Sad to stop BF? | ExpatWoman.com
 

Sad to stop BF?

2937
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 27 January 2011 - 23:56

I have dropped DS's BFs down to just the last one before bed, and every other milk feed is formula. He's 8 months old and I'd like to stop BF because I need to get my hormones back on track on my doctor's advice (he gave me Cerazette to try and stabilise them but it's not helping, so I want to either take the regular pill or nothing as he says my feeding him means my hormones are in a hyper-oestrogen state or something like that and it's affecting my PND).

I never realised how sad it would make me, though! I was crying tonight feeding him, thinking it would be one of the last times we did this together.

Can somebody please tell me I'm being ridiculously soppy now and I need to toughen up?! I know I've been incredibly lucky to have fed him for this long.

2782
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 02 June 2011 - 20:41
DebsDebs, You will always remember the special time, but as a suggestion before you stop, if you're not adverse to the idea, maybe get a breastfeeding photo. I would offer to do it for you but unfortunately I live in Doha (I am a pregnancy/baby photographer). I've done this photo a million times and often when mums are at the point you are, about to stop. Since I can't do it, I'll tell you exactly how to take it (or have it taken since obviously you can't take it yourself) Get someone to stand behind you, looking over your shoulder and zoom in on her so that the view they get is the same view you have when you look down at her feeding, little eyes looking up at you :). Its a lovely special shot and very hard to tell thats actually what is going on (you can guarantee only mothers will pick it). If you want, email me at emma (at) collective (dot) net (dot) nz and I'll email you a few examples you can show someone. Don't feel like you are giving up, your baby is simply moving forward. I get teary just thinking about stopping so I know how you must be feeling, but the truth is you have formed a lifelong bond, not breastfeeding anymore won't break that.
105
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 02 June 2011 - 17:01
DD who is now 7 months has decided that she doesn't want to BF anymore (most of the time) and to be honest, I'm a bit upset. Some mornings she will take the b**b, other mornings she won't and she categorically refuses to bfeed at any other time of the day. She was EBF until 6 months and 1 week but I had to start her on formula as she was refusing to bfeed (distracted, pulling off, crying) and was losing weight not gaining (subject of another post). In some ways I would be happy to stop, in other ways, I don't want this special time to stop. That said, when she's not happily feeding like before it doesn't feel like our special moments used to. Am I being soppy? Should I just be thankful that we got this far and 'respect' her wishes to wean, burn my not-so-lovely nursing undies and move on? I revived this post as I remember reading it one night on the 'late BF shift' and wondering how I would feel at this stage. Mmmm....I feel just like DubaiCat did! :( <em>edited by DebsDebs on 02/06/2011</em>
2937
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 01 February 2011 - 21:16
I haven't BF him for two days and I actually feel a whole lot better than I thought I would! When I give him a bottle I can touch my nose to his and snuggle into his cheek :D so it has its own special moments. And, I don't feel engorged at all at the moment so it looks like it's coming to a natural end for us. I have been so lucky with the whole BF experience so I am thanking my lucky stars for this, for being able to have this with him, and not feeling so sad any more. She says, with a little tear...
74
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 01 February 2011 - 21:04
Have skipped the remaining evening feed now for the past 3 days... It seems to be going well, as DD is not bothered and quite enjoys her good-night bottle by daddy. ...in the meantime mommy sits downstairs and feels like crying! It is so hard realizing how quickly my little girl is growing up! I think it must be the right time to wean, because she's coping well. And I don't want to keep bf her forever. But I miss the special cuddle time soooo much!!! ;(
1861
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 31 January 2011 - 12:39
Good point, H.A.K, and on reading it again that makes sense. I think I must have had my obtuse head on this morning. I'm so glad other DHs just don't get it either. I've often wondered if mine is just particularly thick in some ways, but I guess not. I'm also very glad there's been light at the end of the tunnel and you lot all have more than one baby so it must get better in the end! :D Edited because I had one too many full-stops in the abbreviation of H.A.K. I think I need to get out more. edited by DubaiCat on 31/01/2011 Ach, just call me HK - I never wanted to change it anyway! ;) I think part of the "DH just doesn't get it" bit is that quite simply, they can't. Lord knows, some try their hardest, but we're in such a "special" (I was going to say "privileged", but nah... "spethial" is more apt) that there's actually lots that only we can do and experience. I had to learn to give credit to my DH for doing what he could and to realise that we are 2 different elements of the same team, although it took me over 6 months to work that one out.
