Really struggling

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I know I'm a bit late with a reply - have only just found this section. I have a DS who is nearly 20 weeks. I would love to catch up with you and other mothers with children a similar age. I can't go to the Mums and Bubs as my 3 year old would be bored, but I feel like I'm missing out on the newborn discussions & support. I have a routine that might be helpful. I used it with my both of my children. I liked having a bit of a guide/schedule. I can email it to you or you can e-mail me:-)

HUGE, HUGE, HUGE hugs to you Hun! Like many - I have been exactly where you are, and like KellyC has said - this too shall pass, please believe me! We did not have a "witching hour" it was more like the "witching weeks"! It lasted from about 9 weeks - 13/14 weeks (it's all a bit hazy), and emphasis on lasted and it HAS passed (DD is now 20weeks)! The biggest mistake I made was, I compared my baby to others and this was my downfall! Every baby is unique and every baby will have their own little unique requirements. Some babies fall easily into the "master plan" new parents have set out for them and others, well, they simply won't conform and that is the biggest challenge! Be willing to be flexible on schedules and do what suits you and your baby! Many, many days, I felt like a "single parent" :( With DH out of the house at 7:30am - 6:30/7pm, by the time he came home, I was in melt down mode! We eventually also went to see Cecile De Scally and within a few weeks, cracked DD's sleeping issues! Asking for help does not mean you are a failure, as Supermom wins no awards - in the eyes of a baby - you are the best Mummy and you rank up there with God :) We only started getting out and about when DD was just over 12 weeks! Like you, it was a NO-NO! I also did not drive for the first 12 weeks and was not ashamed to say, that i was not ready to handle DD alone when we out and on the roads! Don't force yourself do to anything you are not comfortable with because "other Mums are doing it", do things when you are 100% ready! There is no "by this time you should be doing X" as like babies, Mums reach milestones too, and all at different periods! H.A.K has written a beautiful post, so don't be afraid to take her up or anyone for that matter who has offered a shoulder to cry on ;) Believe me, there are so many mums who pretend that all is rosy and they have the perfect little babies, but they too slip up and when you peel back the layers, you realize that, deep down they have probably felt the way you do but where just too afraid to admit it! So a gold star to you for reaching out for help or even just speaking about your challenges, am sure you are feeling slightly better already ;)

Some excellent advice on here! Just wanted to let you know, my DS was exactly the same - an angel sleeping at night, great feeder, and a grizzlepants during the day - particularly during the 'witching hour' between about 4pm and 7pm when he seemed to scream non-stop. It is so, so difficult when they are like this. Definitely don't be shy about taking up offers of help, it is so difficult when you are isolated and away from family and aren't surround by people with children the same age LO's. Add me to the list of being happy to have you around or to pop around to yours for a cup of tea/coffee.

I would definitely agree with what everybody has written here already. Especially ecossedl's recommendation for "The Happiest Baby on the Block". I have the dvd if you would like to take a look at it - it's pretty quick and covers the 5's in detail. My first daughter was very similar to yours (although she didn't sleep day or night). With my second (just a week older than yours) I've used most of the 5's and she is a much better sleeper! Plus I think I'm a bit more relaxed as a parent this time. Anyways, if you want to check out the dvd or even just chat you can reach me at megbdxb at gmail.com

Hang in there!!! Just as Kelly C said - it does not last forever - it just seems like that right now, but you'll look back sooner than you think and say..."omg, I can't believe my baby is this old already, where did the time go?" And believe me - it does get better. H.A.K. listed some great advice - definitely get some time for yourself away from the baby - even just 15mins walk will help make you feel a little better. Here's a couple of things that helped me with my 2nd child (as the 1st was just like yours and nobody gave me any advice at the time :( Read a book called "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Harvey Karp. He's a pediatrician and it's brilliant. Gives lots of useful advice to help baby stop crying & sleep longer. The 5 S's - Swaddle, Side, Shhhh, Swinging, Sucking *The most important "S" I found was swaddling the child. It's stops their little arms flailing around and over exciting themselves even more. You can swaddle them with any blanket, but I find the actual swaddling blankets are easier coz they have velcro and you can swaddle them really tight. The tighter the better otherwise they'll fight their way out of it! DD was swaddled until she was 4mths old. Mothercare, Babies R Us, etc. all sell swaddling blankets. *2nd most important to me "Sucking" - Give them a dummy / pacifier to suck on. I never did this with 1st child as I was adamant that I didn't want him getting addicted to one - biggest mistake! Coz he used me as a pacifier!!! So in the middle of the night when he needed something to suck on (and no it wasn't hunger) he'd scream for me - where as 2nd child now rolls over, finds her dummy and sticks it in her own mouth now and goes back to sleep. Brilliant! I only gave it to her to calm her down / put her to sleep - and now that she's older she's not addicted - only needs it when she's tired and wants to go to sleep. I think I've seen the book at Magrudy's and Borders, but if you can't find one - I'm happy to loan you my copy. And just know, that you're NOT alone. Loads of people go through this and it does wonders to talk to others (even if it's just on expatwoman). But congrats on getting out and trying to meet other mums and don't feel the least bit worried or embarrassed about your child crying and disturbing everyone else coz they're all mums and they know that babies are just babies and it's not easy for anyone! Hang in there and big big hugs to you! :)

