could buy her hypertension medication. Anyway fast track to Christmas 2013 - My Mum was diagnosed with cancer and I was a complete mess. I couldn't focus on anything other than my Mum. I also had my in-laws coming in on the 23rd for 10 days. It was also my maid's birthday on the 19th and I gave her a card with 200 AED inside. When my inlaws came, I told my maid that she could take 24, 25, 26, off ( because she is Christian) and that she should be back on the 27th. Well, when she can back afterwards, she was an absolute nightmare. She stomped and sulked around the house for two days. It was very very embarrassing in front of my in-laws. When I finally confronted her about it, she sais that she only got 200 AED from me this year ( in the birthday card) and that last year gave her 400AED! well I apologized and told her that I wasn't actually keeping account of how much I give each year and that I was very distracted with all that was going on with my Mom and in-laws. Anyway, in the end, to keep her quiet I ended up giving her an extra 200 AED reluctantly. Things went back to normal. In June this year, we again renewed her visa and told her we would be away in July/August and that she should take vacation while we are gone. She begged me once again to take vacation at Christmas as we are away also for 2 weeks. I accepted and paid her 2 salaries + 2500 aed for the equivalent of the airline ticket. I also told her that if she receives the money for her airline ticket, I would not pay it at Xmas and that she would be on her own financially if she wanted to go. WELL! I confront her in September and tell her that if she is going, she can go between such and such dates and that she must be back on the 27th of December. The she starts to negotiate on dates as she wants to come back after the New year. I tell her firmly NO!. The she tells me she sent all the money home and needs to borrow money for the ticket. I am almost exploding inside but she is always so good to the kids I agree to buy the ticket through my work and deduct it from her salary. FINE. Tuesday morning, as I am leaving the house at 7am to take the kids to school, she asks me if she can go and see the doctor because she has a sore neck. She then asks me if "Medication" is part of her benefits or not. Again, money always creeps into the conversation somehow. Well guys - I think I reached my limit right there and then. I told her I would not pay a single penny more and that we already put her salary up in June to cover extras like that. Anyway, she goes off to Rashid hospital that night and she was admitted with high blood pressure. She didn't come back the next day as she needed rest and she is now on sick leave until Saturday night. The funny thing is that I can feel no empathy for her. I feel guilty for not feeling any but I feel so used and abused that I just cant bring myself to feel sorry for her. AND..... It's all my fault for letting this fester for years. I know as a sponsor we have a responsibility towards her. We do love her but I just cant bring myself to want to help her anymore. She has just had everything the past 5 years. When my mother was ill, she didn't say anything, didn't care that I was suffering. Just wanted to know why Xmas bonus was 200 AED less than the year before. So ladies, when my maid gets back next week, I may have a tough decision to make and I think it is one that could have been avoided. Never, ever make financial arrangements with these people as it really complicates matters. I don't know if we will keep this person on much longer as there is now a lot of resentment on both sides which is over money. I have learned my lesson and will never, ever loan money again in this manner. edited by derien on 06/11/2014 <em>edited by derien on 06/11/2014</em>

Sorry to hear abt your situation. My ex-maid borrowed money from us even before she started. She called me and cried on the phone and told us her son needed to go for an emergency operation. If not he will die, and can we please loan her the money. That was before she started. We felt bad and we loaned her the money and we deducted the money in installments. The 2nd month her aunt who was taking care of her son was murdered when she went to the money transfer to collect the money that my ex-maid had sent. My ex maid needed the money for her funeral. We also lent her the money and she was paying us back in installments. In the middle of her contract, we thought that she would like to go and visit her son while we were on a holiday. She again borrowed money for that. When her attitude changed after she came back from her holiday, we didn’t want to continue with her employment. So when she left, she stole my jewelry and clothes. In addition to that, she borrowed money from the maids in the neighbourhood and told them that we never paid her salary for 5 to 6 months and if we paid her the salary we only gave her a small fraction of it!!! My advice is please put a firm stop to the lending if not it would never stop and have your valuables safely stored.

It seems to me that these women are constantly having demands made of them from people who think they/you have unlimited funds to hand over. I did wonder what the urgent flights to Singapore were all about..... If she is genuinely being put under pressure from home, my approach would be to help empower her to start saying: No This is what I can afford to send you and no more Stop asking me I cannot do it Also you could try and help her with budgeting and managing her own money.

Unfortunately some people do not seem to know the meaning of saving beforehand for things, or learning to do without if you cannot afford it. You need to set some rules about what loans (if any) you are prepared to give. Be firm with those rules. For example, the rules we have are a combination of 3 things: 1. Only if we have the money 2. Loans can never be worth more than one month's salary 3. No new loan until the previous one is paid off We were like you before, giving loans for all kinds of sob stories (kids' birthdays, someone giving birth, sick relatives, paying back loan sharks, buying materials for rice plantations, paying workers for harvest, kids' weddings, you name it... I felt like an ATM). These new rules work well for us. Find something that works for your family and stick with it.

What if you could not afford to help? Next time don't afford it. I would consider replacing her if you are concerned that her constant issues will affect the way she handles your child. When dealing with children, elderly, or animals, anyone who requires specific attention, the person needs to be totally involved, not partially.

If you continue to help her this way, she will continue to use you. You don't owe advance anything, she should manage with her own salary. Maids are not charity cases, they have a job, get a salary, like all of us do. My maid asked us after three months with us for 15,000 dhs as a loan to buy a house in Philippines. My husband looked at her and asked; how much would the house cost? She said Dhs 15,000 (apparently that is how cheap they are in her village) so we said: So your plan to finance your house would be 100% through us. So no, we did not give anything but my husband advised her on her spending habits and save more because even for us buying a house was a serious investment and we had to save lot. I think a genuine emergency cases can happen to anyone, those we would judge separately. I still cannot believe that our maid asked from us 100% of what she perceived as a house cost after THREE months with us.

I'm really sorry for your situation. I don't have anything to contribute to personally, but a lot of people I know have gone through similar stuff....sometimes it is the families back home taking advantage of the domestic worker- they seem to think that simply by being in Dubai we all live like royalty.

Sounds like she is taking advantage of you big time. Has she actually started paying the money back that she owes you? If not then she probably has no intention on doing so. You are not a cashpoint for her (well you are probably lol) - I would stop with the 'loans' now as it seems to becoming the norm for her to ask as she knows you'll say yes. With our old maid we helped her out now and again (she maybe had two advances in one year) but we had very clear rules that she had to pay back the money in monthly instalments (that she could afford). She is a grown woman, she needs to start taking responsibility for herself, yes we all need a bit of help now and again but to this extent is nuts. You're not a charity.

Who is her sponsor ? Because if, as FairyDust says, it isn't you or an agency, you are employing her illegally and loaning her money you will have no legal recourse if she disappears... Moreover, if you try to report her you will be in serious trouble... Many maids get conned into buying visas from locals who tell them it's legal so she may not be breaking the law deliberately..If she's on her husband's visa I believe she needs a work permit to work as a "cleaner" rather than a maid or nanny.. Good luck.

Are you sure these are genuine situations? Because it sounds like you're making a rod for your own back and she's just taking you for a ride. Live out nanny? Who's sponsorship is she on? Because unless you sponsor her or she's under an agency sponsorship, you could actually be illegally employing her. All sounds like a bit of a disaster.