teenager sneaking out of house at night

OMG! I am shocked at the comments I'm reading. I never sneaked out in my whole life and I was a pretty rebellious child. This is no easy matter. A child sneaking out can get into any sort of trouble. Don't wait for it to happen a second time. It's time to give your child a matter-of-fact lecture. Sit them down and tell them that you know they went out without permission. Tell them clearly that they have put themselves in danger and describe to them the kind of dangers that are lurking out there. Tell them that if there is a legitimate reason for them to go someplace (such as a party or a friends get-together at some restaurant), then they should tell you about it and you'll drive them there or arrange for them to go there and when the event is finished, you'll pick them up and bring them home. Hopefully when they see the dangers of their actions and that there are better ways to do something with your knowledge and permission, they'll take the safer option.

I would just like to add that the discussion on this board has been about girls being attacked, but when we moved here we were told to guard our sons as closely as our daughter. Make the teens aware of the dangers for both boys and girls.

As someone wise wrote below, every child is different and what works for one teenager may not work for another, even amongst siblings. I agree that "if we don't know where you are, we can't help you out", combined with an in-depth explanation of the consequences here, not just for the teen, but for the entire family, if anything goes wrong, is a good way to go about things. Also, for the girls, they need to understand that rape is a very real possibility for unaccompanied girls out late at night here and that they would likely not be seen as the victim if they were to raise a complaint with the police here. <em>edited by simpleasabc on 16/06/2014</em>

I snuck out as well. Had a very open line of communication with parents. But still did it. I was allowed to go out. Again. They were worried still with some things, so I went and snuck for those things. Stayed with extremely free stepmother and at 17 years old (here, back in the old days when white still meant prostitute) had a much older man put me in a position I was lucky to get out of only because my friend spoke the same languages him. I was fair game at 17 because of my "free nationality".

With 4 children here, aged between 14 and 24, I have to say we've been there and done most of what I've been reading about in this post. I do think a balance between reasonable house rules and 'if we don't know where you are, we can't help you if you need it' is the only route. This is definitely not a good place to bring up teenagers. And am I my children's friend - no, I'm a caring parent - friendship can come later may be - when everyone's grown up and fully responsible for themselves!

As iterated earlier, it all boils down to the fact that an open communication channel is a must when it comes to teenage kids & their parents!!

However you put it cckl, you are disobeying your parents by sneaking out. They make the rules, a child should listen even if you don't agree. We live in a country where underage drinking, driving, drugs, messing about are not taken lightly. Your entire family can be deported if it's something serious. Add to that, and that happens in every country, there are men out there who have no issues "messing about" with women/girls or boys. These things happen though Dubai is way safer than any big city I have been. Parents have their reasons why they don't allow their kids out until a certain age, and there is simply no excuse for climbing out of a window and run off. And why do teenagers do this? Because they want to, because their buddies have parents who fpn't care and do leave them to go out at inappropriate timings. That's why. <em>edited by Marroosh on 15/06/2014</em>

I'm sorry but I think some people are over dramatising and I put it to you that this is exactly why teenagers would sneak out - overzealous parents. I am trying to show the side of the teenager..and actually to reassure the poster, many of us have done this and lived safe to tell the tale! I grew up in a small town with an almost zero crime rate. We all knew each other, I was picked up in a car by a safe driver and was always in company and never in an isolated area and never around alcohol or drugs. The point is though - you gotta know and understand your own kid. I didn't take silly risks when I snuk out - I was very conservative - and you cannot judge it yourselves without knowing the situation, it wasn't luck that nothing happened to me. I am at far more risk as an older person living here than I was when I was sneaking out as a teenager.. My point is, we take further risks when circumstances lead to youngsters wanting to sneak out, rebel etc because we are not negotiating freedoms with them on an ongoing basis....I would not have chosen to do that if I had had a bit more freedom...Dubai is another story. As a 40 year old I consider this to be quite an unsafe place - in the sense that as a woman you are at risk all the time, you could so easily get into trouble; I am very careful to try and avoid taxis at night - have had my share of inappropriate drivers; I never take a taxi in the evening if I have had even one drink...there is little driving safety (especially amongst youths) ..and there seems to be an active drug culture (at least according to how many major raids the police carry out). So it would be best in my opinion to understand what the teenager is doing and where he / she is going...and to understand why. Is it possible that you are overly strict? Do they have reliable friends? What are the parents of his/her friends like? What do they get up to of an evening? why do they feel the need to sneak out, what is driving the behaviour? <em>edited by cckl on 15/06/2014</em>

