How common are miscarriages

reading these stories makes me feel so emotional and sad and yet inspired too. Its such a personal and intense journey isnt it? My Dh and I were about to visit one of the fertility places to get some help but I wonder if its better to in fact go and see one of these specialist oby/gyn instead? It would make sense as they are perhaps focussed more on treatment of medical problems underlying problems, whereas I worry about hurtling into IVF and miscarrying anyway because an underlying problem hasnt been picked up and addressed? I get the sense that the fertility places are much more focussed on making money and urging women to go for the IVF. Not sure what to do? did you read my story on my link? it's worth a try, before shelling out a fortune on IVF. Best of luck! Yes thanks and i am going to show this to Dh tonight as money is always tight and he needs to know that it works. But saying that its much cheaper than IVF. I heard Dr O is very good? And I once went to Dr Eade in Dubai Mall clinic and she was excellent but Im not sure if she is still there and it was 500aed per session so quite hefty. Glad to help. I'm afraid I can't help re dr's, as I'm moving to Dubai in Aug. It is much cheaper than IVF, and typically you go every week or two initially, then monthly. I think it's worth calling around and asking specifically what each Dr's program is for fertility. Keep us posted! And check out the native remedies site, the fertile xx and fertile xy was great, too.

reading these stories makes me feel so emotional and sad and yet inspired too. Its such a personal and intense journey isnt it? My Dh and I were about to visit one of the fertility places to get some help but I wonder if its better to in fact go and see one of these specialist oby/gyn instead? It would make sense as they are perhaps focussed more on treatment of medical problems underlying problems, whereas I worry about hurtling into IVF and miscarrying anyway because an underlying problem hasnt been picked up and addressed? I get the sense that the fertility places are much more focussed on making money and urging women to go for the IVF. Not sure what to do? did you read my story on my link? it's worth a try, before shelling out a fortune on IVF. Best of luck! Yes thanks and i am going to show this to Dh tonight as money is always tight and he needs to know that it works. But saying that its much cheaper than IVF. I heard Dr O is very good? And I once went to Dr Eade in Dubai Mall clinic and she was excellent but Im not sure if she is still there and it was 500aed per session so quite hefty.

Had 2 mc nd a vanishing twin at 10 w. Which makes it 3 mc. I spent almost 4 years with ob gyns (5 different ones) and i regret that. Many will Not look deep and i was just a statistics as they had a lot of pg patients who got pg easily. Some will comment, dont worry it will happen. I know it might happen but i want to do my best pursuing effective treatments. Finally saw fertility specialist who diagnosed me and treated correctly. Possibly prevented late miscarriage by placing cerclage. Hth

reading these stories makes me feel so emotional and sad and yet inspired too. Its such a personal and intense journey isnt it? My Dh and I were about to visit one of the fertility places to get some help but I wonder if its better to in fact go and see one of these specialist oby/gyn instead? It would make sense as they are perhaps focussed more on treatment of medical problems underlying problems, whereas I worry about hurtling into IVF and miscarrying anyway because an underlying problem hasnt been picked up and addressed? I get the sense that the fertility places are much more focussed on making money and urging women to go for the IVF. Not sure what to do? did you read my story on my link? it's worth a try, before shelling out a fortune on IVF. Best of luck!

reading these stories makes me feel so emotional and sad and yet inspired too. Its such a personal and intense journey isnt it? My Dh and I were about to visit one of the fertility places to get some help but I wonder if its better to in fact go and see one of these specialist oby/gyn instead? It would make sense as they are perhaps focussed more on treatment of medical problems underlying problems, whereas I worry about hurtling into IVF and miscarrying anyway because an underlying problem hasnt been picked up and addressed? I get the sense that the fertility places are much more focussed on making money and urging women to go for the IVF. Not sure what to do?

please read my post on this topic- http://www.expatwoman.com/forum/messages.aspx?TopicID=125856 can I also add that this approach is great for helping you get pregnant, as well? good luck to all of you and if you can't get to the link just find it under my username. best!

I've had 3 miscarriages in the last two years... sigh... Anyone wanting any information on it please feel free to ask. I feel like an expert on it now. The best Dr in Dubai for it is Dr Salihi. She worked at the recurrent miscarriage unit in London and worked under Dr Lesley Regan who is a leading researcher in it and helps define UK's NHS with regard to it. I found Dr Salihi amazingly supportive, kind, caring and knowledgeable. (Also went to Lesley Regan who backed up everything Salihi said). Miscarriages are one thing but for me feeling distant from everyone who's at a different stage in life is the worst. BTW you can contact Salihi through the Herbal and Treatment Center. <em>edited by lisad on 27/05/2012</em>

Quite a few of my friends have been in their 40's with their first children... . as someone hurtling towards 40 without having children, it's always great to hear these positive stories....

