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How well do you get on with your adult siblings?

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Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 17:31

I've got two brothers and I have to say I'm just so disappointed in them. They both live in other countries and never ever bother to get in touch. I think they remind me how much I would've liked to have had a sister. I find sisters at least make some kind of effort. These two just think its OK to go for months, even years in my middle brother's case without so much as dropping a line to see how I'm going. I'm sick of trying to chase them up all the time. Especially now that I've got a growing family I thought they would like to know more about the baby etc. But no nothing. I've given up on my middle brother, but with the youngest, who I used to be ever so close to while we were going up, I've got nothing but building anger. I meant to send him a long drawn out email about how he should make an effort with me, instead I sent him a short-tempered text saying how he and our other brother were the worst brothers a girl could have. Their lack of interest just galls me. Anyway, sorry to vent. I'm sure there are lots of sisters and brothers out there with much closer relationships than mine and would love to hear if you do so.

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704

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 28 April 2011 - 12:29

My sibling is 6 years younger than me and we are very close. We meet up once a week for tea and keep in touch via email regularly. We speak 1-2 a week on the phone - usually short convo's. They live here now too.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 28 April 2011 - 11:58

I have one sister and she means the world to me, she is my best friend and one day we hope to be able to live across the street from each other. We skype maybe once every two weeks or so, but when we see each other we slot back into each other's lives like we never left. I would do anything to help my sister and vice versa. I would love for my kiddies to have the same bond, but I dunno... I don't see boy-girl relationship being as strong as two sisters. Im now in the happy position of having "done my time" in the Middle East and am back home in our beautiful home town. My sister is just round the corner and my best friend a 10 minute walk away. My sister and I are very close too. Happily my DS and DD are very close and adore each other. DD is 31 and her brother is 28. They grew up as friends and still are. He lived with her and her DH when he lost his flat and they all got on great. I regard myself as blessed that my children are not just siblings but dear friends too. Years before my DD was married, she was in a bad relationship with someone else and the guy broke her heart. We had to physcally stop our DS from driving to his house to sort him out!!! Sadly, as I said before, my DH and his sister are not close (although she thinks otherwise) DH can only take her in small doses as she was very spoiled as a kid and still stamps her feet to get her own way at the age of 52!!! That is lovely to read - I certainly hope my two will stay good friends, like they are now... DD is 5 and DS is 3.5ys The same difference between my 2 apart from 6 months. Mine were both September babies!! We had loads of family play time, going out, picnics and they played happily (well most of the time) together from toddler days right through. We live in a cul de sac and they had both personal and mutual friends who raced up and down on their bikes and skates etc. As they became teens, they did of course drift towards their own activities but still had fun fights and silly stuff with each other while at home. Even now, when they come to visit us, they still have play wrestling matches much to our son in law's amusement!! I had to yell at them just last week for charging up and down the stairs belting each other with my sofa cushions!!!!! :D Wouldn't have it any other way LOL!

5400

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 28 April 2011 - 11:56

There's 3.5 years between my younger brother and me. We fought like cat and dog till I left home at 18. Since then, even though we are not in constant contact, what with him being bad at time differences and devoted to his own family, he has been a rock for me at times I needed him and we each know the other is there for us in bad times (and good). This is despite my mother forcing the "blood is thicker than water" thing down our necks, not because of it. We get on because we have a shared past (which we each interpret differently). We loved our father very much and were both devasted by his death. We like each other's partners and like being related to our nieces and nephews. We also do not argue about money, inheritance, etc. Our adult relationship is the main reason I am sad that my daughter has no siblings. I am really glad to have my little brother (OK, he's over 6ft and over 50) in my life and it is a great regret that we do not see him more often, living on different continents as we do..

