Does anyone else feel guilty about having a helper/nanny when you're supposed to be a SAHM???

No you should not feel guilty at all. You need to be happy to make others around u happy.

You do what you want, everyone is different and what works for some won't for others...It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks - there will always be people quick to judge but it's none of their business. Enjoy your family :D

****, NO! I was always one of those 'Oh, I'm never going to have a maid' people and I gave in after I had my second child in 17 months. I felt I was drowning in nappies, feeds, washing, cooking and all that other stuff. I know lots of people do manage to cope with all of this and more, with no help, but I'm not one of them and that's fine with me. Now, I'm a far happier person so I'm a far happier Mum. I have time to play with my children, time to myself and time alone with DH (although DH does sometimes point out I also have time to work!). Don't feel guilty for something that works for you and doesn't harm anyone else.

No, I don't feel guilty at all. Shouting at my children when I'm tired, grumpy and they don't deserve it makes me feel guilty. Employing someone who makes my life easier so I'm less likely to shout doesn't make me feel guilty at all. Angel joy, have you got a bouncer/rocker style chair for your baby? When all mine were little it was a life saver for me. They sat in it on the bathroom floor while I showered and played peekaboo with the shower curtain. They sat in it in the kitchen while I cooked and ate. They also sat in it while I danced in front of them! Great exercise for me and entertainment for them. It really saved me from sore tired arms.

No, I never feel guilty. I don't want to spend my life doing housework!

You go girl and enjoy your life...it sounds lovely!! Any barrage of abuse would be based on jealousy so ignore it and don't feel guilty ;)

no, you shouldnt feel guilty. it is, however, possible to work full time - without a maid/nanny - and spend quality time with your husband and child, and still have a life. you prioritize. we do not spend time in front of the television, we spend it doing things as a family. my DH helps around the house A LOT, i am able to go to gym, he is active in his sports and we have the odd night out. we make time for each other when DS is asleep and when DS is awake, the things that seemed important pales into significance. my house isnt perfect but it isnt a tip either. the things that were important pre-baby are so insignificant now. we have an agency maid coming in once a week but that's about much help as we have. a friend has a sign in her house "excuse the mess but we live here" - i love that. enjoy your helper and be thankful she's good with your little one (what with all the horror stories you hear about in dubai!) ;)

natashaK you are lucky. if your DD went out to her nanny its a good thing. she is social. otherwise i have seen kids here attached to thir parents all the time and they want all the attention. i encourage my son to be in arms of everybody (he needs to see me infront of him) . he might be young at 6 months but i want him to be a happy baby so that if i start leaving him with a nanny or sitter he will not create a racket (although i doubt it as he wants me infront of him all the time) i am in the same boat as you were. i take shower at night,make lunch right in the morning as during the day i don't have time (he has a problem with me eating :) ) going out with dh apart from malls is not there, even malls we separate to do our own shopping, married life is affecting, i am tired or sore from helding him in arms all day. my anger has increased and i take it out on myself or dh as i become frustrated due to lack of time to exercise. and seeing your clothes which does not fit at all makes you more mad :) so you have done the right thing. since you are SAHM doesn't mean that dd will be too attached to the nanny, afterall you are also there just out for some time to relax yourself. chill and enjoy :D

I was a single parent back in the UK from when my two kids were about 2 and 4 years old. I had no support network as my family lived quite far away. The only help I had was once a month my sister would stay and I'd have a night out. I couldn't afford to pay a babysitter to go out more often. I didn't have time for myself at all as I was doing a degree too which I did when they went to bed. I don't really remember it being a struggle because I just accepted it at the time as something I had to do, I just accepted that for my kids to come first I had to give up time of my own and any luxuries in my life, I just got on with it, it was part of being a mum! BUT Had some sort of home help/nanny have been an option for me would I have taken it? ......Yes! My two are pretty much grown up now and I regret that although I spent an awful lot of 'time' with them very little of it was quality time. I was always too tired, too stressed, too busy thinking of the million and one things I had to do before bed that night..... Don't feel guilty or that you need to justify it, just appreciate it and keep on feeling blessed :)

The more people who love and are loved by my kids the better. We don't have the extended family we would have at home, with grandparents and aunts and cousins. So does it really matter if my children also happen to love a filipina woman who has been with them since birth? I know they love me, prefer me when they get owies, and know I'm their mom.

