Mums, how do you manage??

Anyway, not sure why I'm giving out advice, my 2 year old and 4 year old are currently trashing the house whilst dancing (nude) to Katy Perry and my 10 month old is eating what appears to be paper...I'm well out of the running for mother of the year! :) i just pictured that and can't stop lauging now!

Hi Poppy if it's any consolation - I now have 4 children, and year one of child one was definitely the hardest time I've ever been through. Just shattered much of the time, and often bemused about how slowly the clock could go through the afternoon!! Sounds funny, but going on to child 2 etc, everything suddenly got much easier. Routines fell in to place much quicker. Yes - there was more to do, but so many more distractions to keep the baby, toddler and me amused! The days became very structured, which makes life easier for everyone. Good luck and try to get some you time! You deserve it. Couldn't agree more Lincoln Lassy!

Hi Poppy if it's any consolation - I now have 4 children, and year one of child one was definitely the hardest time I've ever been through. Just shattered much of the time, and often bemused about how slowly the clock could go through the afternoon!! Sounds funny, but going on to child 2 etc, everything suddenly got much easier. Routines fell in to place much quicker. Yes - there was more to do, but so many more distractions to keep the baby, toddler and me amused! The days became very structured, which makes life easier for everyone. Good luck and try to get some you time! You deserve it.

Hi Poppy, your post really resonated with me, I was feeling just like you 4 years ago when my first was 11 months old. As many other posters have said, you really need to give yourself a break. Very few mums have any idea what they are doing the first (or second, or third...) time around, we're all just winging it and hoping for the best. Try not to worry so much, you sound like a caring mum and I'm sure you are actually doing much, much better than you feel you are. There is no right or wrong and all children are different. My baby is 10 months old and like yours, he normally sleeps for less than an hour a day, broken in to two naps. That seems to be all he needs. Are you able to get out walking with him the the buggy? Exercise, fresh air and change of scene might make you both feel much better. I seem to spend half my life cooking and my baby spends the time scooting around the kitchen playing with kitchen things that I've gotten out and left in piles for him to explore. He also loves delving in to bags of shopping and plastic jars filled with lids. When I have a shower he plays on the bathroom floor with toys. Anyway, not sure why I'm giving out advice, my 2 year old and 4 year old are currently trashing the house whilst dancing (nude) to Katy Perry and my 10 month old is eating what appears to be paper...I'm well out of the running for mother of the year!

Poppy have you tried limiting the sugar & refined carbs from his diet, especially near sleeping times? My sweet boy won't drink water or milk (I've thirsted him with no luck) so I was only giving him diluted juice. I started giving him less & less juice with more and more water, took out gluten (gluten free is actually pretty easy these days) and tried to give him more veggies, cheese, hummus, eggs, etc. He still gets fruit but in limited quantities and usually only in the morning. He doesn't love veggies, but comes to like new things after a few tries. He didn't sleep for more than about 3 hrs at a time for his first year, so I was a total zombie. Huge change in behavior, sleeping, and development after the diet change.

Thank you all for taking time out to reply and advise,much appreciated. I think LOs sleep pattern is the root of the problem. He naps for about 30 minutes twice a day..which desnt give me much time to do anyhting like cook something . After his bath at night, he takes ages to fall asleep, tonight for some reason he was playful for nearly 2 hour after his bath even though he hardly napped today! Im so frustrated and tired. Reached a new low today, went out to the shops and didnt realise still had my pj bottoms on under my dress!! My confidence is just low at the moment, I also worry when I read about what their intellectual development should be and I think perhaps I havent done enough for LO and he is lagging behind because of me... Lots of great advice here. I just wanted to say that baths at nighttime wound my DS up when he was a baby and it would take him ages to get to sleep afterwards. It took me awhile to realise this, but finally I started to bathe him earlier in the day, usually late afternoon. Just wondering if changing his bath time to earlier in the day would help him be more relaxed And sorry, but I had to laugh about the PJ bottoms - I can remember a couple of times when I went grocery shopping in my bedroom slippers And most important - give yourself a break about his intellectual development! Babies all develop at different rates, so unless you have something that is a real cause for concern, then try not to think about it. Hang in there: this too shall pass :)