2937
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 31 January 2011 - 11:52
Good point, H.A.K, and on reading it again that makes sense. I think I must have had my obtuse head on this morning. I'm so glad other DHs just don't get it either. I've often wondered if mine is just particularly thick in some ways, but I guess not. I'm also very glad there's been light at the end of the tunnel and you lot all have more than one baby so it must get better in the end! :D Edited because I had one too many full-stops in the abbreviation of H.A.K. I think I need to get out more. <em>edited by DubaiCat on 31/01/2011</em>
142
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 31 January 2011 - 11:05
designbabe, your post suggests AD doesn't give her DD enough love and attention and that's why she is demanding with feeding. And Appletiser, yours just sounds a little short and harsh. I'm sure both posts were written with the best of intentions but as Pomegranate says, we're all in need of support and kind words on here, especially when we're not coping. Nobody wants to admit they're not coping and I admire AD for her honesty, I really do. I've often had times recently when I've thought if others could hear me or see me they'd think I was the worst mother ever and that is no fun experience, I can tell you. Depression or no depression, it doesn't make you feel any less guilty. ETA: I just read your new post, designbabe, and I see what you mean now. My apologies. edited by DubaiCat on 31/01/2011 no problem DubaiCat. I have never felt the need to comment on any of your posts only because I went through an almost identical thing with DS1. The first 4 months of my life from June to Nov 2008 when he was born was such a blur of tears,fighting with DH, thinking DH just doesnt get it...the works and then it got better for us. I dont think any one feels you come off as anything but a normal struggling with her first baby first time mother but completely devoted to doing the best thing for him too. 31 months and a new second DS later, its gotten harder in some ways but easier in others. There are meltdown moments, moments of pure joy and we have gone from that couple that just spent our weekends lounging around to a family of 4 (yikes....) So much work but we know it will be so worth it in a few years....
1861
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 31 January 2011 - 10:14
designbabe, your post suggests AD doesn't give her DD enough love and attention and that's why she is demanding with feeding. And Appletiser, yours just sounds a little short and harsh. I'm sure both posts were written with the best of intentions but as Pomegranate says, we're all in need of support and kind words on here, especially when we're not coping. edited by DubaiCat on 31/01/2011 I didn't read it like that at all. It's common, nay, inevitable, that toddlers will react to the arrival of their sibling and they'll do it in different ways, all of which are to gain more attention (going from 100% mummy attention to anything less is going to be a bit of a shock). Feeding time is a very special moment, so it's a clear target. Designbabe's advice was to keep the same amount of attention, but shift it away from feeding to something more enjoyable for everyone, which is so very sound. I also feel that Appeltizer's post wasn't out of order - it is chilling, but as someone who also found feeding uncomfortable, borderline repulsive at times and was chilled by my own feelings, it's a matter of accepting them and dealing with them, either emotionally or physically, but deal with them, you must. There's no shame whatsoever in feeling what you do. We're very complex beings and are brought up in a world full of contradictions. Motherhood and breastfeeding brings a lot of our good points and not so good points - it's all part of who we are, no more, no less. The Breastfeeding Mums in Dubai coffee mornings have started up again (yay!), so do come along, even if you're hardly feeding any more, or want to stop... it's round people's houses, so really informal, no need to put the fake smile on and well, it's just normal mums, with all our brilliance and woes.
