Has anybody sent their children back home to boarding school?

Sanddy_Dogg - did your daughter start at boarding school? If so, how's it going? Has she settled in OK?

[ having experienced a true british curriculum in a great british prep school..... That would be in the UK would it? lol Yes of course it's in the UK - you can't be taught a true full british curriculum in Dubai. We don't obviously get Arabic though!

You can take a horse to water but you cant make it drink. Children at boarding schools need to be self motivated. Some of the boarders at my DDs school would do much better if they went home to a nagging parent at the end of the day. Make sure the child knows you are spending a lot of money sending them to boarding school and choose a school that wont take any nonsense regarding late homeworks, revising etc. Great post.

My only experience of boarding school is that I live very close to a prominent Scottish one. The boarders are actively encouraged to get involved with the local community organisations and I, as a local Guide leader have had several girls as members which gets them mixing with girls from all walks of life. Important for their futures in the big wide world.

You can take a horse to water but you cant make it drink. Children at boarding schools need to be self motivated. Some of the boarders at my DDs school would do much better if they went home to a nagging parent at the end of the day. Make sure the child knows you are spending a lot of money sending them to boarding school and choose a school that wont take any nonsense regarding late homeworks, revising etc.

[ having experienced a true british curriculum in a great british prep school..... That would be in the UK would it? lol

This thread has been an interesting read. I taught at a prominent girl's boarding school for several years before we moved here. I have to say the parents really thought hard re putting their daughters into boarding. Many worked in the city and were not home after commuting until very late at night. So they either used flexi boarding or weekly boarding to ensure their children completed prep, could attend extra curricular activites eg sports fixtures etc and also eat healthily. One family moved 500m down the road from the school and provided their daughters with a bike each so they could come home if needed at any time but the parents ran a business and could then work all hours during the school week and then they could free up their weekends. I only had issues with one of my tutees who was miserable in boarding and her mum fought tooth and nail to keep her daughter at school during the week. Mum was a designer and only when the daughter showed mum that she could bike to the station and catch the train on time for a week did mum relent. The daughter was a changed girl, so it is important to listen to your child as boarding isn't for everyone. Boarding schools are more parent friendly now and encourage parents to attend sports fixtures, regular coffee mornings, tennis mornings at the schools etc so students don't feel so alienated. It can be the making of some children with so many opportunities on site but just make sure you find the right school and you listen to advice if the school or your daughter raise any concerns. Good Luck!

I went to boarding school from 10-16 and I loved it! I started at one that took children till 13, it was quite small and homely. Then went to a larger one after that, the transition was easier for me than for others that started at 13 as it was normal, but most people settled in. Currently looking at schools for my boys, though DS1 is against it so I may go home and left him be a day pupil for a year or so, I'm sure after stying a few times he won't want to come home!

Hi I've not posted on here before but was just having a read through some of the posts I thought I would give you my experience and views on boarding schools in UK. My ex husband is the RAF so we were going to be posted every 2 years and decided that for stability we would look at boarding schools. My eldest daughter is disabled - she has cerebral palsy - very mild - but enough to require some additional help at school. My 2 eldest daughters started boarding at a co-ed boarding school close to we lived to begin with. The first year went ok - although the physio that was supposed to happen every day did not happen very much at all. My eldest daughter was also bullied but because the boy doing the bullying had 'special needs' the school did not - in our opinion - do enough to support out daughter. There was also some other issues relating to my friends children, who also attended the school, that came to light and we decided to move the girls. We looked around lots of schools and decided on a girl's school near Reading - all 3 of my girls now go to the school - the eldest has just started 6th Form. The school is absolutely the best choice we ever made. My husband and I split up 3 years ago and the school was so supportive. My eldest came out with 5a*'s, 3a's, 1b and 1c in her GCSEs. The headmistress understands that girls brain are wired differently to boys and has done much research on the subject. The girls are shown differ ways of studying. I moved here in January this year and have been able to keep in contact with the girls through email and facebook. Just wanted to let you know - I would recommend my daughter's school to anyone considering a school in UK.

One of my children felt they would do better at boarding school and so went and was very happy. As your daughter is very much in on this decision I'm sure she'll take it in her stride. I was talking to someone who says it's possible to board at Repton Dubai (and possibly some of the other UK public schools in the UAE like Brighton College). It makes a weekly boarding option for people who live far away from any good schools. It absolutely wasn't the right sort of school for my child but many rave about it and I can imagine it makes a good halfway point between getting a good education (if the Repton way suits you) and being at home. I did here of someone a few years back who commuted from RAK to Repton daily but I wonder if boarding in Uk might have really been better if not available here then. Good luck, you'll miss her but you can be in touch so much and it'll soon be time to see each other again!

