Struggling mom of 5 month old....

Thats fantastic news, so happy for you. You have kept me motivated that it will get better! We also introduced a blanket that ds can snuggle up to which seems to be helping so hopefully he will learn to self soothe in time.

bumping up too - how are things going? We are also going through the same thing at the moment with our 5 month old and the blasted dummy!! :(

Bumping this up to see how M1dono is getting on. We seem to be going through similar night times at the moment with the frequent waking so wanted to see if things have got better. I really hope so :) <em>edited by alimart on 04/10/2011</em>

I had the issue of my son waking around 10 times a night around the same as your little one too!! He also has a dummy (also given as he was sucking on his hands and making them sore) I was always replacing the dummy when I got out to him but after watching him nap in the day, I realised the dummy wasn't the issue!!!! It was the blanket he had on!!!! I dressed him warmer for bed the next night and removed the blanket completely!!! He started sleeping better again!!! Babies will always have us going up and down with our sleep!! Out of the 9.5m of his life I have probably had 6m of great nights so I can't complain! I think myself, we should all appreciate the good nights and accept the bad nights as part of the package!! Sorry for my ramble, [b'>just wanted to share this as it may not be the dummy[/b'> (as much as it seems to be) All the best and I hope you get some good sleep soon ;) You may have hit the nail on the head. As has been mentioned earlier, these tiny people go through phases that can change overnight. As soon as we get one thing sorted and get them sleeping well, they'll hit the next phase and it's all gone pear-shaped again. I would not go back to the dummy. At her very young age, she's most likely forgotten it ever existed well before now. It's been a couple of days. How are things now M1dono?

If you do decide to reintroduce the dummy, you might find this version helpful [url=http://www.wubbanub.com/'>link[/url'>. They're much easier for baby to find in the night if they wake and need their dummy. We had problems with DS sleeping from four months to seven or eight months. We were up anywhere from four to fifteen times a night with him so I know exactly where you're coming from. The issue with us was that I'd basically taught DS he needed me and a pair of boobs to get back to sleep, and without that he simply couldn't. Perhaps your LO has learnt that she needs her dummy to get back to sleep, and can't without it? Cecile helped us immensely so I would definitely recommend her if you're thinking of trying that route. I hope you manage to resolve the situation soon, for your own sanity! PS At that age DS was sleeping at least four hours or so in the daytime, and from my research I think that's about average. From what I understand, the less quality sleep a baby gets during the day the less likely they are to sleep all night. Strange, but seems to be true. It's a challenge working out how much your own baby actually needs but once you do it's a whole lot easier to manage their sleep effectively.

I had the issue of my son waking around 10 times a night around the same as your little one too!! He also has a dummy (also given as he was sucking on his hands and making them sore) I was always replacing the dummy when I got out to him but after watching him nap in the day, I realised the dummy wasn't the issue!!!! It was the blanket he had on!!!! I dressed him warmer for bed the next night and removed the blanket completely!!! He started sleeping better again!!! Babies will always have us going up and down with our sleep!! Out of the 9.5m of his life I have probably had 6m of great nights so I can't complain! I think myself, we should all appreciate the good nights and accept the bad nights as part of the package!! Sorry for my ramble, just wanted to share this as it may not be the dummy (as much as it seems to be) All the best and I hope you get some good sleep soon ;)

I think it helps to [b'>accept that your baby is not a problem to be fixed, but is a little human that you are learning to live with[/b'>, nobody instinctively knows what to do from day one, we all stumble along the way. Her needs deserve to be met as much as yours do and you are the only person she can turn to for help, you are her whole world. Right now she needs your help with sleep and over time, she can gently learn how to do it herself, but hopefully without losing trust that whenever she really does need you, you will still be there. +1 OP... if you're unsure of what to do, step back and look at the situation... if you still can't see a solution, step back some more. What works for some, won't for others - my two were always good sleepers during the day (2 hour naps and at 4 months old, it was the in joke that none of my friends ever saw my baby with their eyes open!) and if anything, if they got woken early and were too tired at bedtime, they didn't go down as well. Introducing solids did diddly squat to them sleeping through the night and boy were they good feeders (DD started at 4 months, slept through at 9, DS started at 5.5 months, slept through at 11)... they both would wake for night feeds 2-4 times a night and needed them - no comfort issues there, so please assume that when a baby wants milk, it's actually because it wants milk and not because it's "trying it on to get attention" (which they are, but to get you to feed them!) Anyhow... your baby is unique, so should your approach be. Good luck! <em>edited by Hello.Again.Kitty on 01/10/2011</em>