247

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 28 April 2011 - 11:46

I have one sister and she means the world to me, she is my best friend and one day we hope to be able to live across the street from each other. We skype maybe once every two weeks or so, but when we see each other we slot back into each other's lives like we never left. I would do anything to help my sister and vice versa. I would love for my kiddies to have the same bond, but I dunno... I don't see boy-girl relationship being as strong as two sisters. Im now in the happy position of having "done my time" in the Middle East and am back home in our beautiful home town. My sister is just round the corner and my best friend a 10 minute walk away. My sister and I are very close too. Happily my DS and DD are very close and adore each other. DD is 31 and her brother is 28. They grew up as friends and still are. He lived with her and her DH when he lost his flat and they all got on great. I regard myself as blessed that my children are not just siblings but dear friends too. Years before my DD was married, she was in a bad relationship with someone else and the guy broke her heart. We had to physcally stop our DS from driving to his house to sort him out!!! Sadly, as I said before, my DH and his sister are not close (although she thinks otherwise) DH can only take her in small doses as she was very spoiled as a kid and still stamps her feet to get her own way at the age of 52!!! That is lovely to read - I certainly hope my two will stay good friends, like they are now... DD is 5 and DS is 3.5ys

1236

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 28 April 2011 - 11:39

I have one sister and she means the world to me, she is my best friend and one day we hope to be able to live across the street from each other. We skype maybe once every two weeks or so, but when we see each other we slot back into each other's lives like we never left. I would do anything to help my sister and vice versa. I would love for my kiddies to have the same bond, but I dunno... I don't see boy-girl relationship being as strong as two sisters. Im now in the happy position of having "done my time" in the Middle East and am back home in our beautiful home town. My sister is just round the corner and my best friend a 10 minute walk away. My sister and I are very close too. Happily my DS and DD are very close and adore each other. DD is 31 and her brother is 28. They grew up as friends and still are. He lived with her and her DH when he lost his flat and they all got on great. I regard myself as blessed that my children are not just siblings but dear friends too. Years before my DD was married, she was in a bad relationship with someone else and the guy broke her heart. We had to physcally stop our DS from driving to his house to sort him out!!! Sadly, as I said before, my DH and his sister are not close (although she thinks otherwise) DH can only take her in small doses as she was very spoiled as a kid and still stamps her feet to get her own way at the age of 52!!!

247

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 28 April 2011 - 11:22

I have one sister and she means the world to me, she is my best friend and one day we hope to be able to live across the street from each other. We skype maybe once every two weeks or so, but when we see each other we slot back into each other's lives like we never left. I would do anything to help my sister and vice versa. I would love for my kiddies to have the same bond, but I dunno... I don't see boy-girl relationship being as strong as two sisters.

392

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 28 April 2011 - 10:17

I don't think sisters are necessarily closer than brothers. I'm not close to either of my two sisters or my brother, even when we're all living in the same country. We have a perfectly polite, but distant, relationship, and sometimes don't see one another for a year or more at a time, which suits me fine - we're just very different people with completely different lives and priorities. The fact that we have the same parents and shared a childhood doesn't automatically make us close as adults. I love them, because they are my siblings, but I don't feel the compulsion to be friends with them, or to be automatically interested in their doings. I'm sorry that you're obviously upset about it, but am not sure why you feel your brothers should necessarily be interested in your life, when they show no signs of it, and why so angry? Why force something that isn't there? Blood just isn't always thicker than water, and you wouldn't keep running round after friends and berating them for not keeping in touch, would you? i cannot believe how you have just described my life, my siblings, my feelings. i've been looking for words when trying to explain my situation to my friends ... i've now found them. eta: another poster said the thought of her children growing up not having anything to say to each other scares her - - i hear the pain in my mum's voice when she speaks about us and how we dont get along / have anything in common / are fine with not having active relationships. but not even that is motivation enough for us to try. it is sad but it's just how things turned out for us. <em>edited by dikane on 28/04/2011</em>