2937
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 31 January 2011 - 09:36
designbabe, your post suggests AD doesn't give her DD enough love and attention and that's why she is demanding with feeding. And Appletiser, yours just sounds a little short and harsh. I'm sure both posts were written with the best of intentions but as Pomegranate says, we're all in need of support and kind words on here, especially when we're not coping. Nobody wants to admit they're not coping and I admire AD for her honesty, I really do. I've often had times recently when I've thought if others could hear me or see me they'd think I was the worst mother ever and that is no fun experience, I can tell you. Depression or no depression, it doesn't make you feel any less guilty. ETA: I just read your new post, designbabe, and I see what you mean now. My apologies. <em>edited by DubaiCat on 31/01/2011</em>
867
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 31 January 2011 - 09:35
Hi Dubai Cat. I was thinking of you in the middle of the night when I was nursing my 22 month-old. She was pulling on my nipple, massaging my other breast, rubbing, and I truly find that repulsive and uncomfortable. I have noticed that most breastfed toddlers do this so be happy that you will never have to get to that point!! Repulsive? I think you have some issues that needs sorting through....:\: maybe time to see a professional since most of your posts here about your own child is very negative. Maybe AnonDubai needs a little bit of help and support.... Not every new mum finds the experience exhilerating and maybe she is just being honest in how she feels. Feel free to chat freely on here AnonDubai as to how you feel and you WILL get support chick. xxxxx I agree, IMO Appletiser's and Designbabe's posts are bordering on very nasty & extremely judgmental to a Mom who clearly crying out for some forum of support and help in her life. Wow, women can be so cruel to each other. edited by Pomegranate on 31/01/2011 edited by Pomegranate on 31/01/2011 How is suggesting she wean her daughter when she is so unhappy breastfeeding her being nasty and judgemental? Many of us know AnonDubai from 2008 from when we have been using this forum and I think all of us want to help her. However, I come from a family where my mother was depressed ( and still is) and I cannot tell you how awful and unhappy it is for young children to feel they are the cause of thier mother's unhappiness. Neither of my siblings can stay in a relationship and our lives have been strained from the time we have been little. There has to be a solution for the whole family to try and be happy again... Thats the reason i rarely post- beacuse everyone jumps down your throat. I have seen some of the helpful suggestions- they suggest nothing except- yes mothering is hard blah blah. Motherinh is hard but we all find joy in it too- AnonDubai seems to have reached a level of unhappiness that I have never seen here before and it will affect her family and children... edited by designbabe on 31/01/2011 designbabe, your post has become clearer to me. When you wrote that Anon's post "brought a chill to your heart" it sounded to me like you were jumping on her as well. Now you've explained in a meaningful & personal way, I can absolutely see where you are coming from. Sorry if I was a bit harsh as well. I've also been following Anon's posts and I really feel for this lady.
142
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 31 January 2011 - 09:28
Hi Dubai Cat. I was thinking of you in the middle of the night when I was nursing my 22 month-old. She was pulling on my nipple, massaging my other breast, rubbing, and I truly find that repulsive and uncomfortable. I have noticed that most breastfed toddlers do this so be happy that you will never have to get to that point!! Repulsive? I think you have some issues that needs sorting through....:\: maybe time to see a professional since most of your posts here about your own child is very negative. Maybe AnonDubai needs a little bit of help and support.... Not every new mum finds the experience exhilerating and maybe she is just being honest in how she feels. Feel free to chat freely on here AnonDubai as to how you feel and you WILL get support chick. xxxxx I agree, IMO Appletiser's and Designbabe's posts are bordering on very nasty & extremely judgmental to a Mom who clearly crying out for some forum of support and help in her life. Wow, women can be so cruel to each other. edited by Pomegranate on 31/01/2011 edited by Pomegranate on 31/01/2011 How is suggesting she wean her daughter when she is so unhappy breastfeeding her being nasty and judgemental? Many of us know AnonDubai from 2008 from when we have been using this forum and I think all of us want to help her. However, I come from a family where my mother was depressed ( and still is) and I cannot tell you how awful and unhappy it is for young children to feel they are the cause of thier mother's unhappiness. Neither of my siblings can stay in a relationship and our lives have been strained from the time we have been little. There has to be a solution for the whole family to try and be happy again... Thats the reason i rarely post- beacuse everyone jumps down your throat. I have seen some of the helpful suggestions- they suggest nothing except- yes mothering is hard blah blah. Motherinh is hard but we all find joy in it too- AnonDubai seems to have reached a level of unhappiness that I have never seen here before and it will affect her family and children... <em>edited by designbabe on 31/01/2011</em>
867
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 31 January 2011 - 01:50
Hi Dubai Cat. I was thinking of you in the middle of the night when I was nursing my 22 month-old. She was pulling on my nipple, massaging my other breast, rubbing, and I truly find that repulsive and uncomfortable. I have noticed that most breastfed toddlers do this so be happy that you will never have to get to that point!! Repulsive? I think you have some issues that needs sorting through....:\: maybe time to see a professional since most of your posts here about your own child is very negative. Maybe AnonDubai needs a little bit of help and support.... Not every new mum finds the experience exhilerating and maybe she is just being honest in how she feels. Feel free to chat freely on here AnonDubai as to how you feel and you WILL get support chick. xxxxx I agree, IMO Appletiser's and Designbabe's posts are bordering on very nasty & extremely judgmental to a Mom who clearly crying out for some forum of support and help in her life. Wow, women can be so cruel to each other. edited by Pomegranate on 31/01/2011 <em>edited by Pomegranate on 31/01/2011</em>
740
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 31 January 2011 - 00:54
Hi Dubai Cat. I was thinking of you in the middle of the night when I was nursing my 22 month-old. She was pulling on my nipple, massaging my other breast, rubbing, and I truly find that repulsive and uncomfortable. I have noticed that most breastfed toddlers do this so be happy that you will never have to get to that point!! Repulsive? I think you have some issues that needs sorting through....:\: maybe time to see a professional since most of your posts here about your own child is very negative. Maybe AnonDubai needs a little bit of help and support.... Not every new mum finds the experience exhilerating and maybe she is just being honest in how she feels. Feel free to chat freely on here AnonDubai as to how you feel and you WILL get support chick. xxxxx
500
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 30 January 2011 - 22:55
Hi Dubai Cat. I was thinking of you in the middle of the night when I was nursing my 22 month-old. She was pulling on my nipple, massaging my other breast, rubbing, and I truly find that repulsive and uncomfortable. I have noticed that most breastfed toddlers do this so be happy that you will never have to get to that point!! Hi AD I think we need to fix this, you sound so different than the first time I met you at one of our meetings, would you like to talk to an LC to help you wean, she is in your neck of the woods at BFF, you need to take care of yourself first.