I'm reluctant to reply at all as you've had so much conflicting advice below your head must be spinning....but.... I'm def not ok with the idea of leaving your baby crying for 2 hours, ever, but that aside (and you've already decided not to do that again) I do think you have done the right thing by taking the dummy away although you may have made life harder for both of you by doing it so abruptly. Basically what happens (and I think you already realise this) is that before this age the dummy is not addictive but after around 4 months they become dependant and will often wake for it). If it makes you feel more confident in your decision to remove it, I planned to take mine away before 4 months and didn't because we were travelling around that time, he got hooked and went from being a beautiful sleeper to waking every hour or 2, for around 6 weeks and continued to wake a few times a night for the next few months and couldn't/didn't replace his own dummy until he was nearly 12 months, I am about to tackle the dummy in the next few weeks and don't expect it to be easy as it is such a strong sleep cue for DS. That aside, taking away the dummy doesn't necc mean that you will get a 12 hour sleeper, at 5 months night feeds are very possibly still necessary and I would not advise giving water instead if baby is genuinely hungry especially since you have noted that she is not always a big eater during the day. In my experience, introducing solids didn't affect night sleep at all, but perhaps if waking is truly due to hunger rather than emotional needs you may see a difference there. If she doesn't feed well at the "scheduled times" then perhaps consider following her cues a bit more and feeding as often as she wants by day at the very least. Some babies are biologically better off feeding little and often (which is actually more how they would naturally eat, although some do manage to adapt to a less frequent schedule when feeds are restricted) You might have a tough few weeks ahead of you, hopefully you have some support from DH?, I think too much reading/chopping and changing of routines techniques etc will just confuse the issue, perhaps stick with the pat/shush for a month and eventually she will manage to settle without the dummy. As far as bedtime, for us an earlier bedtime worked better than a later one in terms of reducing night waking. I think it helps to accept that your baby is not a problem to be fixed, but is a little human that you are learning to live with, nobody instinctively knows what to do from day one, we all stumble along the way. Her needs deserve to be met as much as yours do and you are the only person she can turn to for help, you are her whole world. Right now she needs your help with sleep and over time, she can gently learn how to do it herself, but hopefully without losing trust that whenever she really does need you, you will still be there. Lastly, if it turns out she really isn't ready to do this herself, co-sleeping can get YOU through her needy time and in my experience it was no problem transitioning out of it once he didn't need me so much.

We tried to take the dummy away from dd when she had just turned 2, (she only used it at night and sleep time) and after 2 weeks decided it wasn't worth the stress it put us through nor the trauma that it was putting her through. I know you feel that you will be going backwards by giving it back to your baby, but sometimes they just need it. We did manage to give it up on her own before her 3rd B'day. My point is, that I refused to go backwards after the first week, and thought we could break it, but after the 2nd week, I felt so guilty putting her through all that trauma unnecessarily Can she put her dummy back in her mouth at all? When mine was younger and we had to wake up to put it back in her mouth, I ended up leaving about 5 of them in her cot at night, so she inevitably was able to find at least one of them to pop back in herself! The glow in the dark ones worked well when she was a little older. Must admit though I am glad DS never took to the dummy, making our lives a lot easier.

I've always given a lot of priority to the night sleep as I need a lot of sleep myself to be able to function at all. My first child was the kind of baby who refused to adhere to any routines, fed on demand and so on. As I went back to work when he was 3 months old I simply found it easier to co-sleep as he then stopped waking up crying all the time, just woke up to feed and then immediately went back to sleep again.