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EW GURU

Latest post on 28 April 2011 - 09:36

My brother and I don't have a very active relationship. We speak on the phone occasionally and we keep in touch via FB and the odd sms. However when we see each other it's great. I also feel very protective towards him and nobody but me is allowed to say anything bad about him! Sometimes I wish we had more contact, but at the moment our lives are very different and there is also a large physical distance. Miss the dinners at my parents where we would get together. Maybe in a few years we'll all be in the same country again. IMO distance or not having a lot of contact doesn't change the feelings that we have for each other and we will always be united by our blood and our upbringing. As children we weren't close at all and spent most of time fighting and driving my Mum to despair. I think was the age difference mostly. (I'm 3.5 years older)

743

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EW GURU

Latest post on 28 April 2011 - 06:44

I'm the youngest of 5. Bro 49, Sis 48, Bro 45, Bro 35 and me. None of us are close. Oldest thinks he's everyone's parent and lived overseas since I was 11. My sis isn't on good speaking terms with anyone since my mom got sick and passed away 5 yrs ago and seems to only contact certain brothers when she wants something. Next bro lives here so I see him a few times a month. Other bro which I was closest too since we were the youngest doesn't contact anyone anymore. I find it difficult since it was always such a big thing when my sister's kids were younger that we'd see them or send them things for birthdays and Christmas. With my boys who are 3 and almost a year the family doesn't bother with them. Went home at Christmas and after travelling for almost a day back to Canada I got an email from my sister questioning why I wasn't going to drive 8+ hrs to go see them.

1692

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 28 April 2011 - 05:54

Hahaha I'll come back in and answer this in a few days = after I've met three of them that I didnt know I had for the very first time tomorrow. Wish me luck. How amazing, you must all be so excited. Thinking of you today and look forward to hearing how it went.

1996

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 23:35

Hahaha I'll come back in and answer this in a few days = after I've met three of them that I didnt know I had for the very first time tomorrow. Wish me luck. Good luck-sounds like you are in for an interesting day

36

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 23:09

Oh wow desertrose - good luck with that! I'm feeling pretty guilty about my text to my youngest brother - he's 24 and the other one a few years older, both just living pretty cushy lives without any strings attached and I guess in the midst of working and partying they have little chance to think of me. The only time they get in touch with my parents is to ask for money. I hope they mature with time. I am however a firm believer in family - like another poster said it would devastate me if my kids grew apart and never spoke to each other when they got older.

1337

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 22:48

Hahaha I'll come back in and answer this in a few days = after I've met three of them that I didnt know I had for the very first time tomorrow. Wish me luck.

1759

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 21:23

didn't mean to sound like we're looking for sainthood, a cousin just died who was a total air thief and an emotional anchor (picture the Titanic) on his immediate family. I have no idea how his sister and parents have coped with this amoral cancerous (and that's what he was) person for the past 50 years. His death in some ways has been a release for his immediate family.

2937

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 21:19

I have an older brother and a younger sister and we're all really close. My sister and I speak daily, and my brother and I speak when I call him! But I know that's only because he's busy and international calls are expensive. I love how close we are and how it's always just the same when we all get together. DH has two sisters. They speak once in a blue moon. The youngest is getting married in August and didn't even tell him. Then they say 'I love you' before they hang up the phone on the odd occasion they do speak..... hmmmm.

353

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EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 21:16

Washed my hands of my big brother years ago, total smack head that is currently in HMS for armed robbery and attempted murder. My Dad disgusts me, he is the male version of a whore. You sound like you come from my family!

Lady Bubbles29805

712

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 21:14

Hahahaha.... Both my brothers are going to think I am a complete loon because of the messages I have just sent them! :)

1692

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 20:24

I have 2 half sisters, we have had a number of fall outs. Our mum always says we are old enough to get on with it and doesn't feel the need to take sides or get involved which is great. We didn't grow up together but they came at weekends and holidays. When we are having one of our moments (can be years) we still drop a mail at Xmas or Birthdays, we are sisters and love each other just sometimes don't like each other very much... DH has a sister that thinks he should be more into her family and that he isn't interested. Despite sending cards on birthdays and Xmas, sending gifts, phoning on her birthday and the kids he is a cr*p brother and according to her people tell her that she should just forget she has a sibling... WTF?? I think sometimes people forget that as we grow up we develop our own families and lives. It doesn't mean that the ones we had as kids aren't still important, just that the focus is on our own family. It doesn't mean we don't still love siblings and theirs just don't have the need to live in each others pockets. I think that like real true friends it is great when you haven't seen each other for ages but just pick up as though it was yesterday.

