My miscarriage - warning, LONG post! Sorry.

Yesterday, at 8wks 5 days, I lost our precious little baby.

Three weeks ago I was completely freaked out to find myself unexpectedly pregnant but in no time at all I was in love with this baby and researching people movers. :)

Three weeks ago I saw a strong heartbeat in a teeny bubba that was in a perfect position. Since my body has done this successfully three times already, I assumed all would be well.

I had tiny bits of spotting on and off throughout the pregnancy then on Tuesday it changed...mucousy (plug?) and mild cramps. My gut instinct was that something was dreadfully wrong. I saw my GP and we booked an ultrasound. Yesterday the cramping was almost unbearable, the bleeding very very heavy and the ultrasound confirmed no heartbeat.

I am so so so so sad. It's almost overwhelming. My husband is away for work and not due back until Sunday night.

The only 'silly' thought that keeps going around in my head is that I feel like an idiot for telling everyone so early and, for some reason I can't explain, I'm really embarrassed about telling anyone (including you!) what's happened. I've told my husband, my children, my sister, my best friend and my Mum. I just don't want to tell anyone else. Pressure is on...school mum friends on Monday and all that.

Telling my children was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I'm a great believer in telling children the truth in an age appropriate way. They are so intuitive I knew I couldn't keep it from them. I told them something very sad had happened...that our new baby had died.

They have been amazing given their very young ages and they keep asking questions as they process it all...

Ben (6) asked, "How did you know the baby had died?" He knew I'd been to the GP so I told him "My doctor and I worked it out together." Ben has seen a home-birth video so I was able to say, "Do you remember XYZ's birth movie and how she was losing some blood after the baby was born? Mummy is losing some blood like that and I have terrible pains in my tummy. That was enough for the doctor and I to know something is very wrong."

Josie (4) asked, "Why are you SO sad Mum? We didn't even know this baby." to which I said, "You know how much I love you, Ben and Charlotte? Well I already loved this baby that much too and it's very hard for me to believe I'll never meet him." (the children had nicknamed 'him' Fred. Bless them. xx)

My first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage which we discovered at our NT scan. That was a whole other level of sadness, being the first and 'passed' the 'danger period' etc. After that news I had a D&C so have never gone through a natural miscarriage before. I am 'ok'. Bleeding has eased but the contractions continue and I can't believe how SORE I am. Far out...for such an early loss, I'm almost as uncomfortable as after a full-term delivery. I didn't expect that.

I'm off to the Dr tomorrow for an Anti D shot (I'm Rh neg) and he'll apparently schedule an ultrasound for sometime soon to make sure all has passed.

Whew...If you've made it this far, well done! And thank you for listening. Lordy...I'm so sad.
<em>edited by Green-ish on 19/01/2012</em>