Hi M1dono I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling, I think a lot of the time when babies are small and things aren't going so well it can make things easier all round if you can stop focusing so much on trying to fix the problem and just accept that you and your baby are still learning and sometimes things just take time. There is no magic cure for waking in the night, what works for one child won't work for another and at 5 months most children aren't ready to sleep through the night. You know your LO better than anyone else and if you take things slowly and try to work out what works for you both then you will get there in the end. When my first was born I did routine routine routine and it worked a dream. She was sleeping through most nights from 4 months. I was very smug and spent a lot of time telling sleep deprived other new mummies that they just had to be firm and stick to a routine and not give in blah blah blah. To be honest, I'm surprised no one slapped me! Anyway, along came baby number two, I did exactly the same as I did with baby number one......and he didn't sleep through until he was over 1. A much deserved comeuppance for me I think! He was just a different child and needed me more comfort from me in the night than my first did. I raged against the lack of sleep and probably made things a whole lot worse by being anxious, angry and trying to rush him back to sleep in the night so I could get back to my sleep. With baby number three I was up a lot in the night too - probably 5 - 10 times a night until he was 8 months old. Funnily enough though, I found it the easiest of all and that was because my whole mind set about it had changed, the most crucial thing was probably recognising that it wouldn't last forever, he would sleep through at some stage and needing me in the night wasn't him being difficult or trying to ruin my life. I guess all I'm trying to say is take things slowly, try not to get too anxious about it, definitely don't blame yourself and think that you are doing something wrong, sleep when you can and try to enjoy the many wonderful things about a five month old. [b'>"Like "[/b'>

Daza experience definately goes to show no two babies are the same. I think with the first one, you dont know what to expect, so you're trying to do everything right, & with so much conflicting information out there, it makes it very difficult to know what is right. Before, I was trying to get my LO very tired so that he slept, and now realise thats why he wasnt sleeping. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Now I make sure he's in bed at the first sign of a yawn or before he starts rubbing his eyes too much. We have a nice story time for 5mins, and then he doesnt mind rolling over and going to sleep before he gets too overtired. As everyone mentioned, you are not alone. And it wont last forever. I think its a great tip to focus on the fun bits of a 5month old. I was going crazy around the 8 week mark, and now notice that I dont have many photos of my little monkey at that age, and wish I did. Hope you got some sleep last night :)

Hi M1dono I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling, I think a lot of the time when babies are small and things aren't going so well it can make things easier all round if you can stop focusing so much on trying to fix the problem and just accept that you and your baby are still learning and sometimes things just take time. There is no magic cure for waking in the night, what works for one child won't work for another and at 5 months most children aren't ready to sleep through the night. You know your LO better than anyone else and if you take things slowly and try to work out what works for you both then you will get there in the end. When my first was born I did routine routine routine and it worked a dream. She was sleeping through most nights from 4 months. I was very smug and spent a lot of time telling sleep deprived other new mummies that they just had to be firm and stick to a routine and not give in blah blah blah. To be honest, I'm surprised no one slapped me! Anyway, along came baby number two, I did exactly the same as I did with baby number one......and he didn't sleep through until he was over 1. A much deserved comeuppance for me I think! He was just a different child and needed me more comfort from me in the night than my first did. I raged against the lack of sleep and probably made things a whole lot worse by being anxious, angry and trying to rush him back to sleep in the night so I could get back to my sleep. With baby number three I was up a lot in the night too - probably 5 - 10 times a night until he was 8 months old. Funnily enough though, I found it the easiest of all and that was because my whole mind set about it had changed, the most crucial thing was probably recognising that it wouldn't last forever, he would sleep through at some stage and needing me in the night wasn't him being difficult or trying to ruin my life. I guess all I'm trying to say is take things slowly, try not to get too anxious about it, definitely don't blame yourself and think that you are doing something wrong, sleep when you can and try to enjoy the many wonderful things about a five month old.

At the stage you are now, Id honestly stop worrying about 7 o clock feed, but make sure baby gets to bed tummy full and no feeding (only water) in the night, just to get rid of physiological reasons of crying in the night. In turn, I agree with shjbelle to not go cold turkey on dummy... One thing at a time. First fix sleep, then do the dummy weaning.

