How does your DH cope when you are not here...

That said, I did take away something very nice from this thread. Its never occurred to me to freeze ready meals for DH when I went away, and with little children this was just impossible but now that the kids aren't so much in my hair, I think its something lovely to do and which I *may* try. I know the feminists would not be happy with that confession. Just cook a little more than normal at each meal, and freeze the left overs in one meal portions for DH to nuke while you are away - you don't even have to go out of your way to do it :D Another brilliant idea - EW is the fountain of wisdom that keeps giving obv! Tbh I don't cook anything extra - he lives off all the scrappy bits of tupperwares full of just too much for one meal and not quite enough for two !! lol We all do it - any casserole etc left over we freeze but it's rarely enough to make more than one decent meal and because I cba to cook lots of different dishes at the same meal time they get left in the freezer... so in addition to an empty ironing basket I come home to an almost empty freezer too !! lol can you send him to me - can empty my freezer and do my irnoning..... am actually contemplating gettign an additoinal chest freezer as i run out of space :(

That said, I did take away something very nice from this thread. Its never occurred to me to freeze ready meals for DH when I went away, and with little children this was just impossible but now that the kids aren't so much in my hair, I think its something lovely to do and which I *may* try. I know the feminists would not be happy with that confession. Just cook a little more than normal at each meal, and freeze the left overs in one meal portions for DH to nuke while you are away - you don't even have to go out of your way to do it :D Another brilliant idea - EW is the fountain of wisdom that keeps giving obv! Tbh I don't cook anything extra - he lives off all the scrappy bits of tupperwares full of just too much for one meal and not quite enough for two !! lol We all do it - any casserole etc left over we freeze but it's rarely enough to make more than one decent meal and because I cba to cook lots of different dishes at the same meal time they get left in the freezer... so in addition to an empty ironing basket I come home to an almost empty freezer too !! lol

removed because i will not be dragged into such discussions. Enjoy your day. <em>edited by Lolacat on 21/04/2014</em>

That said, I did take away something very nice from this thread. Its never occurred to me to freeze ready meals for DH when I went away, and with little children this was just impossible but now that the kids aren't so much in my hair, I think its something lovely to do and which I *may* try. I know the feminists would not be happy with that confession. Just cook a little more than normal at each meal, and freeze the left overs in one meal portions for DH to nuke while you are away - you don't even have to go out of your way to do it :D Another brilliant idea - EW is the fountain of wisdom that keeps giving obv! It's also really cost effective.....:)

That said, I did take away something very nice from this thread. Its never occurred to me to freeze ready meals for DH when I went away, and with little children this was just impossible but now that the kids aren't so much in my hair, I think its something lovely to do and which I *may* try. I know the feminists would not be happy with that confession. Just cook a little more than normal at each meal, and freeze the left overs in one meal portions for DH to nuke while you are away - you don't even have to go out of your way to do it :D Another brilliant idea - EW is the fountain of wisdom that keeps giving obv!

Going back to the time my kids were born, there were no such thing as day care/nursery. My cousin's nursey fees are so expensive. Not everyone has the luxury of a maid cum babysitter or day care.... alot of mums had no choice but to stay home as it works out cheaper. Why would anyone ridicule a SATM, its the most precious job any parent could do. Just because woman have important jobs out there, doesnt mean the us mums that are at home are anyway second best....... edited by salsB on 21/04/2014 <em>edited by salsB on 21/04/2014</em>

That said, I did take away something very nice from this thread. Its never occurred to me to freeze ready meals for DH when I went away, and with little children this was just impossible but now that the kids aren't so much in my hair, I think its something lovely to do and which I *may* try. I know the feminists would not be happy with that confession. Just cook a little more than normal at each meal, and freeze the left overs in one meal portions for DH to nuke while you are away - you don't even have to go out of your way to do it :D