You are the only one that can truly know if you have a reason to feel guilty.... I get why people have help here, it is affordable, and you don't have the same type of support system as you would back home, It is a very nice perk. I am a SAHM with a husband that works 12 hr days 6 days a week and I NEED time away from the kids. I don't have a full time or part time maid or nanny and never have over the combined 4 years of living in the middle east. I don't have the extra money for it, nor do I have room to house someone else... So what I do is have my youngest in daycare/nursery 3 days a week... he goes from 8:30 - 3:30 which I personally think is great because he is interacting with so many adults and children. I know a lot of people have different opinions on this but both my boys have started daycare at 8 months old and I think it has been great for them both. My oldest is in kg1 going from 8-3:15 everyday... So those 3 days a week that the baby is in daycare are all mine for working out, laying out, volunteer things im involved in, shopping, cleaning or sleeping :) we are so lucky to have a great lady who babysits for us anytime we want after school and on weekends so we can have adult time together as well :) So that is a perspective from a SAHM without a nanny or maid and how things work for us... I personally think I would get lazy if I had constant help and would possibly fall into a routine (in my opinion) of bad habits, like letting the nanny always do bath time and bed time etc... Which are moments I feel I should be responsible for but aren't always necessarily fun. In a situation like that I would feel guilty If i didnt think i was pulling my load or doing my motherly duties... but if I just had someone living with me to clean and babysit on call but I was doing all the motherly things then no, I wouldn't feel guilty. Again that goes back to you and your opinion on if you have anything to be guilty about. also i think the things you were complaining about are normal things for all mothers, not being able to eat or take a shower in peace etc... i dont think parenting is meant to be easy and having full time help here is a luxury to enjoy those things, no you probably dont have a support system here like you would if you were in your home country, but if you were in your home country without a live in maid/nanny you would still have these same issues, you would probably have family to babysit, but that from my experience usually isnt during the day, it would be occasional and in the evening or on weekends. so i dont think showering and peacful eating requiers you to need help that is just a part of being a mom, but i do understand needing some time for yourself in general. <em>edited by ShannonB on 10/10/2012</em>

Do you feel the need for guilt? Why would you feel guilty about anything that you have decided to do? Do you feel you are not worthy of the money spent or the help you have? Are you trying to evoke similar feelings in others? I am hard pressed to understand your post. Do you feel guilty about going to the gym and having a good figure? I would say enjoy your life, and go and eat some chocolate every time you feel a guilty pang coming on.

Agree with many comments below. I have a 4 year old, 2 year and almost 1 year old and have a part-time maid. I really wish I had a full time maid. I feel so stressed out and tired each and every day. And don't get to enjoy the time I have with them. Even when we are doing fun things, I'm just tired. I try to make the best of it though. What I want to say is don't feel guilty. Do the things you need to do so you are a happy mom around your kids.

I am a working mum but think it's great when SAHMs have help because a happy mummy (who has time for the gym and her other needs) means a happier family. You are also providing a job for someone (and probably her family) who needs the income. And trust me -- your DD knows who is the mummy and who is the helper, and it's great that she is comfortable being with someone else to look after her when you need to shower or spend time with your husband! Spot on Court5.When my boys were young we had a nanny/house help,she over time became a part of our family.At first I felt as you do but after a time we all settled down into our routines and I can honestly say today I don't know how I would have done without her.My husband worked and we ran a own business so I wasn't exactly a SAHM but was at home. Sit back and enjoy it.................If and when you go back home you might not have this luxury and as C5 says you are giving someone a job.

I work full-time, but, on the odd occasion that I work from home, if it is the morning when the cleaner comes, I feel really guilty being there - even though i am working away merrily - I feel guilty having her mop and vacuum around me... so i can understand how you feel.....

Enjoy it while you can afford it. One of the perks of being an expat. And its true, you dont have any family backup here.

I am a working mum but think it's great when SAHMs have help because a happy mummy (who has time for the gym and her other needs) means a happier family. You are also providing a job for someone (and probably her family) who needs the income. And trust me -- your DD knows who is the mummy and who is the helper, and it's great that she is comfortable being with someone else to look after her when you need to shower or spend time with your husband!

You shouldn't feel guilty. This is one of the great thing you can afford while living in Dubai, and this really improve your living and your relationship with your DD, if you continue to take care of her for the things that you like. Take just a little distance with the situation : Most likely, when you didn't have a help, you were indeed all the time with her...and frustrated because you couldn't do all what you wanted to do, if not bored of doing things you don't like. This is not the best relationship you can give to your DD. Now, you have a bit more time for yourself, and then can spend some time, completely focused on her, and spend lovely moments with her that will be the foundations of her life. The help is here for that : to help you do all what needs to be done so you can spend lovely moments with your family.

The closer my DD gets with my nanny ..... The more guilty I feel. Like I have no excuse to not be doing everything with her when I don't work. But I was drowning without having help ..... I couldn't go to the gym, I couldn't take a shower, I couldn't eat my lunch, I couldn't go out at night with my husband ..... Anyone else?? Please no judgemental comments .... I have a helper and I'm incredibly blessed and fortunate. I know that! But I just don't understand how people juggle their lives and a baby without any help or support?! Better to be a happy mom, with a helper, so you have time for yourself and then enjoy time with your kids then a frustrated super mom-wife-working woman who has no time at all. Is important not only how much time you spend with your kids, but also the quality of it. So no, don't feel guilty!!!

Well because back home, we have our family and friends who help out. Our working hours are a lot less