To all the homemakers out there.... a little tea, sympathy and advice needed :)

I didn't cook in my family's home coz my mum always told us the cooking is the job of house lady, cleaning is for any body else :P cleaning and doing home chore was always falling upon me as I was the eldest.... when it happen i become in relation with DH - that time he was OH - we were eating out most of the time, as we were working long hours, and have no energy to do anything when come back home, then got married and still the same story. Once we had a baby, then it was a sudden shock, I found myself the only open bar in the whole UAE for the baby, DH didn't move a finger to help, instead started to tell me that I have to be a house wife!!! so another title added to me with no benefits ( employee+wife+house wife= only the salary of the employee) in that time didn't had a maid, only a casual baby sitter, still I do every thing.... Then it hit me: babies and children need routine so they will feel better, no one told me how to raise a baby, me and the Internet and what to expect books whom really helped me. Then I managed to start doing things and cooking, going to work and ask friends help, as DH was so against the maid thing. Now it's a second nature, but you don't find yourself suddenly a perfect housewife - this is in movies and soap operas only- it will take time, it took me 2 years to start doing this, and every day I learn something new. My advice: Don't take your mum style as you are not your mum, and PLEASE don't try to imitate him mum style coz you will never ever be half of what his mum's style ( as he thinks his mum cooking and house running is great and I can see it's totally Rubbish) So be your self and take your time and don't let any one run your home, after all t's your show, and you are the Star.

I am not even going to read the responses (being thursday and all that lol) You will learn, time, give it time, don't fret, read, watch others and it will come...baby steps lol. I am amazed at the things I did in my 20's that I laugh at now at 60 :)...dont sweat the small stuff...who wants to eat off floors or unburnt food anyway lol....

Firstly dont panic, you can do this. All you need is a plan and time, then practice and honestly it will all come together. @ DesertRose1958 I love flylady and the first thing I started with was a 15 min timer. Use your phone, the microwave anything where you can set it for 15 mins and then set to with a task, you'll be amazed at how much you can do. I use the 15 min thing for chores I dont like, I love knowing there is an end in sight ;-) Jamie has some fab easy recipes, and just write in the book (OMG my mother would never let me do that) but cookery books are a work in progress, make notes about what works for you or what went wrong or how you would improve it to suit you and your DH. Good luck and if you need more help just come right back here xoxox Hmmm...Im going to try the 15min thing. Im horrible with housework!

It all comes with time, housekeeping skills. Dont cut yourself up about it. Do what you can, when you can. When you have children thats when the whole routine thing goes to pot! and then you will realise how easy it was before children. Enjoy your time together. I have a routine because I think that children need routine so we tend to stick to it. The children help me with certain chores but myself I have a set day for housework and tend to plan my meals a few days in advance. I also wash every day, and try to iron most days. Sadly, I find being a domestic goddess a bore :-(

I loved this thread for the tips until I checked out Flylady. Now I am depressed... your houses must all be spotless!

First tip - listen to BNBH - she is the voice of reason xx

Firstly dont panic, you can do this. All you need is a plan and time, then practice and honestly it will all come together. @ DesertRose1958 I love flylady and the first thing I started with was a 15 min timer. Use your phone, the microwave anything where you can set it for 15 mins and then set to with a task, you'll be amazed at how much you can do. I use the 15 min thing for chores I dont like, I love knowing there is an end in sight ;-) Jamie has some fab easy recipes, and just write in the book (OMG my mother would never let me do that) but cookery books are a work in progress, make notes about what works for you or what went wrong or how you would improve it to suit you and your DH. Good luck and if you need more help just come right back here xoxox

Am also not the most demosticated but here's what i do. Buy the ministry of food by jamie oliver(idiots guide to cooking), do a monthly shop (c4)if you like us have a big chest freezer, send DH out with kids for the day and set about cooking up a few meatloafs/lasagnes,chilli/spag bol,curry's and freeze. Put into tuperware in portion sizes or wrap in foil and defrost as you need and serve with frozen/fresh veg boiled or steamed. I also do a weekly shop for the fresh fuit/ bread/milk etc. Actually finds this saves us money than doing it weekly. Also do the same with the baby's purees, make abig batch/freeze and alternate. Prefer to iron when its just been washed and hang rather than leave to build up but to be honest would rather send it out to be done. Always clean up as you go along rather than let it build up most jobs are easier to handle if you do it in small chunks. Dont beat yourself up about this and dont compare yourself to anyone else, we all have different strenths and do you really want your tombstone to read hereith lies the best housewife?

My mum used to show me how to clean etc when I was young, and pay me extra pocket money. As for learning to cook it wasnt that hard for me, my mum was a terrible cook, so pushing the boundries was easy for me. Being a homemaker is that hard, its all about routine, me hasnt got one at the moment.