Not sure about the intellectual development of a 10 month old but I remember when I tried to read baby books my son was at that age not at all interested in looking at pictures but thought eating the book was a lot of fun. Teething problems were a big issue with my kids between 4 months and 12 months and they all had all their teeth before they turned one year and that made for a lot of disturbance in their sleep patterns, especially the day time sleep. I also remember once when my youngest was new born I went to do my grocery shopping at a big fancy mall and when I returned home hours later I realised that I had walked around the mall with my t-shirt inside out. Does your husband help out once he´s back from work Poppy? A colleague of mine once said that he used to wake up and take care of the babies in the night, they had twins. His wife didn´t need to go to work the next day but had a lot of work taking care of the children all day long which was a lot more stressful than his job so he figured the least he could do was to make sure she had a good night's sleep every night. My husband never had this clever idea unfortunately but sometimes I was so tired I went for a nap when he came back from work and he took care of the baby for a couple of hours and he could also be persuaded to make a snack for us or at least get on the phone and order home delivery in the night.

Poppy, do you have any friends that could give you hand? Sounds like you might need a bit of help to get you going in the right direction :) I am sure your pajama bottoms were very nice lol...I would bet no one noticed, considering some of the outfits you see here :)

Some pots, uncooked pasta and some flour keep them very amused whilst you are preparing dinner, it does however make a mess that you have to clean up later (I usually left it till they were in bed) I found a strict bedtime routine was my saving grace with my DD. By 10 months old she was walking already and into everything. She would have a 1hr nap in the afternoon which is the time I used just to sit and have a coffee and relax. When she was awake I couldn't do very much at all... most of my attention had to be focussed on her. I could manage some washing as she would be willing to "help" with that although a lot of things would get dragged on the ground and have to be washed again. I would cook her meals for the week on the weekend and freeze them, so it would just be a quick defrost in the microwave and her dinner was ready. I would only cook dinner for DH and I once she was in bed at night. She was always in bed by 7pm... there is no way I could have her awake any later. I needed some time for my sanity as she was all go when she was awake. Try sort out his sleeping... you say he has two 30min naps... cut one out, keep just one nap for around 12:30, and get a good bedtime routine established. I would bath DD at 18:15, dress, read a story, milk and then put her into her cot and leave. If she would cry I would go back and pat her a little till she stopped crying (not asleep, just not crying any more) and then leave again. I hope you start feeling better soon. It is very tough!

OK I'm repeating myself just got disconnected! Don't go and buy expensive baby gear to try and control a 10 months old. All he wants at this age is to get out of these things and start to explore. Try to have a routine where you have a time to clean, a time to cook, a time to go out with your child to play. Probably you have one but maybe if you have more structure, your life and his will seem more in control. Also, get into a playgroup, or go to the playground and the pool so you can mingle with other mums and have a bit of a mental break. Dont worry soon he'll play on his own and you'll have more time for you, and you will miss the time when he was 10 months old!

My confidence is just low at the moment, I also worry when I read about what their intellectual development should be and I think perhaps I havent done enough for LO and he is lagging behind because of me... Poppy, give yourself a little break, ok? Development assessment is so subjective and every child is different. Consider the possibility that over- not under-stimulation may be the problem. Esp. because he is sleeping in such short bursts. One thing you might try is giving him a bit of time alone each day in a safe place (playpen, crib, etc.) where he isn't necessarily tired and can play alone and think and process. Dont forget, nearly EVERYTHING is new to him. If you are going nutty having him around ALL the time, consider it may be affecting him too. Start with 15 or 20 min a day (he wont necessarily like it to start with). You have a cup of tea or do a short exercise program and leave him alone, if he cries, he cries- so be it. Work up to a good hour a day of alone time each day. We got to where the LO was alone for one hour, then napped for an hour or so. I got two hours of peace and quiet. It definitely helped with things like concentration, calmness and overall happiness. We started this when my second was 9mos. wish we had done it with the first, as he drove me nutty. Good luck with this, been there, its hard...