Claire, I always feel better having read one of your posts. You are always so kind and positive. Sandy dog, I'm sure your dd will do really well and it's very reassuring having your mum so close by. Thanks A Rancher! Having seen boarding now at close hand if we came back to Dubai (always on our radar but managing to duck it at the moment!) then I would have no issues sending my children to boarding school and, when I was in Dubai, I was pretty anti sending the children home for schooling but...... having experienced a true british curriculum in a great british prep school...... it's an amazing experience and one my kids are loving each and every day.

Claire, I always feel better having read one of your posts. You are always so kind and positive. Sandy dog, I'm sure your dd will do really well and it's very reassuring having your mum so close by.

You don't need to worry about tuck.... I make an on-line order with ASDA every 3 weeks or so. My kids love their tuck, and think of it as emergency supplies.

It's a really hard decision to make. My sister has had to make the decision based on the very best for her boys. All are top musicians and each one has gone to a different school - 2 board. the youngest has recently started at Eton and was hugely homesick for the first few weeks. I am now back in the UK and am close by but he dug deep and didn't buzz the emergency button! We went to see him sing in the carol service on Sunday evening in the chapel and I have never seen such a happier child. He's found his feet, he's made some lovely friends and he's thoroughly enjoying himself. I am the closest member of the family for him to call if he needs something or he needs to see someone. So far.....even in his unhappier days of settling in - he didn't call. Letters are hugely important. I hadn't realised. I've been sending him e mails and messages on facebook but my mum went up to see his room and tells me that every letter he has received he has pinned to his noticeboard. He says that every day they rush down to see if there is post - so do get people to write to her as it's so exciting for them to get cards and letters in the post. My older nephew is now boarding full time and we were talking about it this weekend when we were all together. He doesn't live very far from the school but with concerts and rehearsals and music lessons etc and all the other activities that are on at the school that he loves to take part in he said he wasn't getting quality down time travelling to be back home every night. He was the one who requested to board and he loves it. Boarding doesn't suit everyone - I went to a school with boarders but as a day girl and the boarders had sooooo much fun! I remember being quite jealous of the fun they had there as I had to run down the hill to catch the train home! I remember only 1 girl in the boarding section not enjoying her time there. The school my children go to now takes boarders and we do, from time to time, let the kids board because they are desperate to - the school does nerf gun tournaments for the boys and movie nights with popcorn for the girls as well as many other great activities - cooking pizza in the pizza oven in the gardens is my favourite one! My boy just loves it and he's 10. My little girl enjoyed her few nights there but she's only just 9 and wouldn't at this age want to board too often. I have a friend in Dubai who has recently sent her boy back to the UK to board. He was not doing well in his Dubai school and he's thriving in his traditional UK prep school boarding and doing so many outdoor activities. He's back every holiday in Dubai and seems to be super happy. It's not a decision you take overnight. I am sure you have talked and talked about this option. I am in Surrey and if the school is close and I can help in any way with dropping tuck in for you, taking her something special from home, please don't hesitate to let me know Sandy Dogg. We have been looking at senior schools and many of them around our area have boarding - we have met many of the boarders on our school showarounds and they are so animated, happy, well adjusted and proud of their schools - which is a fabulous thing to see and experience. We have been into the boarding houses and they are home from homes. Granted not great big villas with pools in the garden but cosy, warm, homely environments with people who truly care about your childs well being and happiness. Good luck to you both.

I wish you the best of luck and hopefully everything works out.. schools here are really difficult to get into and they are very high priced.. i really wish your DD the best in her journey.. this must be difficult but you are doing the best for her.. and before you know you will get to see her soon :)

Sandy dogg, you have been on EW a long time you have always given others sound and sensible advice. I dont think boarding school would have even come into the equation if you were really happy with the education here. I think your DD would benefit greatly from having a few years back in OZ (I think thats where you are from) It is a very tough world out there if you are not happy with her education here I would send her home, worst way she could come back here for A levels if she didnt like it at home. Good luck with your decision