H.A.K nails it again :D. Do, absolutely take her up on the offer - you won't find much better advice or reassurance. I had so many meltdowns when DS was smaller, I thought I was losing my marbles. Still do, some days (actually, lots of days). He was so wanted, like yours, and was a long time coming, like yours, and when it wasn't all balloons and butterflies I felt horrendous that I could even think it wasn't the most amazingly perfect experience of my life. My worst stage was from four to seven months because he didn't sleep at night or in the daytime, and I really was close to a breakdown. I went to see Cecile de Scally at seven months and she set us on the right track. I know DS was a bit bigger than your LO - and to be honest I think you'll probably find she's too small for sleep training right now - but Cecile gave us lots of other helpful tips on how to manage his day and make sure he got all the sleep he needed, and from the first week after seeing her he was a different baby. Consequently, I was a different Mum. I'm in Springs if you want a cup of tea and someone to moan to. After you've emailed H.A.K, of course!

aww, hun! Motherhood isn't all lovey -dovey beds of roses and yes, sometimes it's a real shocker. Nothing can prepare us for it and we're shoved in at the deep end without having a ladder to get back out. What you're feeling is something that every mum has felt at some point or another and if anyone tells you otherwise, they're lying! What you're feeling is not only normal, but also absolutely fine. We're not superhuman and it's fine to just let go and tell the world you can't do everything, all the time. Don't feel bad about your baby crying or not napping enough (what's "enough" or "normal" anyway?!) - again, it's normal and not a reflection of you as a mother. It's what babies do, and once you make peace with that, you'll start to feel more comfortable going out. Really, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about you or your child - they're not with you at 2 in the morning and just see a completely random snapshot of your life. Now for my little action plan - a few things to help you feel you again. [b'>- regain control:[/b'> come off the sleeping pills and tell yourself that there's no action plan. Sleep when bubs sleeps, let the housework hang. Ride the waves and don't set yourself benchmarks... rather aim for small achievements, even if it's "today, I will wash my hair at some point". [b'>- make time for yourself.[/b'> Yes, it is possible, even though it may not feel like it. Let DH take the baby (even if bubs is crying) and go and have a bath, go for a walk, read by the pool, have your nails done... anything that you did pre-baby and enjoyed. It need only be for 20 minutes (a day - I wish!), but it's at least that - a break from the grind. [b'>- realise that you aren't alone. [/b'> Your DH is on your side and there to help, even if it's limited at the moment to listening to your ramblings (gosh, did I ramble!) and make sure that you at least have one hot meal a day. Other mums are a godsend too, so make sure you find a group or a person that you relate to and share with them/her without putting a brave face on. [b'>- realise that you can't be perfect[/b'> [shock horror!'>. Nothing goes quite to plan, and there's always a certain amount of winging it. No-one's perfect, babies aren't textbook and absolutely no one really knows what they're doing... they're just doing what they can in the best way they see fit... different people, different ways. Do, absolutely drop me an email if you'd like to chat a bit more. hello.kittydxb [at'> gmail dot com

Firstly, please know you are doing a fantastic job! Secondly, know it does not last forever :-) My DD is 20 weeks, and still only sleeps in 45 minute sessions 3x per day. When she was smaller, she occasionally used to go 1.5hrs, but definitely not anymore. She too, was a good nighttime sleeper. Crying it out at this age, in my opinion, does not work. At this age, she is still in survival mode - i read another poster who wrote something that really stayed with me: 'I must eat or i will die, i must stay warm or i will die, nobody is here, therefore i have been abandoned, so i will die.... etc' They are really too little (again, IMHO, the Gina Ford-ites will disagree here!) to learn any different just yet. So, i know its said all the time, but sleep when she sleeps, eat when you can, remember its just a stage, and hand over to DH as soon as he walks in, and get yourself either out, or to bed (If you are BF'ing, even if its just for an hour between feeds. If you can make it to 3 months, i PROMISE you, things will be better! Hugs xxx