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EWmums

EWfood

ewmoda

cousins in different cultures

173

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 08:36

There are so many different people from different backgrounds on this site and this is just one of the many things that i want to know about different cultures .... so how close are you with your cousins as grown ups and as a child ? how often do you get in touch? is cousin marraige considered bad (impossible) in your culture? and ofcourse all of the above information will be irrelevant if you dont tell where you're from

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1337

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 18 May 2011 - 00:31

My grandparents were cousins and had six children all of whom are without any abnormalities. The chances are increased slighty as compared to the general population who marry outside the family is what I have heard. Its more than slightly for various things and illness and disability can often skip a generation. And the chance of a problem increases each time a new generation of the same family marry each other. It can be very interesting taking a look around a family where cousins have married and seeing the path these things can take years later. LIkewise when you're listening to tales from a by-gone age and there's always a person or two who are spoken about differently and all the while because something is being played down. In my experience most families would have their teeth pulled out rather than admit that cousins marrying played a role in certain situations within the family. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 18/05/2011</em>

394

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 18 May 2011 - 00:12

My grandparents were cousins and had six children all of whom are without any abnormalities. The chances are increased slighty as compared to the general population who marry outside the family is what I have heard.

1337

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 22:10

My lot have cousins who they socialise with on a regular basis and who are a very big part of their life. They're as thick as thieves to be honest. But they also have cousins who they dont really know and who are nothing to them in reality. I know the fact they are very close to some of their cousins and not with others causes some upset in the family but thats just the way it is - I'm very close to the mother of those cousins also. As for cousin to cousin marriage - it does go on in my husbands family but rarely. However my lot are horrified by the thought of it on a personal level and though other family members have said why doesnt your son or daughter marry the son or daughter of so and so given they are so close - my lot and the other lot say no because they look upon each other as brothers and sisters. However if other family members marry each other they dont really say much because they don't want to offend but I know they want to say -think twice about this because there is a very good chance our brothers autism and so and so aspergers will strike again. But each to there own because I know of some very happy marriages that involve cousins. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 17/05/2011</em>

88

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 21:43

PS: wikipedia can be updated by anyone and is therefore not a good resource for objective information!!

88

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 21:42

I think the reasons that certain cultures encourage marriage between cousins is more to do with tightening family ties and keeping the wealth or assets within the family. They don't normally believe or understand that there are genetic implications. e.g. I have an identical twin sister, therefore our genes are exactly the same making our respective children biologically half brothers or sisters. The genetic relationship betwwn cousins is genetically too close, science has proven it so buyer beware!

266

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 17:04

It's linked in the Wikipedia entry for 'cousin marriage'. yup, was looking for the new york times one, thanks!

sandyprincess32380

19

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 16:49

Gosh..sorry....my reply wast meant to be rude..just incase it was taken that way..it definitely wasnt meant to be..so apologies if i have offended..love it here...love the mix of cultures....everything...so apologies again if it did offend!! :)

141

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 16:34

swiss girl a report published a couple years back said that the risk of genetic disorders from first-cousin, first generation marriages are about the same as those in a baby from a woman giving birth after forty. i'll try to dig that up if i can. It's linked in the Wikipedia entry for 'cousin marriage'.

1996

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 16:31

Husband is Arabic (from Palestine) -he has had several first cousins in the family marry-they need the permission of the Priest (they are Christian Orthodox). However they are beginning to see birth defects are actually a result of this and it is not as common as it was and I suspect it will become the exception in the future-I am an Aussie and wouldn't consider it-though all my male cousins are adopted anyway!