I think there are plenty who would take issue with SAHM being a luxury !! Sorry TDB but have you ever heard the saying, when in a hole, stop digging ?? lol Having the choice not to work is a luxury. For you maybe, but many are able to make it happen.... Put the shovel down :D Sorry I'm very busy and important at work, shouldn't you be mopping the floors now Cinderella :D I'm sure you are, but not too important to sit around insulting strangers, I see :D Daily! I've barely been on for weeks actually and this is why! Since the stars and ratings, EW has descended into a b1tchy playground of Mean Girls anonymously down thumbing each other and starting pointless cliquey threads to gain stars. I don't sit around insulting strangers - I'm entitled to an opinion but since sometimes it conflicts with the vibe of this board then the easiest thing is to shoot someone down in flames and mass bully them into submission. And where did I ever say SAHMs don't work?? I've pointed out repeatedly that they work extremely hard - but just for mums on here to consider the shoe on the other foot and to count themselves lucky that they have the blessing of not HAVING to work and being able to watch their kids grow up. That is all. Now sharpen all your collective claws and have a go. So as usual you are entitled to your opinion but no one else is entitled to theirs? If anyone dare to critic toys get thrown out the pram. If i wrote that mums who work are doing a disservice to their husbands and children i should expect differing opinions in reply. If you make a comment then be prepared to have others disagree or voice another in response.

Its not a luxury, and if it is, the benefit of that luxury is being utilized by the very persons for whom it is intended - the children. For me personally, its a mixed bag. I have good educational qualifications and had a nicely upward curving career path at which I worked diligently and foresaw things taking place which, after quitting to stay home with the kids, now I know will not happen and even if I pick up the thread again, will take years to catch up with my peers. Not saying motherhood is thankless either, its my choice and I am fine with it. But I know what I have put aside to do this and the value of it is only felt by those who feel its loss. That said, I did take away something very nice from this thread. Its never occurred to me to freeze ready meals for DH when I went away, and with little children this was just impossible but now that the kids aren't so much in my hair, I think its something lovely to do and which I *may* try. I know the feminists would not be happy with that confession.

I think there are plenty who would take issue with SAHM being a luxury !! Sorry TDB but have you ever heard the saying, when in a hole, stop digging ?? lol Having the choice not to work is a luxury. For you maybe, but many are able to make it happen.... Put the shovel down :D Sorry I'm very busy and important at work, shouldn't you be mopping the floors now Cinderella :D I'm sure you are, but not too important to sit around insulting strangers, I see :D Daily! I've barely been on for weeks actually and this is why! Since the stars and ratings, EW has descended into a b1tchy playground of Mean Girls anonymously down thumbing each other and starting pointless cliquey threads to gain stars. I don't sit around insulting strangers - I'm entitled to an opinion but since sometimes it conflicts with the vibe of this board then the easiest thing is to shoot someone down in flames and mass bully them into submission. And where did I ever say SAHMs don't work?? I've pointed out repeatedly that they work extremely hard - but just for mums on here to consider the shoe on the other foot and to count themselves lucky that they have the blessing of not HAVING to work and being able to watch their kids grow up. That is all. Now sharpen all your collective claws and have a go. and [i'> Sorry I'm very busy and important at work, shouldn't you be mopping the floors now Cinderella :D[/i'> is not insulting at all, is it ?

I think there are plenty who would take issue with SAHM being a luxury !! Sorry TDB but have you ever heard the saying, when in a hole, stop digging ?? lol Having the choice not to work is a luxury. Not always, sometimes it is financially more viable. Also until you have ever been a full time SAHM it's outrageous to suggest they do not work.

I think there are plenty who would take issue with SAHM being a luxury !! Sorry TDB but have you ever heard the saying, when in a hole, stop digging ?? lol Having the choice not to work is a luxury. For you maybe, but many are able to make it happen.... Put the shovel down :D Sorry I'm very busy and important at work, shouldn't you be mopping the floors now Cinderella :D I'm sure you are, but not too important to sit around insulting strangers, I see :D Daily!