Hi M1dono, I remember when DD was around that age, she suddenly become difficult. It will pass. Agreed with some of the comments, she cud be hungry. But maybe you cud still give her the dummy. Soon she will be able to find it on her own at night. Anyway, I was advised to swaddle her back again (then) and it worked. Since you said that the dreamfeed messes her 7am feed, maybe you can be flexible and give her b/fast later? Good luck. S

It sounds to me that she might be having too much sleep during the day, could you try letting her sleep for an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon and she how she goes.

Maybe she's waking up excessively because she wants to feed in the middle of the night? I agree. My DS suddenly had a sleeping problem as well, exactly 4,5 months old back then. It turned out he needed good "dinner", time to introduce solids for dinner. Start with one teaspoon porridge of gluten free rice in your milk (or formula, whatever youre using). See how it goes and gradually increase until they have a good bellyful. This helped us out from the five-months low. Wish you luck with this!!! <em>edited by K3 on 29/09/2011</em>

Maybe she's waking up excessively because she wants to feed in the middle of the night? Possibly... Babies at that age still need to be fed on demand. Parenting is not easy!

Maybe she's waking up excessively because she wants to feed in the middle of the night?

I may be slated for saying this, but I think you are being a bit harsh on the poor baby. Your child is only 5months old, which means they aren't at an age when it's lost to be able to find it and put it back in themselves. But this will pass and soon they'll be able to root around the cot for it themselves. But, you must have introduced a dummy for a reason? 5 months later the poor baby has had it taken away and it doesn't know why. Now of course, you will get through it, being tough, training them to sleep without it etc, but personally speaking I think you shouldn't have taken it away just because you were getting up a lot to put it back in. I know you asked for constructive advice, and I'm sure you won't see it as such, but if you were my friend in real life I would be telling you the same thing. Sometimes giving in on your decision isn't a failure or you making the wrong decision etc. But think why you gave the dummy in the 1st place (probably to help your baby settle) and now in a short space of time you are depriving it of the thing you gave her to settle her in the 1st place. Just my opinion of course, and don't want to offend / upset you. You've given a comforter now, what happens in two months when she's old enough to throw that out of the cot and then is crying 10 times a night for you to pick it up off the floor. As a mother of two, believe me, that could very well happen! Ready for my slating now...... ;) If i were to write a response it would be the same as this. As the mother of a 6 month old i have found routine, routine, routine is the key to a good sleeper (i dont mean that to sound rude or patronising in any way). If you have introduced the dummy as part of the routine and now you have taken it away your baby is probably wondering what you want her to do. in her mind dummy=sleepy time. Babies love routine and predictability. in my opinion replacing one sleep prop (the dummy) with another (the comforter) is pointless but that is only my opinion and its a personal choice you have made as her mother. My thoughts exactly too. I made the mistake of reading too many books and baby forums saying ' you should do this, baby shouldn't be doing that' etc and I worked myself into a state with my first. Gradually with each baby I learnt to relax, except that it is a truly exhausting time, but as quick as one problem started, it would end and to just do my best. M1dono, I see that you are exhausted and its upsetting you, but you aren't the only mummy to go through this, and whatever has been said, we feel your pain as, at some point we have all been through it. A very good point flymum made was that as soon as you get yourself into one 'groove' as I would refer to it, the baby would have a growth spurt, teething, virus or the like and it would all go out the window and would need to start again. Don't let the baby cry for 2 hours, She's trying to tell you she's upset and distressed. You have taken away the one thing she needs to comfort herself when you aren't with her. You are not 'giving in' by giving her back the dummy you are giving her back her security. If this is all becoming a bigger issue for you both ( which you have said) its not working. Things change so quickly and before you know it she will be sleeping better due to weaning, be able to put the dummy back in etc. Do you have a support network to help you, e.g. friend or maid that could give you some time off during the day to rest? You do need to look after yourself, its such a difficult time, especially if you are a first time mum, not near family etc. I hope it works out for you I really do. Its such a tough time. Don't be led too much by external influences, be led by your mothering instincts.

What about introducing solids? it can make a huge difference to some babies. Can your baby hold her head up unaided?