266

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 16:23

well, if you go through history, even early christianity allowed cousin marriages, there are lots of examples in the old testament. i think it's mostly dependent on how you've been brought up. if from the very start you've been told cousin marriages are disgusting, you'll believe it. likewise, if you've been told it's normal, you'll think it's normal. swiss girl a report published a couple years back said that the risk of genetic disorders from first-cousin, first generation marriages are about the same as those in a baby from a woman giving birth after forty. i'll try to dig that up if i can. however, the more you keep going into the same limited gene pool, the more the recessive genes multiply, so the chances of a genetic disorder in a child of third generation first cousins is incredibly high. ETA: i think it said the risk was between 1.5% and 3% or something <em>edited by ashesf on 17/05/2011</em>

704

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 16:10

custard apple, i think just the mere thought of 'going there' is gross :D or is it :\: What, as if it was your sibling or - gulp - parent? For me, yep.

173

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 16:08

But that's why, CA. It's because of the closeness of the relationship I had/have with my first cousins that I couldn't imagine marrying one of them. We were practically raised together -- sailing, barbecues, swimming lessons, holidays; you name it, we shared it. I've seen them at their worst and as children no less, tears and tantrums, the lot. And that level of familiarity without the shock of the new which invariably drives s£xual attraction, would stop a potential relationship dead before it started. When I first moved into the halls of residence at university I was advised by a senior student that if I found anyone attractive to make a play for them early on[b'> because once I'd lived with these blokes for a few weeks and seen them at their absolute worst, there would be no chance I'd fancy any of them. [/b'>Bit of a parallel to my mind .... :D very wise words .... i always wondered why i found every single guy in my class a loser and there were about 67 and only 8 girls ..... this might be the reason

5452

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 15:53

Personally, I think it is wrong. However, I don't judge those who do marry their cousins because if someone has always known that to be normal, how can you blame them? I do think, though, that governments should try to discourage this among their people and educate them about the risks.

64

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 15:46

There was recently a programme on the BBC about marriage between cousins where it was shown that it does give a higher chance of defects in children. I can't remember the exact details but by marrying within the family you have a higher chance of recessive genes coming into play because you are not introducing new genes to override these genes. IYSWIM Personally, I wouldn't and couldn't *ever* marry my cousin. It does repulse me because I see them as family, such as I would see my father, brother, grandfather etc. I lost touch with three of my cousins after my parents divorced but bizarrely they came out here for a family holiday just after I settled here and we managed to meet up. My other cousin is quite young and did for some time think I was his big sister. Not sure if thats still the case as I don't get to see him much now.

392

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 15:41

we were going through DH's facebook page a while ago and he showed me his cousin from his dad's side. pretty girl. he said he had a school boy crush on her until he found out what 'cousin' meant LOL

213

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 15:41

the reason you'll find intermarriages between cousins more on this side of the world is because it's ok to do so in islam. muslims often find the grossness of the cousin-marriage concept in western cultures funny ;) personally, i don't see a problem in first generation first-cousin-marriages, but not beyond that, because that's when the genetic problems start. Sorry - I thought there were genetic risks by marrying into family at any level, unless it about 3 times removed. Why would marrying your first cousin be safe? Sorry genuine quesiton <em>edited by SwissGirl on 17/05/2011</em>

1257

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 15:39

But that's why, CA. It's because of the closeness of the relationship I had/have with my first cousins that I couldn't imagine marrying one of them. We were practically raised together -- sailing, barbecues, swimming lessons, holidays; you name it, we shared it. I've seen them at their worst and as children no less, tears and tantrums, the lot. And that level of familiarity without the shock of the new which invariably drives s£xual attraction, would stop a potential relationship dead before it started. When I first moved into the halls of residence at university I was advised by a senior student that if I found anyone attractive to make a play for them early on because once I'd lived with these blokes for a few weeks and seen them at their absolute worst, there would be no chance I'd fancy any of them. Bit of a parallel to my mind .... :D

141

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 15:38

custard apple, i think just the mere thought of 'going there' is gross :D or is it :\: What, as if it was your sibling or - gulp - parent?