Travel cot in the kitchen walker around the house stroller in the bathroom frozen batches of meals prepared at the weekend.

Poppy, I can hear your pain in your post. One of my boys was like that, leaving me a walking zombie for a couple of years. All the other suggestions have been awesome! Are there any organised mothers' groups in Dubai? There seems to be a few of you on here with similar aged babies? Perhaps you could get together once a week or so and do something with the kids? It's a great way to support each other and for the kids to build on their social skills. I know my mother's group saved me from the brink of insanity on many occasions and my son would tire himself out so much when playing alongside his friends he, well, slept like a baby, LOL. Have you thought about taking him swimming perhaps? It always seemed to be an activity that wiped my kids out. Even today at age 5 and 8 my kids sleep a lot better after playing in the pool for a while. I don't know if you have any baby gym classes over there. In Australia we have something called "Gymbaroo" which is fantastic as it covers a lot of the gross motor & fine motor development, musical appreciation and all sorts of other stuff. It would be worth while investigating and joining up if there is a decent one. Hang in there and take one day at a time knowing that you are one day closer to getting through this period. It does end and you will get back to your old self (or a newer, stronger version of it ;-)).

You sound just like me. We're having awful sleep problems with DS, I've been diagnosed with PND and my confidence is at an all-time low. Feeding, playing, learning - whatever it is, I'm sure I fall far short of what super-mums are up to! But as somebody else said, there is no such thing as a super-mum. We all do our best! I'm sure you are doing wonders with your wee man. If you think his sleep is a problem, I'd suggest trying to get that sorted as I know from first-hand (and currently constant) experience, sleep deprivation makes everything a hundred million times worse. Everything looks horribly, miserably, dreadfully awful when you haven't had enough sleep and having no me-time either doesn't help at all. Big hugs to you xx

Welcome to motherhood :) I make DS sit next to the sink while i brush my teeth and he has his own toothbrush and paste. If u are cooking, just let him sit on the kitchen floor with a few pots pans and spoons. DS and i shower together sometimes, he is 19months. Or I get him to shower with DH. A lot easier for me. A little bit of falling is alright u know.. as long as he doesnt hit his head on the corners and stuff. He prolly doesnt want to sleep which is why he is taking so long to sleep?? Gobbling food.. DH and i went on a date a couple of months back. I finished dinner and desert in 20mins and was so fidgety! I simply have forgotten how it is to eat slowly and in peace! Dont worry.. try to enjoy him.. nothing will happen if u dont eat the perfectly made meal.. or if the bed isnt made for a few days.. or if u havent brushed ur teeth (use listerine instead, or chew strong mint gum!) I hope it helps! Shaf - stunning - I agree totally with you ;-) ;-) ;-) Poppy82 - it is hard - my youngest is also all over the place - but it does get better & easier x

jumperoo. GPunk used one of those for the first year and then when her ds started to refuse the jumperoo she got one of those baby leashes that have a baby backpack attached (her son wears the one with a giraffe and Glitter keeps the other end of the leash). When in serious need though she makes her ds wear a thudgaurd. you should google it.

also the bumbo - but maybe ur lo is too big for it??? the ikea high chair is the best for wear and tear and going everywher with you - incl bathroom, kitchen , balcony/garden. second the baby walker - as long as they can see you you are good for a few minutes lol - also the duvet thing we used when they are inbetweent the crawl/try to get up stage. get a cleaner in if you can 2 times a week - on thursday afternoon for sure then at least the weekend is off to a good start lol. also try to get out and about with him for outside coffee/meals for yoiurself either during the day or with ur dh for supper/weekends - as much as possible - esp as when they start walking it is more difficult IMHO as they dont want to sit for too long. also - dont know if you already have this but do a walk evryday and stop to look at birds and plants and stuff and this helps to while away an hour a day on those days when u are just too tired to entertain at home. i have 2 under 2 - ds just turned 2 2 weeks ago and ds is 6 months - it is hard but a routine helps alot. xxxx hugs if someone offers to help - take them up on the offer - wish i had done so when i was struggling with ds1. oh and btw - we all have bad days when we just cant entertain any longer - but we are never bad mothers as long as they are fed watered and in clean clothes and nappies and we have loved them. eta - a tip a mum friend gave me was to brush ur teeth together - it is way more fun and you may even get giggling over it - <em>edited by homesickk on 03/01/2011</em>

