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Would you say something?

5499

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 05 November 2011 - 20:11

A friend has just posted a pic of her child in the car looking very much like she's not wearing her seatbelt. I'm a self-confessed seatbelt-freak and insists that everyone in my car has their seatbelt fastened.

This same friend used to moan about other people not belting their kids in, and agonising over sending her children home from school with people she knew weren't too fussy about strapping their kids in.

It's kind of sticking in my throat that she doesn't seem to be too bothered about seatbelts any more.

If it were you would you comment or just ignore it?

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45

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 07 November 2011 - 18:33

Best friends should be able to discuss this issue without being offended, It's a child's safety that's at risk. If the Mother was driving her car and the child wasn't restrained, then she needs to be reminded of the dangers. Well said and that is what the OP eventually ended up doing. This whole issue has nothing to do with how parents raise their kids and parenting style as insinuated by a few other posters, but it has to do with safety and the best interest of the child IMHO. <em>edited by hollyhook on 07/11/2011</em>

298

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 07 November 2011 - 16:21

I don't know how much a seatbelt or any other safety precaution would do if one drives a 160km down szr anyway.Perhaps it contains the mess? :\: iAMVP. Please fix your quote above. The way you have cut and pasted and quoted, you have made it look like I have written the above.

1236

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 07 November 2011 - 13:59

I was a fairly relaxed parent when my kids were growing up and encouraged them to be independant and adventurous from an early age. I had peers who thought I was too lax and who rarely let their own kids out of their sight. One or two did try and tell me where I was going "wrong" They were given short shrift I'm afraid. There have been so many threads on here about interfering grandparents and other relatives/friends. I do understand that people get wound up when they see kids untethered in cars and I did too while in Doha, but as I said earlier, it's up to the parents to take responsibility unless that child is under someone elses care and can enforce their own rules.

3901

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 07 November 2011 - 13:47

After reading the posts today, I wondered about the cultural/religious aspects in this discussion - basically of telling other parents what to do.......moving off topic from seat belts but I saw a little girl probably no more than 5 wearing a hijab today. Personally, I would love to be able to 'speak up for the child' but of course, this would be totally wrong. Her parents, their choice. That's what I'm wondering. Where do the ones who would tell other parents what to do draw the line? What's wrong with a 5 yr old wearing a hijab? And what's right with it? In my eyes, she doesn't have a choice. How does a five year old understand what it represents? By forcing a five year old to wear it is giving a message to her and society (men) that bodies are wrong - a five year old covers?!. Does she really have to hide her body? Surely this message can wait until she is older, enjoy her childhood for now - and can make her own choice, rather than living her parents' view. [b'>Anyway, my point is where do the people who feel free to speak up against how other parents choose to bring up their children, draw the line[/b'>? Would you give meat to a vegetarian child because you felt it was the child's choice? Speak up for the child as they may enjoy a piece of steak? I just find it interesting that some people love to poke their nose in other people's business. some people have no lines, as is made abundantly clear on this forum every day....

