Help....any way to find out if someone was on an Emirates flight..?

Sounds to me like you are done. You are fried. Staying is pointless if he is a serial cheater or if you will never trust again :(. That is no way to live and it will always color your happiness. It is also terrible for your children. It will take a while for you to get over it all but you will. You will be happier and so will your children. Now if you are both in marriage therapy and both willing to take part. You being honest with him that you do not trust him and hopefully he helping all he can to make sure you can trust him? If he has had quite a few affairs then there is something not right. I probably does not have much to do with you to be honest. He could be in love with the rush of a new relationship. Who knows...might be something to bring up at the therapist. Anyway, Good luck.

Thanks for sharing DR makes the skeletons in ones closet look less scary..... Being from the generation of ' stiff upper lip ' and all that jazz it really does help to read that your own childhood wasn't the only one with all the secrets and goings on. Unlike you I don't have any distant siblings but the constant infidelity ruined our lives and looking back a good clean break up would have been far better for everyone......but it wasn't done in those days..... To OP you have got wonderful advice from the ladies ,how you use it is your choice but remember life is short .Start living your life now how you wish it to be in the future. You are the primary caregiver to your precious children, they are the ones who seem to pay the biggest price.

I have recently arrived in Dubai and I am a trained NHS generic councillor if you want to pm me.

[b'>Desertrose[/b'> thank you so much for sharing your story you sound like a very strong and admirable person to be able to look at the situation so intelligently [b'>On a side note[/b'>, are there people stalking the boards just to give a thumbs down? It's getting kind of ridiculous now *expecting a lot of thumbs down on this post*

