My maid is asking to sleep out??

My babysitter who has lived and worked here for 12 years has what she calls nieces over here who she looks out for. One is the daughter of her sister (her real neice) and the other is the daughter of a friend from back home. When she babysits, which is often on a friday night, the 2 nieces come round too (lovely, polite girls) They usually get a takeaway to share, watch a movie and generally catch up as they don't see each other in the week because they are working. When we get back the youngest niece is usually asleep in babysitters arms on the sofa. These girls just want the company of their auntie as they feel safe with her and for a few hours they don't have to answer to anyone. I know their are some mischievous maids out there, but don't assume she is one of them. Just ask her to be honest with you and make it perfectly clear to her (in a polite but firm way) that if she messes you around there will be serious consequences. You have a resposibility to look after your maid but you can't keep tabs on her 24/7. Good Luck

Would love to see some of the posters on here trading places with thier "Help". Just as you cant swap places with someone else - no one here can either. All someone can do is ensure that a persons life is significantly improved when they come into yours.

Would love to see some of the posters on here trading places with thier "Help".

I would just say no, the same way I've said no to my daughters when it came to sleeping over at someone house. Its the way I was brought up and its still culturally relevent here - if you have your own 'home' then why do you need to sleep somewhere else unless you're on a holiday or away for a break. But that's just it: She is NOT your daughter, she is your employee and an independent adult. Your house is not her home, it's her living arrangement that comes with the job. I would think that on their day and night of, any maid would maybe enjoy not being arounfpd the house and family. They need a break every week, just a we happily close the door to our offices on a Thursday night. To the OP: make sure she knows what she can and cannot do, explain the rules, regulations and consequences in this country and ask to meet the aunty, if only to ease your mind. Oopsadaisy, you're right, my maids are not my daughters - but they are someones daughters and because of that they'll be looked after by me the way my daughters are. I've been entrusted with their care by their family and I wont be letting anyone down. The same way I would expect my daughters to be looked after by others if they ever ended up living in someone elses house. But that aside there's also the what if associated with this and I'll never put me or mine in a position where I had to say to a please officer - she was allowed to stay out at the weekend. My lot close their own doors when they go to bed everynight just the way we do, they dont share rooms with each other or bathrooms, they have a very nice rooms in the garden with their own patio and wee bit of garden, they have total privacy, they have every friday off, the eat what the want and there are no off limits in the kitchen, they have whatever TV package they want, the house is there's including the pool and garden, friends are free to come and go in the afternoon or evening, - but no sleepovers. It works for all of us, my longest serving employee has been with us for almost 24 years now but he does live round the corner from us with his wife and children who we brought from Bangladesh to join him. And until recently the least amount of time a person had spent with us was 9 years. Oh and I'm never on here complaining about maids, I dont complain to other people either because the reality is we're all very happy and none of us really have anything to complain about. Oh and one of the maids is the same age as my eldest daughter and the second one is a few years older then my youngest girl. A previous maid was in her 40's and she didnt get to sleep out either, and she was OK with that because as she said - it wasnt allowed at home. And I have to disagree with you about my home not being their home - it is. Or at least thats what they tell me and its why one is coming from leave 3 weeks early next week - she wants to come home. edited by DesertRose1958 on 10/04/2012 edited by DesertRose1958 on 10/04/2012 That's really refreshing to read on a maids thread!

I would just say no, the same way I've said no to my daughters when it came to sleeping over at someone house. Its the way I was brought up and its still culturally relevent here - if you have your own 'home' then why do you need to sleep somewhere else unless you're on a holiday or away for a break. But that's just it: She is NOT your daughter, she is your employee and an independent adult. Your house is not her home, it's her living arrangement that comes with the job. I would think that on their day and night of, any maid would maybe enjoy not being arounfpd the house and family. They need a break every week, just a we happily close the door to our offices on a Thursday night. To the OP: make sure she knows what she can and cannot do, explain the rules, regulations and consequences in this country and ask to meet the aunty, if only to ease your mind. Oopsadaisy, you're right, my maids are not my daughters - but they are someones daughters and because of that they'll be looked after by me the way my daughters are. I've been entrusted with their care by their family and I wont be letting anyone down. The same way I would expect my daughters to be looked after by others if they ever ended up living in someone elses house. But that aside there's also the what if associated with this and I'll never put me or mine in a position where I had to say to a please officer - she was allowed to stay out at the weekend. My lot close their own doors when they go to bed everynight just the way we do, they dont share rooms with each other or bathrooms, they have a very nice rooms in the garden with their own patio and wee bit of garden, they have total privacy, they have every friday off, the eat what the want and there are no off limits in the kitchen, they have whatever TV package they want, the house is there's including the pool and garden, friends are free to come and go in the afternoon or evening, - but no sleepovers. It works for all of us, my longest serving employee has been with us for almost 24 years now but he does live round the corner from us with his wife and children who we brought from Bangladesh to join him. And until recently the least amount of time a person had spent with us was 9 years. Oh and I'm never on here complaining about maids, I dont complain to other people either because the reality is we're all very happy and none of us really have anything to complain about. Oh and one of the maids is the same age as my eldest daughter and the second one is a few years older then my youngest girl. A previous maid was in her 40's and she didnt get to sleep out either, and she was OK with that because as she said - it wasnt allowed at home. And I have to disagree with you about my home not being their home - it is. Or at least thats what they tell me and its why one is coming from leave 3 weeks early next week - she wants to come home. eta - I think that what we have to remember is that most of these women come from conservative backgrounds where they would be expected to be in their own bed at nights. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 10/04/2012</em>

When I worked as a nanny in London, I had to escape on my days off or I would have to look after the baby on my days off. I remember reading on here that one who's maid was spending the weekends away brought home bedbugs though. Good luck.