2340

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 07 November 2011 - 13:25

After reading the posts today, I wondered about the cultural/religious aspects in this discussion - basically of telling other parents what to do.......moving off topic from seat belts but I saw a little girl probably no more than 5 wearing a hijab today. Personally, I would love to be able to 'speak up for the child' but of course, this would be totally wrong. Her parents, their choice. That's what I'm wondering. Where do the ones who would tell other parents what to do draw the line? What's wrong with a 5 yr old wearing a hijab? And what's right with it? In my eyes, she doesn't have a choice. How does a five year old understand what it represents? By forcing a five year old to wear it is giving a message to her and society (men) that bodies are wrong - a five year old covers?!. Does she really have to hide her body? Surely this message can wait until she is older, enjoy her childhood for now - and can make her own choice, rather than living her parents' view. Anyway, my point is where do the people who feel free to speak up against how other parents choose to bring up their children, draw the line? Would you give meat to a vegetarian child because you felt it was the child's choice? Speak up for the child as they may enjoy a piece of steak? I just find it interesting that some people love to poke their nose in other people's business. I will happily poke my nose into other people's business when that business is putting a child in danger. If I read reliable research that shows hijab could cause the death of a child (extreme and ridiculous, I know), I would fight that tooth and nail too. Other than that, I need to reserve judgement and do more reading because I know very little about it. For me, I imagine it would be all about what it means to the family and how they have explained its importance to the child. You can't tell me that every woman who wears hijab believes "bodies are wrong". There's a whole other thread! On diet...if I could see evidence that a parent was doing harm, yes I'd have a chat with the parent/s. I would most certainly not deceive the parents and sneak the child some meat (sugar/chocolate/beer...)! A vegetarian diet is not a great example of your cause because it's relatively easy to be a 'vego' and be very healthy.

5499

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 07 November 2011 - 13:21

In the case of a child wearing hijab I wouldn't say anything because 1) it is not related to the safety the child and 2) because I wouldn't know whether she's been forced to wear it or just asked to wear it do she can look just like her mum or big sisters. And FWIW I asked by PM , not in 'public' ;)

Pomegranate35436

867

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 07 November 2011 - 12:06

After reading the posts today, I wondered about the cultural/religious aspects in this discussion - basically of telling other parents what to do.......moving off topic from seat belts but I saw a little girl probably no more than 5 wearing a hijab today. Personally, I would love to be able to 'speak up for the child' but of course, this would be totally wrong. Her parents, their choice. That's what I'm wondering. Where do the ones who would tell other parents what to do draw the line? What's wrong with a 5 yr old wearing a hijab? And what's right with it? In my eyes, she doesn't have a choice. How does a five year old understand what it represents? By forcing a five year old to wear it is giving a message to her and society (men) that bodies are wrong - a five year old covers?!. Does she really have to hide her body? Surely this message can wait until she is older, enjoy her childhood for now - and can make her own choice, rather than living her parents' view. Anyway, my point is where do the people who feel free to speak up against how other parents choose to bring up their children, draw the line? Would you give meat to a vegetarian child because you felt it was the child's choice? Speak up for the child as they may enjoy a piece of steak? I just find it interesting that some people love to poke their nose in other people's business.

Anonymous (not verified)

0

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 07 November 2011 - 10:52

I don't know how much a seatbelt or any other safety precaution would do if one drives a 160km down szr anyway.Perhaps it contains the mess? :\: Yes you are right. It probably will help contain the mess. I find it quite strange that some people are very careful about most driving safety precautions but still drive way over the speed limit on dangerous roads like szr and emirates road.

Anonymous (not verified)

0

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 07 November 2011 - 10:44

Personally, I would not say anything. IF I was to, then it would be personal, like a phone call, and just mentioning that she might want to take the photo down before people assume that she does not normally use belts with the kids.....or before someone leaves a bad comment! Nearly everyone knows the dangers, and we can highlight the issue, but we cannot easily police people. Agree. Won't say anything on FB but would call her or arrange a coffee meeting and mention it to her then.

Anonymous (not verified)

0

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 07 November 2011 - 10:41

It is really something to potentially lose a good friend over? I wouldn't say anything. Firstly, you don't even know if the car was parked in the drive or doing 160km down SZR. secondly, it may have been a small oversight, a one off and something that wouldn't happen again. Haven't we all had a slip up and done something (even inadvertently) that we swore we'd never do? Obviously you have your own 'deal breakers' when it comes to friendships but personally for me, unless it was *my* child unbuckled, I wouldn't say anything. The are of course, other behaviours I'd end a friendship over... Everyone has their break points. I don't know how much a seatbelt or any other safety precaution would do if one drives a 160km down szr anyway.