Lady Bubbles29805

712

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 19:53

As long as I give them money we get on great. UGH! We don't do money thank heavens!!!

32

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 19:46

As long as I give them money we get on great. UGH!

1759

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 19:14

I have 5 brothers and sisters. We have our great moments and not so great moments, but we are close - especially in times of crisis. I know I have an exceptional family and that I am very lucky to have them. I'm sorry others don't have the same kind of relationship with their siblings. I don't know what it is - perhaps it was the example set by my parents and their siblings (15 in all) and there were trials and tribulations there too - but I guess my family feeling has always been blood is thicker than water and if you need help/support/etc. that's what I'm here for. That being said, we are all living the lives we choose, we don't have too many onerous financial problems, kids are all doing well, and we have our health (relatively as we get older). Maybe it's just luck?

3804

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 18:47

My brother and I are like chalk and cheese, he's two years younger and we've never really been close. Shame really, plus it doesn't help when he lives on the other side of the planet.

3220

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 18:44

I have a sister. Were not close and never have been so I dont know what it feels like to have that sisterly bond everyone keeps talking about. Shes a very jealous person so I doubt if we will ever become close. We get along okay though. An email once in a while and a call on birthdays.

Lady Bubbles29805

712

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 18:25

I think the same. I am in contact with quite a bit of my family, we've had our troubles but there you go. I love spending time with my brothers now when I am home, would love them to make contact just a bit more often but I'll take what I can get.

81

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 18:22

Hi terf. I feel your pain/anger. I have 2 brothers. I am the middle child. Older brother.... 18 months apart, grew up very close. Only contact is initiated by me. He thinks I live a golden life and have no problems. Bugs me but I guess he finds it hard to relate and when we are together we get along really well. Younger brother is 6 years younger. Mum went back to work when he was 4 so I helped out a lot with him. Can go months without contact and I only know what is going on because he posts on FB. The first few years I went home I fought with them but now I just try and take them for what they are, show them I love them and hope they will both 'grow up' one day!!! I am rowing the same boat except that one brother died when we were young adults and sadly not even that event could bring the rest of us closer, even though I also had a big hand in bringing my brother up. It upsets me terribly, especially when I obeserve my three kids. I cannot imagine the three of them growing apart so much later that they might not have a good word towards one another. When I see how close my kids are now, it is a painful reminder that we were just as close once. I don't agree with posters who argue for the different personalities scenario. Families are suppose to be beautiful institutions, a way of life. Edit to add that institution meant in a nice organic way. I don't know how to express myself. <em>edited by MissUnderstood on 27/04/2011</em>