When a person/family sponsors a housemaid, they are legally responsible for this person. They "should", according to the terms of employment, be staying under your rood. If the housemaid stays outside your home, and any type of problem occurs (ie police discover she is staying at a boyfriend's residence, car accident, medical emergency, working illegally for someone else, getting pregnant outside of marriage) then the sponsor is responsible with the law. This can lead to fines, maid being deported, problems for the sponsors with the law etc. I will ignore the last statement about "owning" another person. You are missing the point here. Your maid should be entiteld to visit her friends, aunties, cousins, whomeever outside working hours/day off if agreed with the sponsor....however the maid she stay under your roof at night. I sometimes think they like to stay out bc they don't want to spend the money to take a bus/metro/taxi home if they are going across town. Just my theory.

But that's just it: She is NOT your daughter, she is your employee and an independent adult. Your house is not her home, it's her living arrangement that comes with the job. I would think that on their day and night of, any maid would maybe enjoy not being arounfpd the house and family. They need a break every week, just a we happily close the door to our offices on a Thursday night. Sorry but she is not an independent adult - she is a domestic servant who you are solely responsible for. In that case, next time I go out with my girlfriends and stay the night, I will ask DH for permission. Sorry, but being a sponsor doesn't mean you own the other person. Be it domestic servant or spouse.

I would just say no, the same way I've said no to my daughters when it came to sleeping over at someone house. Its the way I was brought up and its still culturally relevent here - if you have your own 'home' then why do you need to sleep somewhere else unless you're on a holiday or away for a break. But that's just it: She is NOT your daughter, she is your employee and an independent adult. Your house is not her home, it's her living arrangement that comes with the job. I would think that on their day and night of, any maid would maybe enjoy not being arounfpd the house and family. They need a break every week, just a we happily close the door to our offices on a Thursday night. To the OP: make sure she knows what she can and cannot do, explain the rules, regulations and consequences in this country and ask to meet the aunty, if only to ease your mind. Sorry but she is not an independent adult - she is a domestic servant who you are solely responsible for.

I would just say no, the same way I've said no to my daughters when it came to sleeping over at someone house. Its the way I was brought up and its still culturally relevent here - if you have your own 'home' then why do you need to sleep somewhere else unless you're on a holiday or away for a break. But that's just it: She is NOT your daughter, she is your employee and an independent adult. Your house is not her home, it's her living arrangement that comes with the job. I would think that on their day and night of, any maid would maybe enjoy not being arounfpd the house and family. They need a break every week, just a we happily close the door to our offices on a Thursday night. To the OP: make sure she knows what she can and cannot do, explain the rules, regulations and consequences in this country and ask to meet the aunty, if only to ease your mind.

our maid is an auntie and she has about nieces and cousins staying over every weekend...maybe we are talking about the same auntie ;)

@ Gorobattie : "errrrm! sorry to say, but you are letting her go over the line without telling her where are her boarders! what she do in her time is her, but working half day and not showing up for work is not good at all, that give her the courage to let someone "stranger" into your house without your permission, yes he is her husband in her home, yes it's her room in your "house" so her husband HAVE to visit her with your permission, NOT when ever she wants Ladies Man up and do not let your employees run your house." No need to "man up". We terminated her. Done.

I would just say no, the same way I've said no to my daughters when it came to sleeping over at someone house. Its the way I was brought up and its still culturally relevent here - if you have your own 'home' then why do you need to sleep somewhere else unless you're on a holiday or away for a break. That aside, these ladies are at risk of being taken advantage of, or finding themselves pregnant when they really did believe someone loved them, they are also capable of taking advantage of others to try improve their lifestyle - but sometimes it can backfire on them. Anyone who's been in an orphanage in this part of the world will have seen that mixed race babies make up most of the children there/. Granted someone can get up to things anytime they're out but why put yourself in a position where you may have to answer - why was this lady not sleeping at home. I recently interviewed someone and the first question she asked was can I sleep at my aunties on a thursday night - the interview was over there and then. If you're staff have good working conditions, good rest time, and time off every week, then there's no need for them to be sleeping out.

Why don't you ask her to provide you a photocopy of her aunt's passport ID page and visa? If she is willing to give you this, then I'd say it's legitimate.