I think there are plenty who would take issue with SAHM being a luxury !! Sorry TDB but have you ever heard the saying, when in a hole, stop digging ?? lol Having the choice not to work is a luxury. For you maybe, but many are able to make it happen.... Put the shovel down :D Sorry I'm very busy and important at work, shouldn't you be mopping the floors now Cinderella :D I'm sure you are, but not too important to sit around insulting strangers, I see :D

I think there are plenty who would take issue with SAHM being a luxury !! Sorry TDB but have you ever heard the saying, when in a hole, stop digging ?? lol Having the choice not to work is a luxury. For you maybe, but many are able to make it happen.... Put the shovel down :D

I think there are plenty who would take issue with SAHM being a luxury !! Sorry TDB but have you ever heard the saying, when in a hole, stop digging ?? lol

What about the men who go away to work? Plenty of military guys, or those working in the oil/gas industry who do 4 weeks on 4 weeks off - they all have to be self sufficient and just get on with it because they have to. It works both ways really.

I agree men shouldn't be mollycoddled but by the same token you have to look at each situation. I know a lot of women who get on a flight the last day of school and come back the first day of school and their husbands are alone all summer in the heat. A lot of men in Dubai work crazy hours-12 hours a day, 6 days a week , only to come home and see pictures of their kids and wife having fun back home, posted on Facebook. It breeds a lot of resentment. For a lot of women it is different, and they have to shlep their kids from family to family and it is exhausting, but still from their husband's perspective, their family is not stuck in the long, lonely,hard working, hot summer Dubai experience that they have to endure. So I do not see what is wrong with a wife who actually cares about her husband, going the extra mile to make his experience at least a little nicer, to come home after 10 hours of work to a nice home cooked meal he can heat up. Now, it is a whole different thing when both partners work outside of the home, or when they husband works normal hours and the wife has her hands full with a bunch of kids at home- men should man up and help out. But the reality is a lot of men in Dubai work ridiculously hard and long hours, and a lot of women have home help and do have time to make some meals. Women's liberation is great, but when it evolves into selfishness, I have no time for it.

. However you paint it, the worker will always regard the one who stays at home as having an easier ride - having been on maternity leave I can corroborate this. . You might change your mind once you've got more than one child TDB ;) My husband has a big stressful job with long hours and a lot of pressure. However, he is the first to say that he thinks my job (SAHM with four children) is a lot harder than his job and if it's been a particularly full on weekend then going to back work is bit of a relief. It is of course a time of life thing. Our children are still young, once they are a bit older I will get a bit of time to myself which will make my job easier. I hope :) edited by Daza on 20/04/2014 Couldn't agree more Daza... my dh has escaped to the office today even though he officially has the day off as he finds it easier to get work done there. Lol. TDB - believe me, I have had a stressful job in the past and I can tell you I had far more time on my hands then than I do now, with 3 kids at home, no help and squeezing in part-time work when they are at school. If my dh dared to suggest I have the 'easier ride' he would have another thing coming! As for suggesting that women who go back to their home country in the summer 'for a jolly'... well, that's not what I would call squatting at relatives' houses with several kids in tow. Having said that, personally I don't go back to Europe on my own as I find it too hard being away from my dh and I miss our family life in Dubai. But I definitely agree with Miss Issipi about the sexist tone of this thread... very 1950s! Happy Easter everyone :-) Also agree, bad call TDB, Ive had stressful jobs and horrible bosses but although i find it incredibly rewarding, being a SAHM to two small children is much more physically and emotionally draining than any job I ever had before that, "[i'>Looking after an infant in between coffees and lunches is certainly a darn sight easier than rushing from meeting to meeting, delivering projects and having lots of responsibility on ones shoulders" [/i'> Honestly that made me laugh out loud! Yes, there was a brief period when my first child was a newborn which was pretty cruisy, but trust me, those days are a distant memory and I can't even remember the last time I ate lunch, let alone went out for lunch. Not wanting to turn this into a pissing contest, parenting is hard regardless of whether you have childcare while you work outside the home, or whether you care for your children fulltime but honestly what you wrote is borderline insulting! DH is pretty hands on too, to be honest, I have never gone away for the summer without him, as he'd miss the kids too much and I don't like to while they are so young, but if I did, I consider him to be the one on holiday since I'd still be doing my job 7 days a week and he would have his weekends completely to himself, I can't even imagine that luxury! He'd agree with me too, he definitely does not think I have the easier job and there is no way he'd volunteer to take the kids away for a month or two without me. There are things that my husband does for me that I guess I'd do for myself were he to go away, and likewise although he normally doesn't go near the washing machine he'd be quite capable if there was no other option. It's very thoughtful though to leave some frozen meals etc, nothing to do with being subservient, I wouldn't bother with my husband as he is quite capable. I don't think this is sexist though, it is up to every marriage how to divide household responsibilities. In our house I'm the one who stays home with the kids, even pre children I did the laundry as I'm fussy about that but we always shared groceries, cooking and cleaning and there are certain jobs that I'm quite happy to hand over like heavy lifting and anything requiring power tools. Anything to do with hi-fi is totally my domain though. So long as there is agreement and appreciation for each other then it really doesn't matter who does what, there is no shame in making each others lives easier. edited by kiwispiers on 21/04/2014 <em>edited by kiwispiers on 21/04/2014</em>