I really feel for you OP going through this, it must be awful. Having gone through a very rebellious teenage phase (involving a few incidents of driving underage/crashing/not going to school/climbing out of windows and running away etc) I often think that if my parents had not been so strict and just allowed me to do different things there would not have been such rebellion! Maybe a little bit of leeway woudl go a long way, although it is obviously very different here and the length of that leeway has to be considered. Good luck

I am a high school teacher so one thing I do know is that all teens are different and are motivated by different drivers. As such, a one size approach will be difficult. OP knows their teen the best and in their heart probably knows the reasons for the behaviour. You know the right thing to do here. Maybe just apprehensive to do it.

From today's paper.... for all of you who think Dubai is safe, there are a lot of men from countries who do not consider rape to be a crime and any girl / woman fair game. http://www.emirates247.com/news/emirates/man-accused-of-having-***-with-minor-girl-he-met-at-mall-2014-06-15-1.552910

Hi I'm not a mother, but I have been a daughter - and I had super strict parents. It's a whole different ball game when you're the parent, I find myself behaving in ways that I swore I never would. This is a really useful thread, my children are still a few years away from their teens, I'm storing advice for when the teenage years arrive. My brother has electric shutters on his house, no way you'd be getting out un-noticed if you had to open them.

This is a very difficult situation to cope with, from both the parents and the children's point of view. For my kids, who are now 18, 20 and 22, we always maintained that 'if we don't know where you are, we can't help you'. this helped when they were little because they understood that mom and dad could usually 'help' as long as we knew where they were, so they were good about letting us know if they were going to be delayed or where they were going to be. It has helped through the teenage years as well, but we have had a few times where we weren't sure where they were and that was awful. The whole idea of 'sneaking out' in this day and age is frightening. For those of us who have been here long enough to remember some of the very tragic stories of kids partying all night in empty villas, it's enough to make our hair turn grey and fall out. Our 'jobs' as parents, is to parent the child, not be a friend. Yes, parenting is hard work; no the kids won't always be our 'friends', but that is okay, we aren't supposed to be friends when they are young. Being 'friends' with our kids is something we all hope for, but it's something to hope for when they are older, in the meantime, we have to parent, and parent actively.

My parents were always firm but fair Being the youngest of 3 girls, they paved the way for me and my Mum gave me more leeway than they ever got. I was allowed to attend certain parties etc but there had to be an adult present and they collected me ( Mum used to hide around the corner so not to ruin my street cred lol) As Horizon said Mum was Mum and I loved her but we weren't friends if that made sense I never snuck out although my Sister did on several occasions Thankfully I had a trusting relationship and could talk to Mum about anything I lived in a small quiet village and we had a spate of girls being followed home by a guy who turned out to be a rapist. I did feel hard done by sometimes as many of friends could stay out late etc but looking back I am glad she was fair

Hi I'm not a mother, but I have been a daughter - and I had super strict parents. I was a very well behaved kid, nowadays you might have called me nerdy, never got into any trouble, was a good two shoes. And I also sneaked out at night. I was ready for a little more freedom than they were prepared to offer me. I used to go and sit on the beach with friends and one friend in particular my parents did not approve of. There was no drinking, alcohol or physical activity (if you get my point)...now as an adult I realise it was merely that they were very strict, and I wanted more freedom. Period. They would not give it to me. I was 16 plus. All my friends were out of an evening in a very small town with zero crime rate - if it had been London or another metro poly I would understand. As a result of their strict conduct, I lead a rather sheltered life and when I went onto boarding school in the UK I was totally out of my depth in terms of understanding risks like getting attacked in the street, alcohol related violence, drugs etc. I was too naive. So, I am very pleased you have found out your teenager is escaping. What I would ask you now is, having said what my experience was, do you feel comfortable brining it up with your child in a rational and mature manner and try and understand why? The truth might be better than your imagination. Don't jump to conclusions. If my parents had found out the world would have come to an end. My mother would have been convinced God knows what I was up to..but in fact it was all very innocent and no harm ever came to me. I had a friend who had super strict parents and wasn't allowed to do the kind of stuff that I and our other friends were able to do, like going to discos (this was the 70s!) going on dates with boys and the like. There are so many issues with sneaking out whether as a teen or adult. You were very lucky that nothing happened to you, things can and do happen in "nice, quiet" areas. My friend's parents didn't approve of me because I went to a dance school and showed my legs off on stage!! This friend ended up leaving home at 16 and landed up in a seedy flat in Glasgow working in a grotty café. I fully understand that some parents can and do go too far. It's not easy finding a balance between giving a growing teen freedom and teaching life skills. I stopped my young teen DD from going to parties when I knew that an adult wouldn't be at least within shouting distant. It's interesting to note that 2 of my DD's high school friends ended up pregnant before they were 18. That little revelation shocked my DD to the core. She started clubbing with her friends at 17 and my heart was in my mouth until she was home. Her friends parents were as strict as we were and insisted that they booked taxis for both journeys OR, one of us would drop the girls off in town (Stirling) and they had a booked taxi to get home again.