392

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 15:37

custard apple, i think just the mere thought of 'going there' is gross :D or is it :\:

141

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 15:33

I am South African/Australian and in my family/culture marriage between cousins is totally UNacceptable. Cousins are like siblings etc and you love them in the same sort of way. In fact when I got the letter of no impediment to marry from the Oz embassy they specifically asked if DH and I were related in any way, if we were they would not allow the marriage I think that's to check you are not siblings! It's not illegal to marry your first cousin in Australia. Absolutely right. They do ask 'the question' though. But it's completely legal. Stomach-turning [imho'> but legal. :) Interested to read the strong 'that's stomach-turning' responses - I don't quite understand why people seem so grossed out. I can't imagine fancying any of my first cousins, but that has more to do with them as human beings than their genetic relationship to me!

1257

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 15:29

I am South African/Australian and in my family/culture marriage between cousins is totally UNacceptable. Cousins are like siblings etc and you love them in the same sort of way. In fact when I got the letter of no impediment to marry from the Oz embassy they specifically asked if DH and I were related in any way, if we were they would not allow the marriage I think that's to check you are not siblings! It's not illegal to marry your first cousin in Australia. Absolutely right. They do ask 'the question' though. But it's completely legal. Stomach-turning [imho'> but legal. :)

173

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 15:28

yipppeee some responses finally :D ....... i am from pakistan myself and its actually prefered if the marriage is kept in the family .... can you believe that a distant aunt actually said 'oh i am so sorry for you' when she heard that i was married outside the family lol i was also intrested to know about how you get on with your cousins etc ..... i mean how often do you meet them ... how close you are with them ..... i used to be very close to my cousins as a child and considered them my best friends but have drifted apart after getting married and moving here .... the only cousin i am in contact with now is (surprise surprise) married in my family as for the medical risks involved it is said (in my counrty) that there are no medical risks involved if only one of the parents are siblings i.e. if A and B are sisters but they have married Q and J who are totally unrelated then its ok for their children to marry but if A and B are sisters who married C and D who are brothers and they also decide to get their children intermarried then its a big no no. ......... needless to say it still happens and then they regret their decision ok its a superficial question but what if you unknowingly fall for someone who later turns out to be a cousin? would it be as bad as marrying a brother? and what about second cousins i.e. the children of your parents cousins ? p-s- i dont want to make fun of any culture i m geniunly intrested and i thought since EW users come from so many different places it would be informative

141

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 15:27

I am South African/Australian and in my family/culture marriage between cousins is totally UNacceptable. Cousins are like siblings etc and you love them in the same sort of way. In fact when I got the letter of no impediment to marry from the Oz embassy they specifically asked if DH and I were related in any way, if we were they would not allow the marriage I think that's to check you are not siblings! It's not illegal to marry your first cousin in Australia.

266

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 15:24

the reason you'll find intermarriages between cousins more on this side of the world is because it's ok to do so in islam. muslims often find the grossness of the cousin-marriage concept in western cultures funny ;) personally, i don't see a problem in first generation first-cousin-marriages, but not beyond that, because that's when the genetic problems start.

kellykivan32975

56

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 15:08

I am South African/Australian and in my family/culture marriage between cousins is totally UNacceptable. Cousins are like siblings etc and you love them in the same sort of way. In fact when I got the letter of no impediment to marry from the Oz embassy they specifically asked if DH and I were related in any way, if we were they would not allow the marriage! I do understand that it's acceptable in some cultures, but personally I find it highly unappealing and yes, a bit "gross".