It's not a question of being subservient, it's usually a case of being practical...Leaving frozen leftovers and no piles of ironing is not mollycoddling, in my opinion, it's making his life easier while he's on his own... Appreciating what your husband does for you is just good manners - are you saying you don't appreciate yours ? Bit of a shame if you never do anything nice for him in case it compromises your "equal" status .... So who makes your life easier? Does your husband ever do your ironing? Do you return from holiday to find he has spring cleaned your home and left nice meals in the freezer, to save you cooking each and every day? I suspect not. I totally appreciate my husband - that's my point! Just because he stays at home with our child, I would never expect him to also provide a maid & cook service. We don't have a maid as we don't like the concept, so we share all the household work between us. After work and at weekends we will clean and wash everything that hasn't been done during the day. I respect that others choose to live differently, but like I've said in another post, I would find it difficult to respect a man who thought it acceptable that I did everything housework-related. Being a partnership we make each other's lives easier - that's what it's about... Yes, I just came back from 2 weeks at home and he spent most of the time clearing the mountain of ironing I left behind !! lol (and no, he didn't get maids in this time...;)). And the house was spotless as it always is when we come back.. Last year he completely redid the garden as a surprise... And we share the cooking all year round anyway...I don't think you can judge how others organise their households and to say you wouldn't respect a man who doesn't do housework ??? Really ? I don't do DIY, mow the lawn, lift heavy furniture or deal with spiders !! lol Would hate to think my husband doesn't respect me because of it...Your way works for you and everyone else's way works for them, doesn't make anybody wrong or right or mean that they should or shouldn't be respected... Wish I could give you 10 thumbs up DT.....great post

Sorry but I have to disagree that this is a s3xist thread..... The OP was asking opinions on how your DH copes while you are away........some do some don't each relationship is different. I had a wonderful example to follow..my Gran was a Suffragette she left home as a young girl ,refusing to marry the man her parents had picked out for her.She became a secretary....like the Selfridges story...met and married my Grandad. They had the most amazing marriage it was a partnership and the logical way to raising their family ,NOT based on woman's/men's job categories. As I said before my DH is a dreadful cook,some people just are so that was the area I concentrated on when going away. He is a brilliant housekeeper, thanks to his military background his ironing is amazing, and you can eat off the floors when he has cleaned the house. I stock the freezer because I WANT to not because I HAVE to and believe me it doesn't make me feel any less empowered as a woman,it's just practical........ Personally I would get awfully weary of having to constantly worry about just how much I am doing as opposed to how much he is doing and who is doing what when ....... As I said before we play to each other's strengths not to a prescription of which tasks are ' s3xist '