cckl... you were very lucky to have been able to have 'safe attempts at freedom'... not everyone need to be as lucky as you were... and to be honest I fall into the 'safe than sorry' camp!

Hi I'm not a mother, but I have been a daughter - and I had super strict parents. I was a very well behaved kid, nowadays you might have called me nerdy, never got into any trouble, was a good two shoes. And I also sneaked out at night. I was ready for a little more freedom than they were prepared to offer me. I used to go and sit on the beach with friends and one friend in particular my parents did not approve of. There was no drinking, alcohol or physical activity (if you get my point)...now as an adult I realise it was merely that they were very strict, and I wanted more freedom. Period. They would not give it to me. I was 16 plus. All my friends were out of an evening in a very small town with zero crime rate - if it had been London or another metro poly I would understand. As a result of their strict conduct, I lead a rather sheltered life and when I went onto boarding school in the UK I was totally out of my depth in terms of understanding risks like getting attacked in the street, alcohol related violence, drugs etc. I was too naive. So, I am very pleased you have found out your teenager is escaping. What I would ask you now is, having said what my experience was, do you feel comfortable brining it up with your child in a rational and mature manner and try and understand why? The truth might be better than your imagination. Don't jump to conclusions. If my parents had found out the world would have come to an end. My mother would have been convinced God knows what I was up to..but in fact it was all very innocent and no harm ever came to me.

[u'>[b'>I honestly believe a big mistake parents do these days is expecting to be their child's 'friend' instead of 'p[/b'>[/u'>arent'... which is why in such a situation I would not advocate a polite lovey-dovey approach to addressing such a serious issue... that whole approach is not about parenting! it may perhaps work and possibly be a better approach for younger kids... but as the kids grow older and more rebellious, as a parent you really do need to step up and make hard decisions! Like everyone, I want my children to love me. I want them to sing my praises and appreciate me. But if I'm doing my job right, they'll get mad and not like me sometimes. They'll roll their eyes, moan and groan, and wish they'd been born into another family. All that's NORMAL! Seeking to be our child's friend can only lead to permissiveness and choices made out of desperation because we fear losing their approval. That's not love on our end; that's need! and in places like Dubai... such a 'needy' approach may result in life changing situations for the whole family! Favourite. Like. Like. I've been to adult evenings and had ladies bring their young gal pals (daughters), and the going-ons were not for children. And when they tart them up to get past security, the men on the other side do not know these "ladies" (girls who have school tomorrow) are in fact girls who have school tomorrow. These girls can set the scene for what you should be doing socially, and their parents poor influence is contagious… make sure your teens don't catch it. Some of these guys come on so strong that even as an adult woman you have to dig your heels so far into the ground to push them back.

I honestly believe a big mistake parents do these days is expecting to be their child's 'friend' instead of 'parent'... which is why in such a situation I would not advocate a polite lovey-dovey approach to addressing such a serious issue... that whole approach is not about parenting! it may perhaps work and possibly be a better approach for younger kids... but as the kids grow older and more rebellious, as a parent you really do need to step up and make hard decisions! Like everyone, I want my children to love me. I want them to sing my praises and appreciate me. But if I'm doing my job right, they'll get mad and not like me sometimes. They'll roll their eyes, moan and groan, and wish they'd been born into another family. All that's NORMAL! Seeking to be our child's friend can only lead to permissiveness and choices made out of desperation because we fear losing their approval. That's not love on our end; that's need! and in places like Dubai... such a 'needy' approach may result in life changing situations for the whole family!

