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EWmums

EWfood

ewmoda

Am I cruel to them or us

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18

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 31 March 2016 - 17:06

Hi, my thoughts would be: Don't give them the choice, if they tell you anything annoying, shout or make silly comments don't answer, never answer, let them talk, just leave. And by the way, do you think they will get better if you stay? It would be the same so you will have less headache, and feel free! This has no price! Another thought, if this affects your relationship with your kids, then it is to protect them that you have to move and you will be doing the right thing for your, your relation with your husband and your kids. Then, any conversation around your move, tell your husband he is the one who will have to handle any of his parents' (mum) reactions. Let him be involved with them, just get out of it ASAP. Hope you'll be able to take this step, because you will not regret it ;) GOOD LUCK!

5

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 31 March 2016 - 16:43

True. I'm glad I shared it here. Thinking within the brain and not sharing with anyone, you loose track of what's right and what's wrong. I hope God listens to my prayers.thanks all for helping me out. Hey Shzee, are things better for you yet? I read your post and it just sounded so familiar to my life...

16

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 August 2015 - 16:18

True. I'm glad I shared it here. Thinking within the brain and not sharing with anyone, you loose track of what's right and what's wrong. I hope God listens to my prayers.thanks all for helping me out.

2287

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 13 August 2015 - 13:49

From what I understand your husband is on your side and wants to spend time with you and your children. That's far more than a lot of other stories I've read on this forum, where DW has to fight for DH's attention. So try and get strength from that, and keep trying to get your husband to move out. To answer your question: no, you're not cruel to anyone. You have a right to enjoy being a family on your own. No matter cultural differences, if DH needs to support his sister and mother, he can do so while living apart.

767

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 13 August 2015 - 07:31

I guess this is a "cultural" issue and I am sorry to say, but their will never be a right time to leave. Your husbands parents think they "owe "your family. The best thing would be if your husband "lost "his job and had to move to another country and he could send some money to them for support. One reason I'm an expat, as I have a MIL that's going to have a say in everything@

1010

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 13 August 2015 - 07:19

Shzee before you got married did you know you'd be with the in laws for so long? Is is this a cultural situation you knew about beforehand? Or is it just that DH is so frightened of the toxic MIL - this situation needs to change Is it possible for you to start looking for suitable affordable places and suggest them to DH? I would be concerned about his 'next year' promises. As they sound vague and you need to be looking now!

16

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 August 2015 - 02:27

Thanks alot. Gives me much confidence that I am feeling right. Hopefully I can sort things out together with my hubby to make life better for us and our kids.

4000

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 13 August 2015 - 01:31

Unfortunately for you it seems as I thought your husband is controlled by his mother and torn between you and her dictates, so he gives you future dates that come and go without resolution that prolong the status quo and gives you no hope,. He needs to stand up for his wife and children. The impact he is allowing his family to wreak on your marriage is not acceptable and he needs to get his priorities right. If his mother has her daughter living with her it would seem she is not in any physical need of your presence. You need to make a decision with your husband and stand firm in your resolve however much emotional pressure they attempt to exert. Hope you can work things out.

16

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 August 2015 - 01:03

Thnks for yr replies Yes my husband knows the situation. He himself now is a target as ever since he has developed understanding with me they dislike alot of his actions too. He want to live separately too but I think is scared of his mum. He keeps giving me dates of next yr for moving out. His mum and sister are emotional black mailers and can go to any extent for not letting him go. He has changed because now he wants to spend time with me and kids rather than sister and mum. Which was what used to happen before our kids came into this world. We live together because his mum does nt want him to be out of her hands. I feel that after trying for 10 yrs to get along with them, now I don't have the pateince left to cooperate with them. I just want my own space.

11

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 13 August 2015 - 00:17

I would agree with chezmoi. Having your own place may be the answer to all the problems. Talk it through with your husband and let him know that the situation in the house is not healthy for the children, you or him.

4000

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 13 August 2015 - 00:00

My and my husband along with 2 kids live in a joint family with my mother in law and sister in law. Both of us feel that we can't stay with them any more. They both rule our life's, our relations, our parenting, our money, our rooms and our plans. U name any aspect of life and they feel they have rights on everything. I have a very harsh past with them in the start of my marriage after which it has been displayed by them many times that they hate me. Although recently it has not been said but crossing the privacy and personal space lines is common these days. Also the more my husband is getting involved with his kids and me the more they demand that he spends time with them and that he has changed. My mother in law does nt approve of any thing I do in the house. I can't even move a decoration price according to my own will. We don't get extra storage space in the house with increasing family members. The storage space is still occupied by her as she used to when I was only her in this house. She does not even like it when I go out and socialise as frequently as twice a month. She makes bad moods with me after that. There are many other things that we experience due to them that I can't keep on writing about it. But all of this uses my pateince and tolerance to the extent that I am left with no tolerance for my kids. I stay depressed and feel edgy all the time. When my mother in law annoys me with these habits, in my brain I imagine myself pushing and hitting her. We want to seperate but are scared of thier drama and whole family blaming that we left them on thier own! What do u ladies out there think? Without knowing whose idea it was that you live with your inlaws or why this arrangement exists its hard to judge but it seems obvious though since its not a harmonious coexistence you need to move to your own separate place where you will be free to care for your home and children without interference. Have you not suggested this to your husband? You say he has changed but not explained how or towards whom, Is he happy with this state of affairs or is he intimidated by his family and unable to stand up for you or take a decision that opposes their wishes? If so it should be fairly easy to move out and live your own lives, if not you will need to solve a bigger issue than just interfering inlaws. Maybe this has been the reason for the situation you describe since the start of your marriage. Why should you be blamed for leaving them, are they dependant on you and your husband in some way? If so did you marry him under these circumstances? Sorry for all the questions, but it would be helpful if the whole picture was a little clearer.

16

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 12 August 2015 - 23:40

My and my husband along with 2 kids live in a joint family with my mother in law and sister in law. Both of us feel that we can't stay with them any more. They both rule our life's, our relations, our parenting, our money, our rooms and our plans. U name any aspect of life and they feel they have rights on everything. I have a very harsh past with them in the start of my marriage after which it has been displayed by them many times that they hate me. Although recently it has not been said but crossing the privacy and personal space lines is common these days. Also the more my husband is getting involved with his kids and me the more they demand that he spends time with them and that he has changed. My mother in law does nt approve of any thing I do in the house. I can't even move a decoration price according to my own will. We don't get extra storage space in the house with increasing family members. The storage space is still occupied by her as she used to when I was only her in this house. She does not even like it when I go out and socialise as frequently as twice a month. She makes bad moods with me after that. There are many other things that we experience due to them that I can't keep on writing about it. But all of this uses my pateince and tolerance to the extent that I am left with no tolerance for my kids. I stay depressed and feel edgy all the time. When my mother in law annoys me with these habits, in my brain I imagine myself pushing and hitting her. We want to seperate but are scared of thier drama and whole family blaming that we left them on thier own! What do u ladies out there think?

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