142
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 January 2011 - 20:14
Hi Dubai Cat. I was thinking of you in the middle of the night when I was nursing my 22 month-old. She was pulling on my nipple, massaging my other breast, rubbing, and I truly find that repulsive and uncomfortable. I have noticed that most breastfed toddlers do this so be happy that you will never have to get to that point!! Repulsive? I think you have some issues that needs sorting through....:\: maybe time to see a professional since most of your posts here about your own child is very negative. Totally agree......Anondubais posts literally send a chill to my heart I have breastfed my older DS till 30 months and he always had perfect nursing manners....and it was so wonderful. Am breastfeeding younger DS now - 81/2 months- and I can definately say that breastfeeding both of them ( yes, even my toddler) has been an absolute joy....... AnonDubai- i remember your posts from long ago when you first had only one DD and then were delighted to be B/f DD2 and used to say that you will feed her till she weans herself.... If the relationship is not making you happy (infact making you so really unhappy) you must stop your B/f relationship. I night weaned my DS1 at 17 months with no difficulty- told him he would get milk when the sun came up and he was fine with that- easy peasy. there is some extreme insecurity in your DD that she refuses to night wean and uses B/f as a means of control in your relationship.....and it is leading to so much resentment on your part.Not all toddler b/f relationships are like that..... You have to take a step back and see how you can fix your situation and restore your sanity. You are the parent and the adult and i am not aware of the details of your situation but your DD seems to be using b/f as a ploy to get your undivided time and attention.......and mayber a little extra love and attention and positive reinforcement in other areas will cause her to be a little less clingy in this area..... I'm sorry if this is presumptous but i too find it hard to be indifferent everytime you post about how much you hate motherhood and about all the raging battles you have with your little 22 month old toddler...:(
3220
Posts
EW MASTER
Latest post on 30 January 2011 - 19:48
Hi Dubai Cat. I was thinking of you in the middle of the night when I was nursing my 22 month-old. She was pulling on my nipple, massaging my other breast, rubbing, and I truly find that repulsive and uncomfortable. I have noticed that most breastfed toddlers do this so be happy that you will never have to get to that point!! Repulsive? I think you have some issues that needs sorting through....:\: maybe time to see a professional since most of your posts here about your own child is very negative.
2937
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 29 January 2011 - 07:38
I am happy :). I know when I had to feed him to settle him in the UK I hated feeling like I was forced to do it, and I was beginning to resent it, so it must be awful to still be doing that so far down the line. I hope you find a way to wean her off soon if that's what you want.
5452
Posts
EW MASTER
Latest post on 29 January 2011 - 06:40
Hi Dubai Cat. I was thinking of you in the middle of the night when I was nursing my 22 month-old. She was pulling on my nipple, massaging my other breast, rubbing, and I truly find that repulsive and uncomfortable. I have noticed that most breastfed toddlers do this so be happy that you will never have to get to that point!!
2937
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 29 January 2011 - 00:08
Now there's a plus side I am enthusiastic about! :D
426
Posts
EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 29 January 2011 - 00:07
It's an emotional time but it passes. On the plus side now you can have more than just afew glasses of wine! :)
2937
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 28 January 2011 - 23:56
Thanks all :). There have been a few more tears, especially when I think of the first time he looked up at me and smiled while he was feeding :(, but I know we're doing the right thing so I just have to carry on. I don't want to be feeding him forever! And like AnonDubai says, I am lucky he's taking the bottle and I have the choice to stop. Off to find something else to distract me... I made a bucketload of baby spaghetti bolognese earlier :D.