. However you paint it, the worker will always regard the one who stays at home as having an easier ride - having been on maternity leave I can corroborate this. . You might change your mind once you've got more than one child TDB ;) My husband has a big stressful job with long hours and a lot of pressure. However, he is the first to say that he thinks my job (SAHM with four children) is a lot harder than his job and if it's been a particularly full on weekend then going to back work is bit of a relief. It is of course a time of life thing. Our children are still young, once they are a bit older I will get a bit of time to myself which will make my job easier. I hope :) edited by Daza on 20/04/2014 Couldn't agree more Daza... my dh has escaped to the office today even though he officially has the day off as he finds it easier to get work done there. Lol. TDB - believe me, I have had a stressful job in the past and I can tell you I had far more time on my hands then than I do now, with 3 kids at home, no help and squeezing in part-time work when they are at school. If my dh dared to suggest I have the 'easier ride' he would have another thing coming! As for suggesting that women who go back to their home country in the summer 'for a jolly'... well, that's not what I would call squatting at relatives' houses with several kids in tow. Having said that, personally I don't go back to Europe on my own as I find it too hard being away from my dh and I miss our family life in Dubai. But I definitely agree with Miss Issipi about the sexist tone of this thread... very 1950s! Happy Easter everyone :-)

They way most posters here refer to their husbands just says it all. You clearly don't see them as your equals! "Of course most men can fend for themselves, i think they enjoy the freedom of takeaways" "I also stock the cupboards with extra staples so that when he goes shopping it's just a quick stop" "He does do some of his own washing" Why are you all so grateful to your husbands for working and bringing in the money? Do you not feel that being at home looking after the kids, you contribute equally to the family? Why do you feel the need to provide a service to your husband when you're not even at home? Is that not an opportunity for you to relax (since you're on holiday) and your husband to have some peace and quiet and look after himself? Perhaps its my feminist roots but I get a real itchy, annoying feeling reading through your posts. Why are women still so subservient to men, in this day and age? Why do you feel the need to mollycoddle them and treat them like adult babies? I have feminist values too but they don't preclude me from enjoying being looked after and looked out for by my husband. I enjoy looking after him too. It's not a bad thing looking after the people we love. It's not a bad thing being grateful to each other for the things we individually bring to each other. I am a feminist but I retain the right to: - Feel snuggly and warm when hubby goes and fills my car for me on a frosty winter morning while I do a nice fry-up (UK) - Love him even though he can't iron and bask in the glory that he loves me even though I don't know how to change the tyre on a car etc etc Enjoy the differences and don't think being a feminist means that a woman wanting to do anything for a man is only ever just out of obligation or subserviance. EXACTLY. It's Love. It's not obligation, subserviency, or anything of the sort. It's that I love him for all he does and he loves me for the same. When I'm gone it's about the small reminders that we're thinking about him and miss him. That's all.

That's great for you, and like I said before, I respect that other choose to live how they want to. I don't believe that the way my husband and I live is right for everyone. I don't wish to get involved in how household work is done, but I do disagree strongly with the notion that some work is for women and some for men, which seems to be prevalent amongst posters. So in my house, we share according to our strengths and interests. For example, my husband irons really well so he does most of that. He wouldn't wear something I ironed even if I offered, as he claims I just can't iron. On the other hand, I usually take care of anything technical as I'm a bit of a geek and my husband just doesn't have a clue. With things we both like - such as cooking - we share it. And, if there's stuff we both hate, like hovering, we share it too. To me that's the fairest and most equal way of doing the household chores. It would never occur to me that I should do the cleaning because I'm a woman, as if it was the 1950's. I don't see it as a woman should be doing the cleaning issue. Which ever partner is home, it makes sense for them to be doing the lions share of the house stuff, simply because they have more time to do it. Obviously this is just my opinion but if you are at home with only one child then you really should have time to get all the housework done and the meals cooked. If you aren't then you aren't managing your time properly. *Ducks*