I just wanted to say more to Emirates Mum in the hope it will help her. Im the daughter of a serial cheater but the woman Ive spoken of below is not my mum. My childhood was an absolute misery because of the goings on even though I had a wonderful mum and granny and granddad. My mum couldn't get out of the marriage because she was a Roman Catholic and in those days to be a divorced or separated woman was just once step up from being a street walker. But that said even when she knew she had to get out she just couldn't, because she didn't really have it in her. Its what living the life had done to her, and why Im willing to believe that not everyone can leave when they really should. My mum was married to my dad for 14 years and the infidelity had started from the very beginning. Eventually though she did leave and its only over the last few years Ive come to know what the final straw was. It was two women being pregnant to my dad at the same time that did it. I know this because about 3 years ago my beloved (step) dad, he's my dad in every way, had a call from a woman saying I am looking for so and so because Im her half sister. He refused to give her my contact details but said when she is home in the summer I will tell her and what happens next is pretty much up to her. My mum by this time had been dead for about 10 years and at the time of her death she had been remarried to my stepdad for 25 years. He really did not want me to get involved because of the potential for hurt but said do what you have to do, Im here for you. So I called her and 3 years later there really isn't that much going on between us because of the trouble it all caused in her family with her mum and the man who had brought her up as a daughter. He died very soon after she traced me and to this day she has terrible regrets about what she did and how much she upset him. It all started by the way with her dying granny and a death bed throw away comment because Granny thought she should know the truth. The situation as it stands could be considered a bit of a mess i f we let it be one, but we haven't. We just accept that when the wee one did what she did she thought she would be able to cope with the outcome but she hasn't, and one of the things that upset her most is the fact she is not the child of a mad once in a life time love affair, that it was all pretty sordid, and dysfunctional with a capital D. During my first conversation I had with her I said, I know this may sound off the wall but I think there is more of us. I was even able to name a place I thought someone else may come from if that person existed. I even said and you know what - I think we have a brother as well and he's named after our father. And I really have to make it clear those thoughts just came to me at that moment and I still dont know where they came from - though it is clear now that people around me weren't whispering as quietly as they thought they were back in the day. I dont think people can ever really hide things from children and not just because communication isn't only about the spoken word. Anyway I asked her to remove her messages from the internet because it had really rankled me the way she had gone around just posting our names all over the place and two days later when I went back to check she had, I found a message posted about 3 hours previously from a woman in the place in England that I always had a 'feeling' about. She is our half sister and only 3 months younger than my 'full' sister. Im the eldest. She was brought up by her granny and granddad and despite being loved and adored she is an alcoholic with many many ghosts who haunt her. She chose not to have any contact with our birth father which is just as well given that he doesn't want to see her - it might upset his wife who was ok with being his mistress for years but who couldn't face the reality of him via the appearance of his 'other' children. I did get it together with my sister but her alcoholism has caused problems between us and to be frank I have enough in my life to live with daily without this. Im not proud of backing away from her but I had to about a year ago. About a year after the first sister got in touch she called me and said remember the brother you thought we might have - well he's calling you in half an hour, and yes he is named after our father. Half and hour later he called me and I was hit in the heart by a huge bolt of love and connection. We think now that we did meet when we were children in our fathers workplace, he had a garage, and that he was probably passed off as one of the mechanics children. He's lovely. I have a brother. A real brother who I see every few months despite the miles between us. We even go on holiday together and I have a brand new extended family who have all said - come on in the water is lovely. My children won't even get married without him being around and my lovely sister in law even makes their Scottish wedding favours. He was here last week to see our latest grandson and I have a picture in my head of him walking the baby to sleep Scottish style when none of the rest of us could do anything with him. We now know there are about 11 of us, and that includes 4 who were born in wedlock so to speak, though we haven't managed to find the others. My siblings from my dads second marriage will have nothing to do with our half siblings because our step mum has made it clear the children are nothing to do with them as in her and her children. A glass wall has been built around that family unit - all a bit strange considering she was a mistress for a few years. You would think none of it would bother her but it does. How have we fared with it all? Well truth be told we've all been pretty screwed up at various time in our lives, we personally lived in a war zone and I can remember my mum doing what I now know was hunting for info. My sister isn't really a well person because of our childhood, she can't really make good decisions, and despite the best efforts of the women we had as mums trying to hide things from us and give us good lives it didn't really work out for us as they hoped for and becoming stable people hasn't happened for some of us to this day. Children sense unease and atmosphere and a mum not really holding it together despite her best efforts. As an aside - one of the mums involved has been quite ill since she was told her married boyfriend had another girlfriend pregnant when she was, and that his wife had a 3 month old baby. I dont blame them - they were as much his victim as my mum was. So thats how it can be as the child of a serial cheater. The info is yours to make if what you want but most of all I really do wish you and your children well. xxxxx eta - my mum would have been ok with me knowing and loving my siblings because of the woman she was. She was the best. Really. As for my birth father - I chose not to have him in my life because of the life we led which was all down to him and Ive seen him perhaps 4 times in 40 years. I doubt he has missed me form the simple reason the only person he has ever properly loved in life is himself. He is the love of his life. He's not even worth getting bitter and angry about - he is who and what he is. He actually saw our brother about 18 months ago, accidentally, and he's not someone my brother feels the need to see again and the feeling is mutual we suspect because there is no contact. The wee sister who started it all - well he has seen her once, he made a special visit from thousands of miles away and she has been added to is will because she looked for him. The others - well their backsides are right out the window along with mine and my sisters because they didn't look for him and we decided against a life with him in it, me totally, my sister less as the years have gone on and the fact she lives minutes away from him. My mother used to say to me - pls get in touch with him, you might regret your choice one day, but I never have. I have my dad and my children have their granddad - there's no one to fill his shoes. edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/05/2014 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/05/2014</em>

OP - this scenario is a very common one ( the cheating) and I have heard similar tales many times over...I don't think that it helps to listen to people who have never even been married in situations like this - each situation is very different and you have 3 children. We ALL say our babies will never have a pacifier before they are born..hmmm.... You need to think about what is right for you BUT there is no rush on this especially if you are financially dependent on him. Sounds mercenary I know but it is the truth. Take your time... Don't be told that you are behaving " erratically" etc by other women - really all of this is pretty normal in a woman in your situation - I have heard much worse, believe me. People are making sweeping judgements about your life and your husband here without knowing all the ins and outs. What you are feeling is 100% natural . Someone suggested that he be more open with you etc etc - he may be thinking that he is - men do NOT think in the same way as women. They very much compartmentalize things. You seem to have found out what you want for now so let this be but be vigilant. Talk to trusted friends - it will help you. You never know what stories of their own they have...accept that this is how it will be for a long, long time. You are only human. I am not going to comment on serial cheating - that is something else entirely but it does add an extra factor in here. Draw a line under this for now . Sending you strength! <em>edited by QueenL on 11/05/2014</em>