3220
Posts
EW MASTER
Latest post on 28 January 2011 - 21:24
My DD is 22 months old and I still breastfeed her but hate it. You are lucky that you are able to stop when you want and that your child will take a bottle. Be happy! Hehe! I breastfed my firstborn for 22 months. He only stopped when I went to the hospital to deliver baby nr.2! It was cold turkey for him as I was in the hospital for four days (c-section) and breastfeeding his new brother. I am still currently breastfeeding my 10 month old. I think I will cry my eyes out the day I stop breastfeeding. I love how they cuddle up to you and stare lovingly at you whilst they suckle. :)
651
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 28 January 2011 - 13:43
BF'ing is extremely hard work, especially in the early days! To have endured and come this far - is a massive pat on the back already! And like with any job that has satisfying rewards - you would be sad to leave too :( Many, many days, i just want to give it up :/:, especially when DD is having a bad day! Easier said than done i guess, as i know like you, i will be sad too! Only 8 weeks in, and the precious moments we have shared when nursing - i can't yet find the words to describe it! It's a life-changing moment, and you have all the right to be emotional! So take your time, and all will fall back into place again x
77
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 28 January 2011 - 11:36
DC i was incredibly depressed when i stopped feeding DD. DH thought i'd be relieved as she never took a bottle and nursed a lot. i gradually weaned her off 2 months before she turned 2 and although she was absolutely fine i was a mess... so bad i thought i'd have to go and see someone. After a week or so everything calmed down a bit... i think it's perfectly natural to feed sad. but your DS will start a new phase now and you'll find your special time in there too (HUGS)
1861
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 28 January 2011 - 10:40
Hun, Cerazette actually made me depressed, rather than helping. I had to come off it after 6 weeks because I was at an all time low, low self esteem, low mood, crying and angry most days. A progesterone-only pill that worked for me with no side effects was Micronor. I know I'm not there in the consultation room with you, but I'd strongly advise that you try to stop the pills before you stop breastfeeding and I'm [not'> surprised that your Dr hasn't realised that. Breastfeeding releases endorphins (amongst other things) and it is a big thing to stop, so unless you are totally convinced that it's the right thing for your to do at that point in time, then don't. First time around, DD decided to stop after a gradual decrease, so I was sad, but happy that it was on her terms. With DS, it was a bit of an anti-climax and I was the one who initiated stopping. I felt really quite upset about it for a few weeks, to the extent that I often wondered if I could just pop him back on again and forget that I'd ever made that decision. You've done really, really, really well with the whole breastfeeding thing, and if stopping is what you need to do, then you can be proud of what you've done. BUT be at peace with it - if you have any inkling that you'll regret it, then don't do it just yet.
310
Posts
EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 28 January 2011 - 09:23
DD is 14 months now and has reduced from 1 feed at night to nothing over the past 2 weeks. Yay! I can see that my b's are getting smaller! Moved from a C to a E during this time so loving that I can get back into a D now. I am not complaining. I just give her lots of milk products during the day now. I was getting really tired of the feeding but I applaud woman who can breastfeed beyond 12 months.
74
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 28 January 2011 - 09:18
Oh DC, I can feel your pain. DD is 13 months and I'm down to the one bf before bed as well. She gets a bottle in the morning and lots of cheese, yoghurt and milk in a cup the rest of the day. I really, really like the snuggle time with her and miss it so much. She doesn't seem to care that the b**b is gone, which makes me even sadder. ;( I think it reminds me of how fast she's growing up and becoming independent. It's happening way to quickly!!! I have to keep reminding myself that it is a great thing that DD grows up and learns something new every day.
2340
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 28 January 2011 - 07:19
My DD is 22 months old and I still breastfeed her but hate it. You are lucky that you are able to stop when you want and that your child will take a bottle. Be happy! Big hugs for you too. xxx
2340
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 28 January 2011 - 07:18
Oh DC, it's absolutely normal to feel sad when you have to give up breastfeeding before you're really 'ready'. My first went on a feeding strike at almost 9 months and I just couldn't get him to breastfeed again after that. Emotions are high while your hormones are all over the place and I seriously felt like I was mourning a real loss. Cuddle him, do something nice for yourself and allow yourself to process the emotions you're justifiably feeling. Much love to you! xx
5452
Posts
EW MASTER
Latest post on 28 January 2011 - 07:09
My DD is 22 months old and I still breastfeed her but hate it. You are lucky that you are able to stop when you want and that your child will take a bottle. Be happy!
 
 

ON EXPATWOMAN TODAY