I have always been a bit of a reluctant cook as resent spending hours in the kitchen BUT re Jamie Oliver - I am thrilled with a book of his I just got - Ministry of Food and it is fantastic !!! Designed for those that thought they could not cook and it's just really well written, very simple with humour and loads of gorgeous every day recipes and loads of pictures, it has really given me a boost of confidence, am really enjoying cooking now. In the last few days I've just done chicken with leeks with rice and made my own meatballs, yummy. Lasagne and chocolate fudge cake today - am sure you will enjoy reading it it's so easy - have fun ! :)

Evenstar, this is a link to a website I've heard much about. Have a look through it and see what you think. The last link will give you an idea of what its all about. Oh and its not as daft or twee as the website can make it look, some of the smartest housewifes I know use a lot of her tips. https://www.bigtent.com/groups/flylady http://www.flylady.net/pages/FLYingLessons_Routines.asp <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 21/04/2011</em>

I think it is very important for children to start cooking/cleaning at a young age. Mine are expected to make a meal each every week, and we play a game (like Chopped on TV) where I give them random ingredients..... even though they have someone to cook for them, I just need them to know how to do it.

Google recipes as well, just jamie oliver 30 minute recipes, lots come up you can browse through. also the bbc recipe finder/organizer is fantastic. It has loads of recipes from lots of famous chefs, and you can put them into a weekly menu and it generates a shopping list for you as well. Print it out and follow that.

http://www.deliaonline.com/

I generally love cooking..... mustard crusted lamb with garlic and pea mash and salad is one of my favourites! I already outsource the cleaning ;) What are you worried about then! Wish I could cook something like that ;)

What a lovely post DesertRose :o)

Agree with Bowbell... don't beat yourself up. I learnt some from my mom but a lot I just figured out myself after getting married. You will figure it out and find your 'groove'. It gets easier as time goes on. Good idea to make lists and try get routines going - I'm not so good at that though! I love ready cooked chickens and ready-made salads! (Having a fantastic understanding husband helps too as he never makes me feel guilty for not being the perfect housewife!)

My advise is don't try to be this domestic goddess! We all have things that we are good and in things that we aren't. Focus on the things that you are good at and enjoy and (if possible) outsource the rest. For instance I hate cleaning with a passion so we have maid that comes in twice a week. However I love cooking so would never outsource that. Cooking is something that you get better at the more you do it. Start slowly. Don't try and make a three course meal from scratch if you haven't mastered a few simple dishes yet. Good Housekeeping has some excellent cookbooks. Including one with lots of pictures. If you find this too much, use ready made products such as sauces pre-sliced vegetables, microwave rice etc etc. These things can take the strain out of making a meal.

And what is your husband doing as his contribution towards the household running? Is HE cooking for you???

Evenstar I dont think it happens overnight, and I think its also very much to do with whether your work of not. I never did, I've always been a housewife, so I looked on keeping the house as my job. As soon as my husband went off to work - my working day started. It very rarely finished much before he got home and I think thats where women of my age differ from a lot of todays mums - going out socialising during the day wasn't something we did that often, we were too busy. We did go out but we had our day for seeing a pal, just like we had a day for doing our weekly shop. We had routines. And I learned when I was young how to clean, we had to muck in at home because my mum worked and when I got home from school me and my sister had to do the beds, the breakfast dishes if they hadnt been done in the morning, the kitchen and the sitting room. We also has to set the table. It sounds a lot but it wasnt because my mum kep on top of everything and hardly sat down, she'd work all day and do housework at night. We weren't allowed though to just do a token job of things, it had to be done properly and we were shown how to do this when we cleaned the house from top to bottom on a friday night with my mum. It was great fun, we used to put dusters on our feet and clean the parquet flooring by skating on it. I loved friday nights cos we were all in it together and we used to have lemonade and hot chocolate and a nice supper when we'd finished. We'd start the work when we'd finished our tea and we'd be done by 9. On saturdays it was up to my grans with my mum to clean for my gran because she was an invalid. My mum would then go and do the shopping for both houses and come 3 o'clock we'd sit and watch the saturday film on bbc 2. They were great times and I have very happy memories of that part of my life. We still had childhoods though, I was a figure skater and at the rink every saturday morning by 7am, and on the days I didnt have to do that I would go to the saturday morning pictures. I think my advice to you would be to just do what has to be done and very soon you'll get some kind of system going. I used to have a great big cleaning day on a Saturday so the week got off to a good start so maybe thats something you could start off with. hth edited by DesertRose1958 on 21/04/2011 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 21/04/2011</em>

My granny taught me how to make scones when I was six My elder sister taught me the value of ironing everything as soon as it was washed My middle sister taught me the value of saving money and getting someone else to do the ironing .. my DH taught me to not take things like making him dinner seriously ..he thought BURNT TO A CRISP was normal ...my MIL is a rubbish cook .... we laugh together,cook together and I still read Delia religiously EVERY Christmas.. Don't beat yourself up over this - go to the supermarkets - buy a hot cooked chicken - 12 dirham from our local shop.. pop two jacket potatoes in the oven for 30 mins after 7 minutes in the microwave..buy a ready made salad and a decent balsamic vinegar dressing - buy a loaf of tomato bread and hey presto ..or get jamie oliver book 30 minute meals from that nice bookshop in Dubai Marina Mall and follow the destructions

Awww :o) it's just me and my husband in our house, and I pretty much taught myself everything when we got married a couple of years ago. I have to discipline myself and make lists otherwise I lapse and everything builds up.