Quite a few of my friends have been in their 40's with their first children... And Claire, WOW you looking good lady.. Thank you!

After my recent miscarriage I completely blamed myself and my age (40) however, I came to realise that SO many of my friends in various countries had also sadly miscarried first time round and not all at my age either. It is too easy to blame yourself particulalry when older and there is no denying that whilst I am now desperatley ttc again I am stressing myself out about the possibility of it happening again which I know will not help. It is a common and sad occurrence that often goes unspoken about for personal reasons which I fully respect. Personally I needed to talk about it and was glad of the support and the success stories following on from previous miscarriages. I am now 41 and not giving up hope. Dangerous blonde - people never cease to amaze me with their 'helpful comments'! I hope all is going well for you! ilovewine - so pleased for you - you give me hope on what is today a 'yucky' day! Congratulations on your precious little bundle! xxx Never give up Confusion. I suffered many miscarriages over many years and presumed that I would never be a mum. I fell pregnant naturally at 41 and went on to deliver the most gorgeous little boy. I then fell pregnant very quickly after having him and sadly miscarried that baby. At the age of 43 I fell pregnant naturally again and delivered my little princess. I had early miscarriages and late miscarriages and each one knocked the stuffing out of me but......I never gave up hope, I know I'm lucky and I thank my lucky stars every night when I tuck them into their beds and kiss their chubby cheeks! Keep positive, relax and enjoy your life - you just don't know what's around the corner. xx Clairehdp - thank you SO much. What a lovely story. So happy that you now have those gorgeous chubby cheeks to kiss goodnight to after all you've been through. Please god I will be able to post on here someday and share a success story. In the meantime, that post has been a real help and motivation to me. THANK YOU.xx I hope to read that post too! I've just heard from a friend this morning who also left Dubai - she has just had a little girl after trying for many many years - I've just sent her a long e mail because we chatted at a party and she was so down about not being able to have aother child and she thought perhaps she was too old......I told her my story just like I shared with you and told her if it was something she really really wanted to not give up hope - how lovely to hear from her this morning and see the pictures of her adorable baby girl....... another lovely story. Keep healthy and happy and relax......I hope great things are round the corner for you.

Thanks Greenish xx

I know I may be the odd one out here but I also want to say that it's not always devastating to have a MC. I had one at 12 weeks after bleeding for a while. I must say I was relieved. Don't get me wrong, about 6 weeks after the MC my hormones were all over the place and I had a bit of a hard time but in all honesty, I couldn't tell you now when my MC was or when the baby was going to be born or anything without really thinking about it. It makes me sound callous I suppose but I really don't think of it all as a lost baby, rather something that needed to happen at the time as nature determined it. Apologies to anyone who has had multiple mc's - I'm not belittling anyone's loss, just wanted to put my side across too. I don't think it makes you sound callous at all RL...it makes you sound honest about your feelings for your situation. xxx This is exactly why I think these conversations are so important. Women need to know that it's OK to feel whatever it is they are feeling. Every woman, every pregnancy, every loss and every birth...all unique.

Quite a few of my friends have been in their 40's with their first children... And Claire, WOW you looking good lady..

After my recent miscarriage I completely blamed myself and my age (40) however, I came to realise that SO many of my friends in various countries had also sadly miscarried first time round and not all at my age either. It is too easy to blame yourself particulalry when older and there is no denying that whilst I am now desperatley ttc again I am stressing myself out about the possibility of it happening again which I know will not help. It is a common and sad occurrence that often goes unspoken about for personal reasons which I fully respect. Personally I needed to talk about it and was glad of the support and the success stories following on from previous miscarriages. I am now 41 and not giving up hope. Dangerous blonde - people never cease to amaze me with their 'helpful comments'! I hope all is going well for you! ilovewine - so pleased for you - you give me hope on what is today a 'yucky' day! Congratulations on your precious little bundle! xxx Never give up Confusion. I suffered many miscarriages over many years and presumed that I would never be a mum. I fell pregnant naturally at 41 and went on to deliver the most gorgeous little boy. I then fell pregnant very quickly after having him and sadly miscarried that baby. At the age of 43 I fell pregnant naturally again and delivered my little princess. I had early miscarriages and late miscarriages and each one knocked the stuffing out of me but......I never gave up hope, I know I'm lucky and I thank my lucky stars every night when I tuck them into their beds and kiss their chubby cheeks! Keep positive, relax and enjoy your life - you just don't know what's around the corner. xx Clairehdp - thank you SO much. What a lovely story. So happy that you now have those gorgeous chubby cheeks to kiss goodnight to after all you've been through. Please god I will be able to post on here someday and share a success story. In the meantime, that post has been a real help and motivation to me. THANK YOU.xx