645

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 07 November 2011 - 10:41

Personally, I would not say anything. IF I was to, then it would be personal, like a phone call, and just mentioning that she might want to take the photo down before people assume that she does not normally use belts with the kids.....or before someone leaves a bad comment! Nearly everyone knows the dangers, and we can highlight the issue, but we cannot easily police people.

Anonymous (not verified)

0

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 07 November 2011 - 10:37

After reading the posts today, I wondered about the cultural/religious aspects in this discussion - basically of telling other parents what to do.......moving off topic from seat belts but I saw a little girl probably no more than 5 wearing a hijab today. Personally, I would love to be able to 'speak up for the child' but of course, this would be totally wrong. Her parents, their choice. That's what I'm wondering. Where do the ones who would tell other parents what to do draw the line? What's wrong with a 5 yr old wearing a hijab?

1601

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 07 November 2011 - 01:09

I would say something, just as I have said something in the past to parents with unrestrained children in the car. It's rarely greeted with a warm "thank-you", but I'm not saying it for any thanks. I'm saying to be a voice for the children those parents are not protecting. When it comes to proven child safety issues, I am tactful and respectful when I speak, but I could care less about their opinion on my "unsolicited parenting advice." ;) so how would you feel if someone told you how to raise your children or what you were doing ITO was wrong? I've received plenty of unsolicited parenting advice over my 6 short years of being a parent. Haven't we all? I consider myself relatively well educated on the basics of baby/toddler/child health, safety, nutrition and development etc. I regularly read reputable authors and recognised research papers etc to keep myself up to date. I'm a pretty even tempered, open minded person so if someone feels the need to make a suggestion (or a complaint...lol) I'm very happy to listen to them. I also taught teenagers for fifteen years so it takes a fair bit to get me riled. So...to answer your question, how I would *feel* depends on what they have to say and how they say it [u'>and[/u'> how that opinion may affect any children under their care. I like to think I would feel calm and would appreciate that they care enough to say something. What I would DO is something else all together. I'd do one of two things depending on my knowledge on the specific subject: - listen, smile, nod my head and thank them for their time, then either ignore their advice or educate myself further on that subject - if it's something I 'know stuff' about I'll continue a conversation with them to see if we can come to some mutual agreement...especially if what they say is dangerous and they are also caring for children. I hope the parents I speak to *do* the same thing. I believe with my whole heart that I have a duty to be part of 'the village raising the child'. I reign myself in and only give advice when either it's asked for or a child is in danger. If a child is in danger I honestly couldn't give two hoots about how the parent *feels* when I speak to them, always in a calm, caring, respectful tone. At least I know for the sake of the child I tried. edited by Green-ish on 06/11/2011 **Like** button pushed. Very well put Greenish,when a child or animal is in danger I always speak up. Yes in a calm manner but always in the back of mind,they don't have a voice.

2725

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 06 November 2011 - 22:26

Best friends should be able to discuss this issue without being offended, It's a child's safety that's at risk. If the Mother was driving her car and the child wasn't restrained, then she needs to be reminded of the dangers.

2937

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 06 November 2011 - 22:20

I don't know :(. I guess where the beliefs begin to affect the child's safety, health or wellbeing? It is such a difficult issue.

Pomegranate35436

867

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 06 November 2011 - 21:14

After reading the posts today, I wondered about the cultural/religious aspects in this discussion - basically of telling other parents what to do.......moving off topic from seat belts but I saw a little girl probably no more than 5 wearing a hijab today. Personally, I would love to be able to 'speak up for the child' but of course, this would be totally wrong. Her parents, their choice. That's what I'm wondering. Where do the ones who would tell other parents what to do draw the line?

2171

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 06 November 2011 - 21:09

Ok.... I asked if her child (who's not young btw) had her belt on and she laughed and said of course (although she said she didn't look like that) and I should know her well enough to know that of course all her kids are always strapped in. :) phew lol - I hated my almost fall-outs with my best friend - it caused me so much stress. I hate confrontation at the best of times - and she argues really well which always put me on the back foot!