I find all these comments so terrifying. It seems more of a master - bonded slave relationship than a parent - child relationship. We shouldn't forget that the first step towards correcting a behaviour starts with warning; whereas thrashing comes later if it's a repetitive action. Rest, God help you all! You clearly do not have kids as you have no idea how smart they are. I think all the parents give warnings before taking further steps. Being a teenager is being rebellious and that is when you have to be the parent and make the decisions for your child whether they like it or not as its for their own well being.

I find all these comments so terrifying. It seems more of a master - bonded slave relationship than a parent - child relationship. We shouldn't forget that the first step towards correcting a behaviour starts with warning; whereas thrashing comes later if it's a repetitive action. [b'> Rest, God help you all![[/b'>/quote'> Lucky for you I was not your daughter. I would have had you in my hand. And I was one of the good ones. Teens are smart. But give then an inch and they'll convince you you gave them two miles. After the horrific rape cases here, I'd rather lock them in then have to explain to my child one day hat it was his/her fault they were attacked "because they should not have snuck out".

Ladies, what would you do if you found out your teenager had gone out after you went to bed ? I used to sneak out as a teenager in a much more dangerous country than here, my mother stayed awake the one night, hide outside and followed me she caught me in the park smoking but made me look so stupid in front of my friends I never did it again plus no pocket money and grounded for one month did the trick.

I find all these comments so terrifying. It seems more of a master - bonded slave relationship than a parent - child relationship. We shouldn't forget that the first step towards correcting a behaviour starts with warning; whereas thrashing comes later if it's a repetitive action. Rest, God help you all! Good grief !! Who has mentioned thrashing ??

I find all these comments so terrifying. It seems more of a master - bonded slave relationship than a parent - child relationship. We shouldn't forget that the first step towards correcting a behaviour starts with warning; whereas thrashing comes later if it's a repetitive action. Rest, God help you all! No one has suggested 'thrashing' , the general consensus is teaching the teen that there are consequences for their actions. It is your duty as a parent to keep your child from harm....sneaking out at night is VERY dangerous , especially in a foreign country where laws are very different and the consequences can be dire for the entire family. I always made it clear to my boys I am not your buddy,I am your mother and as such have the responsibility of raising you , guiding you and preparing you to one day spread your wings to become a contributing member of society.

I find all these comments so terrifying. It seems more of a master - bonded slave relationship than a parent - child relationship. We shouldn't forget that the first step towards correcting a behaviour starts with warning; whereas thrashing comes later if it's a repetitive action. Rest, God help you all!

If you discover he's gone out just lock all the doors and leave the keys in (in case he's sneaked a copy !! lol)..Then confront him when he comes home and read him the riot act...I don't believe in all this being polite stuff - he's your responsibility and he needs to understand what could happen if he gets into trouble here... Well said. My parents ruled with an iron rod and we did too. Result? grounded, polite, loving adult children that we have a great relationship with who are grateful for being set boundaries as they grew up. They are both in their 30s now and my DS still wouldn't give me lip, in a kind of pretend fearful way LOL!

If you discover he's gone out just lock all the doors and leave the keys in (in case he's sneaked a copy !! lol)..Then confront him when he comes home and read him the riot act...I don't believe in all this being polite stuff - he's your responsibility and he needs to understand what could happen if he gets into trouble here...

I used to sneak out at night after I got my driver's license. In the USA, you can drive at 16. I was up to no good. I would be so fearful if my teenager were doing this...

I did this once as a 15 year old to go next door to my friend's house. Her parents were out and her older sister was "baby sitting" When I decided at just after midnight to return home, I found the door locked as my parents had gone to bed!!! Stupid me forgot that my dad was doing overtime instead of his usual late Friday night watching TV! I had to knock the door to get back in so take what I got!! My DD did the same, aged 14 when I told her she couldn't go to a party at her friend's because she had been rude to me earlier that day. She snuck out, (so she thought, as we heard her close the back door) and watched her as she headed to her friend's house just around the corner. I called the friend's mum, who was a friend of mine, and said that the little madam was on her way round and would she send her back which she did. We locked the doors and put all the house lights off. DH was watching from our bedroom window and I stood behind our front door. She tried the door and all I heard was the horrified squeak before running round to try the back door. When she broke down in hysterical sobs, we let her in! Lesson learned!

I had a nail hammered into my window frame....from the outside. Dubai was a lot safer then, but still....