After my recent miscarriage I completely blamed myself and my age (40) however, I came to realise that SO many of my friends in various countries had also sadly miscarried first time round and not all at my age either. It is too easy to blame yourself particulalry when older and there is no denying that whilst I am now desperatley ttc again I am stressing myself out about the possibility of it happening again which I know will not help. It is a common and sad occurrence that often goes unspoken about for personal reasons which I fully respect. Personally I needed to talk about it and was glad of the support and the success stories following on from previous miscarriages. I am now 41 and not giving up hope. Dangerous blonde - people never cease to amaze me with their 'helpful comments'! I hope all is going well for you! ilovewine - so pleased for you - you give me hope on what is today a 'yucky' day! Congratulations on your precious little bundle! xxx Never give up Confusion. I suffered many miscarriages over many years and presumed that I would never be a mum. I fell pregnant naturally at 41 and went on to deliver the most gorgeous little boy. I then fell pregnant very quickly after having him and sadly miscarried that baby. At the age of 43 I fell pregnant naturally again and delivered my little princess. I had early miscarriages and late miscarriages and each one knocked the stuffing out of me but......I never gave up hope, I know I'm lucky and I thank my lucky stars every night when I tuck them into their beds and kiss their chubby cheeks! Keep positive, relax and enjoy your life - you just don't know what's around the corner. xx

I know I may be the odd one out here but I also want to say that it's not always devastating to have a MC. I had one at 12 weeks after bleeding for a while. I must say I was relieved. Don't get me wrong, about 6 weeks after the MC my hormones were all over the place and I had a bit of a hard time but in all honesty, I couldn't tell you now when my MC was or when the baby was going to be born or anything without really thinking about it. It makes me sound callous I suppose but I really don't think of it all as a lost baby, rather something that needed to happen at the time as nature determined it. Apologies to anyone who has had multiple mc's - I'm not belittling anyone's loss, just wanted to put my side across too.

So sad to read this Dangerous blonde I would be really interested to talk to you about your endo consultants out here, all I'm getting is negativity

This thread has reminded me that however many children you bring to term successfully, you never forget the ones you lost, particularly if you went into labour and saw them. RIP all our lost children.

,,, - Don't say, "It's not your fault." It may not have been my fault, but it was my responsibility and I failed. The fact that I never stood a chance of succeeding only makes me feel worse. This tiny little being depended upon me to bring him safely into the world and I couldn't do it. I was supposed to care for him for a lifetime, but I couldn't even give him a childhood. I am so angry at my body you just can't imagine. ... :( Yours is a beautiful post andreasmullet...but these words from your friend break my heart. She is/was/has been far harder on herself than she deserves. I hope she feels more peace now.

Ladies, this thread is immensely moving. Thank you to everyone who shared thoughts and experiences. A close of friend of mine recently had a miscarriage and this has given me some thoughts on how best to support her. x

Lovely words andreasmullet, however it just goes to show how everyone is different. I had a miscarriage just before Christmas, at just under 11 weeks after having my beautiful daughter 3 years ago and I DID want to hear that it wasn't my fault and that it was for the best and I did NOT want to hear that we would be wonderful parents one day, I didn't know if I wanted to try again and people telling me it would happen made me very uspet. It also comforted me to hear about others who had it worse, made me remember that there are people who suffered far worse than me, giving birth to a dead, full term baby is far worse (in my opinion of course, which is why I say we all suffer differently). Talking about it was the best thing I could have done and only a couple of people I spoke to had NOT had a miscarriage, although everyone is different, I feel that people DID understand what I had gone through if they had also had a miscarriage and that brought me a lot of comfort too. Dangerous Blonde, hugs to you, I had the miscarriage in a hotel bathroom on my own with my poor DH in the bedroom trying to keep our LO out. I had had a scan the previous day where they were pretty sure there was no heartbeat but wanted me to go to my own hospital back at home the next day as we were visiting relatives and there was nothing to be done either way. It was not pleasant as I had to basically clean up and flush my "baby" down the toilet. But, personally I am a big believer that nature knows what it is doing, whether that is unfair or not and that has helped me a lot.