2937

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 06 November 2011 - 21:09

A baby died recently (maybe in the States?) because her parents fed her according to their beliefs, contrary to medical advice. Clearly nobody spoke up loudly enough for her.

5499

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 06 November 2011 - 21:08

Yes. I had a lady in my car once and she asked why I had "baby seats" in the back of my car. One was a 5-point harness seat that my then-4-year-old was still in and the other was a high-back booster. My son only went in her car once and after that time I realised she did not bother strapping her kids in so I refused to let him in her car ever again (I had supplied my own booster seat but DS told me she didn't bother getting it out of the bag for him). She was born and raised in the ME to Arab Muslim parents but raised her kids in the US so I'm not sure why she thought it unnecessary to strap them in, but my response to her question was to tell her that my kids were far safer, and much more likely to survive an accident if they were properly restrained. I said I thought it was especially important in Dubai where the standard of driving was bad. Whether she took it onboard or not I don't know, but she knew why I thought it was important.

Pomegranate35436

867

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 06 November 2011 - 21:01

Interesting discussion.... For the posters who have said they would say something to the parents to 'speak up for the child'.....what if......the actions were of the parents' religious or cultural beliefs? Would you still say something? Where do you draw the line, if at all?

5499

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 06 November 2011 - 20:49

Ok.... I asked if her child (who's not young btw) had her belt on and she laughed and said of course (although she said she didn't look like that) and I should know her well enough to know that of course all her kids are always strapped in. :)

2171

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 06 November 2011 - 20:45

My best friend and I almost had a huge falling out years ago when our DDs were 2-3 - she was picking up from nursery and having mine over to play - she could not understand why I was so insistent on her having my DD's carseat - the journey back to hers from nursery was less than a 1/2 mile, but even so..... In the end I left my car seat prominently by her car, risking it being nicked too. This was a good 14 years ago, and it is something we now laugh about (although there is a small part of me that thinks she still thinks I was being OTT about the whole thing!) - it caused a lot of tension at the time but we got through it (and a couple of other sticky situations since lol). Hopefully if you do say something, which I think you should, but in as lighthearted a way as possible - not post on FB - you will get through it.

1236

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 06 November 2011 - 17:11

going OT a tad...a few years ago i used a pic of my then 2 year old sat on my lap outside a restaurant - was a nice pic of us both, as my avatar on a game site forum. A woman who never missed a chance to be snide at me was quick to comment how disgraceful it was that i was allowing my child to drink or was supervising him whilst drinking - there was a glass of wine on the table in the photo...led to a whole witchhunt of how inappropriate it was having a young child so close to alcohol blah blah... Not a nice feeling to have your pics scrutinised, judged and used in such a negative way... just saying... Just as well that woman wasn't in my house a few years ago when my DD grabbed her papa's lager and downed it like a pro!! She was 3 at the time and it happened in a flash. Little madam was sick as a dog but to this day. loves her drinkie poos :D

2340

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 06 November 2011 - 17:06

... if I did I would do so by saying - "looks like munchkin is being a bit naughty with undoing her seat belt!" I should add that I'd start the conversation in a similar manner. In fact, each time I've had the conversation it has started in a friendly way with no accusation at all. Lol...don't form a mental image of me out there targeting and attacking parents. :D If we go in with accusation/aggression/superiority, we'll never get anywhere.

3901

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 06 November 2011 - 17:05

going OT a tad...a few years ago i used a pic of my then 2 year old sat on my lap outside a restaurant - was a nice pic of us both, as my avatar on a game site forum. A woman who never missed a chance to be snide at me was quick to comment how disgraceful it was that i was allowing my child to drink or was supervising him whilst drinking - there was a glass of wine on the table in the photo...led to a whole witchhunt of how inappropriate it was having a young child so close to alcohol blah blah... Not a nice feeling to have your pics scrutinised, judged and used in such a negative way... just saying...