This must be a very difficult time for you. The fact that you do not trust your husband is only one part of the issue that you are now facing. Your issue of trusting others is very important and as you have commented, it's slowly taking over and destroying your life. I think that trust issues may also be connected with self esteem and a variety of other issues, too complex for this board. I do hope you find a therapist to help you build your self esteem and self confidence. From there, perhaps you can tackle the issue of the state of your marriage. One thing to keep in mind, if you do decide to continue with your marriage, it would be beneficial if your husband also attends therapy. The issues that you have described are not ones with a 'quick fix', unless you decide to end your marriage immediately, but rather ones that you should tackle together. Whether or not you can ever convince your husband to attend therapy may be a discussion on a different board. Ending your marriage may solve the immediate problem with this husband, but you still have some underlying issues that you need to address. I know that many therapists have been recommended in other boards, but a few that come to mind are: Lifeworks on Al Wasl and Johanna Richmond. I am sure that other posters will have some great suggestions too. For OP: Marriage counselling does not always involve the two of them - sometimes a person needs to be on their own to start with..... <em>edited by QueenL on 11/05/2014</em>

I agree Sanddy _dog and so I'll share my experience.... I just called emirates and told them my cousin should have been on this flight, shes not called us...we're worried etc etc.. He was adamant that he could't divulge passengers details etc..as I'd expected....unless I had the ticket number so obviously no luck. Anyway, i dont give up easily and I tried again a few minutes later and spoke to another person... Before even asking my name he searched the flight looking for this passenger. He told me her name wasn't showing on this flight and went on to send an email to Dubai airport and the other cities airport to verify is she has departed or arrived! At this point i panicked as I already had the details I needed and told him it was fine and not to bother. It shows you how two different people can treat you in a different way as to how much details they'll give you or trust you with. Sadly my mind still wonders though....she could have flown separately, at a different time, on a different airline etc etc.. So even though I feel a bit better I'm still not fully satisfied. Thank you all for your advice, I know I have a problem with trusting and I don't know how to deal with it...it's slowly destroying me, my marriage and I'm sure will impact my kids. While I'm on if anyone can advice any good therapist for my issues I'd be most grateful. Basically been cheated in many times and extreme issues with trusting my DH and in fact most people around me, feeling suspicious all the time and very moody at times. Thanks again, off out now for a much needed swim and relax with my little ones x omg..i'm with Sandy Dogg - I too would be furious that an airline would give out my details. And in any case, if she's having an affair with a married man in this part of the world she will know how dangerous it is and may well be using a different name... I would !! Sounds to me like you need to be doing what LolaCat advises... This will only eat you up - you need to focus on taking positive steps toward getting your life back.. I don't know if it's the one LC was thinking of but there is a website/forum called survivinginfidelity.com. Good luck. except someone couldn't travel under a different name unless they had a fake passport...

Due to data protection laws it is illegal for the airline to give out any information on passengers. If the agent gave you information he could lose his job and the person whose name was given out could sue the airline. This in turn would unload a whole new set of troubles on you. Yep, I tried to find out if my OH was on a flight a while back, as his phone was battery dead and wasn't sure if he made the flight - he was cutting it fine, between transfers! The airline would no way give me his inforamtion.

Emirates mum...I highly recommend marriage guidance with dr jarred Alden... am sure he would help you..you could even go to see him on your own..he is wonderful My situation was a trust issue..not infidelity but step kids...he made me feel like I was NOT going mad and any other wife would react the same way as me! It did help us with our issues as he made my husband listen to my side of things.. Jared is at German neuroscience center at health care city.. Good luck

Ok ladies, i think she gets it by now, you don't know how you would react in her situation. DesertRose1958 thanks for giving her some valuable info I'm sure she will appreciate it, i wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do. I know its hard but try to protect those little ones, they pick up a lot. Follow your heart darling and stay strong. Cyber hugs (())

Due to data protection laws it is illegal for the airline to give out any information on passengers. If the agent gave you information he could lose his job and the person whose name was given out could sue the airline. This in turn would unload a whole new set of troubles on you.