Thanks TDB! Appreciated :)xx <em>edited by confusion on 08/05/2012</em>

This is to further comment on andreasmullet's post. I don't know if they ship to UAE, but regardless, this company Earth Mama Angel Baby has a whole section dedicated to loss of a baby. Easier to just paste what is on their site because it may be helpful to anyone who has experienced a loss or friends/family who aren't sure how to help. "Women who have suffered the loss of a baby are postpartum mothers too. Miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal death leave women requiring not just emotional but also physical support. The Healing Hearts line was created to help comfort the specific physical postpartum needs of baby loss, as well as the aching hearts of grieving mamas. Please visit the Healing Hearts Baby Loss Comfort site for grief resources, including: • Baby Loss Grief Support Essential links for the unique needs of bereaved parents. • What Do I Say? Support and suggestions for friends and family of bereaved parents. • Remembering Baby A baby loss memorial. An active Facebook baby loss grief support page is available at http://www.facebook.com/ HealingHeartsBabyLossComfort" http://www.earthmamaangelbaby.com/

everything said in this thread has happened to me and i have felt the same emotions - the love for the baby, the sadness, the depression, the loss of interest in physical contact, the need to have someone around who would understand without being told. miscarriages are common but at the same time, when u are going thru it - u feel so alone and helpless. its the worst place in the world to be. i've been thru 3, finally had my angel 3 yrs back and am now at peace. to all u wonderful ladies who are TTC - be patient and dont stress. for all the wonderful ladies about to have angels - SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP enjoy your day - keep smiling :)

For anyone scared to get preg again for fear of miscarrying again, I would say this is natural and normal. I am seeing my Dr 1 x per week, the first time I went I was crying and shaking so much before the scan (as I thought there would be bad news) that she made me meditate for 10mins to calm me down!! lol! I am taking things 1 day at a time, and rejoice every week when I reach a new week. Passing the point of the last MC is also a big step. As is having great medical care - Dr is taking no risks with me now and has me wearing floaty dresses, flat shoes and thick dark roots haha, no more dangerous blonde!! Hi TBD - may I ask which doctor you are with? Thank you :)

A friend of mine went through many miscarriages and once posted this. I thought it was beautifully written and just helps others to see what can help.. (dangerous blond, I was reminded of this when I read your post.) .-Don't say, "It was for the best - there was probably something wrong with your baby." The fact that something was wrong with the baby is what is making me so sad. My poor baby never had a chance. Please don't try to comfort me by pointing that out. -Don't say, "You can always have another one." This baby was never disposable. If had been given the choice between loosing this child or stabbing my eye out with a fork, I would have said, "Where's the fork?" I would have died for this baby, just as you would die for your children. -Don't say, "Be grateful for the children you have." If your mother died in a terrible wreck and you grieved, would that make you less grateful to have your father? -Don't say, "It's God's Will." Even if we are members of the same congregation, unless you are a cleric and I am seeking your spiritual counseling, please don't presume to tell me what God wants for me. Besides, many terrible things are God's Will, that doesn't make them less terrible. -Don't say, "Thank God you lost the baby before you really loved it." I loved my son. Whether I lost the baby after two weeks of pregnancy or just after birth, I loved him. -Don't say, "Isn't it time you got over this and moved on?" It's not something I enjoy, being grief-stricken. I wish it had never happened. But it did and it's a part of me forever. The grief will ease on its own timeline, not mine - or yours. -Don't say, "Now you have an angel watching over you." I didn't want him to be my angel. I wanted him to bury me in my old age. -Don't say, "I understand how you feel." Unless you've lost a child, you really don't understand how I feel. And even if you have lost a child, everyone experiences grief differently. -Don't tell me horror stories of your neighbor or cousin or mother who had it worse. The last thing I need to hear right now is that it is possible to have this happen six times, or that I could carry until two days before my due-date and labor 20 hours for a dead baby. These stories frighten and horrify me and leave me up at night weeping in despair. Even if they have a happy ending, do not share these stories with me. -Don't pretend it didn't happen and don't change the subject when I bring it up. If I say, "Before the baby died..." or "when I was pregnant..." don't get scared. If I'm talking about it, it means I want to. Let me. Pretending it didn't happen will only make me feel utterly alone. - Don't say, "It's not your fault." It may not have been my fault, but it was my responsibility and I failed. The fact that I never stood a chance of succeeding only makes me feel worse. This tiny little being depended upon me to bring him safely into the world and I couldn't do it. I was supposed to care for him for a lifetime, but I couldn't even give him a childhood. I am so angry at my body you just can't imagine. -Do say, "I am so sorry." That's enough. You don't need to be eloquent. Say it and mean it and it will matter. -Do say, "You're going to be wonderful parents some day," or "You're wonderful parents and that baby was lucky to have you." We both need to hear that. -Do say, "I have lit a candle for your baby," or "I have said a prayer for your baby." Do send flowers or a kind note - every one I receive makes me feel as though my baby was loved. Don't resent it if I don't respond. Don't call more than once and don't be angry if the machine is on and I don't return your call. If we're close friends and I am not responding to your attempts to help me, please don't resent that, either. Help me by not needing anything from me for a while. -Do recognize that I have suffered a death in my family - not a medical condition. -Do recognize that in addition to the physical aftereffects I may experience, I'm going to be grieving for quite some time. Please treat me as you would any person who has endured the tragic death of a loved one - I need time and space. -DO understand if I do not attend baby showers/christening/birthday parties etc. And DON'T ask why I can't come. Above all, please remember that this is the worst thing that ever happened to me. The word "miscarriage" is small and easy. But my baby's death is monolithic and awful. It's going to take me a while to figure out how to live with it. Bear with me