81

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EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 06 November 2011 - 16:26

Could I just throw this into the thought process - perhaps her little darling has worked out how to undo their seatbelt! (I know a four year old who can!) Perhaps they did this and mummy did not notice this when taking the picture! ??? Just a thought or even a way of highlighting the situation without "losing your friendship" Personally I would not mention it but if I did I would do so by saying - "looks like munchkin is being a bit naughty with undoing her seat belt!"

2340

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 06 November 2011 - 13:25

I would say something, just as I have said something in the past to parents with unrestrained children in the car. It's rarely greeted with a warm "thank-you", but I'm not saying it for any thanks. I'm saying to be a voice for the children those parents are not protecting. When it comes to proven child safety issues, I am tactful and respectful when I speak, but I could care less about their opinion on my "unsolicited parenting advice." ;) so how would you feel if someone told you how to raise your children or what you were doing ITO was wrong? I've received plenty of unsolicited parenting advice over my 6 short years of being a parent. Haven't we all? I consider myself relatively well educated on the basics of baby/toddler/child health, safety, nutrition and development etc. I regularly read reputable authors and recognised research papers etc to keep myself up to date. I'm a pretty even tempered, open minded person so if someone feels the need to make a suggestion (or a complaint...lol) I'm very happy to listen to them. I also taught teenagers for fifteen years so it takes a fair bit to get me riled. So...to answer your question, how I would *feel* depends on what they have to say and how they say it [u'>and[/u'> how that opinion may affect any children under their care. I like to think I would feel calm and would appreciate that they care enough to say something. What I would DO is something else all together. I'd do one of two things depending on my knowledge on the specific subject: - listen, smile, nod my head and thank them for their time, then either ignore their advice or educate myself further on that subject - if it's something I 'know stuff' about I'll continue a conversation with them to see if we can come to some mutual agreement...especially if what they say is dangerous and they are also caring for children. I hope the parents I speak to *do* the same thing. I believe with my whole heart that I have a duty to be part of 'the village raising the child'. I reign myself in and only give advice when either it's asked for or a child is in danger. If a child is in danger I honestly couldn't give two hoots about how the parent *feels* when I speak to them, always in a calm, caring, respectful tone. At least I know for the sake of the child I tried. <em>edited by Green-ish on 06/11/2011</em>

1236

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 06 November 2011 - 13:19

I wouldn't comment am afraid. The OP said that the child looked like she wasn't buckled in. Perhaps her clothing hid the strap? Not my business if someone wants to play Russian Roulette with their child's life. Years ago I offered a neighbour a lift as it was pouring with rain. She and her toddler got into the car and I waited until she strapped the wee one in which didn't happen. I refused to move until she had. My car, my rules. My own DS was in his booster seat. The kid screamed blue murder but I insisted that he was strapped in or she was walking as I wasn't prepared to take responsibility for something happening while the child was in my vehicle. We can't police every parent unfortunately.

Pomegranate35436

867

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 06 November 2011 - 13:00

I would say something, just as I have said something in the past to parents with unrestrained children in the car. It's rarely greeted with a warm "thank-you", but I'm not saying it for any thanks. I'm saying to be a voice for the children those parents are not protecting. When it comes to proven child safety issues, I am tactful and respectful when I speak, but I could care less about their opinion on my "unsolicited parenting advice." ;) so how would you feel if someone told you how to raise your children or what you were doing ITO was wrong?

2340

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 06 November 2011 - 12:46

I would say something, just as I have said something in the past to parents with unrestrained children in the car. It's rarely greeted with a warm "thank-you", but I'm not saying it for any thanks. I'm saying to be a voice for the children those parents are not protecting. When it comes to proven child safety issues, I am tactful and respectful when I speak, but I could care less about their opinion on my "unsolicited parenting advice." ;)

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Image credit: Joby Aviation.

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