I do agree with you to some extent Miss Issippi - but having also been the breadwinner while Dh was out of work for a while made me really see things from the other side if you know what I mean. For example, if I was at work all summer while DH gallivanted off to the UK for several months, having a right jolly then yes it would be nice to have a few frozen meals and a bit of prep before he went away. It's not about being anti-feminist just about being fair. Most of the DH's of posters on this board work really hard to provide for their families and enable their wives not to work and generally live very nice lives - you only have to see the # of threads about brunches, Maldives holidays and so on to know that families here live comfortably. If anyone has been a breadwinner, they will know this comes with a lot of stress and pressure. it does create a certain unequal partnership and certain expectations from both sides. However you paint it, the worker will always regard the one who stays at home as having an easier ride - having been on maternity leave I can corroborate this. Looking after an infant in between coffees and lunches is certainly a darn sight easier than rushing from meeting to meeting, delivering projects and having lots of responsibility on ones shoulders. I can't tell you the number of people who have referred to my upcoming maternity leave as a "holiday". Therefore, I do think it's important for those who are fortunate enough to stay home (altho they are doing a fantastic and v hard job) to look after their partners to a degree. You might change your mind once you've got more than one child TDB ;) My husband has a big stressful job with long hours and a lot of pressure. However, he is the first to say that he thinks my job (SAHM with four children) is a lot harder than his job and if it's been a particularly full on weekend then going to back work is bit of a relief. It is of course a time of life thing. Our children are still young, once they are a bit older I will get a bit of time to myself which will make my job easier. I hope :) <em>edited by Daza on 20/04/2014</em>

I do agree with you to some extent Miss Issippi - but having also been the breadwinner while Dh was out of work for a while made me really see things from the other side if you know what I mean. For example, if I was at work all summer while DH gallivanted off to the UK for several months, having a right jolly then yes it would be nice to have a few frozen meals and a bit of prep before he went away. It's not about being anti-feminist just about being fair. Most of the DH's of posters on this board work really hard to provide for their families and enable their wives not to work and generally live very nice lives - you only have to see the # of threads about brunches, Maldives holidays and so on to know that families here live comfortably. If anyone has been a breadwinner, they will know this comes with a lot of stress and pressure. it does create a certain unequal partnership and certain expectations from both sides. However you paint it, the worker will always regard the one who stays at home as having an easier ride - having been on maternity leave I can corroborate this. Looking after an infant in between coffees and lunches is certainly a darn sight easier than rushing from meeting to meeting, delivering projects and having lots of responsibility on ones shoulders. I can't tell you the number of people who have referred to my upcoming maternity leave as a "holiday". Therefore, I do think it's important for those who are fortunate enough to stay home (altho they are doing a fantastic and v hard job) to look after their partners to a degree. I must admit I find this discussion so interesting! Since we all base our opinions on our experiences, I guess we have different experiences. I don't really see much of a difference between being at home with a child full time (our DD is almost 2 and doesn't go to nursery yet, so my husband looks after her the whole day) and going to work. At the end of the day when I come home from the office, all I really want to do is sink in to the sofa with a glass of wine to watch some mindless TV. All my husband wants to do after spending the whole day looking after our daughter is to sink in to the sofa and watch some mindless TV. So therefore, neither of us gets to do that. Instead, I entertain our daughter (having not seen her all day) whilst my husband cooks dinner. After having eaten dinner, I generally do the dishes and clear up in the kitchen, and then we all chill out a bit together. It's not about being a man or a woman - to me, being a feminist means that I live life on an equal footing to my husband. At the moment I am the main breadwinner but that may change. Being on maternity leave was lovely but of course also draining, but for totally different reasons than my worklife is draining. My husband had to go back home recently due to a family emergency. That meant that I was on my own with my daughter, pets and our home for about 10 days. And I also had to work at the same time (from home) as we don't have a maid or nanny. [u'>That[/u'> was tough!