Where did RuthM say all day pupils are neglected and fed on McD's every night? She just said you can find neglect in any home, and not all parents who send children to boarding school do so to be rid of them. You're right. It always amazes me how people tend to twist things... Not exactly a 'twist'; RuthM, in describing her own boarding/day-school experience made some comments and some took them to heart. I personally felt she went a tad over the line in commenting that the boarders at her school did better post-school than her day school mates, and that the boarders had better relationships with their parents. Those comments were her own observations, which is perfectly fine of course, but it *kind* of felt like she was saying this was true of all boarders vs day pupils. Again, this is just the way her post sounded. Not a personal attack. I for one can assure anyone reading this that it's not always the case. It wasn't at my school; wasn't at my brother's or cousins' schools either. And we all attended single-*** combined boarding private schools and all lived to tell the tale. :) . <em>edited by LadyBee on 03/12/2013</em>

Where did RuthM say all day pupils are neglected and fed on McD's every night? She just said you can find neglect in any home, and not all parents who send children to boarding school do so to be rid of them. You're right. It always amazes me how people tend to twist things...

Where did RuthM say all day pupils are neglected and fed on McD's every night? She just said you can find neglect in any home, and not all parents who send children to boarding school do so to be rid of them. Just to add: I paid no mind to RuthM's comments re clubbing/neglect/McD's; I was more unsettled by the boarder v day pupil post-school success standard that she mentioned. .. Of which I certainly have no evidence, given my experience at least.

Where did RuthM say all day pupils are neglected and fed on McD's every night? She just said you can find neglect in any home, and not all parents who send children to boarding school do so to be rid of them. She didn't say this was the case with everyone, but her words did leave a mark. At my school there were many day pupils who would come home to an empty house, eat macdonalds for dinner every night, go clubbing at 13 years old and the closest they got to emotional contact with their parents was being bought new things (i.e. bribed with gifts). This certainly wasn't my experience at school, nor was it the experience of -- I'm practically certain! -- any of my fellow pupils. Clubbing?! No such animal in my day!

Where did RuthM say all day pupils are neglected and fed on McD's every night? She just said you can find neglect in any home, and not all parents who send children to boarding school do so to be rid of them. Yes, true, let's not twist her words...

Where did RuthM say all day pupils are neglected and fed on McD's every night? She just said you can find neglect in any home, and not all parents who send children to boarding school do so to be rid of them.

RuthM: I really do enjoy your posts, but I also found some of the comments you made vis-a-vis day pupils v boarders borderline offensive. Perhaps it's a UK thing, but in Australia, there's not much between the success achieved of either. It all depended upon how they took to the environment. Certainly, if it came to high-jinks, the boarders had just as much 'fun' as the day girls at my school and got up to just as much mischief as well. Or not. Again, it all depended on the individual. Most of the boarders at my school were 'off the land' - not armed forces - so there was obviously a different background there, but viewing my year (at least) as a whole, there was no fundamental difference between what the boarders and the day girls went on to achieve post-school. I'd say close to every single girl in my year of 153 students went onto university and after that? Most travelled and worked and did incredible things into their 20s/30s and 40s. I say this as someone who attended my school for 10 years but was a boarder for a year so I have, to some extent, seen both sides of the story. PS. To the OP: bit of a pro-tip ... If you're considering the boarding scenario, sooner rather than later is best. Friendships are built early at these schools and it's best to get a foot in the door at a younger age rather than in the last few years of school, imho. It's more difficult for pupils to 'break into' established cliques and groups the older they are. Moreover, I know I'm speaking about a school experience that goes back some decades and mine applies to a single-s3x girl's school situation, but for girls? The ones who found it most difficult to settle were those who were sent to school to be 'finished' by virtue of tacking on two years at the end of their education, rather than be educated. So to speak. ;) . <em>edited by LadyBee on 03/12/2013</em>

You really need to look at why you want to send your child boarding, what is so bad here that will be worth the sacrifice to the family. I have been a boarder and have sent children and brought one child back because it did not work. The most important thing is the school choice and the pastoral care policy. All schools have bullying but how they deal with it is of prime importance, this one aspect can make or break your child regardless of everything else on offer. Sports and academically wise i feel most schools in say the UK are far superior to what is available here for many reasons. It can really work and it can be a disaster, choosing the right school for your child is key. I totally disagree about boarders being more successful in life, privilege and connections is probably nearer the truth on this, emotionally inept comes to mind from some schools.