EmiratesMUm, I came back to post this link, Perhaps it can be of some use to you. http://www.relate.org.uk/ My friend found them helpful even from afar once she got over the bit about them referring to 'facing up to why the affairs happened'. She thought she was being told - you must be at fault for them to have happened, you must have had a part in it. In her mind she thought it meant she was lacking something/that she wasn't womanly etc and it used to set her teeth on edge every time it came up in discussions. As it turned out however she did have a part in the goings on because she always enabled the next one to happen by teaching her husband that ' I think so little of myself, and I'm so desperate to be 'the one you pick' nothing is really going to happen the next time you do this. But its like what she told me in the aftermath of it all - the real reason the affairs happened was because her husband had 'b*****d syndrome'. She said she sat there one day and just thought to herself, narcissist/sociopath/whatever, its a load of ******** - he really is just a B*****D. He has B*****D Syndrome. We still laugh about her naming a new syndrome - one that quite unusually not many people are straining at the bit to have. ;) A few years down the line and her life is really good even though her life is not the life she thought she would have, or worked towards, when she got married. And it did take her a while to leave her marriage because its not always as easy to leave as people seem to think it is, but separate she eventually did. I recall her telling me that her counsellor asked her - do you want help with the leaving process or do you want help with being able to live in the situation from a stronger position. She thought she wanted the latter but it was all part of her complete and utter lack of self esteem , and once into the lets build me up and make me able to stay she had a moment where she just said to her counsellor, I'm not doing this, I want out. What she was going to have to do to herself to be able to stay was too much even for her. edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/05/2014 ETA - there is also this site, Ive seen it mentioned a few times on gransnet of all places. I think it goes down the same lines as Relate but it just uses different language. I found the site for you and just clicked on a topic on the right hand side of the page as the main page could be a bit off putting I think. http://chumplady.com/2012/07/five-things-that-keep-you-stuck-with-a-cheater/ <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/05/2014</em>

Thanks doubting Thomas (love the name :), I thought about her travelling with another name but I guess no chance of that as your name must match your passport! I looked at the surviving infidelity website...if it was the right one it seems to be a US based site and made my DHs behaviour seem like a walk in the park compared to many of the stories on this site....some crazy and unbelievable affairs etc.. Thank again, apprecaite your support. I agree Sanddy _dog and so I'll share my experience.... I just called emirates and told them my cousin should have been on this flight, shes not called us...we're worried etc etc.. He was adamant that he could't divulge passengers details etc..as I'd expected....unless I had the ticket number so obviously no luck. Anyway, i dont give up easily and I tried again a few minutes later and spoke to another person... Before even asking my name he searched the flight looking for this passenger. He told me her name wasn't showing on this flight and went on to send an email to Dubai airport and the other cities airport to verify is she has departed or arrived! At this point i panicked as I already had the details I needed and told him it was fine and not to bother. It shows you how two different people can treat you in a different way as to how much details they'll give you or trust you with. Sadly my mind still wonders though....she could have flown separately, at a different time, on a different airline etc etc.. So even though I feel a bit better I'm still not fully satisfied. Thank you all for your advice, I know I have a problem with trusting and I don't know how to deal with it...it's slowly destroying me, my marriage and I'm sure will impact my kids. While I'm on if anyone can advice any good therapist for my issues I'd be most grateful. Basically been cheated in many times and extreme issues with trusting my DH and in fact most people around me, feeling suspicious all the time and very moody at times. Thanks again, off out now for a much needed swim and relax with my little ones x omg..i'm with Sandy Dogg - I too would be furious that an airline would give out my details. And in any case, if she's having an affair with a married man in this part of the world she will know how dangerous it is and may well be using a different name... I would !! Sounds to me like you need to be doing what LolaCat advises... This will only eat you up - you need to focus on taking positive steps toward getting your life back.. I don't know if it's the one LC was thinking of but there is a website/forum called survivinginfidelity.com. Good luck. EmiratesMum - Please do not console yourself with what other people have experienced being worse than what your husband has done. You are as much an abused woman as the women you've read about on that forum even if your story is different, and the cheating is only one form of abuse being meted out to you because to stay with a serial adulterer means he's done a pretty good job on you as a person in other ways. But not only that - he does what he does because you let him, you've taught him its ok, he's willing to do the time for his crime because its probably nothing more than a bit of a rough patch more than likely coupled with bouts of mad passion. I think I've heard the latter called 'hysterical bonding'. If you want to have a look around another forum then the relationship board on mumsnet is a pretty good one, and there are safeguards in place on that particular board to ensure good behaviour so to speak and to protect women like yourself from being hurt even more by harpies. They also have quite a comprehensive book list to chose from that many have apparently found helpful. Re your general trust issues - these men can have a woman not knowing which way is up or down and can seriously make her doubt her own sanity. There doesn't need to have been anything going on with you mentally/emotionally from before this heartbreak for you to now have issues with trust. Its quite possible for really well balanced and grounded women to take on totally new identities having gone through what you are experiencing. I wish you well xxx <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 10/05/2014</em>