Being a partnership we make each other's lives easier - that's what it's about... Yes, I just came back from 2 weeks at home and he spent most of the time clearing the mountain of ironing I left behind !! lol (and no, he didn't get maids in this time...;)). And the house was spotless as it always is when we come back.. Last year he completely redid the garden as a surprise... And we share the cooking all year round anyway...I don't think you can judge how others organise their households and to say you wouldn't respect a man who doesn't do housework ??? Really ? I don't do DIY, mow the lawn, lift heavy furniture or deal with spiders !! lol Would hate to think my husband doesn't respect me because of it...Your way works for you and everyone else's way works for them, doesn't make anybody wrong or right or mean that they should or shouldn't be respected... That's great for you, and like I said before, I respect that other choose to live how they want to. I don't believe that the way my husband and I live is right for everyone. I don't wish to get involved in how household work is done, but I do disagree strongly with the notion that some work is for women and some for men, which seems to be prevalent amongst posters. So in my house, we share according to our strengths and interests. For example, my husband irons really well so he does most of that. He wouldn't wear something I ironed even if I offered, as he claims I just can't iron. On the other hand, I usually take care of anything technical as I'm a bit of a geek and my husband just doesn't have a clue. With things we both like - such as cooking - we share it. And, if there's stuff we both hate, like hovering, we share it too. To me that's the fairest and most equal way of doing the household chores. It would never occur to me that I should do the cleaning because I'm a woman, as if it was the 1950's.

It's not a question of being subservient, it's usually a case of being practical...Leaving frozen leftovers and no piles of ironing is not mollycoddling, in my opinion, it's making his life easier while he's on his own... Appreciating what your husband does for you is just good manners - are you saying you don't appreciate yours ? Bit of a shame if you never do anything nice for him in case it compromises your "equal" status .... So who makes your life easier? Does your husband ever do your ironing? Do you return from holiday to find he has spring cleaned your home and left nice meals in the freezer, to save you cooking each and every day? I suspect not. I totally appreciate my husband - that's my point! Just because he stays at home with our child, I would never expect him to also provide a maid & cook service. We don't have a maid as we don't like the concept, so we share all the household work between us. After work and at weekends we will clean and wash everything that hasn't been done during the day. I respect that others choose to live differently, but like I've said in another post, I would find it difficult to respect a man who thought it acceptable that I did everything housework-related. Being a partnership we make each other's lives easier - that's what it's about... Yes, I just came back from 2 weeks at home and he spent most of the time clearing the mountain of ironing I left behind !! lol (and no, he didn't get maids in this time...;)). And the house was spotless as it always is when we come back.. Last year he completely redid the garden as a surprise... And we share the cooking all year round anyway...I don't think you can judge how others organise their households and to say you wouldn't respect a man who doesn't do housework ??? Really ? I don't do DIY, mow the lawn, lift heavy furniture or deal with spiders !! lol Would hate to think my husband doesn't respect me because of it...Your way works for you and everyone else's way works for them, doesn't make anybody wrong or right or mean that they should or shouldn't be respected... Totally agree. If we all lived the same lives, what would we talk about on here ;) What works for some will definitely not work for others. Our roles change depending on what we're both up to. I would never leave him with a freezer full of food as he wouldn't A) expect it and B) probably wouldn't even eat it. He prefers cooking himself, and no it wouldn't just be take away's or ready meals. Same goes for the housework, if I'm away for whatever reason, I know I wouldn't come back to a tip. And he's probably have done any washing and ironing that was laying around.