My sister and I went to boarding school at 12 & 14 respectively. We went to an all girls school close to my grandparents house. I desperately missed my mum (& dad..) but gradually adjusted to life in the UK away from my parents who were in Japan. My top tips: - Great to have grandparent near by - encourage GP regular visits outside exeats/tuck food drop offs/mobile phone cards as much as poss! One of my friends grandparents & mum visited the whole time and we were all jealous... - In our days receiving a letter was a godsend but I guess with email & Skype now you can keep in touch the whole time - My mum bought us loads of post paid air mail letters & I wrote to her nearly every day - Try to pick a really busy school with lots of full time boarders - ours was mostly weekly boarders whose parents lived in London and it was a bit lonely on the week-end - Does your daughter have a sibling? Going with my sister has kept us close to this day - If not, consider sending her to a school with other kids from Dubai. We went to school with kids we knew from Japan/HK which helped as you can all fly home together for the holidays and have similar experiences - Encourage your daughter to get stuck in - playing sports/volunteering/choir practice etc all keep you busier during the boring hours at school Good luck - I am sure she will enjoy it but it definitely is an adjustment being sent back to the UK - my sister and I had attended international schools before and had different accents, knowledge of UK pop culture, terms eg. eraser vs rubber/sweater vs jumper etc etc It was tough at times but I still have amazing memories and so many close friends from my boarding school days that I have no regret & if I have kids will consider sending them depending on our personal circumstances.

I just wanted to add here as the comments regarding parents who are more interested in their own lives or who are emotionally distant send their children to boarding school have come out. Yes there may be a few parents who just dump their kids in boarding school and forget about them. Likewise there are many children who are neglected at home. At my school there were many day pupils who would come home to an empty house, eat macdonalds for dinner every night, go clubbing at 13 years old and the closest they got to emotional contact with their parents was being bought new things (i.e. bribed with gifts). I'm sure nearly everyone here can think of someone in Dubai who has their maid look after their child and mostly ignores them themselves. Generally lack of love and care for your children has little to do with why you would send your child to boarding school. In fact many parents find it very hard to allow their children to go but feel it is the best for them, other parents have environmental circumstances that mean a child is better in boarding school rather than being flung all over the globe. At our school there were not any children boarding whose parents were off living the high life (well not in my year). Those who started boarding young came from forces/moved around a lot or were from places who at the time did not have great access to British education (Taiwan, Philippines, Saudi etc.). There was one girl from Taiwan who started late, at age 12, left after one term as she could not cope with the language barrier. The other boarders had started later (generally age 11 upwards), many of them were weekly boarders and their parents just wanted the best education for them. And exactly what is you problem with day pupils at boarding school, which takes stereotyping to a whole new level and which I find quite offensive. According to your posts, they eat McDonald's, go clubbing underage, proceed to a rubbish London University, where they lose all ambition and end up in average white collar jobs. It would seem that your wonderful boarding school education which left you so much more knowledgeable and wordly, also left you strangely biased against your fellow classmates. My point was that whilst some boarders are dumped in boarding school by rich neglectful parents (although not at my school, most boarders were forces families), some day pupils were equally neglected at home. Sending a child to boarding school is not a mark of a parent that doesn't care. Oh and I was a day pupil at a boarding school for three years. I didn't start boarding until I was older.

I just wanted to add here as the comments regarding parents who are more interested in their own lives or who are emotionally distant send their children to boarding school have come out. Yes there may be a few parents who just dump their kids in boarding school and forget about them. Likewise there are many children who are neglected at home. At my school there were many day pupils who would come home to an empty house, eat macdonalds for dinner every night, go clubbing at 13 years old and the closest they got to emotional contact with their parents was being bought new things (i.e. bribed with gifts). I'm sure nearly everyone here can think of someone in Dubai who has their maid look after their child and mostly ignores them themselves. Generally lack of love and care for your children has little to do with why you would send your child to boarding school. In fact many parents find it very hard to allow their children to go but feel it is the best for them, other parents have environmental circumstances that mean a child is better in boarding school rather than being flung all over the globe. At our school there were not any children boarding whose parents were off living the high life (well not in my year). Those who started boarding young came from forces/moved around a lot or were from places who at the time did not have great access to British education (Taiwan, Philippines, Saudi etc.). There was one girl from Taiwan who started late, at age 12, left after one term as she could not cope with the language barrier. The other boarders had started later (generally age 11 upwards), many of them were weekly boarders and their parents just wanted the best education for them.

I think there has to be a certain amount of emotional distance in a family for them to countenance sending kids away to boarding school, certainly if they're pre-teen. . edited by Madge_Gustard on 02/12/2013 Very true, however you do hear claims that boarders are more successful in life