Google LeavesDubai or join the Facebook group with same name. Set up by two women who recently split and very supportive. They've had a lot of positive press coverage recently. Monthly meetings and advice from lawyers etc. Thank you Budda this is the group i read about i was trying to remember for the OP, from what i understand they are really helpful.

This must be a very difficult time for you. The fact that you do not trust your husband is only one part of the issue that you are now facing. Your issue of trusting others is very important and as you have commented, it's slowly taking over and destroying your life. I think that trust issues may also be connected with self esteem and a variety of other issues, too complex for this board. I do hope you find a therapist to help you build your self esteem and self confidence. From there, perhaps you can tackle the issue of the state of your marriage. One thing to keep in mind, if you do decide to continue with your marriage, it would be beneficial if your husband also attends therapy. The issues that you have described are not ones with a 'quick fix', unless you decide to end your marriage immediately, but rather ones that you should tackle together. Whether or not you can ever convince your husband to attend therapy may be a discussion on a different board. Ending your marriage may solve the immediate problem with this husband, but you still have some underlying issues that you need to address. I know that many therapists have been recommended in other boards, but a few that come to mind are: Lifeworks on Al Wasl and Johanna Richmond. I am sure that other posters will have some great suggestions too.

Google LeavesDubai or join the Facebook group with same name. Set up by two women who recently split and very supportive. They've had a lot of positive press coverage recently. Monthly meetings and advice from lawyers etc.

I agree Sanddy _dog and so I'll share my experience.... I just called emirates and told them my cousin should have been on this flight, shes not called us...we're worried etc etc.. He was adamant that he could't divulge passengers details etc..as I'd expected....unless I had the ticket number so obviously no luck. Anyway, i dont give up easily and I tried again a few minutes later and spoke to another person... Before even asking my name he searched the flight looking for this passenger. He told me her name wasn't showing on this flight and went on to send an email to Dubai airport and the other cities airport to verify is she has departed or arrived! At this point i panicked as I already had the details I needed and told him it was fine and not to bother. It shows you how two different people can treat you in a different way as to how much details they'll give you or trust you with. Sadly my mind still wonders though....she could have flown separately, at a different time, on a different airline etc etc.. So even though I feel a bit better I'm still not fully satisfied. Thank you all for your advice, I know I have a problem with trusting and I don't know how to deal with it...it's slowly destroying me, my marriage and I'm sure will impact my kids. While I'm on if anyone can advice any good therapist for my issues I'd be most grateful. Basically been cheated in many times and extreme issues with trusting my DH and in fact most people around me, feeling suspicious all the time and very moody at times. Thanks again, off out now for a much needed swim and relax with my little ones x omg..i'm with Sandy Dogg - I too would be furious that an airline would give out my details. And in any case, if she's having an affair with a married man in this part of the world she will know how dangerous it is and may well be using a different name... I would !! Sounds to me like you need to be doing what LolaCat advises... This will only eat you up - you need to focus on taking positive steps toward getting your life back.. I don't know if it's the one LC was thinking of but there is a website/forum called survivinginfidelity.com. Good luck. Unless you have a passport in your "different name" you would not be able to travel under that name! Reputable airlines abide by data protection even if not required by local laws. This agent would be in serious trouble if the call was reviewed. <em>edited by Fiat500 on 10/05/2014</em>