A friend of mine has 5 daughters including twins and when her 5th was born, they were all under 5!! I'll never know to this day how she did it but she did and also managed to give piano lessons at home! She lived a few miles from me in a large extended cottage in Montrose, Scotland, no help as her DH worked off shore on the rigs!! She always managed to look good too, made you sick LOL!! She was a great believer in playpens and the kids amused themselves while she caught up with stuff.

I had a BabyDan play pen which was an absolute life-saver! And once they fall asleep you can climb out :) :)

I had a BabyDan play pen which was an absolute life-saver! And once they fall asleep you can climb out :)

I had a BabyDan play pen which was an absolute life-saver!

I found my DS needed a play pen, DD did not. I had a travel cot in my bedroom so I could get dressed and a plastic interactive play pen in the livingroom/kitchen area so I could have two hands safely. CBeebies programmes kept me sane. Power walks around safa park cleared my head on stressful days (obviously without brushing teeth and picking up coffee en route). Good Friends and fellow yummy mummies on speed dial. And fabulous lippy in my handbag at all times & a hair brush and hair bubbles for those rushed mornings. I felt frumpy and wobbly until I discovered M&S magic underwear. We all go through it :)

I do agree with most everyone's comments!! I have a 23 month old so he's now following my directions and can sit on my bed while I take a shower. He used to crawl in with me about a year ago! The only thing I want to add is that anything new will take time. He will likely protest at first, but will eventually take to things like a travel cot. Also, I strongly agree with taking some time for yourself! Take a few hours on the weekend to have coffee with a friend, take a walk, etc. I'm with my son 24/7 without a maid, so I go to Tues night ladies night every week. Harder than it should be here, but if you have a friend with a child, see if she'd mind swapping childcare one morning each week. Good luck!

I think it's important to know that there are no Super mums really. We've all been there, felt as you've felt and the important thing is to go easy on yourself. It doesn't matter if the house is a mess or you and DH are eating Baked Beans for dinner. If it really bothers anyone else that much, let 'em know they're welcome to chip in. The best and worst thing about kids is that they change. You're finding it hard now that bubs is mobile, but it won't be long before he learns new stuff/ gets more confident and your life will change again for the easier. Try to get rest whenever you can. Feeling overwhelmed really can snowball into other problems. Don't be afraid to take people up on the offer to watch him for you and, on occasion, take that opportunity to sleep rather than "get things done" . It's amazing how much stuff can actually wait.........

I have two words to say to you......TRAVEL COT Pop the wee thing in there to play when you need to take a shower, have a pee, brush your teeth etc. He'll probably cry and scream and throw a tanty but your sanity is far more important at this stage. I also second a baby walker. Brilliant things..especially on tiled floors. DS used to whizz around on his for ages and it meant he could get to me when he wanted. Of course it took him ages to push his little legs over to where I was and then I would move as soon as he got to me but it kept him active, tired him out and helped him to sleep.

Poppy, could be teething issues if he sleeps very short times and takes a long time to sleep. Also, I found myself having to adjust meals and routines very often when they were between 6 months and 18 months as they start to have less milk and more solids and get more awake and alert. TanyaR - I recognize that thought about how can people have several kids when one is so much work already :-). The thing is my first born craved a lot of attention and was the kind of child who had no sense of danger - when he learnt how to walk he ran off on his own way wherever we went, not caring if anyone followed him or not! The thing is the second child was a much more sensible and easy going baby and toddler, to my great relief, so there's hope.