Why cant the aunt visit her instead? Tell her that she is still under probation period work wise and you wont feel comfortable for her to sleep out just yet however the aunt is welcome to come over for a visit on her off days. Once probation period is finished you might change arrangements if everything went well or not... Good plan. Then you'll see if "Auntie" is really an "Auntie" or more of an "Uncle"...

Why cant the aunt visit her instead? Tell her that she is still under probation period work wise and you wont feel comfortable for her to sleep out just yet however the aunt is welcome to come over for a visit on her off days. Once probation period is finished you might change arrangements if everything went well or not...

My maid was always referred to as "Auntie XXX". when I asked her why she said it was a term that the younger ladies used to the older ladies (Filipinas). almost a term of respect I suppose. No blood relation in sight. I would very much doubt your maid's Auntie is a family member but whether she's asking to sleep at another woman's place or with a man, who knows...

She is out getting her 'stuff'.......no aunty in sight, be sure of that!

I get the feeling the "Auntie" is really a boyfriend. If you let her go, I would say just one night a week and let they be her day off. But tell her she needs to make sure she is back in time to start her work day , or else you'll have to dock her pay. I just let a maid go after just 2 weeks living in. I thought it would be a good thing that her mom and husband also worked nearby. Then her mom fell and needed to go to the Dr. So my maid Worked only half day and then we didn't see her till the next day... Then she asked for a cash advance to pay for her moms medical. Also, within the 2 weeks ( and during the work day) I would look toward her room and see here husband sitting in there- didn't even know he was in our house!! Just too much. As they say, you give an inch... errrrm! sorry to say, but you are letting her go over the line without telling her where are her boarders! what she do in her time is her, but working half day and not showing up for work is not good at all, that give her the courage to let someone "stranger" into your house without your permission, yes he is her husband in her home, yes it's her room in your "house" so her husband HAVE to visit her with your permission, NOT when ever she wants Ladies Man up and do not let your employees run your house.

why don't you ask her whom her family over her in UAE, with contacts - such as tel and addresses and sure names - as a good practice, like when your company wanted to know your next of ken in UAE and outside, this way you know this aunt is real or just someone happened to be from her village. This is always a good practice to know whom exactly you are dealing with. Like other posters said, let her go to here family, after all she does want to feel home with someone does speak her language and family. I let my employee do this, as it's a breather for her and me in the same time.

Yep - if you can get comfortable that she actually has an auntie here, I'd be happy to allow her to sleep out.

and that is why you need to go, make the effort, and meet the áunties ' sponsors at their home :) then you make the decision. <em>edited by SueB on 09/04/2012</em>

I get the feeling the "Auntie" is really a boyfriend. If you let her go, I would say just one night a week and let they be her day off. But tell her she needs to make sure she is back in time to start her work day , or else you'll have to dock her pay. I just let a maid go after just 2 weeks living in. I thought it would be a good thing that her mom and husband also worked nearby. Then her mom fell and needed to go to the Dr. So my maid Worked only half day and then we didn't see her till the next day... Then she asked for a cash advance to pay for her moms medical. Also, within the 2 weeks ( and during the work day) I would look toward her room and see here husband sitting in there- didn't even know he was in our house!! Just too much. As they say, you give an inch...

Its a bit tricky on one hand the person is human and does need to socialise etc - but the risks if they are not responsible are great! We allow our helper to sleep out at her aunties house but now not sure it was the best idea Her aunt brought her t the interview and i had her contact details. i also droppped her off once or twice to see where the aunt lives I wanted her to be happy and spend time with her family But as the aunty puts it "her mind change madam her mind change" She takes the bus to and from her aunt house and on this bus are other maids ... so she makes friends .... and as the aunty puts " madam they no good ...too much here there ...no good ... no good ideas.... " and she has started making freinds with my freinds helpers and has now started telling me how much the other maids earn .... then she tells me about maids with thier own visa's etc and a week ago ...my freind saw her with another family in the mall on her day off(turns out she was helping a freind who's emploey was sick) so now we have the situation where our - brand new to dubai maid is meeting all sorts of people - learning the place and possibly getting bad advice from "friends"

have her Auntie come and meet you. Then you go and meet the Aunties sponsors and see where the Auntie lives. then if you are happy, let her sleep at the Aunties :).....remembering that Aunties does not mean a blood relative, necessarily and, most likely not.

no.

Yep let her sleep out ,,,whats the worst thing that could happen? She can just work for someone else and get caught out put in prison and deported and you ll get a 100k fine,No big deal. :@ She's on your visa and your responsibility. Only you can make the decision if you trust her or not. c

is there a good-looking gardener near by??:\:

My advice is maybe and only maybe let her at the weekend, not during the week as if you are new to employing a maid it can be difficult to pull back. The term Aunty means different things to different nationalities ( not necessarily a blood relative ). Get to know her alot better over months and in time review the situation.. <em>edited by McB on 09/04/2012</em>

I would allow it; but would need to know more info regarding the 'Auntie' to make sure its all true.....did you know she had an 'Auntie' in Dubai when you first hired her, or has it just come out now? Need find out that the 'Auntie' is actually her 'Auntie' and not a boyfriend or another employer!