35

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 18:13

I dont know, I guess we were so close while growing up that I felt that bond would run into adulthood no matter where we ended up. It was the line my mum kept uttering, blood is thicker than water. I think my hurt/anger stems from the fact that I love them so much, no matter where our lives have ended up. I wouldn't write it off - in my experience, family relationships go through phases. There's possibly a sense for some of us that we don't need to work as hard on sibling relationships as on friendships, because we'll always be connected to our siblings, so we feel we can let them lie for a bit while we are getting on with other aspects of our lives. Might your brothers simply be having a tough time and putting all their energy into some aspect of their own lives, leaving them little time for anything else? It may not mean they love you any less, just that they can take your love for granted for a while. Funnily enough, I was going to say the opposite of this: that we worry more about the relationships with our family members drifting than we would if it were a friend whose life had gone in a different direction to ours. In that case we'd be sad over the loss of a friendship but would probably give in gracefully after a while. I've got three siblings and three different relationships. The closest brother in age is also the one I'm closest to. He's three years younger and is great. We don't talk all that often because we're both a bit rubbish with emails and things but we chat for ages when we get the chance and we'd always be there for one another in a crisis. The other two are half siblings, so perhaps some of the reason I'm not so close to them is because we didn't grow up together (although I hated my little brother when we were young, so I'm not sure how things have turned out so well). My sister is the oldest of the four of us and there are ten years between her and me. I get on fine with her when we're together but struggle to stay in touch because I feel like it's always got to be me that makes the first move. It's not helped by her hardly ever being on FB and not having Skype. Mind you, I think that if I had a problem and asked her for help, she'd come running, and I'd do the same for her so maybe the lack of contact isn't such an issue. I worry about it more though because we don't know each other so well having never lived together. There's not the tacit understanding that I have with my younger brother. The other brother is three years younger than my sister and he never contacts anyone, her included! I'm not sure I'd even know what he looks like. OH and his brother aren't on speaking terms, which is fun when the family wants to get together! Edited for me repeating myself! <em>edited by singingwales on 27/04/2011</em>

maxindubai18503

333

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 18:11

Haven't spoken for years after a fight so communicate via terse emails when required but that's about it.

280

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 18:11

I agree with Custard Apple. It all goes in phase. I believe I am close with my sister, altough we might only hear each other twice a month. However, she is 5 years older so when we were children it was ok, teenagers (she the teen me the child) we were terrible, then is was ok again. Now she is all in the phase 'I have passed 30 so I have a whole different point of view in life you can't understand'. She might be right, but by actually saying that sentense I give up the rest of the conversation. So in 5 years, we will be all close again :). It's ok, we can count on each other, all the time. Living in a different country just creates a distance. They might just think you have it all and don't even consider that you still need them. It happened with my friends until I told them.

141

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 18:03

I dont know, I guess we were so close while growing up that I felt that bond would run into adulthood no matter where we ended up. It was the line my mum kept uttering, blood is thicker than water. I think my hurt/anger stems from the fact that I love them so much, no matter where our lives have ended up. I wouldn't write it off - in my experience, family relationships go through phases. There's possibly a sense for some of us that we don't need to work as hard on sibling relationships as on friendships, because we'll always be connected to our siblings, so we feel we can let them lie for a bit while we are getting on with other aspects of our lives. Might your brothers simply be having a tough time and putting all their energy into some aspect of their own lives, leaving them little time for anything else? It may not mean they love you any less, just that they can take your love for granted for a while.

1236

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 27 April 2011 - 17:56

My sister and I are 8 years apart (me being the elder) and we are great friends as well as being sisters. My DH and his sister are not close. She likes to think that they are but DH can only tolerate her in small doses! My adult kids think more of my best friend than they do their paternal aunt as she paid more attention to them as they grew up. She is my DD's Godmother and is greatly loved by her. I don't really believe in the saying blood being thicker than water either. I'd rather spend time with my best friends than some of my relatives.

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Executive Hospitality Programme at South View School in Dubai

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Saray Spa promotions at JW Marriott Marquis Hotel Dubai

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Dubai's gravity-driven tunnel to reduce flood risks by 700%

Pictured: Flooded roads from the record-breaking storm that hit Dubai in April 2024.

Dubai Flood Risk to Be Cut Down by 700% With New Tunnel

8 Beauty Treatments in Dubai for busy moms

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Mashreq NEO NXT Account | Why Kids and Teens Need Financial Education

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E-scooters are no longer banned on the Dubai Metro stations and trains

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Spa packages at Saray Spa in JW Marriott Marquis Hotel Dubai

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Experience Extended Stays and Special Savings at Le Meridien Al Aqah Beach Resort UAE

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RTA Dubai flying taxi official launch date

Image credit: Joby Aviation.

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Region's first ever baseball park to open in the UAE

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Where to See Animals in the Wild in the UAE

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UAE food delivery scam news

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How to get a car loan in Dubai and UAE

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