It's not a question of being subservient, it's usually a case of being practical...Leaving frozen leftovers and no piles of ironing is not mollycoddling, in my opinion, it's making his life easier while he's on his own... Appreciating what your husband does for you is just good manners - are you saying you don't appreciate yours ? Bit of a shame if you never do anything nice for him in case it compromises your "equal" status .... So who makes your life easier? Does your husband ever do your ironing? Do you return from holiday to find he has spring cleaned your home and left nice meals in the freezer, to save you cooking each and every day? I suspect not. I totally appreciate my husband - that's my point! Just because he stays at home with our child, I would never expect him to also provide a maid & cook service. We don't have a maid as we don't like the concept, so we share all the household work between us. After work and at weekends we will clean and wash everything that hasn't been done during the day. I respect that others choose to live differently, but like I've said in another post, I would find it difficult to respect a man who thought it acceptable that I did everything housework-related. Being a partnership we make each other's lives easier - that's what it's about... Yes, I just came back from 2 weeks at home and he spent most of the time clearing the mountain of ironing I left behind !! lol (and no, he didn't get maids in this time...;)). And the house was spotless as it always is when we come back.. Last year he completely redid the garden as a surprise... And we share the cooking all year round anyway...I don't think you can judge how others organise their households and to say you wouldn't respect a man who doesn't do housework ??? Really ? I don't do DIY, mow the lawn, lift heavy furniture or deal with spiders !! lol Would hate to think my husband doesn't respect me because of it...Your way works for you and everyone else's way works for them, doesn't make anybody wrong or right or mean that they should or shouldn't be respected...

It's not a question of being subservient, it's usually a case of being practical...Leaving frozen leftovers and no piles of ironing is not mollycoddling, in my opinion, it's making his life easier while he's on his own... Appreciating what your husband does for you is just good manners - are you saying you don't appreciate yours ? Bit of a shame if you never do anything nice for him in case it compromises your "equal" status .... So who makes your life easier? Does your husband ever do your ironing? Do you return from holiday to find he has spring cleaned your home and left nice meals in the freezer, to save you cooking each and every day? I suspect not. I totally appreciate my husband - that's my point! Just because he stays at home with our child, I would never expect him to also provide a maid & cook service. We don't have a maid as we don't like the concept, so we share all the household work between us. After work and at weekends we will clean and wash everything that hasn't been done during the day. I respect that others choose to live differently, but like I've said in another post, I would find it difficult to respect a man who thought it acceptable that I did everything housework-related.

I have feminist values too but they don't preclude me from enjoying being looked after and looked out for by my husband. I enjoy looking after him too. It's not a bad thing looking after the people we love. It's not a bad thing being grateful to each other for the things we individually bring to each other. I am a feminist but I retain the right to: - Feel snuggly and warm when hubby goes and fills my car for me on a frosty winter morning while I do a nice fry-up (UK) - Love him even though he can't iron and bask in the glory that he loves me even though I don't know how to change the tyre on a car etc etc Enjoy the differences and don't think being a feminist means that a woman wanting to do anything for a man is only ever just out of obligation or subserviance. I've never said that being a feminist means you don't care for or like to look after people. Of course I enjoy looking after my husband too. If he's feeling a bit down I will do something to cheer him up, if he really fancies a dish I'm good at cooking I will cook it, and so on. That's just part of being married to me, and I would do the same for other members of my family and circle of friends that I love. But they key point here - for me - is that he would do, and does, the same for me. The fact that I go to work and he doesn't, does not mean that I don't wash clothes or that he precooks meals ahead of going away for a few days. My husbands job is to look after our child. My job is in an office. We share the responsibility for everything else. And we are both capable of looking after ourselves. If I go back home with our daughter for a week, I am not surprised that our cats are still alive when I come back home. I shudder at the thought of my life being like that. I could never respect a partner who was so incapable and incompetent that I seriously worried for his welfare when I'm not around. I don't think it seems very nice to be so unequal as in some of the examples in the posts below. I would never choose to live with a man that felt it was acceptable that I did all the housework because I'm a woman, but then again I do feel like the odd one out here at EW.