Oh I feel for you. I did the Shhhing to sleep & my LO is 5months now too. I sometimes wished Id got him to take a dummy at birth as by the time he found his lungs at 5weeks old, it was too late and he hated it. Luckily the Shhhhush time got him into a great routine and he sleeps from 7 till at least 7 with a dreamfeed at 10 and never cies. He has 2 great naps during the day. Im sure you will get there and sort something out, however you must be exhausted as I find days on my own a bit hard sometimes, and Im getting a good nights sleep. My only problem is now that his routine is so good that he wont sleep outside the house. My mum arrived yesterday & said lets take him out for a walk around the mall and he can snooze in his bugaboo. I told her I didnt think he would, but Id give it a go. Well he was due to sleep again by 11am & its now 3.30 & for the first time in months he's screaming and not sleeping. One of the main things Ive learnt about motherhood is that what works for one doesnt work for everyone, and as soon as I think I know what Im doing it all changes. At least you know you are not alone. Good luck with your dummy situation :)

I may be slated for saying this, but I think you are being a bit harsh on the poor baby. Your child is only 5months old, which means they aren't at an age when it's lost to be able to find it and put it back in themselves. But this will pass and soon they'll be able to root around the cot for it themselves. But, you must have introduced a dummy for a reason? 5 months later the poor baby has had it taken away and it doesn't know why. Now of course, you will get through it, being tough, training them to sleep without it etc, but personally speaking I think you shouldn't have taken it away just because you were getting up a lot to put it back in. I know you asked for constructive advice, and I'm sure you won't see it as such, but if you were my friend in real life I would be telling you the same thing. Sometimes giving in on your decision isn't a failure or you making the wrong decision etc. But think why you gave the dummy in the 1st place (probably to help your baby settle) and now in a short space of time you are depriving it of the thing you gave her to settle her in the 1st place. Just my opinion of course, and don't want to offend / upset you. You've given a comforter now, what happens in two months when she's old enough to throw that out of the cot and then is crying 10 times a night for you to pick it up off the floor. As a mother of two, believe me, that could very well happen! Ready for my slating now...... ;) If i were to write a response it would be the same as this. As the mother of a 6 month old i have found routine, routine, routine is the key to a good sleeper (i dont mean that to sound rude or patronising in any way). If you have introduced the dummy as part of the routine and now you have taken it away your baby is probably wondering what you want her to do. in her mind dummy=sleepy time. Babies love routine and predictability. in my opinion replacing one sleep prop (the dummy) with another (the comforter) is pointless but that is only my opinion and its a personal choice you have made as her mother.

I may be slated for saying this, but I think you are being a bit harsh on the poor baby. Your child is only 5months old, which means they aren't at an age when it's lost to be able to find it and put it back in themselves. But this will pass and soon they'll be able to root around the cot for it themselves. But, you must have introduced a dummy for a reason? 5 months later the poor baby has had it taken away and it doesn't know why. Now of course, you will get through it, being tough, training them to sleep without it etc, but personally speaking I think you shouldn't have taken it away just because you were getting up a lot to put it back in. I know you asked for constructive advice, and I'm sure you won't see it as such, but if you were my friend in real life I would be telling you the same thing. Sometimes giving in on your decision isn't a failure or you making the wrong decision etc. But think why you gave the dummy in the 1st place (probably to help your baby settle) and now in a short space of time you are depriving it of the thing you gave her to settle her in the 1st place. Just my opinion of course, and don't want to offend / upset you. You've given a comforter now, what happens in two months when she's old enough to throw that out of the cot and then is crying 10 times a night for you to pick it up off the floor. As a mother of two, believe me, that could very well happen! Ready for my slating now...... ;) I'd be suprised if anyone slates you pilotsprincess, you've made some valid points. However I don't think OP is being harsh on the poor baby by trying to rectify a situation thats affecting her well being and her babies. The more 'solid' sleep time a baby gets the better it is for his/her development and wellbeing. As long as a baby wakes that regularly it he/she is only getting the lightest version of sleep (there's a name for it REM I think) Now I have stopped my own baby waking up at regular intervals she is feeding better, playing more and a really happy little soul.