TDB is correct - 1 in 4 pregancies ends in a miscarriage - but as she says, many people don't know they were actually pregnant as they may not have missed a period yet. In the "old days" beofre scans were common, it was usual for women not to confirm their pregnancies untill they have missed at least 2 periods or often 3 - and the early miscarriages were just discussed as late periods.

Miscarriages are very common, 20-25% of all 'known' pregnancies end in mc. I have had 6 mcs and 1 ectopic pregnancy since 2004 (aged 29). They all happened at diff times ranging from 7-16wks, and were all hurtful. 2 of them happened in the ME whereas the rest happened at home, so don't think the country you live in has any effect. My Doc told me it's like 'quality control', sounds harsh, but i suppose it's true. I had 2 mcs, then 2 kids (1 boy,1 girl), then 4 mcs, and then the latest pregnancy was suspected and treated as ectopic (they said it wasn't a viable pregnancy). I have been tested a couple of times for a blood clotting disorder but always came back neg. I'm considering going for more tests, but not sure if there is any point as I was told they usually come back as normal and you're none the wiser. We would like one more child, but having a break now and enjoying life before I venture down that route again. I just hate the worry that it brings.

After my recent miscarriage I completely blamed myself and my age (40) however, I came to realise that SO many of my friends in various countries had also sadly miscarried first time round and not all at my age either. It is too easy to blame yourself particulalry when older and there is no denying that whilst I am now desperatley ttc again I am stressing myself out about the possibility of it happening again which I know will not help. It is a common and sad occurrence that often goes unspoken about for personal reasons which I fully respect. Personally I needed to talk about it and was glad of the support and the success stories following on from previous miscarriages. I am now 41 and not giving up hope. Dangerous blonde - people never cease to amaze me with their 'helpful comments'! I hope all is going well for you! ilovewine - so pleased for you - you give me hope on what is today a 'yucky' day! Congratulations on your precious little bundle! xxx Confusion. Hugs... Some of my friends have children at 42/43! Derien - thank you for that. I SO so so needed to hear that. xxxxxxx

After my recent miscarriage I completely blamed myself and my age (40) however, I came to realise that SO many of my friends in various countries had also sadly miscarried first time round and not all at my age either. It is too easy to blame yourself particulalry when older and there is no denying that whilst I am now desperatley ttc again I am stressing myself out about the possibility of it happening again which I know will not help. It is a common and sad occurrence that often goes unspoken about for personal reasons which I fully respect. Personally I needed to talk about it and was glad of the support and the success stories following on from previous miscarriages. I am now 41 and not giving up hope. Dangerous blonde - people never cease to amaze me with their 'helpful comments'! I hope all is going well for you! ilovewine - so pleased for you - you give me hope on what is today a 'yucky' day! Congratulations on your precious little bundle! xxx Confusion. Hugs... Some of my friends have children at 42/43!