Having Babies pros and cons

My life has started when I had DD! I would not have been able to know that beforehand, so I think that you can never really tell until the baby arrives cause every woman is different. you might not like kids now, but your kid is something totally different! Absolutely agree. I was one to snarl at whining screaming kids in malls but I adore my two whining sreaming jumping monkey boys and am delighted to have them. I also know people totally not suited to kids and though they love them, they make terrible mommies (always snapping irritated angry etc) and wish for their life before the kids. So I dont belive you can tell till you have your kids- but i think deep down you will know if you want them...Me and DH always knew we wanted kids and would have them. Its super hard but I love being their mommy...its a love like nothing else- driven by hormones, primal, protective, poignant, wistful, filled with softness and longing...and makes you cry a lot...and fear a lot But thats what life is - not to live indifferently and detachedly in the shadows but experience the extreme love, pain, joy,nostalgia,passion,fear and protectiveness that having a child brings out in all of us. It will awaken parts of you you never knew existed.

My life has started when I had DD! I would not have been able to know that beforehand, so I think that you can never really tell until the baby arrives cause every woman is different. you might not like kids now, but your kid is something totally different! That is absolutely right. I can't stand most of the sniveling little kids I come across, but can't imagine life without my four!!! And as for maternal instinct, I never kept a plant alive for more than a week before I had my kids. Still can't. <em>edited by guinness on 05/04/2011</em>

Most poignant part: 1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. 2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep. 3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am. 4. Set the alarm for 3am. 5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea. 6. Go to bed at 2.45am. 7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off. 8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am. 9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off. AND DO IT UNTIL THEY ARE 4 YEARS OLD lol!! That and the school fees!

My life has started when I had DD! I would not have been able to know that beforehand, so I think that you can never really tell until the baby arrives cause every woman is different. you might not like kids now, but your kid is something totally different!

I dont think a have maternal instinct, I think I actually hate children, and I didn't care about having any till I was approaching 35 and I decided I had to have them, because I knew I would regret it, if God forbids your husband dies you will be completely alone, plus as people used to tell me children are a pain but they make your home happy, they bring happiness and sense to your life, no job/friends/lifestyle can come close to it. Now, I am pregnant and I am really happy, I felt like I am fallen in love with my baby, and he has already brought lots of happiness to us and relatives even if he hasn't been born yet. I still dont like children that much, but I love mine :)

Ladies need advise, reaching close to a personal set age limit on having sproggers. Though have never been keen on kids . Hubby and I are indifferent to if we have them or not but since we are a mixed race couple are curious , plus being preggers will take me off the workforce for some time I reckon. So I need some advice from those experienced and those that can just help. What are the pros and cons of having kids? Mentally what should we be prepared to expect? or anything in general i guess:D:cool: Pooja, such difficult decision. I am not in your shoes, but can tell you now DD is mixed race and beautiful ;) Anyways, I never was keen on children, but wanted my own. I had DD in my mid 30s. Love her to bits. Love being a mummy, but found it hard. Sant put it nicely. 1 years was difficult and now it gets better. I do not think there is ever good time to have children - there is alway one more holiday, one more business trip etc etc. I am at work now and cant wait to go back home to play with DD and chase her around the house. x

If you want something to love get a puppy

Love Kate's lists :) I'm wondering if Pooja Barooah is an only child and she is her parents' only chance of having grandchildren?

Is it really that bad?! I thought I was ready but this thread is putting me off. Can anyone elaborate on the good stuff? Hi llyc1, those two posts of mine were the good stuff!!!!!:):):):):)

Don't do it. Parenthood is obviously not for you as a couple. Agreed...the wording you've chosen for your post suggests you are a LONG way from actually wanting to be a parent. Raising decent human beings is the single hardest job on the planet and should not be undertaken unless you are SURE you want them. There's nothing wrong with chosing not to have children.

'not keen' 'indifferent' 'curious' - three good reasons not to bother! Yep.

Is it really that bad?! I thought I was ready but this thread is putting me off. Can anyone elaborate on the good stuff? My sister went thru a very difficult delivery that her DH who was in the delivery room with her told her that he would totally understand if she doesn't want to have another one. My sister enjoys her motherhood so much and is already planning for another one now that her DS is almost two. Me? Easy pregnancy, easy delivery but DH and I agree almost right away that we are happy with just ONE!

Is it really that bad?! I thought I was ready but this thread is putting me off. Can anyone elaborate on the good stuff?

Most poignant part: 1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. 2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep. 3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am. 4. Set the alarm for 3am. 5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea. 6. Go to bed at 2.45am. 7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off. 8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am. 9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off. AND DO IT UNTIL THEY ARE 4 YEARS OLD

;)

i've only ever had one truely honest comment on this subject - my best friend once said (knowing i wont judge her at all) that if she could have her life over, she wouldnt have had children. and she didnt (and still doesnt) wish her kids away, it was just a comment she made. Are you my best friend?!