I sometimes wonder how mothers with multiple births of 4,5 or 6 cope, and then I think how I will I manage when we have more children??? But I guess you just do what you have to do, and millions and millions of women/men do it! My DS is 11 months (and I have to say I have just hired some help, but she has only been here for a few days, and I have done it all on my own till now)... so with showers, he comes into the bathroom with me, I put toilet paper (learn't the hard way), the rubbish bin, cleaning products etc out of reach, or outside the door, and then brought in a pile of toys. It works most days, he has tried to get into the shower a few times, and ended up a bit wet, but was all a bit of fun for him - so no major. Cooking (which I do a lot!), he is either on the floor crawling around or if he is grizzling and insists on being held, I pop him in the front pack, and he then has a great view of everything that is going on, which he loves! I am then just very careful if I am using sharp knives (he has a long reach), hot water, stoves etc... I have recently just popped up a travelcot in our lounge to use as a playpen as well, so it has lots of toys in it, and he can pull himself up in it and look around as well. I only put him in for very short periods of time, and if he gets upset I pull him straight out (because I want to be able to use it as a fun thing, and not as a punishment - but it still helps me out). Also, is there another Mummy close to you, or a friend that might be able to help out a little bit? I do this for another friend close by when she needs - probably once every 10 days or so for a couple of hours, and I know she would do the same for me if I needed it. I try and get as much housework done as I can while he is around (hanging out the washing etc) so that when he is sleeping, I can do 'me' things, like eat!! or just simply relax. I have always had a maid come in once a week for 3 hours as well - just to do the bathrooms, mop the floors, iron DH's shirts - this has been great. Oh and brushing teeth, I do that with DS - he finds it quite fun and likes to mimick me ... I just try and stop his toothpaste from going in his eyes ..hehe Definitely try and get out and have some 'you' time. When DH gets home at night, I always make him do bathtime (granted he loves it) and whilst it is a fun thing to do, it is still nice having a little breather from doing it once or twice a week. Also, if DH is home at a reasonable hour (he works in AD - so it is not often possible), I get out of the house, and go for a walk and listen to music on my ipod, just to have some 'me' time - obviously you can do what you like with this time, but light exercise is quite good on so many levels, and getting some 'fresh' air. If I can't do it at nights, I definitely make sure I get around to it during the weekend. Hope some of that helps, we have all been there (or are there at the moment!) *hugs*

"He often just talked to himself in his room and fell asleep by 7:30....except for those times he yelled for me to come, which I went to the door, waved, smiled and left." LIKE!!

poppy I remember :). I know it was long ago but things dont change that much :)....house is last on the list and if anyone complains about the state it is in, tell them to have a cleaner come in 2x a week :). You can eat with your baby, give him a spoonful along with a toy and you take a bit of your food, take your time, give him different toys in his highchair so you can finish eating without shoveling it in. He can sit and play for 10 min after his food. When you want or need to do some cleaning, pop him in the chair for 10 min and load the dishwasher and clean the counters. You need to breath, lots of pillows in a circle and him in the middle. Dont have all his toys out only have 3 or 4 at a time then remove them when you need to do something and replace them with 3 or 4 different ones. He will be happy, or should be lol. Bathroom time, put him on the bathroom floor on towels and make sure he cant get in cupboards...again, toys or spoons or plastic buckets while you bathe, do teeth etc. Does he nap in his room? if he gets in the habit of laying and resting with a few things to do or watch, not sleeping will be fine and chances are he will eventually fall asleep. Same with night time, a routine makes all the difference, I did 4:30 - 5 dinner for him then he played while we had dinner or we waited until later. 6 was bathtime, 6:30 was reading time and lights out by 7. At 7 we ate if we hadnt and I did laundry, clean up and sat lol. He often just talked to himself in his room and fell asleep by 7:30....except for those times he yelled for me to come, which I went to the door, waved, smiled and left. He had a bottle of water in his crib, a few toys, nightlight. When he could climb out of his crib that is another chapter lol. Anyway, relax, make your life as easy as possible, enjoy him, do your outings with him in the morning so he can nap in the afternoon. Sorry to be so long winded, hope I have helped a wee bit....