I agree Sanddy _dog and so I'll share my experience.... I just called emirates and told them my cousin should have been on this flight, shes not called us...we're worried etc etc.. He was adamant that he could't divulge passengers details etc..as I'd expected....unless I had the ticket number so obviously no luck. Anyway, i dont give up easily and I tried again a few minutes later and spoke to another person... Before even asking my name he searched the flight looking for this passenger. He told me her name wasn't showing on this flight and went on to send an email to Dubai airport and the other cities airport to verify is she has departed or arrived! At this point i panicked as I already had the details I needed and told him it was fine and not to bother. It shows you how two different people can treat you in a different way as to how much details they'll give you or trust you with. Sadly my mind still wonders though....she could have flown separately, at a different time, on a different airline etc etc.. So even though I feel a bit better I'm still not fully satisfied. Thank you all for your advice, I know I have a problem with trusting and I don't know how to deal with it...it's slowly destroying me, my marriage and I'm sure will impact my kids. While I'm on if anyone can advice any good therapist for my issues I'd be most grateful. Basically been cheated in many times and extreme issues with trusting my DH and in fact most people around me, feeling suspicious all the time and very moody at times. Thanks again, off out now for a much needed swim and relax with my little ones x omg..i'm with Sandy Dogg - I too would be furious that an airline would give out my details. And in any case, if she's having an affair with a married man in this part of the world she will know how dangerous it is and may well be using a different name... I would !! Sounds to me like you need to be doing what LolaCat advises... This will only eat you up - you need to focus on taking positive steps toward getting your life back.. I don't know if it's the one LC was thinking of but there is a website/forum called survivinginfidelity.com. Good luck.

You could get on serious trouble for doing what you did, there are rules in place for a reason. You need to find a lawyer and divorce your DH if you are going to behave like this. Be warned if your DH gets wind that your behaviour is becoming this erratic he could well use this against you for custody. Get a shrink, get a lawyer, speak to your close friends/family and clear your computer out of all your history . There is also a group that helps with divorce, if you do a search on here you may find the name, they can help guide you and support you. A public forum is not the place to deal with this.

"Thank you all for your advice, I know I have a problem with trusting and I don't know how to deal with it...it's slowly destroying me, my marriage and I'm sure will impact my kids." No, you are not destroying your marriage, your husband's cheating and the results of that are destroying your marriage. <em>edited by Marroosh on 10/05/2014</em>

I would be absolutely FURIOUS if I found out that an airline gave out my travel details to someone claiming to be a relative. I hope you get your answers, OP, but I don't think this is the way to get them.

Hi ladies, many of you may recall my last message couple of months ago after finding out my DH cheated on me..again! He admitted it all but told me its over and he wants to stay together, anyway, things haven't been great and now he's gone on a business/social trip for a week. My instinct or poossibly over imagination tells me she's gone with him but I've no way of knowing for sure short of actually turning up where he is....but with 3 kids at home this is not an option. Is there any way I can find out if she was on the same flight as him....? Do any of you know any way I can find this information out? At least then I'd know exactly where I stand instead of putting myself through **** like this. Appreciate your help and support as always. Thanks in advance If you know name of that woman, its not that difficult. I have called many times to different airlines including Emirates to confirm similar things.I would call and tell them that my sis/bro/friend was suppose to leave from xyz to this destination on abc flight and she/he left. Since than I haven't heard from her/him. Can you please check if they actually have traveled on this flight? And than provide them names. It always worked. At the other hand I Won't stay with a person if I doubt him this much. <em>edited by rose717 on 10/05/2014</em>

I can see why it's so important for you to know, but honestly, as Marroosh says, if you are prepared to go to such lengths to find out then I think that answers the bigger question. And if you manage to somehow find out that she was not on the same flight or in the same hotel would you believe it and let it rest ? I doubt it, you will always be wondering...if not this trip then the next and the next... If your husband is so keen to save your marriage then he should have done enough to ensure you don't feel like this every time he goes away. That means that since it happened he should have been completely open with you - given you access to all his phones, computers etc and full details of his whereabouts when he's away..if he wants you to stay together he should have been working hard to rebuild your trust..It doesn't sound like that has been happening..The trust will take a long time to come back and maybe for some it never does but do you really want to live like this in the meantime ? Especially now it's affecting your children....

OP please be careful with any investigations you want to do, you could possibly get yourself into trouble if you are going to make up stories. If you really have lost trust in your husband that you are going through such lengths, maybe that says enough as to where you see the marriage going?