Kate One brilliant posts, and so very true. my life has been totally turned upside down after the (one!) baby. i cry when i mean to laugh, i sing the alphabet in my sleep, i clean poop and vomit without a second thought, the list is endless really. i wouldn't trade it for the world, and would do it (no, not a million times over) definitely one more time :D

And the prize for best post goes to...... Kate One! So true and yet very scary, had i read this before having my DD we might not have tried so hard, and she is the best thing to happen to us :)

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FOLLOW THESE 14 SIMPLE TESTS BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN. Test 1 - Preparation Women: To prepare for pregnancy:- 1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. 2. Leave it there. 3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans. Men: To prepare for children:- 1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself 2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. 3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time. Test 2 - Knowledge Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour. Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers. Test 3 - Nights To discover how the nights will feel: 1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. 2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep. 3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am. 4. Set the alarm for 3am. 5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea. 6. Go to bed at 2.45am. 7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off. 8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am. 9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off. 10. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL. Test 4 - Dressing Small Children 1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag. 2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang out. Time Allowed: 5 minutes. Test 5 - Cars 1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door wagon. 2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. 3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player. 4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat. 5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. Test 6 - Going For a Walk Wait. Go out the front door. Come back in again. Go out. Come back in again. Go out again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it. Walk down it again. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes. Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come out and stare at you. Give up and go back into the house. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk. Test 7 – Talking Easy, just repeat everything 5 times. Test 8 - Grocery Shopping 1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. 2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight. 3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children. Test 9 - Feeding a 1 year-old 1. Hollow out a melon. 2. Make a small hole in the side. 3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side. 4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane. 5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone. 6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor. Test 10 - TV 1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies and Disney. 2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years. Test 11 - Mess Can you stand the mess children make? To find out: 1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains 2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. 3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look? 4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor & leave it there. Test 12 - Long Trips with Toddlers 1. Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mummy' repeatedly. Important Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet. 2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler. Test 13 - Conversations 1. Start talking to an adult of your choice. 2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve while playing the Mummy tape listed above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room. Test 14 - Getting ready for work 1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting. 2. Put on your finest work attire. 3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it 4. Stir 5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt 6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture 7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel 8. Do not change (you have no time). 9. Go directly to work You are now ready to have children. ENJOY

Thanks ladies, yes dikane some interesting posts out there. I was blunt in saying pros and cons but the truth is one has to decide. Your life changes drastically with kids and my parents sell it so positively but i want some impartial advise. Thank you all for your continuing advise. My friend wanted a baby a while back but for all the wrong reasons. In the end, she looked deep inside her and asked herself a series of question and finally managed to admit to herself that she actually does not want to have a baby as she doesn't want to change her lifestyle. I have several friends who openly admit that they are not interested to be a mom. Not every woman is borned with maternal instinct. Don't have a child to oblige to other people's expectation.

I agree with other posters that if you are "indifferent" you shouldn't have them-- your family may be "selling" parenthood positively but becoming a parent is a huge change in your life and I think you need to really want it, not just give it a try-- after all, once you have a child there is no turning back!

very strange that there's a thread about this this morning. we're not making pros and cons lists but we are at a time in our lives where we have to decide. i've only ever had one truely honest comment on this subject - my best friend once said (knowing i wont judge her at all) that if she could have her life over, she wouldnt have had children. and she didnt (and still doesnt) wish her kids away, it was just a comment she made. all you ever hear is "they make you sad, angry or whatever, but its the best thing that's happened to me" ... you never REALLY hear how some women wish they never went that route because that is taboo. (ref. a thread not too long ago about the woman who wrote an article or something ...?) by saying you would chose differently if you could, doesnt (necessarily) mean you wish your kids werent born, you're just saying/admitting that life may have turned out differently. i'll keep an eye on this thread because there are some very wise EW ladies on here. <em>edited by dikane on 05/04/2011</em>

I have a friend who really didn't want children, her husband really did. It got to the point where they seperated over it during their seperation she discovered that oopps she was pregnant. They got back together 4 children later are the best parents in the world! She loves being a mother. Says it's the best thing she's ever done.

Don't do it. Parenthood is obviously not for you as a couple.

Agree with VP if you need to right a pro and con list then parenthood really isn't for you- you should know in your heart whether you want kids completely agree with her and VP. children are not a commodity that you have to think about the pros and cons before buying.you will know in your heart is this the right time? edited by manubhadauria on 05/04/2011 <em>edited by manubhadauria on 05/04/2011</em>

Having children is like having a maid. It is expensive, time consuming and frustrating but every now and then you see the benefits Love that!!!! I had my kids late and im so glad i had them - woulnt be without them they have an amazing ability to make you happy, sad and proud on the same day and sometimes in the same hour!! <em>edited by Clairehdp on 05/04/2011</em>

Agree with VP if you need to right a pro and con list then parenthood really isn't for you- you should know in your heart whether you want kids