2322

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 15:06

I have to totally agree xmas baby!! Its just a no no....Aside from the genetic deformation that can happen....(apparently...dunno..never tried) its just wrong and disgusting and illegal (in Irl and Id imagine most western countries) and eewww....no....u just dont marry your cousins!! Yuk!! (I really do like my cousins..male and female...but not for marrying)!! :) This is hilariously ill-informed - the US (some states, not all) is the only Western country to have a ban on cousin marriage! And yes, there are raised risks of producing a child with a genetic defect in a cousin marriage, but according to recent research (basing this on the very detailed and interesting Wiki entry), it's at the same level as it is for a woman having a child at 40 or older, and I don't see anyone arguing for a ban on older mothers. Get real, guys. You may not fancy your cousins, and if you grew up close to them, they may feel like your siblings, but it's considered entirely normal in many cultures (I gather it's v. common in the ME), and if both parties are aware of the genetic risk, and can test for problems in advance, why on earth not? Because it is common here, and because you can't test for abnormalities for obvious reasons here, these cousins, desended from cousins are producing kids not just physically malformed but mentally impaired as well. and that goes for a lot of the kids who are still mainstreamed....they wouldnt have that opportunity in a western country but neither would they fall through the cracks of an education system not geared towards their very special needs. Cousins are taboo, the relationship is just too close where we come from (NZ). though having said that...my mother married her brothers wife's brother, and then their sisters married two brothers too...and thats just a tinsey bit weirdo even with no chance of children from the unions.

704

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 14:59

I have to totally agree xmas baby!! Its just a no no....Aside from the genetic deformation that can happen....(apparently...dunno..never tried) its just wrong and disgusting and illegal (in Irl and Id imagine most western countries) and eewww....no....u just dont marry your cousins!! Yuk!! (I really do like my cousins..male and female...but not for marrying)!! :) This is hilariously ill-informed - the US (some states, not all) is the only Western country to have a ban on cousin marriage! And yes, there are raised risks of producing a child with a genetic defect in a cousin marriage, but according to recent research (basing this on the very detailed and interesting Wiki entry), it's at the same level as it is for a woman having a child at 40 or older, and I don't see anyone arguing for a ban on older mothers. Get real, guys. You may not fancy your cousins, and if you grew up close to them, they may feel like your siblings, but it's considered entirely normal in many cultures (I gather it's v. common in the ME), and if both parties are aware of the genetic risk, and can test for problems in advance, why on earth not? She asked for our views and mine is, regardless of whether I was close to a cousin or not, would NOT marry them. FYI - I am of Middle Eastern, South Asian and English background (removed in early 1800's) so no judgement on any race/culture that chooses to do it but in our family, its not normal or acceptable.

682

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 14:56

Pakistan, India and neighbouring countries totally normal and acceptable. Several of my aunts and uncles are married to each other.....moreso in the grandparents generation. On the decline now though, none of my generation has married cousins but pretty much could if wanted to. In our traditional cultures/religion boys and girls dont have very many opportunities to get to know each. Cousins are the best and convenient bets...not necessairly the safest though!! Does'nt gross us out...heheh!!

141

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 13:38

I have to totally agree xmas baby!! Its just a no no....Aside from the genetic deformation that can happen....(apparently...dunno..never tried) its just wrong and disgusting and illegal (in Irl and Id imagine most western countries) and eewww....no....u just dont marry your cousins!! Yuk!! (I really do like my cousins..male and female...but not for marrying)!! :) This is hilariously ill-informed - the US (some states, not all) is the only Western country to have a ban on cousin marriage! And yes, there are raised risks of producing a child with a genetic defect in a cousin marriage, but according to recent research (basing this on the very detailed and interesting Wiki entry), it's at the same level as it is for a woman having a child at 40 or older, and I don't see anyone arguing for a ban on older mothers. Get real, guys. You may not fancy your cousins, and if you grew up close to them, they may feel like your siblings, but it's considered entirely normal in many cultures (I gather it's v. common in the ME), and if both parties are aware of the genetic risk, and can test for problems in advance, why on earth not?

12

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 May 2011 - 13:34

Where I'm from my mum's sisters are my mothers which makes their kids my brothers and sisters, same applies to the paternal side of things. So my 'cousins' kids are also my kids...and so it goes. That obviously rules out intermarriage anad provides for a usually supportive extend family.

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